Barstool Sports

Its so goddam annoying that the Super Bowl isn’t this Sunday.

Maybe instead of boozing all day Sunday I’ll completely flip the script. Go to church and exercise and shit.

Nah fuck that. I’ll just find something else to watch on TV while drunk. Have a good one!

The Peter North of donkeys filled that shit up

TMZ – “Fear Factor” producers’ plans to serve fresh glasses of donkey semen to contestants on the next episode had NBC execs so concerned … they gave serious thought to killing the stunt, TMZ has learned. Sources involved in the production tell us the stomach-churning stunt was shot last summer — but NBC honchos were having a tough time swallowing this one as the air date approached. We’re told the challenge involved teams of twins drinking the full glass of donkey semen — with a glass of urine thrown in for good measure. Contestants had to drain both glasses in order to move on to the next round. Our sources say NBC execs had multiple pow-wows in the months after the stunt was shot … but eventually gave FF producers the thumbs up.  Calls to NBC were not immediately returned. The episode airs this coming Monday — and yes, we’re told multiple contestants actually do (gulp) drink up.

How much fuckin money can you win on Fear Factor? Is it like one billion dollars? One trillion? Because thats the only way I’m drinking a pitcher of donkey semen. Basically my rule of thumb is that I need to at least make enough money on a dare in order to kill anyone who knew what I did. Because then its erased from existence and its like it never happened. The only person who knows would be me, and then I just have to live with my internal shame. But A) I have plenty of internal shame as it is and B) Copious amounts of money goes a long way to comforting me. So in this case I’d need enough money to murder everyone involved with Fear Factor and anyone who watches that episode, with enough left over to be perpetually drunk and constantly having sex in order to keep my mind off the fact that I once chugged a pitcher of donkey semen.

But I’m pretty sure you win like 50 grand on Fear Factor. Don’t think thats gonna cut it.

PS – What are game shows gonna be like in another 50 years? I mean game shows used to be people running around super markets trying to do grocery shopping as fast as they can. Now people are drinking donkey semen. In another 50 years you are gonna have to straight up fuck a donkey on camera to win.

(Newser) – The Tennessee lawmaker behind the “Don’t Say Gay” bill that cleared the state Senate earlier this year is getting a lot of attention for comments he made in defense of the legislation. And it’s not good attention. In a SiriusXM interview with Michelangelo Signorile published on the Huffington Post, state Sen. Stacey Campfield justified his bill by, among other things, explaining that AIDS came from “one guy screwing a monkey.” The interview covers more of Campfield’s thoughts on AIDS, bullying, and homosexuality, which Tennessee schools would not be able to discuss under his bill:

• On bullying: “That bullying thing is the biggest lark out there. There are sexually confused children who could be pushed into a lifestyle that I don’t think is appropriate with them and … they don’t know how they can get back from that.”
• On “Don’t Say Gay”: “If someone, a person of influence, says maybe you’re gay, maybe you should explore those things—maybe the child, who is young and impressionable, says maybe I am gay.”
• On AIDS: “Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community—it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.”
• On heterosexual sex: “My understanding is that it is virtually—not completely, but virtually—impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex … very rarely [transmitted].”
• On gay men: “What’s the average lifespan of a homosexual? it’s very short. Google it yourself.”

As if the airline industry needed any more bad publicity. 9/11 and terrorism earlier in the decade. Skyrocketing prices. Baggage fees. Cutting back on all in flight amenities. And now to top it off, turns out they caused AIDS. Some goddam pilot running around town like a manwhore sticking his dick in any monkey that winked at him. Thanks a lot airline industry.

PS – Is that heterosexual AIDS stuff true? Ah fuck it I’ll just Google it myself.

Yahoo - Kyle Dowie, 43, was fired from his job at an Iowa supermarket over cashing 20 cents of bottle deposits that were left behind by customers. After a complaint was filed with the Iowa Civil Rights Commission on behalf of Dowie alleged discrimination based on his disability, he is weighing an offer to return to his job. Dowie, who is mentally disabled, worked for 25 years at the Hy-Vee supermarket in Urbandale, seven miles west of Des Moines. On Nov. 2, after recycling $3.75 worth of bottles from home through the store’s recycling machine, his mother said he tried to redeem 20 cents worth of credit slips dated in September that may have been left by customers. His mother, Jean Ann Johnson, 77, said his manager accused Dowie of stealing the 20 cent slips and fired him that day. In the complaint filed this week with the Iowa Civil Rights Commission, Dowie’s statement said, “I am mentally retarded, but Hy-Vee did not take that into account when ending my employment over twenty cents.” A spokesman for Hy-Vee, Ruth Comer, said the company offered to reinstate the employee on Tuesday with the same pay and benefits, $13 an hour, full-time at 35 hours a week and five weeks of vacation, according to Johnson.

Alright lets start with the obvious. This dude has gotta be the best looking retard I’ve ever seen. He doesn’t have any of the Corky features at all. I mean this guy could be on the Bachelor if he wanted. Kyle Dowie – From: Iowa – Profession – Retarded grocery bagger. This last rose is for you, Kyle!

