Tonight Against The Cowboys Might As Well Be The 2014 Giants Super Bowl

Let's put it together. One time. Instead of giving games away, how about taking one?

Jacksonville. Tennessee. Skins. Rams. Philly. That’s what’s left after tonight. Obviously a few winnable games there, but none that’ll have any bearing on the NFL playoff picture except for possibly the Eagles in Week 17. With their own relevance virtually out the window, the only thing left that  matters is for Big Blue to dispose of their biggest rival in front of their own fans & a national audience. Of course I still wanna see some wins and player development, but just “playing out the schedule” isn’t all that exciting. This tilt against Dallas might as well be the 2014 Giants’ Super Bowl.

It won’t be an easy one to win. The Cowboys have had two weeks to prep for this game while Romo’s had time for his broken back to heal. I’m sure the bye was welcomed by the league’s top rusher too, so the NFL’s worst run D will have their hands full. They managed to bend without breaking against San Fran last week though, so having Jerry Jones’ squad in the house should have Rolle, JPP & co. motivated to play even better. Regardless of what the defense does, this game will come down to what Eli and the offense can do. Jennings is 100% after coming out unscathed with a full workload and, although Pugh is out, Geoff Schwartz will make is debut tonight. Hopefully he’ll make a difference – with time in the pocket & a newfound weapon in ODB, Manning has proven he can put points on the board. NY will need them.

Let’s put it together. One time. Instead of giving games away, how about taking one? Turn Romo into the Romo we’ve grown to love. Let’s see a Dez tempertantrum and a Cowboys collapse. If that locker room really feels like they can run the table like some are talking, they gotta leave everything on the field & steal this W. After that, who knows – with their remaining schedule, maybe it’s the 8-7 Giants playing for a lot more vs Philly than just spoiler.

By 610 posted November 23rd, 2014 at 7:00 PM

The Rest Of The Metro Is Playing For Second Place

You hear that? Thats the sound of my bandwagon just ripping through that piece of garbage city Pittsburgh. VVVVRRRRROOOOOMMMMM!

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Won 8 of their last 9. Swept the home and home against the Pens. Halak has been unbeatable. Almost everyone on the roster contributing. At what point do people just start to realize that the Islanders are one of the best teams out there? I barely know anything about hockey and its plain as day to me. This team is rock solid. Nobody will believe it because its the Islanders and their reputation of losing precedes them, but thats bullshit. This is the team to beat in the Metro.

And you know whats scary? Tavares hasn’t even gotten hot yet. Can you imagine this team when their captain gets cookin? Forget about it.

PS – 1 power play opportunity for the Penguins during the 2 game sweep. Crosby had zero points and just one shot on goal all weekend. Thats how you win hockey games, folks.

I think, at least. No idea how you win hockey games really but that seems like a good way to go about it. Pedal to the metal on the bandwagon….VVVVRROOOOOOOMMMMM!

By KFC posted November 23rd, 2014 at 12:37 PM

On A Scale Of One To Vagina, How Much Of A Coward Was Robert Bortuzzo Trying To Head Butt Matt Martin Last Night?

I mean listen I know Matt Martin mashes faces for a living but come on dude

Well would you look at that. More bush league shit from the Pittsburgh Penguins. I mean listen I know Matt Martin mashes faces for a living. I know he sniped you earlier in the first period:

 

But if you’re gonna fight, fight. Dont square up in your visor and then throw out some half ass head butt attempt. I guess thats to be expected from the Penguins at this point.

Round 2 tonight at The Barn. Place is gonna be so loud it might collapse. The old Coliseum wont even make it through this season’s farewell tour because the Islander faithful might bring it to the ground after we sweep this home and home. We’ll be tied for first and then there’s no looking back. About to have liftoff on my Bandwagon and take this shit next level.

By KFC posted November 22nd, 2014 at 12:58 PM

Isles Kick Off A Pivotal Home And Home With The Penguins

Its about as close to a playoff matchup you can get this early in the season, folks.

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Its about as close to a playoff matchup you can get this early in the season, folks. We may only 18 games into the season, but this home and home can define the Isles season right now. Its a chance to make a big statement that they are the clear cut competition for the Penguins in the Metro. A chance let Crosby and the rest of Pittsburgh that the Islanders are the real deal. Establish a rivalry because the Islanders are here to stay atop this division.

Take these 2 games and the Islanders could take off. Never look back. Yea they could end up 1st place in the Metro but its more than that. Winning a mini playoff series like this can affect this team in the long term. Give them that confidence that this 12-6 beginning to the season isn’t just a “hot start” fluke. Prove to themselves and the rest of the hockey world that this team is elite.

Its go time. Lets fucking do this.

By KFC posted November 21st, 2014 at 6:48 PM

Distracted Golden Retriever Takes You Into The Weekend!

This weekend make sure you stop and sniff and eat everything that catches your eye.

