Great commercial. Once you realized what the bartender was doing I kept running through my head thinking who the beer was gonna be for. A son? A father? Somebody sick? I didn’t know what to expect. Of course its the soldier coming home. Only thing that could have been more heartfelt is if she filled up a bowl with some Guinness for the soldier’s dog. That would have turned the lump in my throat into full blown tears.
Mike and the Sound boarrrrddddd…W, F-A-NNN!!!! The most comprehensive, up to date Mike Francesa soundboard you will find on the internet. Around the outside of the face you’ll find a lot of the classic Hall of Fame clips Mike has dropped over the years. “Andy Pettitte is a stahrting pitchah!” The Shake Shack potato bun. I like Inge a lot, Mick-looth. Al Albuquerque The Waituhseckints and the Get Lawsts etc etc. But there’s a few gems I had never heard that cracked me up. If you’re a fan of Francesa and appreciate just how absurd he is, these are gold:
“I once met Secretariat”
“We all thought about having sex with Mickey Mantle”
“Which was the most stunning hawse I’ve ever seen to this day”
NY Post -Every other Friday from Memorial Day to Labor Day, Matthew Owens leaves his Flatiron District office at 1 p.m. sharp and heads east to the Hamptons for a relaxing, sun-soaked sojourn. But before the 27-year-old publicist for fashion brand Express arrives at work, he dutifully sends a screenshot of the Long Island Rail Road train schedule to his friends who work in banking. “I remind them that I will be taking an early train out to the Hamptons,” he says. “And I send them a later schedule to remind them they will be taking a late train out. And that they can find me at a restaurant out east, where I will be enjoying a glass of rosé,” he adds with a sinister cackle. Owens is one of the fortunate New Yorkers who have a coveted Summer Friday work schedule, which means beating the scrum of weekend warriors to the roads and rails. And while he relishes his early exit, he gets just as much of a thrill from ribbing his pals who toil away in traditional industries that require them to work a full day on Fridays. “It’s so much fun to mess with friends who don’t have them. It has become a pastime,” says Owens, who also posts poolside selfies on Instagram for the viewing pleasure of his desk-jockey pals.
And the winner of the biggest asshole in NYC award goes to Matthew, the publicist who can’tttt wait to ‘gram some rose 3 hours before his friends on Fridays. Seriously though if there is one quote that sums up New York City it’s this,“I remind them that I will be taking an early train out to the Hamptons,” he says. “And I send them a later schedule to remind them they will be taking a late train out. And that they can find me at a restaurant out east, where I will be enjoying a glass of rosé.” You think this stuff is fake life but it’s all too real, Manhattan is fake life city. We have a GUY publicist, bragging to his banker buds that he gets out 3 hours earlier on Fridays and gets to sip Rose in the Hampton’s quicker than them. Then takes selfie pictures in a car that he doesn’t own and agrees to be in the newspaper with it. I get it, summer Fridays are cool, I get them as well and it’s a small victory in the corporate world. You wonder how big a victory? I get out at 1 o’clock instead at 4, just like almost everyone else who gets summer Fridays. 3 hours! Let me snapchat this Champagne to my buddies! #party! Haha you suckers have to take the afternoon trains out East with all your other friends and booze it up while I get to sit on the 1:43 train by myself. If you don’t live in NYC or never wen’t out to East for the weekend let me tell you that no matter what train you get on it is an absolute shit show and you have an 80% chance of standing for 3 hours wether the 1 o’clock or the 4 o’clocks. See you guys at Sloppy Tuna, I’ll be there at 5 instead of 8.
NY Post - The NYPD is investigating a possible security breach at the Brooklyn Bridge Tuesday. Two mysterious white flags — in place of the usual American flags — were spotted flying from both towers of the bridge. Police are trying to figure out how someone was able to gain access to the bridge and remove the American flags unnoticed.
Did the Hipsters surrender? Are they giving back Brooklyn? Are they giving up on their crusade to be different and contrarian and relinquishing control of the borough? Maybe they just finally grew tired of trying to grow those beards and drink PBRs. Maybe they just all realized at once that their band was never going to make it big. Maybe their legs have grown from riding their fucking bikes everywhere. The Hipsters are waving the white flag, folks. Its time to take back Brooklyn.
