Study Reveals The Most Dangerous Sex Position Is Cowgirl

I dont care what the chances are that my dick fractures like a bone, cowgirl is 100% happening.

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(NEWSER) – When it comes to sex-related injuries among men, penile fractures are rare yet painful; now researchers say they know which positions are likeliest to result in them. Researchers reviewed records from three hospitals over a 13-year period in Campinas, Brazil, a city of roughly 3 million people. In a paper published in Advances in Urology in April but now attracting plenty of attention, they write that the “cowgirl”—when the woman is on top of the man—was responsible for half the penile fractures reported among the cases involving heterosexual sex. The second-worst offender was doggy style, responsible for 29%, while the traditional missionary position had been assumed in 21% of the fractures, reports the Telegraph. Still, penis fractures are rare—so much so that there isn’t really a known statistic for the injury, reports Cosmopolitan. Over 13 years of hospital records in Campinas, only a total of 42 men had “the condition confirmed after clinical, radiological, and surgical evaluation,” the researchers report. As a side note: 28 of those 42 fractures occurred during heterosexual sex, 4 during homosexual sex, 6 due to “penile manipulation,” and 4 in “unclear” circumstances. Researchers surmise that when the woman is on top, “she usually controls the movement with her entire body weight landing on the erect penis, not being able to interrupt it when the penis suffers a wrong way penetration.” (This man’s decision to have sex in a desert ended up costing him big-time.)

Well I guess you can go ahead and consider me a dick daredevil then because letting a chick hop up on top is an absolute must. I dont care what the chances are that my dick fractures like a bone, cowgirl is 100% happening. Its the only hope I’ve got of a chick getting off within a reasonable and customary amount of time. Lay there as stiff as a board, as still as possible, and dont move an inch. More or less just turn myself into a dildo. Just an inanimate object for her to work with until she reaches that O. If my dick ends up broken because shes getting a little too aggressive with the ride game, then so be it. I’ll take that chance before I spend 45 minutes trying to make a chick cum with my penis. I’m completely dependent upon electrical equipment or a chick’s ride game and no matter what the risk I’m gonna need one or both.

And I dont doubt that there are some chicks who are just so unaware of the fragility of the penis that they ride it till its broken. I dont doubt that during doggystyle there have been dudes who have fallen out and rammed their boner right into a chick’s pelvic bone and broken his dick. I understand those can be dangerous, dick breaking sex. But get out of my face telling me those are the most dangerous of all sexual positions. How about the pile driver? Not only are you still risking breaking dick with your penis pointed directly down at the ground, but the chick is straight up risking her ability to move her extremities by putting all of her body weight on the back of her neck. You try the pile driver and you might walk away with a broke dick and a chick who cant feel anything from the neck down. Or what about the standing 69? You’re about 75% of the way to a Tombstone Piledriver. The Hoover Maneuver? Excellent way for a chick to lose all her teeth. Really any position where you’re lifting the girl up is almost a guaranteed herniated disk. I mean I know that doggy/cowgirl/missionary are the Big Three when it comes to normal sex and this other kama sutra shit aint real life. But if we’re talking most dangerous lets talk most dangerous. There’s a lot more treacherous positions out there.

PS – One time my buddy was studying abroad in Europe. He was fingering this girl, knuckle deep in the asshole and she fell off the bed drunk and dislocated his finger. Gravity, her body weight, and her vice like grip that her asshole had on his finger just bent that shit in an inhuman direction. Damn near took it right off like Ronnie Lott’s. To this day his finger looks like Torry Holt’s

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PPS – Your dick ever get bent a little too far and make that clicking sound? That happens to me and I see my life flash before my eyes. Every time I’m convinced my dick has broken right off my body.

By KFC posted January 27th, 2015 at 1:40 PM

Guess That Ass

Perfect

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By KFC posted January 27th, 2015 at 12:50 PM

Charlotte McKinney Taking Shots At Kate Upton

Shots fired! Shots fired!

Page SixIt’s five more days until the Super Bowl, but Charlotte McKinney has already scored — a movie role in “Joe Dirt 2,” that is. The top-heavy Wilhelmina model just returned from Louisiana, where she filmed her part in the David Spadecomedy that will air on Crackle, the streaming service owned by Sony Pictures. Sunday, McKinney will be seen nearly naked in a Carl’s Jr. ad cooing, “I love going all natural. It just makes me feel better. Nothing between me and my 100 percent, all natural, juicy grass-fed beef.” As for comparisons to Kate Upton, McKinney says, “I’m a curvier bombshell.” That kind of trash talk could lead to an epic battle of the bikinis.

