Tour Dates

  • District N9NE
    Philadelphia, PA

    April 25th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Irving Plaza
    New York City, NY

    April 26th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Toad's Place
    New Haven, CT

    January 30th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Lupo's
    Providence, RI

    January 31st, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Webster Theater
    Hartford, CT

    February 21st, 2014 9:00 PM
  • The Palladium
    Worcester, MA

    February 22nd, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Sherman Theater
    East Stroudsburg, PA

    March 1st, 2014 9:00 PM
  • The Union Bar
    Iowa City, IA

    March 8th, 2014 6:00 PM
  • The Boulder Theater
    Boulder, CO

    March 15th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • The Fillmore
    Charlotte, NC

    April 4th, 2014 10:00 PM
  • House Of Blues
    Myrtle Beach, SC

    April 5th, 2014 9:00 PM

Tell All Book Says Super Models Eat Tissues To Stay Skinny

International Business – What happens when you get ousted from the most prestigious fashion magazine in Australia? Well you write about it of course, revealing — among other shocking details — that models are eating tissues to curb hunger pains. Long-time Australian Vogue Editor Kristie Clements was famously exiled from the publication in May 2012 after 25 years with the magazine, prompting her to release a tell-all book about the fashion underworld. Described as an insider’s view of the glamorous industry, “The Vogue Factor” exposes, unashamedly, the cut-throat and chaotic facade behind the glossy covers. One of the most shocking claims to come out of the book is that models still frequently starve themselves for work, often resorting to eating tissues to satisfy their hunger. Clements details a lunch date with an unidentified Russian model who told her that her roommate is a fit model “so she is in hospital on a drip a lot of the time.”

Whatever happened to good old cigarettes and cocaine? Back in the day thats all models needed to be skinny and hot. Now these broads need to chow down on Kleenex. Thats like cheating. Its like HGH and steroids for athletes. If you can’t do it naturally, you don’t deserve to be in the game. Only acceptable thing to consume is drugs when you’re starving yourself. Nowadays chicks are probably making tissue sandwiches with mustard and a side of sawdust. Kate Upton probably eats rolls of Bounty 2 ply Paper Towels with the quilted patches. Bag of cotton balls for dessert.

I miss the good old days of real anorexia. None of this fake tissue bullshit.

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 10:14 AM

Cube Monkey Writes Computer Code To Do His Entire Job For Him

SF GateWouldn’t it be cool to stop working and still get paid? It turns out that it’s not only possible, but it’s been done. We reached out to a source who created a computer program to do his job for him. He was working at a collection agency, spending loads of time poring over people’s information by hand to determine if they owed money. This was a time-consuming process but he saw a way to simplify it. “I wrote a simple batch file that used the already existing data fields in the software to produce ‘the kill list,’” our source says. “Then I used some form of macro to feed that data into the credit reporting agencies system. I did feel bad because these were real people and while a person might miss a few names, the software would not. So I would randomly pardon a person until the next round. This task normally took a month. It now took less than 15 minutes.” The next step was to call the people who owed money. Our source didn’t like this process – people were often unavailable or would just flat-out duck his calls. “This was a huge waste of time in my opinion and bored me to death,” he says. “So again I wrote a batch file that found the people most likely to be available at a particular time and to agree to a payment plan. This way I only had to call four to six people at the end of my shift instead of maybe one hundred. The success rate was also high at over 50 percent.” Here’s a kicker – the boss loved it. She “only noticed how many people agreed to payment plans since that was posted on a white board,” he says. As long as the results were strong, she didn’t seem to care what he did during the day.

Score one for the good guys! This is like in the Rise of The Planet Of The Apes when Caesar figures out how to get out of his cage. Its like in Terminator 2 when Skynet becomes self aware. The Cubicle Monkey is evolving! Revolting against the Cube Walls. Against HR. Against the Man. Napping while the robots do the work for you.