Either that or the Guilty Remnant is real. Just hope you’re not one of the 2% of the population that gets taken when the Departure arrives.
Reason #43,257,981 Canada Sucks – When You Wear Canada Shirts It Always Ends Up Looking Like Your Shirt Says Anal
It doesnt take much, folks. Sometimes it just doesn’t take much to make you laugh. And a bunch of Canadians running around with ANAL across their chest gets the job done. Especially this chick:
That one is just too perfect. That face she’s showing is basically the actual face your girlfriend makes when you ask her to do anal. Just a grumpy, angry “Are you for real?” face. This is the face I make when she says yes:
Just kidding thats never happened.
Source: Yanks giving up Solarte and DePaula for Headley. Padres will kick in a million bucks.
— Andrew Marchand (@AndrewMarchand) July 22, 2014
Looks like Cashman’s alarm went off and he finally woke up. This is just the beginning of the trade season for the Yankees and shows that they are 100% going to try and make a run. Look for talks with John Danks to heat up the rest of the day/week and don’t be surprised is Cashman pulls a miracle out of his ass.
As for Headley, he had a terrible beginning of the year and is batting .229 for the season. However, for the last month he’s been batting .300 and will be a nice switch hitting addition to the lineup. Best of all is that he is only going to cost the Yankees $3mil for the rest of the year.
Solarte had a good beginning of the year and now we will look for Headley to have a strong close. I will miss Solarte’s wife though…
KFC Editor’s Note: Poor John Sterling. He had just perfected that “So-lar-teeeee! Whoa whoa!”
“Being a professional Amazon is definitely not your typical job”
Daily Star – Amazon Amanda stands at 6ft 3in and sports a 44DD bust but her giant size meant she was too big to become a mainstream model. But the 38-year-old – who also has 63-inch hips – has found a new line of work as a super-sized model for men who love nothing more than being squashed, crushed, wrestled or simply seen out in public with a giantess. Her most shocking request was from a terminally ill client who wanted her to literally crush him to death – so he could die doing what he loves best. Amanda, from Idaho, USA, revealed: “Being a professional Amazon model you do get your fair share of strange requests. “But being offered £30,000 to squash someone to death was the most bizarre – of course I said no.” Some of the men get off on being squashed, but Amanda insists that nothing sexual ever takes place. “Although some of my clients get aroused during the sessions, Iʼm never naked and there is never any sex involved. “As far as fetish work goes Iʼm considered a prude.” Amanda started modelling when she was 14 but when she got too big for commercial work, a friend suggested becoming an Amazon model – for short men who love to feel even smaller. An agency signed her up after seeing her pics and her sessions have now taken her all over the world. One recent client was from 5ft 3in Sergio Miranda from New Jersey, who is one of her smallest fans. He paid her to smother and manhandle him and the 51-year-old said his fetish for bigger woman has been with him since he was a youngster. Sergio explained: “For me theyʼre more true to being a woman than the skinny models you see. Iʼve seen Amanda about five times and most of the other Amazon women who do this as well. ”Being seen out on the street with an Amazon model feeds my ego. When other men look at me deep down in their hearts they want to be in my position and I love that.”
Different strokes for different folks and I think its safe to assume here that Sergio’s stroke is just about as weird as it fuckin gets. “When other men look at me deep down in their hearts they want to be in my position?” What position bro? In a rear naked choke hold from a chick as big as Ndamukong Suh? I’m all set on that front, bro. You do you. My mother once told me that every pot has a lid but when the pot a 5 foot 3 Mexican Mets fan from Jersey and the lid is 6’3, 280, well that shit just ain’t gonna work out.
Good for both of these weirdos though. I’m happy for them. Amazon Amanda gets paid, Sergio gets off on getting piggy backs in the park, and everyone is happy. One, a physical freak, the other, a mental freak. Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, Sergio and the Beast.