Old Man Dies At His Desk At Work, Nobody Notices For 2 Days

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BBC – A tax office official in Finland who died at his desk was not found by his colleagues for two days. The man in his 60s died last Tuesday while checking tax returns, but no-one realised he was dead until Thursday. The head of personnel at the office in the Finnish capital, Helsinki, said the man’s closest colleagues had been out at meetings when he died. He said everyone at the tax office was feeling dreadful – and procedures would have to be reviewed. An anonymous government official told BBC News Online the man had been working in his own office with the door closed. ”People thought he wanted to work in peace and no-one disturbed him,” the official said. He was found only when a friend called to have lunch with him. According to the Finnish tabloid newspaper Ilta-Sanomat on Monday, co-workers had assumed the dead man – a tax auditor – was silently poring over returns. ”The reason for this was caused by many coincidences,” Anita Wickstroem, director at the Helsinki tax office, told AFP news agency. ”He was very much working alone and often visiting companies, while his friends and colleagues who used to have lunch or coffee with him were busy in meetings or outside the office at the time,” she added. There were about 100 other staff in the auditing department on the same floor the dead tax official worked on. 

Here’s what I want every cube monkey to do right now: print this story out, and pin it up on your cubicle wall. Right behind your computer monitor. So that you always have a reminder of what not to become. This is it for Cube Monkey. This is the nightmare scenario. This is what happens when you let The Man win. You die at your desk and you are so insignificant, and have so few people in your life that your corpse sits there for 2  straight days. Theres not a single person in your personal life that notices you’re gone. Your job is so pointless and meaningless that nobody even notices it hasnt been done for days on end. You have so little contact with anyone from the outside world you die and nobody even knows it.

This is what you get for like 3 decades of loyal service in your cage. You come in early, stay late. Never take vacation, never mail it in. And then you know what happens? You actually become part of the cube. Your body fuses with the walls and you actually turn into part of the cubicle. Like the Borg in Star Trek. You’re actual wallpaper, and nobody even notices you, dead or alive, because you blend in with the walls of work.  Thats as depressing a thought as I can possibly conjure.

So remember the tale of the Finnish tax man who died on a Tuesday and nobody knew till a Thursday. Dont become that guy. Blow off work once in a while. Snake it as much as you can. Set the bar as low as possible. Because if you work as hard as you can this is your reward.

By KFC posted March 4th, 2015 at 10:20 AM

Daniel Murphy Says He 100% Disagrees With Gay Lifestyle

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NJ – Sandy Alderson sat in the Mets dugout at Tradition Field, his voice underlined by a mix of anger and regret. He is usually even-keeled — at times stoic — in his public message. But this memory gave him fire. He remembered Glenn Burke, the first major league baseball to disclose that he was gay. He bemoaned how his life ended. Burke had lived on the streets of San Francisco while Alderson ran the Oakland A’s. The organization tried to offer him help, at the urging of a co-worker, but it was not enough. He died,according to media reports, of AIDS the next year. ”That can’t happen,” Alderson said. “Never should have happened. It can’t happen again.” The dissatisfaction lingers as Alderson tries to prevent the scenario from playing out again. He offered it on the day the Mets welcomed Billy Bean, Major League Baseball’s inclusion ambassador and the second major league player to announce he was gay after the end of a six-year career, into their spring training camp. The idea germinated in November after Bean addressed all 30 general managers. Alderson, he said, was the first one to approach him. The Mets general manager discussed the idea of having Bean play in spring training games but the former player was reticent. Murphy, a devout Christian, said he would embrace Bean despite a divergence in their beliefs. “I disagree with his lifestyle,” Murphy said. “I do disagree with the fact that Billy is a homosexual. That doesn’t mean I can’t still invest in him and get to know him. I don’t think the fact that someone is a homosexual should completely shut the door on investing in them in a relational aspect. Getting to know him. That, I would say, you can still accept them but I do disagree with the lifestyle, 100 percent.”

Alright first thing’s first lets just clear up that we’re not talking about Billy Beane the A’s GM. That dude isnt gay. I’m pretty sure a lot of people think thats who he’s talking about.

Secondly, Christ almighty Daniel. Just shut your mouth! Why people feel the need to speak their minds about this stuff is beyond me. Why the fuck would you say these things?? I’m not even going to get into the morality of it. He sounds like an old fashioned close minded Bible thumping idiot. He sounds ignorant as fuck calling it a lifestyle. But lets put all that aside though, because I’m sure there are a TON of athletes that agree with what he said. My problem here is what good can come from it? Its 2015 Daniel. It case you havent noticed, the Gays won this battle. They aint going anywhere. Its not like a Daniel Murphy quote voicing his displeasure with the gay community is going to stop homosexuality and make Jesus and all the Christians out there happy. All this does is create an enormous headache and distraction for you and your team. Spring Training reporters from New York newspapers are starving for story lines and he just gave them one to talk about from now till Opening Day. Just such an unnecessary, completely avoidable situation.

