What a moment for Mongo Nation
Uttah Disastah – The Mike Francesa.com from Tapatalk on Vimeo.
Never thought I’d see the day when Francesa would let someone ruin his hair like that. Afterwards Mike explained how he likes really hot water, not cold water while the crowd was yelling shit at him like “Fix your hair.” A Mongo Nation wet dream.
How about this asshole?
Why would you even enter the raffle if you knew you were gonna leave early? Coulda had a Stoolie up there representing Mongo Nation and instead Joe here had to get home early on a Friday afternoon. Fucking KILLING me.
"Aw shucks, I hit it into the hospitality area. I guess I'll go mingle with the folks."
Fucking Phil. Man of the people. Maybe the most Phil moment of all Phil moments. You would never think this is a guy who the feds were after just a few months ago for insider trading. The way people react when they see him is nothing but love. And he just soaks it all in and looks surprised that people are so happy to see him. What a guy.
“Aw shucks. I hit it into the hospitality tent. I guess I’ll go mingle with the folks.”
Daily Mail- A Massachusetts lawyer is concerned that it will be difficult to find impartial jurors for an upcoming murder trial given his client’s unique appearance, namely, implanted horns and a satanic tattoo. Caius Veiovis, 33, is the third suspect to face trial in the August 2011 slayings of David Glasser, Edward Frampton and [...]
Daily Mail- A Massachusetts lawyer is concerned that it will be difficult to find impartial jurors for an upcoming murder trial given his client’s unique appearance, namely, implanted horns and a satanic tattoo. Caius Veiovis, 33, is the third suspect to face trial in the August 2011 slayings of David Glasser, Edward Frampton and Robert Chadwell. Veiovis’ signature look includes two rows of bumps resembling horns protruding from his forehead, a ‘666’ tattoo between them, and other facial and neck tattoos. he also has surgically altered the shape of his ears to make them elf-like. After discussing the matter, a Hampden Superior Court judge on Thursday told defense lawyer James Reardon Jr. he would ask potential jurors if there was anything about the Veiovis’ appearance that would keep them from being fair. The trial is scheduled to start September 3. Veiovis has pleaded not guilty to counts of murder, kidnapping and witness intimidation.
What the hell is this lawyer talking about? His client looks totally normal. No juror is going to look at him and judge him unfairly or like he’s already guilty. Come on, gimme a break. Last time I checked 95% of the world has those devil-looking bumps on their heads. Totally and completely normal. And you’re lying to yourself if that 666 tattoo on his forehead is anything less than inviting. I might even go as far as to call it warm and welcoming. Solely based on looks, I’d let him baby sit my kids without supervision. That’s how nice he looks. The bone that’s jutting through is nose is simply the cherry on top of what happens to be the nicest looking face in the United States of America. In all honesty, he might not get a fair trial because he looks too friendly and nice and not like a guy who would kill three people.
PS- That guy is fucked.
Rules? What rules?
Just your standard professional golfer breaking one of the “Day 1 stuff” type of rules today at The Barclays and hitting an iron shot off the wrong green. Apparently he hit his drive WAY right, the ball landed on the opposite green and he simply said “fuck it” and proceeded to put a giant divot on the green. Totally fine. It’s not like other golfers have to putt on the green or anything. That divot won’t effect them at all. I’ve actually never seen anything like that happen. You never think it’s going to happen. Most (every professional player but Noh) knows that’s something you probably shouldn’t do. And how about the gear they brought out to fix the green? Never seen them have to do that either. Let me re-phrase what I said above, I’ve never seen this happen at a professional event. If you’ve played enough drunken golf with your buddies then you’ve seen just about everything there is to see on a golf course and broken every single rule. Including this. Don’t take this blog as me being a rules nazi either. When I play golf I give a shit about two things: Getting drunk and hitting at least a couple good shots. Everything else be damned. Just weird to see it happen at a pro event.
PS- Love the start of the video. The announcer pretty much politely saying “Well what the fuck is this guy doing?” Then the PGA official was borderline speechless from what he just witnessed. All around entertaining. Except for Noh who got a two stroke penalty.
Humble brag of the century?
Daily Mail- A landlady was within her rights when she evicted a man for persistently using a squeaky swing as a sex prop in his apartment, a German court has ruled. The man, who was not identified, used the ‘very old’ chain swing late at night during 2012. A court in Munich heard that people living nearby were kept up until the early hours by the man using the sex toy. Neighbours reported hearing ‘sexual, athletic and squeaking noises’ coming from his apartment and made several complaints. The court noted that the man had a deal with his landlord to be quiet between 10pm and 7am, meaning he was in breach of the tenancy agreement. Upholding the landlady’s decision, the court said the swing’s late night use ‘would no longer correspond to normal rental use, and must therefore not be tolerated as socially acceptable’.
