(NEWSER) – When it comes to sex-related injuries among men, penile fractures are rare yet painful; now researchers say they know which positions are likeliest to result in them. Researchers reviewed records from three hospitals over a 13-year period in Campinas, Brazil, a city of roughly 3 million people. In a paper published in Advances in Urology in April but now attracting plenty of attention, they write that the “cowgirl”—when the woman is on top of the man—was responsible for half the penile fractures reported among the cases involving heterosexual sex. The second-worst offender was doggy style, responsible for 29%, while the traditional missionary position had been assumed in 21% of the fractures, reports the Telegraph. Still, penis fractures are rare—so much so that there isn’t really a known statistic for the injury, reports Cosmopolitan. Over 13 years of hospital records in Campinas, only a total of 42 men had “the condition confirmed after clinical, radiological, and surgical evaluation,” the researchers report. As a side note: 28 of those 42 fractures occurred during heterosexual sex, 4 during homosexual sex, 6 due to “penile manipulation,” and 4 in “unclear” circumstances. Researchers surmise that when the woman is on top, “she usually controls the movement with her entire body weight landing on the erect penis, not being able to interrupt it when the penis suffers a wrong way penetration.” (This man’s decision to have sex in a desert ended up costing him big-time.)
Well I guess you can go ahead and consider me a dick daredevil then because letting a chick hop up on top is an absolute must. I dont care what the chances are that my dick fractures like a bone, cowgirl is 100% happening. Its the only hope I’ve got of a chick getting off within a reasonable and customary amount of time. Lay there as stiff as a board, as still as possible, and dont move an inch. More or less just turn myself into a dildo. Just an inanimate object for her to work with until she reaches that O. If my dick ends up broken because shes getting a little too aggressive with the ride game, then so be it. I’ll take that chance before I spend 45 minutes trying to make a chick cum with my penis. I’m completely dependent upon electrical equipment or a chick’s ride game and no matter what the risk I’m gonna need one or both.
And I dont doubt that there are some chicks who are just so unaware of the fragility of the penis that they ride it till its broken. I dont doubt that during doggystyle there have been dudes who have fallen out and rammed their boner right into a chick’s pelvic bone and broken his dick. I understand those can be dangerous, dick breaking sex. But get out of my face telling me those are the most dangerous of all sexual positions. How about the pile driver? Not only are you still risking breaking dick with your penis pointed directly down at the ground, but the chick is straight up risking her ability to move her extremities by putting all of her body weight on the back of her neck. You try the pile driver and you might walk away with a broke dick and a chick who cant feel anything from the neck down. Or what about the standing 69? You’re about 75% of the way to a Tombstone Piledriver. The Hoover Maneuver? Excellent way for a chick to lose all her teeth. Really any position where you’re lifting the girl up is almost a guaranteed herniated disk. I mean I know that doggy/cowgirl/missionary are the Big Three when it comes to normal sex and this other kama sutra shit aint real life. But if we’re talking most dangerous lets talk most dangerous. There’s a lot more treacherous positions out there.
PS – One time my buddy was studying abroad in Europe. He was fingering this girl, knuckle deep in the asshole and she fell off the bed drunk and dislocated his finger. Gravity, her body weight, and her vice like grip that her asshole had on his finger just bent that shit in an inhuman direction. Damn near took it right off like Ronnie Lott’s. To this day his finger looks like Torry Holt’s
PPS – Your dick ever get bent a little too far and make that clicking sound? That happens to me and I see my life flash before my eyes. Every time I’m convinced my dick has broken right off my body.