Get the fuck out of Granny’s way when she’s rolling!  Somebody get the bitch a pacifier!

Have a good one…

Too fucking cute!  Which reminds me that my New Year’s Resolution is to finally get a dog.  I’m open to suggestions but to be fair I’m about 99% committed to a bulldog.  Also I’ve always been hesitant because I feel like it’s cruel to have a dog in NYC? Like do they really want to stay cooped up in an apartment all day long?  Will they secretly hate me because I don’t have a yard to play in?  That’s why I think the route to go is a fat lazy bulldog.  But like I said I got an open mind on this.

Vote 1 for it’s cruel to have a dog in the city or 10 for absolutely get a cute little motherfucker like this that will pass out in his water bowl and melt my black heart.

(138 votes, average: 5.21 out of 10)

 Loading ...

NBC New York – New York’s new whipping boy has revealed himself.  Mark Sanchez appeared before reporters on Wednesday and said he would never, ever be so foolish as to share thoughts with people who want to hear his thoughts before they have an opportunity to ask him about his thoughts.  Press Conferencegate has been out to rest. Now we can move on with our lives.  At least we can until Sanchez does something else out of the ordinary. It’s quickly become clear that the Jets quarterback is going to be given the A-Rod treatment in the media unless and until he can win himself a Super Bowl ring. Don’t believe it? Think back to the response to Hot Doggate and the way that something most people responded to with a laugh was treated as a controversial incident.  You’re familiar with the treatment. Step one is taking something goofy but innocuous — shirtless sunbathing or hot dog snacking — and make it seem like the incident is a negative stamp on the player’s personality and has some bearing on the way they play the game. Step two is using interactions with the media that differ from the normal canned athlete-speak and use it to paint the player as awkward and skittish about playing in the big city. Throw in breathless reporting about their love life, magazine articles and snide remarks about their salary and continue ad nauseum. The biggest difference between A-Rod and Sanchez at this point is that there are actual on-field reasons to criticize Sanchez. His team has lost five of six games, he’s had at least one turnover in eight of nine games and, most damningly, he continues to make the same mistakes over and over again. Focusing on those things seems like plenty of fodder without inventing controversies, just as focusing on A-Rod the player always seemed easier than caring about what he wore while laying on a rock in Central Park.

This seriously could be one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen written.  I mean yea, I get it.  It’s more of a commentary on the New York media and how crazy they are as opposed to his actual opinion
on the situation.  But its still fucking ridiculous.  The media
portrayal and New York opinions of Sanchez versus that of A-Rod isn’t
even close. The two players don’t compare at all.  Not even a little.
The biggest difference between Mark Sanchez and Alex Rodriguez is that
Sanchez is 9 games into his career as a rookie quarterback and Alex
Rodriguez was making $30 million a year playing alongside the Immortal
Derek Jeter, the one man who he could never live up to.  To compare
anyone at all to Alex Rodriguez is ridiculous.  It was the perfect
storm of ignorant fans and the sport’s wealthiest and most talented
player in a situation where no matter what he did (or does) he will
never be completely vindicated.  I wouldn’t be surprised if there is
never another situation quite like Alex Rodriguez.

If you can think way back to 6 weeks ago (I know its a long time) you’ll remember that Mark Sanchez was the golden boy of NYC.  Dubbed “The Sanchise” and praised in every major sports outlet in the city. A-Rod barely got that treatment during a legendary playoff run culminating in a World Series ring.  So just to be clear here, we are saying that these two players are the same:

Mark Sanchez – 1st year quarterback, under the guidance of a 1st year coach, going through perfectly normal rookie QB struggles, with a couple quirky incidents which he immediately owned up to and apologized

Alex Rodriguez – Highest paid athlete in all of team sports, admitted and proven steroid user who floundered in clutch playoff situations for years, an egomaniac and Scott Boras puppet, and an old lady pop star/movie star fucker.

The book hasn’t even begun to be written on Mark Sanchez and we’re already comparing him to one of the most infamous sports personalities the world has ever seen.  That seems reasonable.

