Barstool NYC Local Smokeshow of the Day – Christina

Introducing Christina from Connecticut. Hey Connecticut I know shit is real ugly up there right now. So I figured you could use something hot enough to melt the snow. Enter Christina.

Lets get some more smokes to get us through the dark days of winter. Email [email protected] with facebook links of the hottest chicks you know.

By KFC posted February 11th, 2013 at 5:30 PM

Parents Complaining That Fortune Cookie Fortunes Are Too Racy

NY PostRomance is dead — in your fortune cookie! The world’s largest fortune-cookie manufacturer has cut the heart out of its confections, removing romantic messages in response to complaints from parents of young children. “Some parents sent us e-mails. They said they didn’t want their kids reading them,” said Derrick Wong, a VP at Brooklyn-based Wonton Food. “Different people have a different perspective.” Gone are suggestive fortunes such as, “One who admires you greatly is hidden before your eyes,” “Romance and travel go together,” “The evening promises romantic interest,” and “A romantic mystery will soon add interest to your life.” Company officials said they understood why parents said some of their cookies were too hot to handle. “Romance and travel, for example. Suppose you’re on a business trip with a colleague, that doesn’t mean you want to have a romantic affair,” said Danny Zeng, another VP at Wonton. Zeng said that if he gets more than two or three complaints about a fortune, he’ll screen it out. “We want to put messages inside our cookies that don’t upset a single person. We don’t want customers to have negative feelings,” he said. Wong added, “Messages have to be rated G. They can’t be offensive.” Saucy messages have been replaced by milder fare, such as, “You make every day special,” “No one on Earth is as beautiful as you,” and “Only love makes us see ordinary things in an extraordinary way.” Fortune-cookie experts agree it’s best to keep messages bland. “This makes sense because romance is tricky. There’s no one size fits all,” said Jennifer 8. Lee, author of “The Fortune Cookie Chronicles.” “You never know who will get the cookie,” she said. “ ‘You will meet a tall, dark stranger,’ means one thing to a 20-year-old fashionista — and another to a 6-year-old kid. Romantic messages aren’t one size fits all.”

I feel like Chinese restaurants were are last bastion of hope to stop the world from pussification. It was the last line of defense between the rational world and the world of concerned mothers and their snowflake kids. Chinese restaurants are the place you go when you’re like 14 years old to get served alcohol. Eat some General Tsaos chicken which is undoubtedly cat or dog meat, pay like 20 bucks total, and call it a night. Walk out of there with your head held high and your dick at half mast because your fortune cookie more or less said you were gonna get fucked tonight.

But our last stronghold has fallen. They’ve broken down the walls and taken fortune cookies from us. “You make every day special.” Thats not even a fucking fortune. Thats just a statement, and a subjective one at that. “Only love makes us see extraordinary things in an extraordinary way.” Ever heard of drugs, Fortune Cookie? “No one on earth is as beautiful as you.” Well now you’re just fuckin lying. These are just like “Nice Statement” cookies. No fortunes involved at all.

To be honest I think we should just change fortune cookies to truth cookies and brace the world for whats in store for them. Advice Cookies, if you will. “You’ll plateau at your office job 3 years out of college. Either have a back up plan or start exploring recreational drug use to stay happy.” “No matter how many girls you’ve had sex with, when you get old you’ll wish your number was higher. Have sex with as many people as you can right now.” “If you make money girls will like you. If you’re poor you better be funny.” Not exactly fortunes predicting the future but more like sage words from a Chinese oracle or something.