Life’s too short to run through obstacle courses passing up awesome hot dogs and treats and toys. This weekend make sure you stop and sniff and eat everything that catches your eye. Literally. But only if she says yes.

Shout out to Bobs Blitz for the video

By KFC posted November 21st, 2014 at 5:00 PM

New “Nashty” Shirts Now On Sale

After an ugly 2013-14, Rick Nash has bounced back in a big way.

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CLICK HERE TO BUY

After an ugly 2013-14, Rick Nash has bounced back in a big way. On pace for a 50+ goal/300+ shot season, he’s proving to be everything the Blueshirts expected – a go-to superstar scorer. Whether or not this will translate in the playoffs remains to be seen, but it was only a matter of time until we pimped a new shirt & #61 deserves one. Simple “Nashty” done in traditional Rangers font with our Viva La Blueshirts emblem at the top. If you like it, buy it. Put it on your Christmas/Hanukkah list. If you don’t, then tell us in the comments about how you’d rather buy yourself a concussion than be given this shirt for free. Ain’t my money.

CLICK HERE TO BUY

By 610 posted November 21st, 2014 at 4:20 PM

ESPN The Magazine Did A Feature On Carmelo Anthony, Gave Knicks Fans More Reasons To Hate Him

ESPN The Magazine’s feature on Carmelo Anthony’s image and off-court dealings went up yesterday.  You can click here to read the article.  Below are some of the best (and/or worst) quotes from the piece: Carmelo Anthony arrives a few minutes late to his second job, and he hurries into a back office to change out [...]

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ESPN The Magazine’s feature on Carmelo Anthony’s image and off-court dealings went up yesterday.  You can click here to read the article.  Below are some of the best (and/or worst) quotes from the piece:

Carmelo Anthony arrives a few minutes late to his second job, and he hurries into a back office to change out of his basketball uniform and into a sweater and loafers. “Sorry, sorry, a CEO should never be late,” he says, apologizing again to his staff of six, which assembled for this urgent meeting in Brooklyn at his request.

First off, anyone who apologizes for being late while also reminding you that he is the CEO is a Grade-A asshole.  We are off to a bad start.

Anthony purchased this office space about a year ago, even though he was still unsure what he wanted to do with it — still unsure what he wanted to do himself…. There is no hint that its current occupant is an NBA star. Anthony redecorated the walls with African art and a portrait of Albert Einstein.

Putting up a portrait of Einstein is such a Melo move.  If you do that, everyone will think that you are smart, right?  That’s like the kid in college who put up the poster of the two chicks making out on the keg to tell everyone he loves pussy and drinking.  OK, bad example.  That poster fucking rules.

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“So who exactly is Carmelo Anthony?” asks the branding expert, Anthony Rodriguez, kicking off the meeting. “What do you want to be known for?”

“Are you a basketball player? A New York Knick? The league’s most unstoppable scorer?” Rodriguez asks.

“No way,” Anthony says. “This isn’t just about basketball. I hate just being known that way. It’s got to be bigger than that.”

This quote drove me bananas.  Melo, can we focus on the basketball side of your career for the next 5 seasons while you are still somewhat in your prime and the Knicks are paying you $20+ million each year?  Is that too much to ask?  Let’s try to make the playoffs in a weak-as-fuck Eastern Conference before attempting to become the next Warren Buffett.  Deal?

He just signed a five-year contract with the Knicks worth $124 million, forgoing a better chance to win a quick NBA title with the Bulls and instead staying with a lesser team that offered a longer, more lucrative deal. “I’ve got money. That’s not the problem,” he says. The problem as he sees it is that he is still defined mostly by what he lacks. No championships.

Let’s do this one SAT question style:

Having money is not the problem.  Not having a championship is the problem.  Which is the best way to solve the problem?

A. Take A LOT of money from a shitty team that won’t be competitive for a few seasons

B. Take a lot (but still considerably less) money from a team that is always competitive

C. Start a bunch of businesses and hope that no one notices you have never won a championship

D. Both A and C

(The answer is B unless you are Melo).

What set him on this quest for redefinition wasn’t losing in the first round of the playoffs eight times, or being called selfish or greedy, or being plastered on the back page of the New York papers a few hundred times under headlines like “Losers!” and “Stinko De Melo.” No, the thing that finally made him doubt everything he had or hadn’t done during his NBA career was the throwaway answer his 7-year-old son gave on a homework questionnaire, when asked to write a few sentences about what his father did for a living.

“Basketball player,” Kiyan Anthony wrote, and then he left the rest of the space blank.

First of all, if you ask a group of 7-year old kids what they want to be when they grow up, 90% of them will say “Basketball player”.  Melo is probably a God is his kid’s eyes, yet THAT was the moment the made him doubt everything he had done?  Second of all, Kiyan Anthony probably wrote that answer with a $5 million diamond crusted pencil that his dad could afford because he is a basketball player.  Third of all, fuck you Melo.  