Shots fired! Shots fired! If you’ve been reading Barstool for the past year plus, you know that Charlotte McKinney was basically already declared the New Upton. The skinnier, hotter blonde model. She’s Kate-Upton-Doing-The-Dougie hot. Blows Kate-Upton-Taking-Prom-Pictures-With-Verlander out of the water. Shes everything that Upton should be right now if she didnt let herself go. And now that shes in Carls Jr and coming to the forefront, everyone realizes shes the new blonde supersmoke with huge tits. And I guess even Charlotte McKinney knows it too. Ain’t afraid to tell it like it is. Calling yourself a bombshell and just poo-pooing the chick who’s been on 2 of the last 3 Sports Illustrated cover is so unbelievably cocky. But I guess the old saying is it aint cocky if its true. Nothing Charlotte McKinney said is wrong.

Would love to see Upton try to come back at McKinney here. But somethin tells me when the chips are down and you know deep down you look like a rectangle, there’s no way you can respond to this with any sort of confidence.

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By KFC posted January 27th, 2015 at 12:00 PM

Kim Kardashian’s T Mobile Super Bowl Commercial

Make no mistake about it, T Mobile is as poor as it gets. Having T Mobile as your cell carrier is the poorest move I can even imagine. Being homeless is less of a poor move than having T Mobile. I saw a bum taking a shit between two parked cars the other day and [...]

Make no mistake about it, T Mobile is as poor as it gets. Having T Mobile as your cell carrier is the poorest move I can even imagine. Being homeless is less of a poor move than having T Mobile. I saw a bum taking a shit between two parked cars the other day and he was playing a game on his iPhone with Verizon service. Get yourself a Droid with some T Mobile service and congratulations you are the poorest person on earth. I dont even know what this unused data shit is about. Only poor people worry about that shit.

As for the commercial, Kim K flashes he humungous ass and cracks jokes about how untalented she is. Not a bad recipe for success. Some humility and that weird, overflowing butt is a surefire way to at least get talked about. If you’re gonna drop $4 million for 30 seconds you might as well do it with the most famous person/ass on the planet earth.

By KFC posted January 27th, 2015 at 11:00 AM

68 Women Competing For NYC’s Best Butt

Lets break down the contestants:

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NY PostThese booties are ahead of the curve! Dozens of well-endowed women flaunted their big assets in Chelsea Saturday in a contest seeking to crown New York’s best butt. A total of 68 ladies — some naturally “gifted,” others who toil at the gym — faced off for a $2,000 cash prize and modeling gig at Drift Studio, contestants said. “My butt is so soft, which makes it the best butt. People I’ve been intimate with tell me it’s voluptuous,” boasted Brenda Monks, 21, a model and dancer from Washington Heights. “All those compliments went to my head, and that’s why I’m here — to steal the win!” Women at the “casting call” — mostly ­aspiring actresses and dancers from around the state — stuck it out as judges peppered them with questions about why their bottoms were the tops. Each had plenty of cheeky answers — from, “The tighter the better,” to, “I don’t even work out.” “Every once in a while, I catch glimpses in the mirror and notice how nice it is to have a small waist with a big butt. It’s important to me!” said Chelsea Simone, a 24-year-old personal trainer.

Lets break down the contestants:

Brenda Monks:

brenda-monks

 

My butt is so soft, which makes it the best butt. People I’ve been intimate with tell me it’s voluptuous,” 

Brenda got a soft butt, or so says all the dudes that have banged her. You know its weird if that was on a white girl I’d be like year thats a pretty big booty, but its on a black girl so I’m kinda like ehhh pretty standard.

Chelsea Simone

chelsea-simone

“Every once in a while, I catch glimpses in the mirror and notice how nice it is to have a small waist with a big butt. It’s important to me!”

Now thats a seriously plump ass. Could use a little more humility on Chelsea Simone, walking around checking out her own ass in the mirror like she’s Jen Selter or something. Calm down hun. You got a bubble butt but you’re still just letting the NY Post take pictures of you so it cant be that good.