By KFC posted February 11th, 2013 at 10:50 AM

2nd Disneyland Racism Lawsuit – This Time Its That Cross Burning Bigot Donald Duck

ExaminerDisneyland is being sued for the second time in a week by a family accusing its characters of being racist. First, it was a family that said the White Rabbit was being racist toward their children. Now, it was revealed on Sunday, Feb. 10, 2013, that a different family has said they were discriminated against by Donald Duck because they are black. Nastastia White has said that her husband took their son, Ryder, to Disneyland back in December to celebrate his birthday. They were having a great time in the park until five-year-old Razzi White walked up to Donald Duck to get a picture taken. It was then that, according to the family, Donald Duck snubbed Razzi and played with some other children, that were white. Nastasia White told ABC 10 News that the person in the Donald Duck costume repeatedly ignored their requests to take a picture with Razzi and two-year-old Ryder. The family says that Donald just kept on playing with white children. White said: “He was sitting there with his arms open, saying, ‘Donald, Donald!’” But when Razzi went up to him he walked away to play with a white baby in a stroller. Nastasia said: “I was upset and hurt. He was very sad.” She told ABC 10 that Razzi asked her: “Why didn’t Donald want to take a picture with me?” Nastasia said she could not answer her son because she felt so humiliated that “Inside, I wanted to cry. This was discrimination.” She claims that Donald’s behavior was so brazen that it was impossible that the family misread the situation. She said: “I didn’t [misread the situation] because it was done in a blatant and ugly way.”

Looks like the Disneyland we all know and love is gone. Looks like its just a meeting place for Klan rallies these days. The Grand Wizard White Rabbit and Grand Dragon Donald Duck and the rest of the Invisible Empire congregating at the Character’s Breakfast. Hey Mom wheres Chip and Dale? They’re burning crosses on the Black Family lawn, they’ll be here shortly honey!

Last time it was the Black Family suing the White Rabbit. Now we’ve got the White Family suing. To be honest this doesn’t surprise me one bit. Donald Duck has always been a ready edgy asshole. His uncle is Scrooge McDuck. If you don’t think Scrooge McDuck was a racist son of a bitch you are one naive idiot. Scrooge McDuck probably went around in the back of a pickup truck throwing Molotov Cocktails through the windows of black people’s homes. Donald never really had a shot. Just raised to support the movement and hate anyone who wasn’t white.

By KFC posted February 11th, 2013 at 11:30 AM

Last Chance To Get Tickets To Trenton Foam At Early Bird Discount Prices

We’re almost sold out of early bird discount tickets, so in all likelihood this is your last chance to get your Fckin Foam tickets on the cheap. After that, its full price from now until we sell out. No reason not to scoop them up now and save your money for the next Blackout you wanna go to. Because once you get a taste of the Foam you’re not gonna wanna stop. You’re probably gonna wanna brush your teeth and get that taste out of your mouth, but you’re also gonna wanna go to a second show.

Fckin Foam Trenton – April 5th – Sun National Bank Center, Trenton NJ – CLICK HERE TO BUY TICKETS 

By KFC posted February 11th, 2013 at 12:00 PM

Bronx Lawmaker Trying To Ban Pop Warner Football From New York

NYDN – Pop Warner football would get blitzed out of New York if a Bronx lawmaker gets his way. Assemblyman Michael Benedetto has introduced legislation to prohibit children younger than 11 from playing organized tackle football anywhere in the state. It apparently is the first such proposal in the nation. “I want to protect the children,” Benedetto, a Democrat, told the Daily News on Friday. “I want them to get an appreciation of the game but I also don’t want them to come out of this wonderful sport in a damaged condition.” Benedetto quietly introduced the legislation this week amid a growing national concern about the lasting health effects of concussions and other head injuries in sports. In a recent book, Dr. Robert Cantu, a Boston neurosurgeon, urged kids under 14 to avoid football.

I just flat out don’t think kids are getting concussions from Pop Warner football. Except for the 2 kids in this video. Those kids left practice and went home and died. And even if they are getting concussions on a regular basis, I just don’t care. Kids fall off their bikes and smash their heads. They get pegged in the head with dodgeballs. They play Kill the Cow at recess. They do WWF wrestling in the backyard. Playing Pop Warner football in full pads is probably one of the safest things kids are doing. They aren’t 6’5 300 pounds and they aren’t running like 50 mph. I want that Sports Science loser on Sportscenter to do some tests on how much force these kids can even exert when they hit each other.