By the way, “Losers!” was the perfect headline to describe last year’s Knicks team.

So early in 2013, as Anthony entered the last year of his contract with the Knicks, he began thinking not only about his next contract but about the future that awaits him after he stops playing. He studied other athletes — David Beckham, Andre Agassi, John Elway, Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson — whose postcareer brands he admired and called some to seek advice. “How can I control my own reputation? How can my influence outlast my career?” he asked. Anthony says they all told him the same thing: Find one thing you’re passionate about and start building on that now.

A quick breakdown of those athletes’ professional careers:

David Beckham: 7 Championships

Andre Agassi: 8 Grand Slam Titles

John Elway: 2 Championships

Michael Jordan: 6 Championships

Magic Johnson: 5 Championships

But yeah, find something you are passionate about.  On-court success has absolutely nothing to do with off-court success or how the public perceives you. <Places gun in mouth>

Along the way he developed obscure high-end habits that tended to show off his wealth: Nicaraguan cigars. Italian top hats. Ascot ties. Rare red wines. Vintage sneakers. Installation art. Ralph Lauren and Gucci. He hired a New York stylist to buy his outfits and deliver them with personal instructions about when and how they should be worn.

Well at least that explains this fucking abortion.

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And I guess Melo doesn’t subscribe to the LL Cool J motto of “Man made the money, money never made the man” from the criminally underrated Loungin’ Remix.  

He always has been a self-described gadget freak, traveling on road trips with two iPads and three pairs of headphones. 

Two iPads and three pairs of headphones on road trips?  HARDOOOO.

Late in October, after a preseason Knicks practice, Anthony pulls out his laptop and navigates to a site called CrunchBase. “This is where I spend most of my free time now,” he says. The Knicks are a few days away from opening the season, their first under new president Phil Jackson and his triangle offense and the 12th on which Anthony’s reputation seems to hinge. “People say every year is the one that will determine if I’m great or terrible, if I’ve met expectations or been a disappointment,” Anthony says. “To be honest with you, I’m tired of it.” He knows he is sensitive to what people think of him, and in earlier seasons he sometimes styled his play in a failed attempt to appease his critics. “I passed more if they said to pass more or shot more or whatever, and that’s no way to live,” he says. Now he has vowed to stop reading about himself in the newspaper or watching sports on TV. When his teammates turn on ESPN in the locker room, he logs on to CrunchBase.

This is our superstar, Knicks fans.  While LeBron is figuring out the exact amount of HGH to pump into his body without getting caught and Kobe is cycling his blood with pure Aryan plasma, Melo is hitting F9 to see how his investment in Lyft is doing.

“I really do love this city,” he says. “It’s the best city, but it’s also a tough-love place.” He arrived in New York as an eight-year veteran, but in some ways those first months in New York taught him how little he actually knew. He felt scrutinized in Denver, but everything intensified in New York: expectations, successes and failures, all played out every morning on the tabloids’ back pages. This is a place where fifth is never good enough and where his legacy is not just a private preoccupation but a citywide saga. He thought coming to New York would increase his influence and amplify his voice, but instead he now believes it mostly distorted it.

New York isn’t a place where fifth is never good enough.  New York is a place where second is never good enough.   It is really that simple.  If you win championships, you can keep the media at arm’s length while fucking every supermodel in the world (#Re2pect) or be wildly inconsistent for your whole career (Elisha Nelson Manning).  

If you don’t win, the media and fans will pick you apart, no matter how fair/unfair it is (Tri-captain, Number 33, PAT-RICK EWING!!!).  If that is too confusing or demanding for Carmelo, he should get the fuck out of NY as soon as possible.  Because it is only going to get harder as the years go by without a championship.


By theclemreport posted November 21st, 2014 at 3:30 PM

Asa Akira – Diehard Serial Fan

She's Team Adnan too.

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Ok three things.

1) The internet is awesome. Twitter is the greatest invention of all time. And anyone who doesnt agree needs to look at me discussing a murder investigation podcast with one of the most famous porn stars of all time. If you dont think thats awesome, you’re a dick.

2) Asa Akira liking Serial is incredible. Asa Akira being Team Adnan and admitting that there’s a chance its just a sociopath playing everyone like a fiddle is even more incredible. Its like we’re kindred spirits.

3) “Do you want to come on my podcast and talk Serial?” is either the worst or the best game I’ve ever spit. Its the worst because I sound like the whitest goddam nerd on the planet. Its the best because A) it worked. And B) A chick who’s used to every dude saying they want to fuck her probably appreciates a change of pace.

More from Asa’s twitter, which is awesome. Shes a great follow. Real witty and clever. Just goes to show that even if you suck dick for a living you can still be funny on the internet.

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By KFC posted November 21st, 2014 at 2:30 PM
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