NY Post – The excitement that comes with moving to New York City is one of the single greatest feelings any one can have and it’s something that Taylor Swift captures in her giddy new song “Welcome to New York” which has just hit iTunes. Taken from her forthcoming album “1989” (which drops next Monday), the synth-pop track is an ode to the city, the possibilities it offers, and the New Yorkers walking the streets ho all used to be someone different before moving to Gotham. Taylor elaborated further on her inspiration in an introductory video posted on her website. Co-written by One Republic’s Ryan Tedder, the track continues the 24-year-old’s transition from being the down-home country girl into becoming a fully-fledged pop star. She’s certainly not in Nashville anymore and judging by the buoyant sound of “Welcome to New York,” Swift is reveling in her new surroundings.
This is going to be absolutely dreadful. One of the most insufferable parts of New York City are the chicks who come here thinking Sex and the City is real life. They move here from the sticks of Pennsylvania or some tiny college or some other backwoods town and they think its gonna be all martinis and high heels and kissing boys who fall in love with them. They think its a concrete jungle where dreams are made of. They spend every waking moment updating social media with things like “If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere!” and they are all convinced they are going to become an actor or a singer or the head of a fashion label like the Devil Wears Prada or some shit. And this song is only going to feed into all this bullshit. Every doe-eyed girl moving to this city is gonna be singing this song and quoting it on twitter like they are about to embark on the greatest adventure of their lives. Like Big Daddy Trent spending a week year during the honeymoon. “Welcome To New York! Its been waiting for you!” Uhhh no it hasnt, toots. There’s 80 billion people here. Nobody has been waiting for you. Except maybe the bums who poop on the street in between cars at night. They’ve been waiting for some fresh meat who dont know better than to give money to the homeless. Or perhaps the deviants on the subway. They could use some rookies who will let them grope some ass for 2 or 3 stops before getting off the train or saying something. The foreign gypsy cab thieves might be interested in your arrival as well. New target to take on $50 rides around the block. And landlords who know they can charged you like 2500 bucks for a shoe box are probably licking their chops.
I guess there actually are quite a bit of people waiting for those girls to show up. Maybe thats what Taylor Swift is singing about. All the crooks criminals and scumbags who want to exploit you and your innocence are waiting for you!
Trendsetter? Evolutionary Flava Flav? Or just an idiot that can sometimes play basketball well?* You decide.
*When healthy, which is basically never.
“The Clock Hat” is the 2014 version of The Puffy Shirt from Seinfeld. So whatever groupie gave that hat to Shump better also be giving him that good good as soon as he gets home. And Iman’s not alone:
Carmelo also decided to get into the action with a fake ass Pharrell hat. Nothing much to add here since Carmelo is a legit superstar, so he has earned the right to dress like a dickhead if he wants to. I would love to see him mix in some more clothes from the Clyde Frazier Collection once the season starts. Tons of leopard print and velvet. Anything to take the attention away from Jim Dolan’s fucking kazoo.
Michael Kay sucks.
h/t to @OrdioMongo and @RodFromBayside
Introducing Haley from Babylon. Strong start to the week with an incredibly beautiful blonde. I miss summer.
Know any smokes? Rep you school and email a Facebook link and name to email@example.com to nominate
How about Larry Tynes coming in hot last night? Just stirring pots and taking unprovoked shots literally for no reason. I kinda like the fact that he just took to twitter to shit on Peyton and back his quarterback but there’s absolutely no reason for this. Like I bet even Eli would take a page out of Peyton’s book and be like “Thats just some liquored up kicker running his mouth.” Just stirs up controversy for both guys for absolutely no reason. Its actually pretty hysterical when you think about it. Just a straight up fan, troll move.
And really I think we can all safely say there’s just no debate anymore between Eli and Peyton. Really there really probably never should have been a debate, but at one point when Eli had 2 rings and a lot less shitty seasons under his belt, you could make a case, albeit a weak one. But now there’s absolutely nobody in their right mind that can say they’d actually take Eli over Peyton anymore. Not in any circumstance. Not for a season, not for 1 big game. Not under any circumstances is anybody taking Eli over Peyton. You can tweet about it and talk shit on the internet and argue with your buddies in favor of Eli, but when the chips are down, if fantasy sports become real life for a moment and you were actually picking between the two, there’s just no way you’re taking Eli over Peyton. Period.
So I went about 95% dark the past couple weeks. Tried to stay completely off the grid and detach from my phone and the internet and the blog and all that jazz. I ended up checking in here and there and over the course of 2 weeks there was 3 stories that continually popped up each time.
1) Ebola – The world has ebola fever. Literally and figuratively. I thought there was a 500% chance I ended up getting stopped at JFK or some shit getting screened for Ebola. And of course there was a part of me that was like “Hmm well that means I’ll get quarantined for a few weeks and wont have to go back to normal life just yet.”
2) Iggy Azalea vs Snoop – If people weren’t yelling at Obama for creating Ebola, they were taking sides in Iggy vs Snoop. Biggest rap beef since Jay and Nas.
and last but not least was the dude who allegedly had been shitting wrong for 30 years coming in at #3. Smitty blogged it on Philly. I spent a couple nights of the honeymoon sitting at dinner, eating pasta and sipping wine thinking about some dude shitting on the toilet incorrectly that long. Of course the prevailing thought is that this is fake…but what if it wasn’t? Strange shit gets revealed with people’s pooping habits. The whole Barstool world was set on fire when people learned that guys out there wipe standing up. There’s definitely a possibility some idiot out there thought toilet seats were for girls only. What if…30 for 30 presents The Man Who Didn’t Know Shit.
Shout out to @MCarmelengo for the vid. Nice work Mike
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BOMB SQUAD. My Islanders sitting pretty atop the Metro in the early going of the NHL season. Sure, I was out of the country for their first 4 Ws. Yes, the day I got back to America they lost their first game of the year. But this all means nothing. The Bandwagon is full speed ahead at this point. Johnny Rocket already leaving his mark with this team. Halak is a real life, NHL goaltender. JT laying the foundation for his first MVP season. Diesel, Matty Martin, KO, Brock and the rest of the gang are full speed ahead for the Drive For 5.
They’re all you need $10,000. Just load up on my Isles and watch the money roll in. There’s $75,000 in total prizes, so don’t worry – even if you dont take my advice there’s always 2nd place and a lot more prize money to be won. Its by far our largest pot of money for an NHL challenge, so if you’re a hockey Stoolie, now is your chance to shine.
-$75K Light the Lamp Fantasy Hockey Contest
-$75,000 in total prizes, $10,000 to first place
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If you any needed any more proof that the art and fashion world is complete bullshit, look no further than this hoodie. Some dude Mark Gonzalez makes a hoodie about giving people golden showers and people willingly pay money for it. Incredible. I can’t even knock it. But it just pisses me off that there’s probably some trendy face pissing posers who wear this shirt just because its “artsy” and “fashionable.” Only way you should get to wear a shirt like this is because you pee on people’s faces. R Kelly can rock this. I suppose Cytherea can rock this depending on what you think might be coming out of her. But the rest of the people rocking this are just phonies.
Previously in the Super Aggressive T Shirts Of NYC:
Dick is too big, might kill someone on the 1 Train
I Pee On Bitches on the A Train
I FUCK LIKE A BEAST at Rockefeller Center
Cumming Soon In A Mouth Like Yours – Staten Island Ferry