99% of kids will stop playing football in high school and their brains will be fine. The other 1% will go on to play college and pro football where they will make enough money or fuck enough chicks to justify 10-12 concussions taking 15-20 years off their lives. It seems like the situation just polices itself if you ask me.

By KFC posted February 11th, 2013 at 2:30 PM

Mike Piazza Writes Book Admitting He Did Every Drug Under The Sun, Took Karate Lessons, And Didn’t Believe In Premarital Sex


Highlights from “Long Shot:”

The 44-year-old makes no bones about holding a grudge against Clemens for beaning him during a July 8, 2000, game, and for the infamous bat-throwing incident later that season against the Yankees during the World Series.  Piazza tells how he mapped out a plan for revenge — taking karate lessons and visualizing the next time they would go at it. “I would approach with my fist pulled back. I figured he’d throw his glove out for protection. I’d parry the glove and then get after it,” Piazza writes. “There were complications,” he recalls. “The least of them was the realization that Clemens was a big guy, and I stood a pretty fair chance of getting my ass kicked in front of Yankee Stadium and the world. That was a legitimate concern.”

“I was into power, not prison,” he said of illegal steroids. The strongest concoction he admits taking was androstenedione — also called “andro,” a muscle-building supplement bought over the counter at nutrition stores in a “Monster Pak” that also contained creatine and amino acids. When andro was found in Mark McGwire’s locker in 1998, Piazza said he decided to phase it out of his own regimen. In 2004 the FDA banned it. Piazza admits that every team had a treasure chest of drugs. “I used Vioxx because it was an intense anti-inflammatory and it made me feel good,” he writes in the book, which is set to go on sale Tuesday. “When I caught for 22 straight days and could hardly drag myself out of bed to get to the ballpark, Vioxx picked me up. I’d sing, ‘It’s gonna be a Vioxx morning.’ ” Piazza admits he took “greenies” — stimulants that were once common in baseball — usually in his coffee. But they made him too jittery. He preferred Dymetadrine, a light asthma medication that sends more oxygen to the brain. He also used Ephedra, an over-the-counter fat burner. It was later added to the banned list.

Questions about his sexuality bothered him less than the insinuation that he was somehow phony. “I found it hugely insulting that people believed I’d go so far out of my way — living with Playmates, vacationing with actresses, showing up at nightclubs — to act out a lifestyle that would amount to a charade,” he writes. “If I was gay, I’d be gay all the way.” One of his best-known girlfriends was Debbe Dunning, the actress who played the “Tool Time” girl on the hit comedy “Home Improvement.” One Halloween night when Dunning came over with a pumpkin and her dog, Piazza decided to break off the relationship.

As a 14-year-old traveling with Lasorda’s Dodgers to Shea Stadium — Piazza’s first trip ever to the ballpark — the teenager walked into the clubhouse. “Most of the team was watching a porno film. There was one little TV in the training room, and they were all crowded around it,” he recalls. “I have to admit that coming from the straight-laced, deeply Catholic background that I did, it was a little unsettling. “I didn’t tell my mother.” Piazza made the big show in 1992, and women noticed. The rookie of the year, then playing for the Dodgers, felt he had a rock-star image to live up to, but his Catholic upbringing was getting in the way. “Obviously, premarital sex was morally objectionable to the Catholic Church, which, like my very Catholic mother, was still a major influence in my life,” he writes. “On the occasions when I did step out, I made a point of going to confession afterward.”

I love Mike Piazza. He’s the best Mets player of my generation. The best hitting catcher of all time. And he deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. But the excerpts from this book just scream “I’m a big gay steroid user.” If you’re gonna admit to using Andro, Vioxx, Greenies, ephedra and talk about your treasure chest of pills. you might as well admit to the steroids. Because nobody on earth is gonna think you just stopped and drew the line at anabolic steroids. Its the exact same tactic McGwire used to take when he’d openly leave Andro out for everyone to see hoping that they’d think he used that and not steroids. If Mike thought writing a memoir and confessing to rampant drug use was going to help quell the rumors about him using PEDs, I’m not so sure he thought that through.