And spare me the nonsense about “You gotta respect him for being honest.” Um, no you don’t. You lie in these situations 100% of the time. Always, always, always lie. Lying is what adults to because they understand their personal beliefs need to be set aside for professional reasons. Children say whatever they want whenever they want because thats what they believe and thats all that matters. You lie to your boss you lie to your wife you lie to your coworkers. You lie to anybody and everybody who will be problematic if you tell the truth. Thats life, idiots. Nobody cares about Daniel Murphy’s personal beliefs except people trying to sell newspapers and internet trolls who love fake outrage. Give those guys zero material, stay under the radar, and go bat .350. Emphasis on that batting .350 part because as soon as you do that nobody will care what you think about the gays.

By KFC posted March 4th, 2015 at 9:30 AM

Barstool NYC Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Shannon

introducing shannon from university of tampa by way of ny

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By t bone posted March 3rd, 2015 at 5:30 PM

Dillon Gee / Jurickson Profar Rumors Make No Sense But They’re Out There

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Metsblog – The Rangers are reportedly interested in trading for Dillon Gee, who could get moved before the end of Spring Training, people in baseball told reporter Chris Cotillo (MLB Daily Dish, March 2). According to Cotillo, one possible scenario involves the Mets trading Gee and other players to the Rangers for SS Jurickson Profar, who recently underwent surgery on his right shoulder. Profar is expected to miss all of 2015. He missed all of 2014 after initially injuring his shoulder. The Mets and Rangers reportedly discussed Profar, along with Gee, Noah Syndergaard and Jon Niese during the Winter Meetings, as Texas had been looking to acquire a young, controllable starting pitcher. It was later reported that the Mets had just limited interest Profar, and even less interest in SS Elvis Andrus, as the Rangers were simultaneously asking for Zack Wheeler or Jacob deGrom (MetsBlog, Dec. 2014). At the moment, Gee is ticketed for the bullpen, though he’s still preparing to be a starting pitcher (MetsBlog, Feb. 24).

I havent seen anything that substantiate the idea for a Gee for Profar swap. I think the Rangers and Mets have been linked and as such every combo of players and prospects has been floated. Last night the internet was buzzing with this idea of Gee and some prospects for Profar. This has gotta be the most non sensical trade rumor I’ve heard in some time, but if there’s any legitimacy to them, I will pack Dillon Gee’s bags for him, pick him up in the Fiat, and drive him to Texas with the Pitch Perfect soundtrack playing the whole time. I will hand deliver him to the Rangers for Jurickson Profar and anyone who wouldnt is crazy. I couldnt believe the amount of Mets fans who were against this idea. Yes, I know Profar missed 2014 and is slated to miss 2015. Yes, I know his shoulder is a huge liability. I still wouldnt hesitate for even one millisecond. Dillion Gee is the definition of replaceable. Quite literally. A Metsblog commenter posted the FanGraphs breakdown out of all pitchers who have thrown 500+ innings in the time Gee has been a starter, he ranks 86th out of 90 in terms of WAR. Hes completely expendable. And especially with this team. Dillion Gee is like our 8th starter. He doesnt fit anywhere in the rotation. He’s a back end guy thats gonna end up in the pen anyway.

Jurickson Profar on the other hand as the #1 prospect in all of baseball just 2 years ago. If he could ever stay healthy, he could potentially be the answer the Mets are looking for at SS. If Profar needed to have his arm amputated I’d probably still swap Gee for him. And I’m not even trying to pile on Gee here, he’s a fine 4th or 5th starter. But we’re talking about the consensus best shortstop prospect from just 2013. Only 22 years old. Chances of him staying healthy and every reaching that 2013 projected potential are slim to none, but its still a risk you take as a Mets fan. We know the Wilpons arent opening their wallets for a stud shortstop. We know they arent parting with any of the major pitching prospects for established talent in the infield. So this is how the Mets have to operate. Taking a high risk/high reward on a guy who was highly touted but bit by the injury bug and hoping he heals and performs. And again, its not even high risk because its Dillon fucking Gee in exchange. Its a low risk high reward move. AKA a no brainer.

By KFC posted March 3rd, 2015 at 4:40 PM

MailTime MailBox Tonight…Submit Your Stories Now

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CLICK HERE TO SUBMIT YOUR SORY/QUESTIONS/COMMENTS

First Mailtime of the month so you know what that means…we dive back into the Mailbox for some weird ass Stoolie stories. We’re recording in a couple hours so get your submissions in now. Open season on whatever you want. Just submit your questions, story, joke, whatever with a name and we’ll read out the best ones tonight.

