The Black Unicorn Is At It Again, This Time “Tapping Into His Inner Superhero” & Saving Lives In Exchange For Sandwiches
Yahoo – New York Giants tight end Martellus Bennett was credited with three catches for 44 yards in his team’s 38-10 rout of the Green Bay Packers on Sunday Night Football. However, it was a fourth catch Bennett made after the game, for a grand total of 15 feet, that made him a real hero. After the game, Bennett was commiserating with fans near the field entrance to the Giants’ locker room when a middle-aged man fell from a railing several feet above the field where the fans generally interact with the players after games. Bennett leapt to the rescue and saved the man from an embarrassing (and possibly painful) plummet. ”I was doing what I usually do, moseying to the locker room and meandering around,” Bennett said. “Naturally, I just wanted to step back, but I did the righteous thing and I stepped up. I caught him, I saved his life, I tapped into my inner superhero, which I do have. I’m usually a ninja, but my Spidey-senses told me he was going to take a fall, so I saved his life,” Bennett modestly recalled. “He owes me his first-born or something. Actually I don’t want that. Maybe a sandwich or something.” ”I just did what any superhero would do: Saved his life,” Bennett said of the postgame rescue. “I’m like Scott Summers. You know who Scott Summers is? Cyclops of X-Men.” Bennett tripped over a cameraman when he saved the fan, but there were no injuries. ”I felt like Prince, because everybody was like, ‘You OK? You OK?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ They were helping me up.”
What the fuck am I supposed to write? When the self-proclaimed Black Unicorn non-chalantly tells the story of how he saved a Giants fan from certain death & describes his superhero technique as a one-eyed ninja with Spidey-senses in a blouse & platforms who works for sandwiches, there’s nothing left to be said. I just want cancer or something so I can get the Make-A-Wish Foundation to hook me up with a “My Wish” segment on SportsCenter with him. Dude is MY hero fo’ sho’.