As far as the rest of it – talking about taking karate lessons to fight Roger Clemens, being afraid to watch porn, not believing in pre-marital sex, and going out of your way to talk about how you “lived with Playmates and vacationed with actresses” – just makes me think Mike was so, so gay. Overcompensating talking about Playmates and banging Heidi from Tool Time. Saying how he went to confession after banging chicks. I don’t care one way or the other. About being gay or not or even doing steroids or not. But I just can’t imagine this was Mike’s best effort at squashing either of those rumors. Quieting steroid rumors by saying you did tons and tons of drugs and quieting gay rumors by saying you took karate lessons and felt you were sinning every time you had sex with girls. Just wouldn’t have been the direction I would have gone.

PS – If banging Heidi from Tool Time makes you gay I would be as gay as they come.


By KFC posted February 11th, 2013 at 1:50 PM

MFK Mondays – Grammy Smokes


Katy Perry

Taylor Swift

Total Number of Votes: 15393

Last night the Grammys were dominated by fat chicks. It was Kelly Clarkson and Miranda Lambert and Adele wearing a tablecloth everywhere you looked. At one point it was honestly hard to find a woman to objectify and speak about sexually. Thank God for that slut Rihanna, Funbags Perry and Taylor Swift and her newly purchased tits. You could probably swap out Carrie Underwood for one of these chicks but these are the three we’re gonna go with. Who ya got?

Ordinarily I kill Rihanna. Her head is so gigantic. That forehead is like the size of an Arena League Football field. Plus she’s a trashbag who’s had Chris Brown run through her. And in the past she’s had that thick black girl body. But it looks like she’s done enough cocaine to kill a small nation and now she’s basically just a skinny tan slut. Thats hard to turn down for a “Fuck” when you’re doing Marry Fuck Kill.

I gotta kill Taylor Swift. She’s a notorious prude, very annoying, and the last thing I’d wanna do is give her material for another song after I smash her out on a one night stand. Even with her new fake tits, she just can’t win me over. Especially when he fake boobs don’t even hold a candle to Katy Perry’s bombs.

Gotta marry those tits. And I’m not even a big tits guy. But those bombs in that dress did something special for me. I was literally speechless when I saw her in that get up. She’s a little bit wacky for sure. But thats all the better – you definitely want your wife to be weird and kinky in bed. Got a whole lifetime of fucking to try to keep interesting. Marry her and her gigantic tits and bank account.

By KFC posted February 11th, 2013 at 1:10 PM

Does This Look Like The Face Of A Man Who Bit Off His Ex Girlfriend’s Toe?

Huff PoShoe salesman Daniel Anaya, 27, is accused of breaking into his ex-girlfriend’s Santa Fe apartment and biting off the tip of her big toe, according to KOAT. The girlfriend told police that on February 3, Anaya broke into the home the couple used to share on February 3 and asked her if he could smell her feet. When she said no, Anaya allegedly slammed her against a wall, forcibly removed her shoes and socks and began biting her left big toe. He chomped down so hard that his teeth went through the nail bed and down to the bone, according to The New Mexican. The woman told officers she had broken up with Anaya in November because he had bitten her other big toe, KOAT reported. However, according to The New Mexican, it was the same toe. “It’s odd. Extremely odd,” Santa Fe Police Captain Aric Wheeler told KOAT. The alleged toe-biter was arrested Feb. 6 and charged with burglary, false imprisonment, interference with communications and aggravated battery against a household member.

Whats the old saying? Bite my toe off once, shame on you. Bite my toe off twice, shame on me? Yea, thats what we’re looking at here. Pop quiz hotshot: Your ex-boyfriend is clearly a shoe salesman foot fetishist. He’s bitten your toe before. He breaks into your house and asks to sniff your feet.  What do you do?

Just let that motherfucker sniff your toes! You know exactly whats gonna happen if you don’t. He’s gonna eat your fucking Big Piggy! Gonna chomp your big toe right off your fucking foot. Let the guy sniff your tootsies, rub one out, and get you and your feet a restraining order STAT.