Just be careful what you wish for, Cube Monkeys. You find a way to get R2D2 and C3PO to do your work for you in half the time at a fraction of the cost and guess who gets replaced? The monkey who created them. You hate your life trapped in your cage but you need that  cage. Its like a toll booth collecter inventing EZ Pass. We keep going down this road and Monkeys will become extinct.

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 2:10 PM

Washington Heights Abduction Turns Out To Be Part Of A Surprise Birthday Party

WSJ – An apparent abduction in Manhattan that set off a large police response and unnerved residents of Washington Heights over the weekend was actually a prank played by a group of college friends to celebrate one of their birthdays, a law enforcement official said. No charges were expected to be filed against any of the seven people who participated in the bogus abduction, and they all appeared to be unaware of the commotion that their practical joke caused, the officials said. At about 7:30 pm Sunday, detectives investigating the unusual incident received a call from a 30-year-old man saying the abduction was fake and was part of an elaborate plan to throw a surprise birthday party.  He and his friends had rented a home in the Poconos in Pennsylvania for the weekend and were only alerted to the panic their prank caused when they returned to Manhattan on Sunday.The incident, parts of which were captured on surveillance video, touched off an intense police search and rattled people living in Washington Heights – including children who witnessed the caper on Friday evening. Police said several witnesses had reported that at about 7 p.m.  Friday, they heard a woman scream and saw two men force two people into a minivan at gunpoint at Haven Avenue and West 173rd Street. Mann told police the abduction was planned as a diversion after the man, identified as Christian Joe, found out about the surprise party, the official said. The other apparent victim, Joe’s girlfriend, was in on the joke. Joe, who had a pillow case placed on his head during the prank, told detectives he immediately recognized his “abductors” voices as being his friends’ and that there was no weapon involved.

Ohhh pranksters! You wacky wacky clowns! The only thing worse than people who throw surprise birthdays are April Fools jokes and when those two collide you’re looking a perfect storm of dickhead. You know when you hear those stories about pranks gone wrong where someone is hiding in the closet and pops of to scare their fiance and they get blown away by a shotgun because the person thought they were an intruder? I fucking love those stories. One less prankster goofball left in this world. I wish these idiots crashed and burned in their minivan too. “Oh no! Christian Joe found out about his party! Lets stage a fucking kidnapping in Washington Heights so he’ll still be surprised!” Fuck you pranksters! I wish the police tracked them down and ran them off the road.

On a different note, is pranking a dude named Christian Joe on your way out to a birthday party in the Poconos the whitest thing of all time? If theres 2 things in this world black people don’t like its pranks and the Poconos.

 

 

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 9:31 AM

“10 Signs He’ll Be Good In Bed” Written By What Appears To Be A Mentally Handicapped Chick

Kind of a longer list of 10 but you gotta read the descriptions to understand how stupid this chick is

All Women Stalk - You just know he’ll be good in bed… or do you? Yes, you’ve probably always told yourself that you should not judge a relationship based on the sex, but come on, who are we fooling? Sex counts! Either way we stack it, it counts. So, you’re enjoying the dating scene and you’re curious to know if he’ll be any good at the deed before you actually do it. Fret not. I have come up with this reliable list of the 10 signs that he will be good in bed. Ready? Here we go…

10. HE DOES NOT BRAG. – I have found that if a guy is good in bed, he does not brag about his past sexcapades. I mean, personally, I do not have any experience with this, because I have only been with one guy (the guy I married when I was 18), but from what I have read and heard from friends, I have heard that guys who are good in bed do not brag. However, those guys who are bad in bed have a tendency to brag (or shall we say wish?).

9. HE TIES HIS NECKTIE IN FIVE SECONDS. - Let me tell you something, those fine motor skills are definitely a major plus! Imagine the wonderful things those fingers might be capable of..Mmm… I tell my husband that the next time he knots his tie, he needs to time himself.  So if he is able to tie that tie that fast, then you may be in for a night of surprises.