NY Post - Stick to taking out the recyclables, Angel. The snooty co-op board of a luxury Upper East Side building is trying to evict one of its high-class residents for marrying one of its lowly porters, according to a $10 million lawsuit. Christina Ambers, who’s been called the “Heidi Klum of foot models,” says the staff at her East 74th Street apartment building have been turning up their noses at her since she married former porter and doorman Angel Rotger earlier this year. In papers filed in Manhattan Supreme Court, she says their highbrow co-op board is trying to force them out.  Once, the suit says, the super’s wife whacked Rotger in the family jewels with a bag in an unprovoked attack this past August. Rotger was “diagnosed with a contusion of the testicle,” the suit says. Now they’re fighting back. “This is the 21st century,” Ambers said. “We are all equal. How dare they try to force us out over my marriage and love for my husband?” Ambers, 36, a hand and foot model who has been featured in ads for Revlon, Coach, Harry Winston and Neutrogena, moved into the swanky building back in 2003. Management allegedly forbade Rotger, 32, from being with her in 2008, but he couldn’t stay away from his sole-mate. They carried on in secret, but were eventually found out. Rotger was fired a short time later — and left his Bronx apartment to move in with Amber.

New York City Co-Op boards are a bunch of High Horse assholes who don’t want you living with the help, blah blah blah.  Forget all that shit.  Everyone knows that you’re not gonna live in some swanky UES co-op if you’re fucking the garbage man.  Shit, unless you got a story about being a survivor of the Andrea Doria, you’re probably out of luck.  But what I’m interested in here is this “Heidi Klum of foot models.”  You think this chick runs around town like she’s hot shit? I 100% support that behavior from real smokeshows.  Real models like Miranda Kerr and Marissa Miller are so fucking hot they should act however they want.  But not for some chick stickin her little piggies in front of a camera.  I bet within the world of foot and hand models this bitch is Queen Bee.  Like everyone bows before her and Ray McKigney and his exquisite hands are like the king and queen of this demented little world of modeling extremities.  I’d put this bitch in her place.  Start complaining about her toe knuckles and her disproportionate arch.  Mystery the Pick Up Artist says shit like that works.

PS – This post is proof positive you can relate just about any story to George Constanza

NBC NY - It takes a sober person to order Chicken Selects at McDonald’s during breakfast hours – or at least that’s the latest explanation Daniel Schuler’s investigator posits for why Diane wasn’t drunk when she killed eight people in a tragic wrong-way crash on the Taconic.  The proof is in McDonald’s, Ruskin says. The investigator told the Daily News that Diane Schuler put in a complex order at the food chain – Chicken Selects, a food not normally served at breakfast – for her son, Bryan. She had to convince the cashier to put it through, reports the News, which required some conversational skills.  “Diane Schuler was very engaging,” Ruskin told the paper. “She was so engaging she was able to convince the McDonald’s employees to make Bryan Schuler Chicken Selects at 9:40 in the morning.”

This is probably the worst legal defense in the history of the legal system.  Do you know how hard it is to convince these nazi McDonald’s workers to make you lunch during breakfast hours?  Literally impossible.  The only thing possibly harder is convincing them to make breakfast when its lunch hours.  I mean I can’t speak for how everyone’s McDonalds operates around the country but I’ve been trying this for years and it’s never worked.  Ever.  It’s like the only thing they focus on during training.  Don’t give correct change and don’t ever make lunch during breakfast.  So obviously this bitch had to be wasted to pull this off which ruins the whole defense.  You just can’t spit game like this sober.   Come on, Chicken Selects at 9:40 AM?  That’s ludicrous.  Unheard of.   I tried to order McGriddles at 10:31 AM one time and I thought the lady was going to knock my teeth out.  Needless to say I ended up with a quarter pounder and got shorted like 3 bucks then walked home 20 blocks with my head hung low.

