First Look At Sharknado 2 – The Citi Field Mets Game Scene

You know whats the best part about this clip? At the very end when we see that the upper deck at Citi is empty. Here’s a movie thats about fucking tornados picking up sharks and raining them down upon dry land like some sort of biblical shark plague, yet they still took the time be realistic with the attendance at a Mets game. Like there was some producer who caught the original cut with the stadium full and was like “Hold up! Who the hell put fans inside Citi Field? That would never happen.”

Its a shame filming of this was already completed a while ago because looking back now, including Big Sexy Bartolo would have been a grand slam, home run by the director. Imagine like 5 or 6 sharks feeding off of all the meat ‘Tolo has to offer? Would have been perfect.

Sharknado 2: The Second One airs TONIGHT on SyFy. 9pm. Hold on to your butts, folks.

By KFC posted July 30th, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Little Girl Freaks Out When She Learns That Her Baby Brother Is Going To Grow Up

Ever watch a 5 year old girl realize the harsh reality and inevitability of death? Well, now you have. Guess what babe? You don’t have to worry about dying at the age of 100. Because the average lifespan of an American in the year 2014 is only 80 years old. So you should probably start worrying about being dead 20 years earlier than you’re currently expecting. And as for your little brother? Well he’s gonna grow up too. There’s no escaping Father Time. Those smiles of joy as an infant will eventually turn into looks of stone cold depression when he grows up and has a job and a wife and kids and responsibility. He’s little and cute now but he’ll probably be overweight and balding and might even develop a nasty drinking habit to cope with the difficulty of reality.

But hey! Have a nice childhood! You don’t have to worry about all that stuff for a long time. But just remember – every single day – every single minute – you’re just inching closer towards death.

By KFC posted July 30th, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Barstool NYC Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Casey

 

Introducing Casey from Iona.  A little lady laxer to cap this Tuesday off.  Nothing better than an athletic chick with the looks to match.

 

Know any smokes? Email a name and Facebook link to beardobarstool@gmail.com to nominate

By beardo posted July 29th, 2014 at 5:34 PM

Korean Baseball Team Puts Robots In The Crowd For People Who Can’t Make It Out To The Game

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Daily News - The Hanhwa Eagles released an online video featuring their new fanbots – robots who can take the place of fans who are unable to come to the games. The video shows how the robots were engineered and add to the fan experience. Fans can follow games online and comment through a team website. The robots can then lead the cheers submitted through fans through electronic scoreboards. ”It’s a pretty neat idea,” Eagles pitcher and former Minnesota Twin Andrew Albers said in the video. “It gets the crowd into it and really helps them get involved.” The fanbots can also lead cheers at important moments of the game and even do the wave. ”Most importantly, the fan and fanbot made victory together,” the team says at the end of the video after an Eagles win. The team could probably use all the help they can get. They are currently in last place in its nine-team league with a 31-51 record in the Korea Baseball Organization.

Well its a step above the cardboard cut outs they were using in Japan. But there really is no middle ground in Asia is there? I feel like you’re either a complete sexual derelict watching tentacle porn or you’re like a fucking wizard engineer scientist making robot fans that people can control with your smartphone. Like I don’t know whats weirder – the fact that some nerds even invented this or the fact that there are fans at home who would care about controlling these dumb ass things at home. Isn’t there anybody fucking normal over there? Just one, regular ass person? I feel like there are 4 categories of Asian people: 1) Professional masturbator, 2) Scientist 3) Bootleg DVD seller 4) Kung Fu Martial Artist. All of which are totally socially awkward.

Anyway this is just another step towards the beginning of the end for humanity. Drones and androids and artificial intelligence and shit. Another step towards Skynet and global termination. Wait until these Asian robots become self aware and realize they’re watching the 31-51 Hanhwa Eagles. Won’t be pretty when they over throw the humans and the batteries start flying.

By KFC posted July 29th, 2014 at 5:00 PM

Dude Goes To San Diego Comic Con On Shrooms, Texts His Girlfriend The Entire Time

Shrooms are a hell of a drug.

At first I thought this was probably fake, because it just goes on and on with all sorts of gibberish left and right. But then you gotta remember the clientele we’re talking about here. The Comic Con crowd is weird as fuck. I could absolutely see some diehard nerd doing shrooms and sending his girl like 12 pages of texts about all sorts of wacky shit.

The real takeaway here is that this dude A) has a girlfriend at all, and B) she’s a keeper. If I was at some nerd convention texting my Roommate about poop t shirts and selling bagels in Gaza and Adam’s first boner in the Garden of Eden and cats coming out of assholes she would be so fucking pissed I would never hear the end of it. Like years could go by and any time we’d be in a fight she’d bring up the Comic Con Shrooms Incident. Every argument from now until the end of time that would be thrown in my face. But this dude’s girl just tells him “shrooms were a bad idea.” She could “never do them in public.” That, my friends, is one down ass chick. She’ll do shrooms in private and probably have all sorts of weird hallucinogenic sex with you but thats where she draws the line. You wanna do shrooms out in public at comic book conventions you are on your own, pal. Just text her and let her know how its going.

