IGN – UK student Peter Clatworthy has been gifted a new Xbox One console after news of his predicament reached UK tech retailer CeX, according to the Nottingham Post. Last week it was reported Clatworthy was the victim of an eBay scam which saw him pay £450 (approximately USD$735/AUD$800) for a picture of an Xbox One. Clatworthy claimed he noted the listing mentioned it was a ‘photo’ but, as it was in eBay’s videogame and consoles category, he did not anticipate being conned. “I’m just overwhelmed by the reaction to the story,” Clatworthy said. “All I wanted was a refund. I cannot believe this.” Clatworthy has already received a full refund with eBay’s assistance and the website has banned the seller from the service.
This sums up the world we live in perfectly. Dumb person gets scammed, via the internet, and is subsequently compensated by some Good Samaritan who wants to reward incompetence. Thats the human race in a nutshell these days. Dude buys an 800 dollar piece of paper, ends up getting all his money back and a free Xbox because of it. I swear to God it pays off to be a goddam idiot in todays world. Be dumb or homeless or get beat up and you’ll be rollin in the dough. Next time I get an email about some African relative inheritance I’m actually gonna send all my info. Get cleaned out for everything I’m worth, and just wait for the fundraisers and donations to come in. Its better to be lucky than good and its apparently the best to be dumb as fuck. You’ll come out way ahead in life.
NYDN – She might run like a deer, but she’s no match for one. A Virginia woman was on the final leg of a 7-mile-run near her home in Ashburn when an airborne deer reportedly knocked her unconscious Thursday about 6 p.m. Krystine Rivera, 27, was a sitting duck when an SUV struck the buck and — in a stroke of bad luck — sent him flying toward the young athlete beside Claiborne Parkway. She remembers running one moment coming to in an ambulance the next, the Washington Post reported. ”I was running, then I was on the ground and then was listening to the paramedic. I’m surprised I made it out alive,” Rivera said to the paper. The massive mammal cut the 5-foot-tall athlete’s run short at five miles, slashed her scalp, bruised her right knee and gave her a concussion. Rivera, an administrative analyst, started running roughly five years ago, participates in marathons and leads runs for a local fitness club.
Just another one of the many, many pitfalls of exercising. Ahhh I’m jogging along side the road, take a good picture honey! I’m DEAD! Fucking projectile deer crushing your face piece. That will erase 5 years of all the good benefits of running every day huh? Yea I’m sure you’re 5 foot nothin, 100 nothin, with 0% body fat but guess what? You almost died from Bambi falling out of the goddam sky. I may be SkinnyFat and I may develop adult onset diabeetus sooner rather than later but I can promise you this much – I absolutely never have to worry about getting demolished by a deer on the side of the road. And that, in my book, is way more valuable than being in shape.
Daily Mail – A man jumped to his death after a furious row with his girlfriend who insisted they go into another clothes shop. CCTV shows Tao Hsiao, 38, escorting his girlfriend around a shopping mall in Xuzhou, Jiangsu province, east China. After five hours Tao finally had enough and demanded to go home. Eyewitnesses say he could be heard saying they already had more bags than they could carry, but she insisted on going into one more shop where the was a special offer on shoes. An eyewitness said: ‘He told her she already had enough shoes, more shoes that she could wear in a lifetime and it was pointless buying any more. ’She started shouting at him accusing him of being a skinflint and of spoiling Christmas, it was a really heated argument.’ The shouting match ended when the man chucked the bags on the floor and jumped over the balcony, smashing into Christmas decorations on his way down before hitting the floor seven stories below causing shocked shoppers to flee in panic. Emergency services arrived at the scene but Tao was killed immediately from the impact of the fall. A shopping spokesman said: ‘His body was removed fairly quickly. ’He actually landed on one of the stalls below and then fell to the floor so although the store was damaged it meant he didn’t hit anybody. ’This is a tragic incident, but this time of year can be very stressful for many people.’
Poor bastard. Guy just couldn’t take it anymore. 5 hours deep and she wanted more shoes. At some point you just gotta weigh the pros and cons of your options. You could spend another 45 minutes standing in the women’s shoe section of a department store look like a complete fucking bitch. If you’re lucky, there’s a little leather chair somewhere for you to sit like some sort of goddam lapdog while she tries on 30 pairs of shoes that you’ll end up paying for. Employees and other men in the store looking down upon you with a look of pity like “this poor son of a bitch…”
Or, you could throw yourself off the seventh floor balcony of the shopping mall. Smashing through Christmas decorations, bashing your skull on the floor spreading brain matter all over the food court. Its really just a trade off for what you value in your life. Do you wanna live a pathetic existence getting dragged around and nagged by your unappreciative bitch girlfriend? Or would you rather just be dead? I suppose theres always that “break up with her” alternative, but sometimes thats just not enough. Especially in China. Sometimes you gotta prove your point. And sometimes that means shopping mall suicide.