Ohhhhhhhkay bud. Everybody can stop looking. Stop right now. End the searches and call off the dogs. We’ve found the biggest humble brag of the century and maybe in the history of human civilization. What an asshole this guy is. Can’t follow a simple ordinance from his land lady that says he has to be quiet between the hours of 10pm and 7am. Why can’t he? He loves coming home from the bars and listing to hip hop music? His dog won’t stop having nightmares and barking at invisible mail men? Nope, he simply can’t stop having sex in the middle of the night on his super squeaky sex swing. ”I’m really really sorry guys. I would be quiet but girls won’t stop having sex with me in the middle of the night in my awesome sex swing. What do you want me to? I’ll do anything. Ya know, except stop having sex on my sex swing in the middle of night. Man is that thing noisy!” And the humble bragging won’t stop there. Since the guy got evicted he’ll get to use that as the answer whenever somebody asks him why he got evicted. Oh you know, pretty standard stuff, I couldn’t stop plowing chicks and I refused to buy a can of WD-40. Big time asshole (and I’m totes jelly).
Daily Mail- A jeering crowd in China urged a hostage-taker to kill himself after he let his victim go and held knives up to his own throat instead. Gong Tseng, 30, had been holding his cousin Cui Meng, 29, hostage at knifepoint after a family dispute broke out in the city Chongqing, in southern China. Police managed to persuade Tseng to release Meng after a two-hour standoff, but when he turned the knives on himself the crowd lost patience. One spectator shouted: ‘Come on, we’re fed up with waiting,’ while another added: ‘Get on with it, we don’t have all day.’ Tseng eventually dropped the knife and was arrested for taking a hostage and causing GBH.
Chinese people are RUTHLESS. Obviously suicide is always a sensitive topic (especially right now) but I’ll be damned if I didn’t laugh out loud when I read these people were yelling things like “Get on with it already!” and “We don’t have all day!” to a guy who had double knifes pressed up against his throat ready to shove off into the unknown abyss. I don’t give a shit if laughing is the wrong reaction to that. That’s a type of ruthlessness I can get behind and will always support. People so swamped in their day-to-day life activites that if a causal suicide in front of a KFC will speed it up, so be it. I should probably mention that this guy had taken his cousin hostage and put a knife to his throat before all of this so the crowd was already mad at him. But still. Something about a crowd getting fed up with a dude who is threatening to kill himself right in front of them and the crowd reacting with “Fucking do it already! I’ve got things to do today. I delivered too many papers to sit here and watch you pretend to threaten to kill yourself.” is hilarious. If that makes me an insensitive asshole then so be it. He didn’t end up doing it anyway so there’s that too.
$70,000 to fly from New York to Paris? Pocket change.
Metro- As the name suggests JetSmarter is an app for jets. Private jets. Like Uber – the app for normal people who like to get drunk, can’t face the night bus and who’d rather get a taxi home – JetSmarter allows super-rich folk to book a private jet quickly and easily at really short notice. According to the JetSmarter website, the app ‘democratises the private jet market by decreasing the entry price for consumers’. Sounds good right? Until you realise that in this case ‘cheaper’ means, for instance, $70,000 (£42,000) to fly from New York to Paris. But there may be some good news on the way. According to an interview with JetSmarter’s founder and CEO, 26-year-old Sergey Petrossov, in The Daily Beast, the company eventually wants to launch their take on Uber’s split-face service, which really could open up private air travel to more of us normal folk. Until then, let’s all marvel at the fact Ryanair now actually allocate you a seat. Simple pleasures.
I mean, why not? As if being super duper rich wasn’t awesome enough why not have a service that allows you to order up a private jet whenever you need one? The life of a rich person isn’t all that different from the life of a normal person with normal money. The transportation is just a little different. When you or I get drunk at a bar that’s not within walking distance of our house what do we do? We call a cab or use uber. It’s simple, convenient, within our price range and it’s smarter than hopping behind the wheel. What does a rich person do when they get drunk in a town/city/country/continent that’s not close to their house? They dial up JetSmarter and get a ride home to their giant mansion. The execution is exactly the same, it’s just the means by which you get from one place to another change. Oh and then there’s the part where we have to spend days upon weeks upon months upon years slaving away at a mindless mind numbing job to the point of eventual suicidal thoughts and the Jet People don’t have to do shit because they have Jet Money and life if perfect for them. That’s another little difference. But other than that, we’re the same as rich people.
PS- People might ask” Some business model. There won’t be enough people using that app to make it viable and successful.” Wrong again. All they need is like 3 customers to use their app and that’s enough for a good fiscal year. Get three drunk billionaires that want to fly from New York to Paris and that’s $210,000 in revenue right there. It’s the perfect business model.
“Trick shot” might be a stretch. ”Getting drunk and wanting to blow something up” might be more accurate. Be more redneck than the guys in that video, you can’t. Dressed head to toe in camouflage, talking like rednecks talk and doing something stupid like lighting a golf ball on fire (and probably dousing the club in gasoline) and let’s see what happens! BOOM! Fireball and the one guy catches on fire. This might sound weird but do you ever wish you were a redneck? The obvious answer is no but some times I wish I was. The greatest thing rednecks have going for them is they don’t they’re rednecks. They’re completely oblivious to the fact that the way they do things is fucking insane. Think about it. All you do is drink and do stupid shit and it’s totally acceptable because people long ago agreed that rednecks can do whatever they want as long as we get to laugh from the outside looking in. I guarantee these guys creating a giant fire ball was just a regular Friday night. What do you wanna do tonight? ”I wanna hit a flaming golf ball and see what the fuck happens” is a great answer. Don’t get me wrong, I like my civilized life here in Iowa but there’s a good chance I’d swap it out in a heart beat to become a give-no-fucks redneck.