By KFC posted March 3rd, 2015 at 4:00 PM

Bartolo Colon’s Goal Is To Get 3 Hits This Season

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The Score- New York Mets right-hander Bartolo Colon has never been heralded for his offensive prowess, but remains a pleasure to watch at the plate for his unorthodox hacks. A veteran of 17 seasons, Colon managed a career-high 62 at-bats last season, and despite recording just two hits, the 41-year-old is past the point in his career where he’s going to try and work on his swing. “Bartolo’s got some work to do,” Mets hitting coach Kevin Long sarcastically told Mike Vorkunov of NJ.com. “He’s not too vested in putting that much time into getting his swing where it needs to be. He said he had two hits last year. I said how about four hits this year? He said how about three. That’s where we’re at with Bartolo.”

 

The most important thing about goals is to set realistic ones.  You don’t just say that you are going to get into the best shape of your life or that you are going to give your girl an orgasm every time out.  You have to start small.  Maybe try to avoid getting winded when you walk up 2 flights of stairs.  Or try to make it past foreplay before you have to take a timeout because things are moving too fast in the bedroom.

I wish I could bet the Over on Bartolo’s 3 hits.  Sure it would be the opposite of “money well spent”.  But every 5 days you would either be 1 step closer to winning a bet or get to enjoy 2-4 hilarious Bartolo at-bats.  Bartolo at the plate is the most exciting thing about baseball season approaching (other than the warm weather and the Mets setting the modern day record for lowest-ERA by a pitching staff).

And of course, no Bartolo blog would be complete without the highlight of the 2014 baseball season (especially the bullpen’s reaction).

 

 

By theclemreport posted March 3rd, 2015 at 3:20 PM

Jimmy Fallon Did A “History Of Duets” Montage With Kelly Clarkson (Or At Least An Enormous Chick Posing As Kelly Clarkson)

 

Jimmy Fallon was back at it last night, creating another viral sensation, this time with Kelly Clarkson.  Or at least a swollen, bloated version Kelly Clarkson.  I mean Clarkson went from the cute girl from American Idol to Buzz’s girlfriend in 10 years.  WOOF.

 

 

As for the video, Fallon did it again.  Going from a utility player on SNL that always laughed during skits to the host of the Tonight Show is just a crazy, meteoric rise up the ranks.  However, this old interview with ESPN makes him a complete fraud to any true sports fan and I will always kind of hate him because of it.

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P.S.  That Fallon video brought me right back to watching TV at 3 AM and seeing those Power of Love Time Life CD commercials.  I saw this one a few months ago and would have bought it if I couldn’t just as easily download all the songs I wanted in like 5 minutes.  That being said, the couple in this commercial definitely banged before, during, and after the shoot, right?  Their middle-age fuck buddy chemistry is off the charts.

By theclemreport posted March 3rd, 2015 at 2:30 PM

Mailtime/KFC Radio Is Up For 3 Awards At The 2015 Podcast Awards

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Well would you look at that? The nominations are in and Mailtime is up for 3 trophies at the 2015 Podcast Awards. Best Comedy, People’s Choice, and Best Video because there was clearly some sort of mixup with KFC Radio and Mailtime. Looks like the Podcast Awards are a little bit bootleg but I wanna take home the hardware anyway. Going up against guys like Adam Carolla and Marc Maron and Norm MacDonald and going toe to toe with a show as big as Serial is a pretty big deal in my book. Pretty awesome to even be in the same category as names like that considering this is just something that started as a side gig for fun and a little bit of cash in the beginning.

So, now its up to voting. I believe, at least. Reading over the rules it seems like there’s some sort of board or committee that oversees the winners but between now and March 24th you can vote for us to win. Head over to PodcastAwards.com, select “Barstool Sports Mailtime” under Comedy, People’s Choice, and Best Video, and scroll to the bottom and leave your name/email and press submit. You can vote once every 24 hours. Obviously voting for Mailtime under Best Video is actually voting for KFC Radio, so if you’re a fan of either show, get to voting. I hope all our diehard listeners will be maniacs and will throw us a vote once a day from now till the 24th but I hope that all you guys would give us a vote at least once. Would love to kinda make a mockery of this whole thing and have the Stoolies take it over. ESPECIALLY in the People’s Choice category. If I find out that loser Matthew Berry from ESPNs Fantasy Football Focus and his dork listeners out voted us I’m gonna be very upset with all of Stoolie Nation.

So like I said if you’re a fan of either show or just want to see Barstool continue to succeed, vote for us in all three categories once a day, every day from now until March 24th.

By KFC posted March 3rd, 2015 at 12:00 PM
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