8. THAT EYE CONTACT - Eye contact is not just an indicator that he likes you but also how good he could be in the sack. When he makes eye contact with you, how do you feel? Is it dull, shallow or very intense? When you make eye contact with a guy who is good in bed, you will have an unexplainable feeling. That eye contact will be so intense, you’ll feel yourself melting.

7. HIS COOKING IS SLOPPY, BUT HE CLEANS UP NICELY. -If he cooks sloppily, don’t take it as a bad sign. Instead concentrate on how he cleans up. If he cleans up neatly, that will definitely be a sign that he is good in bed.

6. WHAT’S ON HIS BOOKSHELF? - Does he have a good amount of fiction? Substantial non-fiction? Hopefully, he does not havebooks such as “How to Get Laid Today!” If he has one of those “How to” books or anything similar to it, then he may not be good in bed. Remember girls, do not forget to look at his bookshelf! Somehow bookworms do seem better in bed.

5.WHEN HE TALKS, DOES HE USE HIS HANDS? When a guy is good in bed, he will have a tendency to talk with his hands. What is the connection between these two? When he is so expressive with his hands while talking, imagine how much more expressive he could get in bed.

4. HE HOLDS THE DOORS OPEN.- Guys who are good in bed have a tendency to open doors for the girl. He will also pull the chair out for you and wait before he digs into his dinner. Basically, guys that are great in bed do not forget the concept that ladies are first.

3. HE HAS A BEDROOM LIGHT SWITCH DIMMER. – This may not be important to everyone, but most men who are good in bed have a tendency to have a bedroom light switch dimmer. Sure, if he has one of those lights that turn off when he claps, then that counts as the same thing as a dimmer. When you go into his room, make sure you take a look at the type of light he has. Bright lights are a big no no in bed as is complete darkness.

2. HE PAYS ATTENTION TO YOUR FEELINGS.- When he speaks with you, he pays attention to every word. He shows that he cares whether you are sad, mad, upset and of course, feeling good. When you’re happy, he’s happy. When you’re sad, he looks sad. When a guy does not care about how you feel, then he is not going to care how you feel in bed. Does this make sense?

1. THE WAY HE SPEAKS. – Some men just have it in their voice. You hear him and you know there’s no way he’s going to be bad in bed. That’s what makes hot men like George Clooney and Gerard Butler hotter.

I saw this list a little while back and I wasn’t gonna blog it because I was convinced it was written by a certified retarded person. Either that or its like a 13 year old girl. But I’ve been getting emailed this link ever since then so I guess its actually getting circulated which is a horrifying thought. Ordinarily what I do is go step by step and give the KFC rationale behind each item in the list. But this shit is so beyond ridiculous I can’t even waste my time with that. “Can he tie a neck tie in 5 seconds?” “He cooks sloppy but cleans up afterwards?” “He has a light dimmer in his bedroom?” Give me a fucking break. You broads are such fucking psychopaths. This is why nobody get get chicks to orgasm. They’re too busy thinking about how fast I can tie a double windsor and how my light switch operates. Hey bitch! Start focusing on your pussy and come already! As far as I’m concerned there’s 2 major ways a guy can be good in bed these days:

1. Treat her like a hooker – All the books and movies chicks are into these days have guys treating them like sluts. Do some kinky shit to them and they can never claim you’re boring in bed.

2. Last long enough while she figures out a way to orgasm – Listen I’ll do all sorts of shit to you if you want. I’ll touch here, lick there. I’ll use the “come hither” motion all you want. But you and I both know you ain’t orgasming until you hop up on top and ride around in the exact way your pussy likes it. We know until we break out the sex toys, this ain’t goin anywhere. So my job is just to last long enough while you do all that other shit. Thats what “Being good in bed” means in real life.

Thats it. And one more thing, ladies – I’d saying roughly 1% of the male population cares about being good in bed. So stop trying to find some sex god based on lists and just figure out how to unlock the mystery of your clit.