Except you ain’t trustworthy you thieving tard! Never gonna find love if you’re stealing from your employer. Don’t care if you’re mentally handicapped or not. If you’re smart enough to work 35 hours a week at 13 bucks an hour you’re smart enough to know you can’t steal money, Kyle. Don’t get to conveniently play the “I am mentally retarded, but Hy-Vee did not take that into account when ending my employment over twenty cents.” They didn’t take into account you were retarded when you got the job, so they ain’t taking it into account now. Can’t have it both ways. Its like chicks who want to work and vote but then expect guys to still pay for dinner. Next time keep your grubby paws off those two dimes and we won’t have any problems.

NY POST – For more than a decade, for three different head coaches, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has been a not-so-magnificent obsession for the Giants’ little brothers who wear green. But for the franchise that refuses to wait 43 years between championships, the pretty boy with the pretty model wife has become a Super Obsession. Because for the second time in four years, Brady is standing between the Giants and the Lombardi Trophy. The Giants respect him as a quarterback, because after all, he has proven that he is in Eli Manning’s class. But they do not fear him, because, of course, Antrel Rolle won’t let them. And four years later, they have not forgotten the day their Super Obsession exploded in a rage. It happened inside their sprawling hotel headquarters two days prior to Super Bowl XLII when a group of defenders that included Osi Umenyiora and Justin Tuck finally got around to watching a clip of Brady from Media Day openly scoffing at Plaxico Burress’ prediction: Giants 23, Patriots 17. “I remember the arrogance of the whole way he scoffed … I remember that making us particularly angry,” Umenyiora told The Post yesterday. “We just knew then that we were gonna take his head off. We just knew that right then. I mean, come on, man. There’s levels of arrogance, you understand what I mean? In the interview, like psssshhh, ‘We’re only gonna score 17 points?’ ” Tuck told The Post, “Brady, in almost a disrespectful chuckle, said, ‘Hah, we’re only gonna score 17 points on ’em.’ I’m in a room with Michael Strahan, A.P. [Antonio Pierce], Osi, Corey Webster, I think it was R.W McQuarters, Sam Madison and some more guys, but it’s mostly defense. And we kinda see this pretty boy chuckle — like ‘We’re only gonna score 17 points!’ — and it just seems like the whole room turned red. Like everybody was quiet. Literally fist-clenching, teeth …If we could have went and played right then, we would have went and played that second.”|

Again, not taking anything away from Tom Brady. He’s a no doubter Hall of Famer and one of the greatest QBs to ever play the game. And you can’t blame the guy by any means for enjoying the finer things in life. But at this point in his career he’s a fucking bitch and I can’t wait for Eli to cement his legacy against him next Sunday.

BAY SHORE, NY (CBSNewYork) - The Giants take on the Patriots in Indianapolis next weekend for Super Bowl XLVI and there is a party promotion on Long Island that is almost too good to be true.  Al Horowitz of Smokin’ Al’s BBQ Joint in Bay Shore will reimburse the cost of your Super Bowl party order if the Giants win. “Pick up the food. You put it on a credit card, and if the Giants win, we rip up all the credit cards. We cancel them all out and the food is free on Smokin’ Al’s,” he told WCBS 880 Long Island Bureau Chief Mike Xirinachs.  “Go Giants. I want them to win. This thing only works great for us if the Giants win,” he said. Smokin’ Al says it’ll be a pleasure to lose thousands of dollars in food to his customers. Smokin’ Al has a second location in Massapequa Park. “Super Bowl Sunday, both locations will be buzzing,” he said. “We cook all night. We smoke all night.”

Smokin Al Horowitz you crazy son of a bitch! I mean I love businesses that operate like this. Get a ton of good publicity and good will in exchange for losing one day of business. Attract a shit load of new customers because of this promotion. If the Pats win you double your money, if the Giants win, its basically like you swapped your Super Bowl sales for your advertising budget. And people fuckin love this shit. You ever see those idiots at Sixers games or Cavs games when teams run promotions like “Free tacos/free Big Macs if the team scores over 100 points?” Crowd is going fuckin BANANAS when there’s like 1 minute left and the team has 96 points. Rooting like its Game 7 of the NBA Finals. People out there all over Long Island will be rooting as hard as they fuckin can for the Giants. Not even because they save a hundred bucks on free wings and pulled pork. Just because people love winning free shit. Its human nature.

Well played, Smokin Al’s.

PS – I’ve never had Smokin Al’s. Any good?

Yahoo Sports - Is there no safe place left on this earth for Billy Cundiff? Not even the Ravens’ very own website can stop from poking Cundiff with a sharp stick. This wasn’t a message board or a comments section, either ‒ it wasn’t even an editorial piece. It was the team’s web store.

The only bigger asshole move than the Ravens making fun of Billy Cundiff on their own website is buying a Billy Cundiff jersey for $107.99.

Cue the music!

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