On another note, how sweet of a gig is being a shoe salesmen when you’ve got a foot fetish? This Al Bundy motherfucker was probably as happy as a pig in shit. Smelling shoes and socks and tying laces and touches toes. Heaven on earth for a foot fetishist. Unless of course its a classic case of mixing business and pleasure. Kinda like a guy whos a gynecologist. Too much pussy business, not enough pussy pleasure. All the sudden you dread going to work and next thing you know you’re interested in dick. Something tells me that doesn’t apply here. Guy probably just works all day long with his boner tucked up in his pants.

By KFC posted February 11th, 2013 at 3:50 PM

Introducing “The Predicktor” Penis Size App

Daily NewsThe Predicktor, created by Toronto physician Dr. Chris Culligan, functions as a “calculator that attempts to predict his penis size by cross referencing trends from scientific studies with his personal stats like height and finger length,” the app’s website reads. “The app shares scientific journal articles reporting on men’s health and sexuality. This includes the actual distribution of penis size, as found in peer review journals. It also touches on selected literature studying what women really think about men’s genitalia – not the locker room giggles but actual results from surveys.” The app gauges the size of a man’s erect penis after the user enters the subject’s height, sexual orientation and finger length. The point of the app, according to its creator, isn’t to be 100% accurate but rather to provide men with a better idea of the range of sizes out there and soothe “the penis-related insecurity, anxiety or dissatisfaction” men have about themselves, according to the website. “It’s not how long your pencil is, but how you write your name.” The Predicktor costs $3 and is currently only available for Android-operated phones.

I hear you, Asian dude. No thanks, indeed. I wish I would have thought of this idea though. I don’t have any skills developing Apple or Android apps, but I’d have made a killing. Here’s how it would’ve worked. Step 1 – pay me $3. Step 2 – receive a text telling you that you’ve got a small cock. That’s it. 100% accuracy, guaranteed. Is anyone with a massive dong interested in “the range of sizes” or how most chicks don’t care about how big you are? No. Dudes like John Hamm strut around commando & let their hammers speak for themselves. Guys wanting to be falsely reassured their microdicks are “average” download The Predicktor.

I’d have to guess the app’s ratings are directly correlated to its honesty. Tell me what I want to hear or you’re getting 1 star. The average length is 4.75″? Most broads struggle with anything over 6″? So every chick I’ve banged is a monster-cock-craving weirdo? Wow, thanks Predicktor! Five stars! Now that I think about it, that makes way more sense. Next time a lucky lady wants to act bored in the sack with me, I got an app to prove it’s her fault. Maybe you should look into an app for your huge box, honey.

By 610 posted February 11th, 2013 at 5:00 PM

25 Year Old Soda Addict Loses All Of His Teeth

News AUWILLIAM Kennewell says he is living proof of the damage soft drinks can cause to your teeth and health. For three years, the 25-year-old drank between six and eight litres of soft drink each day – an addiction he struggled to kick. The Salisbury North resident ignored dentists’ warnings about the problems his dangerous habit was causing and has since had all his rotten teeth removed and replaced with dentures. “I’m told a normal person has about 23 teeth, but … I only had 13 left and they had to be removed,” he said. “It started because I wasn’t a huge water fan and working in the hotel industry, I had easy access to Coke. “Because my teeth were decaying so badly, it caused blood poisoning which just made me sick, but my health improved with the dentures.”

First time in the history of the world we have a toothless addict blaming his easy access to Coke whos talking about fucking soda. I can’t really knock the dude though. I’m not a huge water fan either. Water fucking sucks. I’ve been trying to kick my soda habit so I don’t end up like this toothless bastard and its unbelievably lame. You sit down to a big burger or a plate of wings and you wash it down with water? Eat a bag of Doritos and swig some water? BBQ in the summer and you expect me to drink WATER? I think I might just go down this same road and lose all my teeth rather than live eternity drinking water. Pick up some fake dentures and drink all the Coke I want.