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 4:10 PM

Robinson Cano Dumps Scott Boras For Jay Z

ESPN – Roc Nation, an entertainment company founded by Shawn Carter, also known as Jay-Z, will announce on Tuesday that it is getting into the sports representation business through a partnership with Creative Artists Agency (CAA). The company, which will be known as Roc Nation Sports, has signed its first client, the New York YankeesRobinson Cano. Cano, who has left agent Scott Boras, is in the final year of a six-year, $57 million deal with the team.  ”At this point in my career, I am ready to take a more active role in my endeavors on and off the field,” Cano said, in a statement. “I am confident that the pairing of Roc Nation Sports and CAA Sports will be essential in helping me accomplish my short and long-term goals. I am making this important decision now so I can keep my focus on helping the Yankees succeed in 2013, while minimizing any distractions for me and my teammates.” It remains to be seen whether this alters the trajectory of Cano’s talks with the Yankees, who have been trying to sign the star second baseman. The Yankees made an offer to Cano earlier this winter, in dealing with Boras, but hadn’t gained any traction in their talks, and when Boras clients get this close to free agency, they typically play out their contracts and test the market.  Sources say Jay-Z himself is planning to be a certified agent, first in baseball and eventually in basketball and football. In order to represent clients in basketball, he would have to give up his small share of the Brooklyn Nets.

I’m not a genius when it comes to contract negotiation. I don’t have a single thing in writing from El Pres. And I can actually see where some guys might not wanna be represented by Scott Boras anymore. But dumping the worlds most successful sports agent to be represented by a rapper is probably not the smartest idea. I mean yes, I know Jay Z won’t really be his agent at the negotiating table. He’s probably as much of an agent as he is an owner of the Nets. But when you’re on the verge of signing your lifetime contract in the prime of your career, going out on a limb with Young Hova seems like a peculiar choice. At the end of the day, Cano’s play is gonna get him like $180-$200 mil no matter who is handling his free agency. But I personally would have just stuck with Boras for one last contract, guaranteed myself top dollar, and left Jay Z and “Roc Nation” out of my professional life.

PS – Every time an athlete tries to get into rapping or a rapper tries to get into sports, it is an unmitigated disaster. When are these idiots gonna learn their lesson? (Note: Obviously I’m not talking about Shaq Fu)

PPS – Think this means Cano re-signs with the Yankees without ever hitting the open market? Probably.

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 11:33 AM

Does This Look Like The Face Of A Man Testifying Against His Own Brother In A Murder Case?

Georgia One of three men originally charged in the killing of a Centerville man whose body was dumped in a river has pleaded guilty to lesser charges in exchange for his testimony, according to prosecutors and court records. Daniel Lee Slaton, 36, was sentenced March 22 to 30 years without the possibility of parole for aggravated battery, kidnapping and tampering with evidence in connection with the 2012 beating and strangulation of 25-year-old Justin Arthur Klaffka, court records show. The other charges of malice murder, felony murder and aggravated assault were dismissed, while the charge of kidnapping with bodily injury was reduced to the lesser charge of kidnapping, court records show.

Honestly I don’t care what the crime was. Could have just written “Does This Look Like The Face Of Blah Blah Blah” and this blog would still have the same effect. This guy right here is the Hillbilly KFC. If I was a meth head, this would be me. Dude has an eye lazier than Feitelberg on a snow day. Double chin for sure, potentially 2.5. If I had an addiction to oxy I’d probably get an earring and stop washing my hair too. I’d probably be capable of murder too. I’d never snitch but just about everything else from this mugshot is like looking at Ghosts of Christmas Future if I don’t stay on the straight and narrow.

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 3:30 PM

Knicks Going For 9 In A Row Against Chris Bosh Tonight

The Heat are redefining Mail Time. Lebron is sitting out with “sore hamstrings.” Wade has a “sore ankle.” Basically just shutting it down now that the streak is over gearing up for the playoffs.