PS – This is the difference between guys and chicks. Last week I brought you the Four Pillars of Relationship Life and told you the 4 parts of your bachelor life you need give up in order to make a woman happy. Well that shit should go both ways. Chicks should know the parts of their female lives they need to give up so they don’t drive their man to suicide. And number 1 on that list should be thinking you can still go shopping for like 200 hours a day. Do that shit with your girlfriends. Let your man stay home and masturbate 2 or 3 times. Everyone will be happier in the long run. No suicides to deal with.
NYDN - Sounding more like a Mafia boss than a hotel heiress, Paris Hilton told Lindsay Lohan on Saturday she better watch her back. Hilton delivered the online threat hours after her brother released a photo showing his bloodied face — injuries he says he got in an attack ordered by Lohan. “They both will pay for what they did. No one f—- with my family and gets away with it!!” Hilton wrote on Instagram. Barron Hilton, 24, was reportedly jumped at a Miami mansion Friday night after he was overheard badmouthing Lohan. Gossip site TMZ.com reported Barron Hilton filed a police report after the attack, claiming he was first approached by Lohan. “You talk s— about me to my boyfriend, this is what you get,” Lohan reportedly said, according to TMZ. A video the site obtained shows Barron Hilton confronting Lohan, who was seated in the passenger seat of a black SUV. Paris Hilton and Lohan have been at odds ever since one of the heiress’ friends called Lohan “firecrotch” in a vicious 2006 rant.
Goddam! We got ourselves quite the dramatic saga here, now don’t we. 2 Hollywood Starlet Dons going to war in a feud thats been brewing for years on end. LiLo ordering hits for people talking shit about her boyfriend. Paris Hilton promising retribution for the attack – “No one fucks with my family.” Nicky Hilton abandoning her brother for his poor life choices. Scorsese himself couldn’t script a better drama.
I think you gotta go with Team Paris Hilton here, no? Just because of the sheer amount of money she has. There’s no doubt in my mind LiLo will kill a bitch. Whether she’s putting the hit out or if she’s doing it with her bare hands, Lindsay Lohan is not gonna shy away from violence. But you gotta imagine the Billionaire Heiress has more resources and more access to creative ways to ruin lives. Like don’t be surprised when Paris Hilton orders some henchmen to shoot up Lindsay Lohan with some heroin so she fails a drug test and has to go back to prison. Then again, don’t be surprised when Lohan only goes to jail for like 30 seconds since thats what always happens.
I’m telling you folks, its gonna be a showdown for the ages. We finally get to crown the Drunken Unemployed Queen of Hollywood. Don’t be surprised when Bynes crashes the party knocking all these bitches out. She’s fresh out of rehab and looking to scrap.
OK, San Diego & the rest of the Giants haters. Have your fun. I could easily say the earrings on Sheli Womanning match the pair of Super Bowl rings in the jewelry box – but I won’t. Fact is, this game and season have rendered the G-Men a 2013 laughing stock. Deservedly so. Big Blue had a chance to refute that against a team who’s lost 4 of 5 with one of the league’s worst defenses & fans waving tranny Fatheads of their QB in their faces. Instead, they got steamrolled. Every Giant should have to wear blonde wigs, lipstick and studs for the 3000 mile flight home. Of course I appreciate the titles, but they don’t excuse such a terrible season. At least not right in the middle of it, and definitely not right after getting smashed by another non-playoff team. And Seattle’s next? Time to start studying up on the top-10 NCAA prospects.
Multiple touchdowns in one game! Big runs, big receptions. Blocked kicks. Defensive TDs! It was like watching a pro team! First time in a calendar month. Its a goddam Christmas miracle.
And yes I know it was against the Raiders and yes I know all this does is get us another mediocre draft pick, but right now, in this moment, for the time being, I’m just happy I got to watch a real football game this Sunday
The Chargers & Giants will forever be linked by Eli Manning’s 2004 draft snub of San Diego. A pair of Super Bowl trophies prove the G-Men won big on the deal. Could Philip Rivers have done the same with the Giants? Well, no, because they would’ve taken Big Ben ahead of him if they weren’t getting Manning. Still, this is Eli’s first visit to San Diego in 8 years & I fully expect Rivers to take on the burden of his scorned city. Without much else to play for, I wanna see Eli take this game personally too. Show a little fire. Be selfish. Stuff the “Daddy’s Little Girl” signs that will undoubtedly be all around the stadium straight up Chargers fans’ assholes with a 3-score performance while reminding Big Blue supporters he can still lead his offense. That’s my rooting angle today. Man up, Manning.
Worst job in the world right now is coaching the New York Knicks under James Dolan. Dude probably lays his head down every night praying he gets fired in the morning. Maybe a 40 point loss at home – third worst in franchise history – will make his dreams come true.