NY Post – An Upper West Side grocery store yesterday launched the city’s first “man aisle” — a portion of the store dedicated to facilitate a dude’s otherwise-arduous trip to the grocery store by putting everything in one convenient location — from condoms to steak sauce. “It’s your essentials,” explained Ian Joskowitz, 43, chief operating officer of Westside Market NYC. “It’s your water, alcohol, soaps, shampoos, deodorants, razors. “If you’re going to have some guys over to watch a game, you can pretty much stand here — not move two feet — and get your beer, barbecue sauce, chips, whatever. It’s all right here!”

What a fucking brilliant idea. Not even remotely kidding I would go out of my way to go to this grocery store over some place that makes me walk up and down every aisle like I’m in a fucking Ikea or something. Put all my food, all my toiletries and all that other shit in one set of shelves and let me get in and out. There’s nothing worse than wandering through a grocery store like a dickhead. Especially because I undoubtedly forget to grab a shopping cart or a little basket thing since I only go to the store like semi-annually. So I’m like three items into my mental list and I’m already out of hands to carry shit. Trying to hold a gallon of milk with a pinky while trying not to smush the bread or crush the chips as I carry them under my arm. Just walking around like a lost child grabbing everything in sight trying to balance it somewhere on my person.

Fuck that. Let me walk in and get beer, chips, cookies, deodorant, razors, and condoms all in one spot. Psyche! Fuck the condoms put that shit in the aisle for virgins or sailors.

But seriously all that other stuff – brilliant idea. Just make sure there is baby powder there. I never have any fuckin idea where to locate that stuff.