Now a bunch of pussies on twitter kept tweeting me saying how San Antonio expected to beat them last night without Lebron Wade and Chalmers and how the Knicks shouldn’t take them for granted tonight and blah blah blah. Plain and simple – if the Knicks are gonna contend like we expect them to contend in the east, they should absolutely thrash the Heat tonight. Should be an absolute massacre. The Knicks are playing their best basketball of the year. Better than when they jumped out to their 18-5 start. Kmart has filled in nicely while Chandler rests. Amare is long gone and, surprise!, the offense is rolling. JR Smith has stopped chucking threes and has taken his game to a whole ‘nother level. Firing on all cylinders. When the postseason arrives, there’s still a lot that worries me with this Knicks team as they matchup with playoff competition. But tonight ain’t playoff competition. Tonight is Chris Bosh, old man Ray Allen and some Heat scraps.

If the Knicks don’t come away with their 9th straight I’ll be very disappointed.

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 4:50 PM

If You Follow The Mets On Twitter You Get Free Tickets

Mets.comAs a @Mets and @SNYtv Twitter follower you will receive a complimentary Mets ticket courtesy of SNY to one of the opening weekend (April 5-7) home games when the Mets host the Marlins.

Whats more embarrassing – begging for twitter followers? Or being such an embarrassing baseball franchise that you need to give away tickets to fill your stadium?

How about being an embarrassing sports franchise giving away tickets while begging for twitter followers? Next thing you know @Mets is gonna be tweeting at celebrities begging for retweets too. Personally I don’t know why people get so fired up about attendance and sell outs when arguing about their team. I don’t give a single fuck about how many people are in the stands for a Mets game. When your team is bad, the stadium is empty. When you’re team is good, the stadium is filled with bandwagon chicks and corporate douchebags. Which is worse? Personally I’d rather have cheap/free tickets and a stadium half filled with real fans than get priced out of games by Johnny Come Latelys because my team is the hot ticket.

I just don’t understand people’s obsessions with arguing that their team has “the best fans.” Who gives a shit about other people and if they are or are not rooting for your team? I’ve spent basically my whole life as the minority in New York rooting for the red headed step child and never once has it bothered me. I don’t care if my team isn’t cool or popular. Thats not why I’m rooting.

PS – The Mets creampie tweet is the funniest thing to ever be on twitter. Thats the only time I wish the Mets were more popular. That tweet could have broken the internet if more people followed the Mets.

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 12:50 PM

Barstool Blackout Smokeshow of the Day – Devon

Introducing Devon from Dirty Jerz. 3 days until Fckin Foam in Trenton. I just added Devon to our smokeshow guest list and I’m demanding she wears thigh high stockings and a sexy secretary outfit. She’ll probably be overdressed.

Its the biggest week of the year for the Blackout Tour. Our biggest shows of the year all in one weekend. New Jersey! Do NOT let me down.

You’re sandwiched in between the two biggest New England shows. Show them how Jersey does it.

Trenton FOAM – April 5th - TICKETS ON SALE HERE 

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 5:30 PM

Our Offensive Woes Are Over! Ryane Clowe Traded To The Rangers

So Clowe to the Rangers is all but official right now.  I don’t want to get Bruins’d here but I’m throwing this up now cause it’s quitting time and I am not sitting at my desk one second longer waiting for the confirmation to come in.  If this falls through the egg’s on my face but fuck it, no one’s ever called Barstool the pinnacle of journalistic integrity so one preemptive blog won’t damage our admittedly shady reputation.

But now to the trade.  It’s pure fucking comedy that we’re looking for an offensive boost by adding a guy who has literally not scored all season.  You can’t make that kind of shit up.  I’m impressed Sather didn’t give up any real bodies in this one, but at the same time if it were me I’d be down on my knees begging (or offering oral, which ever was more effective) San Jose to take Brian Boyle or Taylor Pyatt off my hands.  Lowest “Goals For” total in the NHL and we splash the trade deadline by bringing in this year’s Scott Gomez.  Rangers hockey, baby, CATCH THE FEVER!

