Baseball Bat Tricks With Bercules The BatMan

Its just like And 1 but for baseball. Like Hot Sauce at the Rucker or The Professor on tour. Who cares if those guys can just roll off the pick and hit a jumper? Who cares if they can play any defense? They just threw the ball off some white boy’s face and got an entire gym to hoot and holler. Half the guys in the crowd just ran out of the gym because thats how they cheer.

Well thats Bercules here. I have no idea if he can get a runner home from third with less than 2 outs. Don’t care if he can pick a ball out of the dirt on a short hop at first. All I know is he can twirl the bat like a goddam ninja, do a rainbow with the baseball, and still smoke a line drive. Thats enough for me to say this is awesome. He’s like a Baseball Ninja Turtle or some shit.

By KFC posted July 23rd, 2014 at 12:00 PM

The New York Papers Reacted To The White Flags On The Brooklyn Bridge Just A Tad Differently

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Hey Daily News why don’t you take it down a notch, huh? I mean Christ Almighty, overreact much? If someone has a bomb it doesn’t matter if they sneak up to the top and swap out some flags or if they just walk to the middle of the bridge and blow that shit up. The person creating the bomb is the problematic part, not the flag prank. I mean you know its scary when The New York Post and Barstool New York had the same headline and we’re the ones that are being reasonable. Its never a good thing when there’s a publication finishing behind us and the Post for integrity.

By KFC posted July 23rd, 2014 at 11:10 AM

Dude Dives Out Of His Moving Car Because His Girlfriend Would Not Stop Annoying Him

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FIFE, Wash.A local man decided he would rather dive from a moving car than keep arguing with his girlfriend Saturday in Fife, according to charges filed in Pierce County Superior Court after the girlfriend reportedly tried to run from police. According to the charging documents, a Fife Police Department officer was driving in the 3000 block of Pacific Highway around 3:30 p.m. Saturday when he saw a man jump out of the passenger seat of a moving car and fall into the street. The car drove into a parking lot, where the driver — later identified as 33-year-old Alice Finley — quickly stopped and accelerated to close the open passenger door. The officer could hear Finley yelling at the man, who was walking away. According to the charging documents, the man dove back through the passenger window as Finley passed and tried to wrestle control of the car from her while his feet dangled out the window. Finley drove into a parking lot, where she finally stopped. The man got in front of her car to block it, but she kept lurching into him in an attempt to scare him or push him out of the way, according to the charging documents. The officer got out of his car and ordered Finley to turn off her engine, but she reportedly refused. He eventually had to physically drag her from the car to arrest her. According to the charging documents, Finley told the officer she didn’t stop because she and her boyfriend were arguing and she didn’t want to deal with it. The man said Finley was his girlfriend of nine months and he loved her. He told the officer he jumped from the car because he didn’t want to argue with her anymore. The man also said he tried to stop Finley because he knew she wouldn’t stop for the officer and he didn’t want her to get in any more trouble.

9 months! Bro if you’re diving out of moving cars at 9 months you need to run for the fucking hills. 9 month is still in that honeymoon phase. You’re supposed to still like each other at that stage in the game. You should still be going down on each other and celebrating Valentines Day and shit like that. I mean this isn’t the first time we’ve seen a dude jump out of a moving car to escape his annoying girlfriend. We’ve actually seen it three times now. There was also the Asian guy who jumped into a freezing river and the other Asian guy who jumped off the balcony at the mall. The running theme here is that men will jump out of cars, boats, trains and planes to avoid listening to their girlfriends annoy them. But all those other dudes were married for a long time. They were broken, battered men. At the 9 month mark if you’re so fed up that you’re diving out of the car then you need to recognize that chick and this relationship is a DISASTER. Like Rust Cohle says recognize the crazy pussy when you see it. End this shit now because if we’re doing barrel rolls out of the car at 9 months we’re DEFINITELY talking murder/suicide by 2 years.

PS – I’m only like half joking when I say I could see myself doing this. There are times when I truly get crazy, crazy thoughts when I’m getting nagged and I honestly could see myself overreacting and diving out of a car. Maybe not going like 40 mph or anything. But slowing down at a stop sign or something I could see myself just bailing.

By KFC posted July 23rd, 2014 at 10:20 AM

The Leftovers: BJ and AC Recap – Christmas In July

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Me, BC, and Sean Kilby AKA the guy who sounds exactly like Charlie Day discussed The Leftovers on todays episode of Mailtime/BarstoolDVR, but a lot of my fellow TV junkies were asking for a recap blog, so I decided to give the people what they want.

Its Christmas in Mapleton, and we’re talking about a TV show with heavy religious undertones already as it is. So the scenery, setting, and events that unfold in this episode surrounding the Birth of Christ are obviously going to be very deliberate and meaningful. Some of the symbolism and religious metaphors jump out at you right away, some of them take a little more digging. But the whole episode is rife with meaning.

Right off the bat we see the doll that sits as Baby Jesus in the Manger disappears, so we know the figure of Christ and his relation to this post-Departure world is going to be important in this episode. When you watch B.J. and A.C. (the entire internet has speculated and concluded this means “Baby Jesus and Anti Christ,” which we’ll get to soon) with Jesus on the brain the entire episode becomes different. I know this because I watched it initially without focusing on a Jesus theme and then after Sean presented it to me recording Barstool DVR last nite I watched a second time and it was basically like watching an entire new episode. The main two focuses of this week’s show are Kevin Garvey and his son Tom, who – when you look a little deeper through the lens of religion  - are in very similar situations.

