For me, commenting on Barstool is like banging a fat chick. At first you’re all like, “why would anyone do that?”, then it’s “alright, this will be my little secret”, and then before you know it, you’re getting road head on the way to Longhorn Steakhouse.
I promise it was real! Check the video tape! Just ignore parts where we weren’t filming, I totally promise I was still swimming though. And the parts where I sped up to the exact speed of a small boat was just because of the special once a month current. If you don’t believe me you can ask my two best friends, they’ll tell you the truth.
I’ve spent basically my entire life rooting against people since I have nothing to root for myself. But I have rooted against someone as hard as Im rooting against this old bitch swimming to Cuba.
I’ll give you a hint – she got stung by a jellyfish and gave up immediately. Again.
You know why people migrated from Africa to China? Well neither do fucking I but I bet it had something to do with the fact that its like 900 degrees in Africa and there are lions and shit trying to eat you
Every single year when Diana Nyad gets yanked from the ocean, I’m gonna toast myself with a glass of champagne. Like Mercury Morris and the ’72 Dolphins.
Will this bitch just hurry up and drown?
This idiot’s crusade to swim to Florida is very similar to me trying to get laid