UPDATE: Confirmed via everywhere.  Now that I’ve gotten the snark out of my system it’s important to mention the giant upside this deal has for the Rangers.  The currently deep prospect pool means picks are expendable, so no sleep lost over what we’re giving back.  And if there’s one thing this team’s lacked all year it’s been a physically intimidating forecheck.  The 6′ 2″ 225 pounder is bound to bring some bite to our o-zone game and help make opposing team’s breakouts less of a cakewalk.  Here’s hoping a change of scenery reverses the guy’s offensive struggle.  Ryane Clowe, New York Ranger.

By Osgood posted April 2nd, 2013 at 6:21 PM

Melo Drops 50 On The Heat B Squad, 9 In A Row

Carmelo went to another stratosphere dropping 50. The Knicks shoot 52% from 3, 52% overall from the field, and roll to their 9th straight win. Would have loved to see a better defensive effort at times against the Heat B Squad, but they handled their business.

The big news is none of my teams have lost for over 48 hours right now. 2 straight for the Isles, an opening day win for the Mets, another 2 Ws for the Knicks extending their streak to nine. Greatest 2 days I’ve had in a long, long time.

I wish I wasn’t kidding.

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 11:08 PM

How Many Diet Cokes Can You Buy With $5 Million Per Year?

“I’m still gonna be here tomorrow, the next day, the next day, and get paid a fortune to sit here and do this. So, just remember that.” ~ Mike Francesa

Absolutely unbelievable. It makes me so happy and so furious all at the same time. Just like Francesa himself. Everyday I watch his show for 6 fucking hours on a roller coaster of emotions. Half the time I’m absolutely enraged with his Yankees bullshit. Hanging up on callers. Dismissing valid points. Butchering names. Listening to him stutter and stammer and ramble about horse racing or his surgically repaired knee or his snowblower. Literally falling asleep on the air. 

But then I realize that I am still listening to this fat idiot babble about all that shit and mail it in and I respect the fuck out of him for it. The fact that me and millions of other people just keep tuning in makes me think he deserves that type of money. Its all about results. And he gets them. People always ask me “Why do you listen to that fat slob?” and the answer is because he’s the most entertaining fat slob out there. I don’t tune into Mike for his genius insight. I tune into Mike to watch Mike. Watching him do radio is more entertaining than the most brilliant, articulate sports genius on any other station. Mike is the show. The prank calls, the tangent stories. The arrogant attitude. Its like the WWF of sports radio. 100 times more entertaining than anything ESPN puts on the air.

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 10:54 AM

Introducing Hawaiian Shirt Bro From Fordham

Kevin,

Once in a blue moon a man so mysteriously awesome graces this planet that his existence deserves to be brought to the attention of the degenerate barstool bloggers. Hawaiian Shirt Bro is one of those men. This guy, no matter what the weather, wears cargo shorts and a hawaiian shirt. I’ve only personally been able to get one picture of this man among boys myself, but I’ve compiled a few photos from others who have witnessed him themselves. There is only one time he has been seen not wearing a hawaiian shirt and it was during winter storm Nemo. He was wearing a robe instead. When asked why he only wears such a specific attire everyday his response was “I have thick skin and only get cold when it rains, but I’m fine in the snow”. Is this guy the most carefree guy on the face of the planet? Or is he fooling the world by masking his insanity behind 2 hawaiian shirts and a few pairs of cargo shorts? Interested to hear your take.

Viva,

Confused in the Bronx

These sorta things can always go 1 of 2 ways. First you got the potential that this kid is an absolute psychopath. There’s a chance he makes skinsuits out of other human beings. He may or may not end up chopping his roommate into pieces and cooking them on a George Foreman Grill. Eating fingers and toes along with his Raman Noodles on the top bunk.