Finalist Darby Puckett, 20, of Virginia

darby-puckett

“My secret is a combination of gymnastics and Hardee’s chicken biscuits. I’m from the south. You get enough fat in there and you’ll get this butt.”

Well howdy do, Darby Puckett! You wanna eat chicken biscuits and let me have sex with you?? I’ll bring 6 chicken biscuits in a brown bag that I’ll put over your head later.

Tammy Chrisphonte

tammy-chrisphonte

“My butt is . . . a blessing and a curse because when I try to dress professionally it’s loud, but when I’m in the club it’s LOUD!” said Tammy Chrisphonte, 32, preschool teacher from Queens

No gas, I’m pretty sure Tammy is a midget. No way she’s taller than 3.5 feet.

Mattie Jo Cowsert

mattie-jo-cowsert

Mattie Jo Cowsert, 24, who moved from Missouri to New York to be an actress, said she couldn’t resist entering. “I sent it to my mom and told her to pray for me,” she joked.

Mattie Jo are you lost babe? Is that what a nice ass looks like in Missouri? Note to self never go to Missouri.

Angel Chevrestt

andrea-kwakyeh

If this is a Serena Williams look alike contest we have a runaway winner

Thalia

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Odds that Thalia works at Sue’s Rendezvous – 5/2

Miscellaneous Contestants:

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This is probably me just being racist but that chick all the way on the right looks like the early frontrunner. Probably just because she looks like a normal white girl with a nice ass in yoga pants. #Racist.

And my favorite contestant of this whole show:

Sullybeth Maximo

sullybeth-maximo

SULLYBETH. This leviathan just DGAF. Self awareness out the window and she squeezes that ass and her granny panties into what looks like a black Flex Force trash bag. Good luck, SULLYBETH. You are a braver person than I am.

PS – The best ass in NYC is the chick with the Mystery Ass from Village Pourhouse:

This ass is my Moby Dick.

By KFC posted January 27th, 2015 at 10:20 AM

Miss Beverly Hills Suffers Wardrobe Malfunction During Miss California Contest

Daily Mail – As Chanelle Riggan took to the stage at the Miss California pageant, she smiled at the crowd and prepared to walk down the catwalk. But seconds after Miss Beverly Hills stepped into the limelight for the swimsuit round, her graceful strut was brought to a sudden halt by an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction. The top [...]

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Daily MailAs Chanelle Riggan took to the stage at the Miss California pageant, she smiled at the crowd and prepared to walk down the catwalk. But seconds after Miss Beverly Hills stepped into the limelight for the swimsuit round, her graceful strut was brought to a sudden halt by an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction. The top of her pink bikini suddenly came undone, revealing more than the spectators had been expecting. In the video, obtained by TMZ, Riggan looks shocked and quickly tries to rearrange herself as the audience gasps. However the slip up didn’t last long, and within seconds she was back into action with her hand grasping the ties behind her back.  As she tried to get herself together, members of the audience screamed ‘keep going’.   Without missing a beat, she carried on down the runway, turned and grinned at the astonished crowd, before heading off stage.   Despite the embarrassment, Riggan made it past the swimsuit competition stage and was eventually named fourth runner-up.

Chanelle Riggan may have come been 4th runner up in the eyes of the judges, but she won the tiara in the eyes of the public. An absolute smoke who not only flashed those nips, but didnt miss a beat doing so. Kept the smile on and the strut going. And I’m not even worried about her tits to be honest. I’m lookin at that ass:

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BOO YA. Look at that rump. Usually beauty pageants dont feature ass like that, but Chanelle Riggan has dumps like a truck, what, what. Chick is a Ducks ice girl and a certified smokebomb and now she’s front page news. Gotta wonder if taking those tits out was a malfunction or just an intricate plot to blow up.

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By KFC posted January 27th, 2015 at 9:30 AM

Wake Up With Shelby Chesnes

 

 

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By feitelberg posted January 27th, 2015 at 9:00 AM

Lonnie Quinn Sleeves Now Rolled Up Above The Elbow. Winter Storm Threat Level: 4

Imminent danger, folks

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Hope you bought all the batteries, flashlights, candles and bottled water you could get your hands on. Lonnie doesn’t go above the elbows unless there is impending doom.

By KFC posted January 26th, 2015 at 9:02 PM
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