By KFC posted February 11th, 2013 at 4:30 PM

Couple Addicted To Coffee Enemas, Drinks Coffee Through Their Assholes Up To 10 Times A Day

Daily Mail – Mike and Trina share a bizarre addiction to spending the majority of their days in the bathroom – preparing and administering coffee enemas. On the new season of TLC’s My Strange Addiction, the St Petersburg, Florida, couple are obsessed with injecting the liquid into their colons with a hose, to cleanse their lower intestines. ‘I love the way it makes me feel,’ Trina told ABC News. ‘It gives me a sense of euphoria.’ To perform the enemas, the couple heats up coffee on a stove, then they each take a 32-ounce bucket of it into the bathroom and deliver it to their lower intestines via a Vaseline-coated hose. The whole ritual takes five hours of planning and performing each day – which they are able to achieve, since they both work from home.  Mike, 45, and his wife are so addicted to their time-consuming lifestyle that they refuse to travel or leave their home for long periods of time. Trina even admits that she once did ‘nine or ten’ enemas in a single 24-hour period. Neither Trina nor Mike drink coffee, but they both have different preferences as to the kind they use. While Mike favours a fine espresso grind, Trina prefers it warm and thick, ‘because I feel like it’s not as messy and drippy.’  Coffee enemas can be tricky to execute, however. ‘I make a quick transition from the floor to the toilet seat,’ Mike explained. ‘It comes flying out like a torrent.’  The couple also confess that the ‘freaky part’ of their habit – administering the hose – requires a degree of relaxation. So Trina listens to music, watches TV and tweets while she performs her enemas. ‘I even play Sudoku,’ she said. ’We can’t live with out them,’ said Trina.

Welp I’m just about ready to leave this earth. We’ve got Popes quitting and people drinking coffee through their assholes. Its hopeless for humanity.

Let me ask you a very important question – is Mike the most pussy whipped person on the face of the earth? Some guys change the way they dress once they get married. Some guys change the way they act once they get married. Mike got married and was like “My wife loves coffee enemas so I’m gonna stop drinking coffee through my mouth and start drinking it up my asshole.” Jesus fucking Christ dude. We all do wacky shit for pussy. You might change your diet to be more healthy. Cut back on your boozing. Maybe give up the drugs. But the day you start butt chugging Maxwells House and shitting out Folgers is the day you’ve officially crossed the line to being the most insanely whipped guy of all time. I don’t even understand how it works – you just fill up your butt for a little while and wait for the coffee to take affect and then shit it out? I guess when you think about it, thats what everyone does with coffee. We just fill up our stomachs with coffee through our mouths and wait for it to come rushing out like a torrent. Only difference is these two cut out the middle man stomach and just take it directly in and out of their ass. Aside from the anal penetration I guess it kinda makes sense.

PS – It is absolutely hilarious and borderline psychotic that these two pick different roasts of coffee to fill up their assholes. Do you guys take milk and sugar too? Just open up your asshole and pour a few packs of Splenda in there and some drops of Coffee Mate? Absolutely top 5 funniest things I’ve ever heard is people being picky about their coffee blend when they plan on giving themselves an enema with it.

By KFC posted February 11th, 2013 at 10:10 AM

Pope Quits!

Daily Mail- Pope Benedict XVI is to stand down as leader of the Catholic church, he announced today. In a decision that has shocked even his closest aides, the 85-year-old Pontiff said his health was ‘no longer adequate to continue in office due to his advanced age’. He announced his resignation in Latin to a meeting of Vatican cardinals this morning, emphasising that leading more than a billion Roman Catholics worldwide requires ‘both strength of mind and body.’ The Pope’s decision is unprecedented. He is the first to resign since Gregory XII in 1415, but no Pontiff in history has stepped down on health grounds. Although officials said there had been no pressure for him to resign, the internet is already awash with speculation that there was a more sinister reason behind his decision.  In November 2011, Andrea Tornielli – a well-placed reporter from the Vatican Insider, a project run by La Stampa newspaper in Italy – said Pope Benedict found it agonising to walk even short distances due to ‘arthrosis’, thought to be an Italian term for osteoarthritis, in his knees, hips and ankles.  Mr Tornielli said this was why the Pope began using a moving platform to address crowds during mass in St Peter’s Basilica.