By KFC posted July 29th, 2014 at 4:10 PM

Does Everyone Know About The Local Beer Garden Hosting This Weekend’s Barstool New York Summer Party?

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Every time I mention the Barstool New York Summer Luau coming up this Sunday, everyone is shocked about the beer garden in the heart of Manhattan thats hosting it. Its in the back of Local West on 33rd and 8th. I’ve grabbed a drink and a bite at Local approximately 50,000 times before a game at the Garden or a train at Penn Station but I had no idea about the beer garden in the back. I knew about the roof deck, but the beer garden is like a hidden gem. Huge outdoor space. Tons of picnic tables and high top tables to eat and drink at. Two bars, outdoor TVs, waitress service, live music. Literally everything you need to have a great Sunday boozing outside.

Its the perfect spot for all the Stoolies looking to drink on a Sunday to keep the weekend going. There will be plenty of space to stash your bags if you’re hopping right off the train at Penn Station and looking to party. Perfect atmosphere to put off Monday morning for a few more hours. Here’s all the details:

What: Barstool New York Summer Bash Luau
Where: Local West Beer Garden, 33rd and 8th
When: Sunday, August 3rd, 3pm, *FREE DRINK TICKETS FOR EARLY ARRIVAL*
Drinks: $4 16 oz bottles, mixed drink specials
Prizes: 4 tickets to Made In America, Transportation and Hotel included.

By KFC posted July 29th, 2014 at 3:20 PM

George RR Martin Clarifies That He Loves Boobs, Not Weiner, After South Park’s Episode About Him

AV Club – Always more than happy to take away the things that you enjoy, George R.R. Martin has offered a rebuttal to the intimation made by South Park that he’s obsessed with wieners. Clevver News caught up with Martin at Comic-Con, where he was taking some much-needed downtime, and asked him what he thought of those late November episodes. And while Martin, a professed South Park fan, said he hadn’t actually watched them—though his wife and assistants have, and they remain on his TiVo waiting to wound his “sensitive soul”—he’s well aware that they portray him as an author of unlimited imagination when it comes to flaccid penises. Or, as the man who once described both the “thick and veined, with a bulbous purple head” penis of Tyrion and the “fat pink mast” of Samwell Tarly prudishly calls them, “weenies”:

I do have to say, I’ve been told that my character on South Park is obsessed about weenies. I have to deny this as a scurrilous rumor. I have nothing against weenies, weenies are fine, but I am not obsessed with weenies. I am definitely on the boobies side of the equation. They picked the wrong equation for me. Boobies, not weenies.

Does everybody hear that? The man loves boobies, OK? Not weeines. Team Boobies. Don’t worry about the fact that literally every week the TV show focuses on at least one dude – usually multiple guys – who have had their cocks chopped off. Don’t pay any attention to the fact that the phrase “stones and pillars” is mentioned twice an episode. Khaleesi hasn’t shown her tits in about 3 seasons. If George RR Martin says boobies are for him and he doesn’t like weenies then thats bottom line because George RR Martin says so.

Love him backpedaling a bit with the “not that theres anything wrong with that.” I have nothing against weenies, weenies are fine buttt uhhh yea I love tits.”

PS – Dana Ward is Giuliana Rancic 2.0. E! should just sign her now.

By KFC posted July 29th, 2014 at 2:30 PM

Chick Arrested For Leaving Her Children In The Car While She Blew Some Dude In The Parking Lot

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The Smoking GunA Louisiana woman left her two young children unattended in her SUV while she performed oral sex on her boyfriend in his vehicle around 12:30 AM Friday, police report.  Princess Marks, 25, reportedly admitted to Calcasieu Parish Sheriff’s Office deputies that she was unable to see her children–aged seven and five–while she was pleasuring her boyfriend in the parking lot of a Lake Charles store. Cops found the children inside the SUV, which was not running and had its windows down. Marks’s post-midnight assignation resulted in her arrest for child desertion. Seen in the adjacent mug shot, Marks was booked into jail and later released after posting $5000 bond on the felony count. Following her collar, Marks’s offspring were placed in the custody of family members. Her beau–whom investigators did not identify–was not arrested.

If I hear one more goddam story about people getting in trouble for leaving their kids in the car I’m gonna fucking snap. Its like the newest rage. People freaking the fuck out about leaving kids and dog in cars. Can we all fucking relax? Its not like you left them in some torture dungeon or something. Sometimes you gotta just run into the store real quick to buy some bread and milk and its easier to just leave the kids in the car for a minute. Sometimes you gotta go give your boyfriend some sloppy top a few cars down in the parking lot and you just tell them to stay put. Whats so terrible about that?

I mean what would you have preferred? Do you want her to bring the kids when she’s sucking this guy’s dick? Oh yea thats real good parenting. Just have little Suzie and little Johnny sit in the back seat while you blow your boyfriend up front. Much better solution. Bottom line is sometimes you gotta run some errands and sometimes you gotta suck a dick and you can’t be lugging the kids with you every single time.

By KFC posted July 29th, 2014 at 1:40 PM
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