NBC Philadelphia – If you’re frustrated by poor service at a restaurant, think twice before you decide to not tip. You may be in for a bit more than just a dirty look from the waiter. “Nobody, nobody wants to be forced to pay a tip or be arrested for terrible service,” Leslie Pope said when her happy hour ended in handcuffs. Pope and John Wagner were hauled away by police and charged with theft for not paying the mandatory 18 percent gratuity totaling $16 after eating at the Lehigh Pub in Bethlehem, Pa. with six friends. Pope claimed that they had to wait nearly an hour for their order and that she had to get napkins and silverware for the table herself. After the $73 bill came, the group paid for food, drinks, and tax but refused to pay the tip. After explaining the bad service to the bartender in charge, Pope claimed he took their money and called police. The couple was handcuffed and placed in the back of a police car.

I’m so sick of people that cry about tipping. “It’s gratuity! Its not mandatory!” How bout you shut the fuck up you cheap bastards. You know what you get when you go to a dumpy place like the Lehigh Pub? Shitty service, that’s what. You know exactly what you’re getting into. Don’t take it out on the single mom who’s squeezing in a shift at the Pub in between sessions at the titty bar. Poor waitress was probably just hoping that she could for once get a tip without popping a ping pong ball out of her pussy or something like she usually does when shes stripping. This rant is getting way off topic. Point is, at this stage, tip has gotta be 100% factored into your total bill or you are just being an asshole. And spare me the sob story about how in Europe tipping isn’t automatic. Europe fucking sucks.  Probably the only place worse than Philly as a matter of fact.  Everyone should know that by now. Nobody wants to be like them, and if you do, you can get the fuck out.

The 2010 baseball season basically began today at 12:01 AM, and this is a ridiculously crucial time for the New York Mets. The past few years they have made major moves in an effort to get back to the playoffs for the first time since 2006.  After the 2007 collapse, they addressed starting pitching by straight up robbing the Twins for Johan Santana, but did nothing to address their bullpen.  In 2008, they solved the pen by landing K Rod, and did nothing to address their offense.  Now they are in a position where they need to land a #2 starter to follow up Johan, and add some pop to their line up, most likely from left field.  Here’s a novel idea – address two fucking issues at once.  Crazy, I know.  But despite the conservative philosophy of the Wilpons, you ARE allowed to go the extra mile once in a while.

And the reality of the matter is the Mets are in a DANGEROUS position right now.  The Phillies are already set up for another 2+ years of dominating the NL plus they are looking to be active.  The Yankees absolutely own the fuck out of NYC right now.  The two teams that directly matter to the Mets are leaps and bounds ahead of them.  If there has ever been a time to go all out and bump payroll up to the next tier, its now.  If they stand pat this offseason and falter in 2010, this team will implode.

To quote Francesa, it’s the “Halladay Season” for the Mets. None of this Joel Piniero and Randy Wolf bullshit. Open up the ENTIRE farm system, and make anyone not named Reyes, Wright or Beltran on the Major League roster available and go get me Harry Leroy Halladay. Give the Mets the best 1-2 punch since Schilling and Johnson in 2001. The Red Sox are going to spend their time focused on Adrian Gonzalez or King Felix.  The Yankees are never content, but I can’t see them bending over backwards with the lineup and rotation they already have intact.  The Dodgers can most certainly offer a better package, but hopefully desperation plays a role and the Mets offer whatever it takes.

Then just toss money at Bay or Holliday.  Fuck it.  Both are asking for absurd amounts of money and will absolutely be overpaid.  And you know what? I don’t give a shit.  Make it rain.  They already missed the boat on the cheap but effective Abreu/Dunn/Ibanez crop last year. They can’t draft for shit.  Open up those pockets and buy me some home runs.  Guys Figgins or Pierre aren’t gonna solve this team’s offensive problems.  Pesky slap hitters don’t help a team that hit like 15 combined home runs this season. And don’t give me that bullshit about that’s the style of play you want at Citi field.  Just ask Chase Utley and Mark Renyolds if its possible to hit bombs in Citi Field  Bottom line if they are gonna roll with Murphy and a righty platoon at first, you HAVE to upgrade in the outfield.  I swear to God if they trot out Fernando Tatis or Angel Pagan in LF I will undoubtedly kill myself. Pony up bitches and pay for last year’s mistakes.  Johan, Halladay, Wright, Reyes, Beltran, K-Rod.  As good as a core of players as any contender out there.

Read the rest of this entry »