Cuncel Da Pope! Resigning from Pope is just about the cockiest power move I’ve ever seen. Its one step away from God quitting. Guy just wants a nice little severance package and maybe get some rocks before he kicks the bucket. Probably just sick of dealing with pedos and abortion nuts and shit. Ain’t no shame in that game. I’ll tell you what it really was – that goddam Twitter. Pope joined twitter like 2 months ago and now he can barely survive on a day to day basis. Thats what fucking twitter can do to you. Jobs like Pope and being a blogger used to for the most part be 5 days a week, 9-5 job. Now all the sudden Twitter comes along and you’re expected to perform like a goddam monkey for everyone 24/7/365. Pope can’t just do mass a few times a week and go on tour every few years. Now he’s gotta be Tweeting the Word Of God all day every day. He’s worried about his followers, he’s worried about his Klout score. He’s got haters tweeting at him all day long. I’m tellin you – Twitter is a mechanism of Satan. Pope Benedict has seen the Devil’s face – and it looks like a big fat blue tweety bird. Twitter is enough to make even the Holiest man realize there is no God.

So whats next for the Pope? If you don’t do church anymore once you’re an old person, you basically don’t do anything. Once Pope takes off that hat and turns in his Pope card he’s probably just looking to unload his 85 year old balls. Just gotta join a Del Boca Vista type condo complex and clean up on all the old religious pussy. You know how many chicks would give it up for the Holy See? Thats like getting to fuck Matlock or Perry Mason times a billion.

PS - Cardinal Oscar Rodriguez Maradiaga is a 12/1 favorite to be next Pope. He’s in the top 10 to be the next Pope. Where’s he from? Motherfucking Honduras! Hondo Pope! I’m pulling so hard for Oscar you don’t even fucking know. I know they’re my sworn enemies but I need a Hondo Pope.

By KFC posted February 11th, 2013 at 9:30 AM

Pope Francesa I?

So today Francesa’s show has been riddled with callers calling him out on how blatantly wrong he was about the snow storm on Friday. Mike decided to play meteorologist last week and talk about how the weatherman and the public always blow these things out of proportion. Said that nothing was really gonna happen and then obviously we got annihilated by this blizzard. Naturally the easy thing to do would be to say “Ya know, I really thought they were exaggerating and blowing it out of proportion but they weren’t kidding this time. We got hit hard.” Issue over. So obviously Francesa fights every caller tooth and nail and denies it to the death.

He’s spent like 45 minutes so far arguing specifics and semantics about his goddam weather predictions. He knows he’s wrong. Everyone else knows he’s wrong. He’s having hardcore evidence presented to him proving he’s wrong. And he still believes he’s misunderstood and that everyone else is out of their minds. That, my friends, is an unwavering belief in self. And thats when I realized. Thats when it hit me. Francesa has all the makings to be the next Pope. Not the Sports Pope as some people jokingly call him. The actual fucking Pope. At this stage in his career, sports knowledge and broadcasting skills is not his talent. Its his belief that he’s God. That he’s the authority. His ability to brainwash the masses and lead them no matter what happens. Francesa could say the sky is yellow and convince himself and his followers that he wasn’t wrong. Pope Francesa, science proved the theory of evolution like 200 years ago. “WAITAH SEKINT! WAITAH SEKINT! There is no way yoomans came from monkeys!” Pope Francesa, what do you think of the priests accused of pedophilia? “They STINK!” and he waves them away with his Pope wand like he’s hanging up on a caller. Delusional arrogance and refusal to change is exactly what the Catholic Church is built upon. And Mike has both those in spades. Pope Francesa the First. And the Mink Man can be his Camerlengo. Let Vatican III begin.

Shout out to @TheRopolitans for the Pope pic

By KFC posted February 11th, 2013 at 3:10 PM
© 2017 Barstool Sports | Disclaimer | Copyright | Privacy Policy | Media Kit