The other possibility is that this dude is just ahead of his time as far as the Dad Wardrobe goes. This is Dad Wardrobe to a fucking T. Literally every day my father gets home from work, he puts this outfit on. My dad will often wear “swimming trunks,” as dads call them, instead of the cargo shorts. But the short sleeved button up Hawaiian shirt is a LOCK for my dad after work and on weekends during the summer. Its comfortable, in their minds its stylish. They’re happy as a clam in this get up.

Now in this case, the deciding factor here is that Hawaiian Fordham bro wears this gear 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That picture of him in the snow in the Bronx is downright hilarious. ”I have thick skin and only get cold when it rains, but I’m fine in the snow” is one of the most absurd things I’ve ever heard. What are you, an elephant? Some sort of rhino? You got hippopotamus skin? You look like a perfectly nice dude, and I respect the shit out of the confidence in your style – but wearing shorts and Hawaiian shirts in the dead of winter telling people you have thick skin and your only weakness is the rain makes mean lean towards the first scenario, dude.

In either event – lets be friends. A) If you are a psychopath I don’t wanna be on your kill list and B) If you’re just in Dad Wardrobe Mode and just a nice guy I’d like to play some Magic: The Gathering with you.

UPDATE: On the treadmill!

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 1:30 PM

Hentai Porn Website With The Meanest, Cruelest April Fools Joke Of All Time

Happy PlaceWhat happens in your browser’s Incognito mode, stays in your browser’s Incognito mode, at least in theory. For the thousands (millions?) of hentai porn enthusiasts, though, that promise looked like it would come crashing down when Fakku punked its visitors into thinking it had automatically uploaded their autoerotic habits to Facebook. Had this been real, it would have resulted in many lost jobs and spouses, but on the other hand perhaps one might find out your friends share an interest. A gross interest that should be enjoyed alone. As terrifying as this is, there are plenty of people whoactually do this with porn sites by accident (and presumably on purpose sometimes, as well).

Social media is all over the internet and connects people from all over the world, its about time we brought it to FAKKU. Today I am proud to share with you a new feature which we have been working on for a very long time - FAKKU + Facebook Integration! And the best part? You don’t have to do anything! By reading this post we’ve automatically linked your Facebook and your FAKKU account together and begun sharing all of the content you’ve read, favorited, and looked at. Your profile will look similar to this:

Fuck you, FAKKU! This shit ain’t funny man! I don’t get down with the Hentai porn, but thats because I’m prejudice against Asians. I get down with plenty of other weird shit on the internet thats equally as creepy as these Japanese porno cartoons. And if that shit ever got exposed to the world I’d probably just have to off myself on the spot. Like hey FAKKU I hope you’re satisfied with your April Fools Jokes now pay for all my funeral costs because I jumped out the window as soon as I saw “KFC read ‘I’ll cum inside my little sister, and her friends too!’” plastered all over the internet. I mean if my Youjizz search bar and my internet history could talk, they’d say “Someone lock this dude up he’s probably a sex offender.” But they can’t talk. And they stay hidden. And if anyone ever tricked me into thinking they were all over facebook I’d probably never recover.

 

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 2:50 PM

I’m Driving This Islanders Bandwagon All The Way To The Promise Land!

ALL ABOARD! This bandwagon can’t be stopped. You wanna know why? Because I’m as lucky as a motherfuckin leprechaun with 4 leaf clovers and rabbits feet. The KFC Non-Mush, Reverse Jinx, Hockey Luck is in full swing. McDonald sniping left and right. Tavares second in the league in goals. Matty Martin knocking dudes out and pulling smokes like Sydney Esiason. Moulson Ice lit the lamp tonight. I’m still not sure who the goalie is yet, but the point is, this bandwagon is fucking ROLLING.

Hey Rags fans – how’s 9th place look! You fucking losers! New Jersey – you’re next! KFC and the Islanders are coming for your asses.

By KFC posted April 2nd, 2013 at 9:40 PM
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