Lets start with Tom Garvey – the religious angle is heavy with him and the people in his story line. He’s a disciple of a God like figure – Wayne – charged with the task of protecting a decidedly special girl – Chirstine – and her baby which Tom didn’t father. Sound familiar if you’re thinking in terms of the Bible? Wayne is like God, Christine is Mary, and Tom is Joseph. The baby Christine is carrying – if we’re subscribing to the “Baby Jesus and The Anti-Christ” theory with the title, is the “A.C.”

On the flip side of the situation, we learn from Laurie via Liv Tyler that Tom is not actually Kevin Garvey’s real biological son. Kevin Garvey also – like Joseph – raised a baby that wasn’t truly his. If you imagine Tom as his “Baby Jesus”  - his son that didn’t truly belong to him, but one he still loved very very much – you understand why the disappearing doll affected Chief Garvey as much as it did. That missing baby doll is his missing son. At the beginning of the episode he wants to just replace the Baby Jesus with another doll, until his daughter Jill profoundly states that “you can’t just get a new one. Its sacred.” The same way he can’t just find a replacement Tom, he decides he can’t just buy a replacement doll. He’s not giving up on Tom.

The question in my mind is, has Tom given up on Kevin? When in the elevator at the hospital, he drops an ambiguous “My father abandoned me,” leaving us to wonder whether he meant his biological father? His step father Kevin? We still don’t know why Tom is in Wayne’s camp and now protecting the supposed Anti Christ, but you get the feeling that deep inside his heart is in the right place. He almost broke this episode, he almost “went home,” but a terribly hollow “sign” reels him back in. Still waiting to find out what sent Tom off in the first place.

So essentially this breaks down as Kevin and Tom in very similar situations despite vastly different circumstances. Both playing the role of Joseph in very different ways. In my mind, the contrast between the two kind of played up the ambiguity of religion that I believe in. I mean Jesus Mary and Joseph are three of the most revered people in Christianity, right? And here we have 3 of the “villains,” for lack of a better term, so far in this series – Wayne, Tom and Christine and the baby she’s carrying – essentially playing those same roles. The stories from the Bible and all religion exist on such a fine line between miracles and just flat out crazy, right? If a bearded dude today said the stuff Jesus did, we’d laugh and call him crazy. Well thats crazy Wayne in this post Departure world. Its all about which story you buy into and which you believe. Kevin and Tom are two guys in the same situation who are just believing and interpreting 2 different stories they’ve been told.

Ultimately, I thought the incorporation of the dolls was what put a nice “Leftovers” touch on this episode. We start off with a montage showing the fake dolls being created. We see one of these dolls ends up being “Jesus.” And later in the episode we see an overturned truck, with hundreds of fake dead dolls – which the soldier explains families of the Departed actually pay for so that they have a “body” to bury. The dolls bookend this episode nicely for me, and brings everything full circle to that omnipresent hopelessness this show exhbits week in and week out. Tons of religious analogies and comparisons and metaphors but in the end we’re all just like puppets – like dolls. Me, you, maybe Jesus, whatever baby Christine is carrying. All just kind of hollow on the inside and waiting for the end to come. Be it a “Departure” or otherwise.

PS – Cool to see the GR put into action. The infiltrating of the houses and stealing the pictures is the first time we’ve seen them do more than rip cigs and scribble out letters like they were playing Hangman. They’ve got the church, they’re making moves. The GR is coming.

PPS – Unless Nerf guns are vastly different in the world of the Leftovers, Jill Garvey had no fucking SHOT at hitting that Baby Jesus floating in the middle of the lake. You know how inaccurate the Nerf Bow and Arrow was? No way you could use it to give a William Wallace send off. And yes of course I still want to have sex with her friend Aimee and I cannot WAIT until the inevitable scene when she fucks Chief Garvey.

By KFC posted July 23rd, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Recording “KFC Radio: Dog Days Of Summer” Tomorrow – Call The Hotline To Leave Us Voicemails Tonight

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Call in, speak loud and clear, and we’ll grace with your wisdom and knowledge on yet another edition of KFC Radio: Stoolie Voicemails. Call 646-80-STOOL (646-807-8665) and hit us up.

By KFC posted July 22nd, 2014 at 8:11 PM

Barstool NYC Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Stephanie

 

Introducing Stephanie from Harrison.  Absolute rocket on our hands folks.  I think Stephanie just broke the smokeshow game.

 

Know any smokes? Email a name and facbeook link to beardobarstool@gmail.com

By beardo posted July 22nd, 2014 at 5:33 PM

Guinness’ “Empty Chair” Commercial For The Soldier Returning Home Is Great Stuff

Great commercial. Once you realized what the bartender was doing I kept running through my head thinking who the beer was gonna be for. A son? A father? Somebody sick? I didn’t know what to expect. Of course its the soldier coming home. Only thing that could have been more heartfelt is if she filled up a bowl with some Guinness for the soldier’s dog. That would have turned the lump in my throat into full blown tears.

By KFC posted July 22nd, 2014 at 4:50 PM

Mike And The SoundBoard

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MikeAndTheSoundBoard.com courtesy of your boy @TheClemReport

Mike and the Sound boarrrrddddd…W, F-A-NNN!!!! The most comprehensive, up to date Mike Francesa soundboard you will find on the internet. Around the outside of the face you’ll find a lot of the classic Hall of Fame clips Mike has dropped over the years. “Andy Pettitte is a stahrting pitchah!” The Shake Shack potato bun. I like Inge a lot, Mick-looth. Al Albuquerque The Waituhseckints and the Get Lawsts etc etc. But there’s a few gems I had never heard that cracked me up. If you’re a fan of Francesa and appreciate just how absurd he is, these are gold:

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“I once met Secretariat”

 

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“We all thought about having sex with Mickey Mantle”

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“Which was the most stunning hawse I’ve ever seen to this day”

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::lawnmower noise::

By KFC posted July 22nd, 2014 at 4:10 PM
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