(CBS) – Hours after experiencing an unsettling on-air inability to speak while covering the Grammys last night, Serene Branson is said to be feeling fine.”Serene Branson was examined by paramedics on scene immediately after her broadcast,” Branson’s station, KCBS, said in a statement. “Her vital signs were normal. She was not hospitalized. As a precautionary measure, a colleague gave her a ride home and she says that she is feeling fine this morning.” The reassuring news comes as a surprise to some, given the worrisome nature of Branson’s inability to articulate real words. She started her report by saying, “A very heavy blurtation tonight” before her speech devolved into complete gibberish.
So Monday morning I posted that hilarious video of the Grammys reporter blowing it on camera and speaking gibberish and of course immediately condemns me to hell and starts crying that she couldn’t speak because she suffered a stroke and they tell me to “stay classy.” First off, stay classy is hands down the most played out phrase on the planet earth. Its worse than people who say “just sayin…” and “no homo.” Secondly, I can’t believe you suckers fell for this story. This is just as bad as the Dystonia Chick who said she could only walk backwards because she suffered from some fake undetectable disease. I got hate mail and hate tweets and I’m pretty sure there was an angry mob with pitchforks and torches outside my apartment calling for my head when I made fun of that chick and like 2 weeks later it turned out she was faking the whole thing and I was right.
Well now we find out that this Grammy chick never even went to the hospital or anything. A couple of paramedics probably just shined a flashlight in her eyes and fucked around with a stethoscope and let her go on her way because there’s no medical diagnosis for “fucking up your job on camera and blaming it on something that didn’t happen.”
Reminds me of the time I was in 5th grade playing hoops and I dribbled the ball off my foot out of bounds with like 30 seconds to go and lost the game for my team. In the process of scrambling for the loose ball I pretended I rolled an ankle real bad. What do you expect? I had just lost the fucking game I needed the sympathy vote from the crowd. I had a fuckin rep to protect – no chicks are giving hand jobs to the spaz who dribbles off his foot. But maybe they’ll hook me up if I’m the wounded soldier who went down fighting. So I limped my way off the court like a fucking sniper got me and all the talk was about how many games I would miss and if I was going to survive rather than the fact that I just fucked the pooch the play before. Classic tactic, Serene Branson. But you can’t string a stringer.
PS – She said “blurtation” for God’s sake. Chick was worried about blurting out something stupid and she choked.