Al Sharpton Loves Hanging Out With Fat People And Making Fun Of Them Now That He’s Skinny

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NY Post – He lost more than half his body weight — and now the Rev. Al Sharpton is a fat shamer! The civil-rights leader and host of MSNBC’s “Politics Nation” regularly pokes fun at his fat followers and friends, The Smoking Gun reports after examining comments he’s made before his organization, the National Action Network. “Every fine girl is two big Whoppers away from being obese,” he said after meeting an old high-school crush who had ballooned to almost 300 pounds. At a May rally against Boko Haram outside the United Nations, Sharpton told his fellow protesters, “A lot of y’all ain’t doing nothing but going to lunch. And most of y’all don’t need no lunch. Y’all need to walk over to the UN and lose some weight anyhow.” Sharpton, who once tipped the scales at 305 pounds, lost 30 pounds during a prison hunger strike in 2001, but began his real body transformation in 2009, ditching his infamous track suit for a more tailored look. He now weighs 138 — a drop of 167 pounds from his heaviest. He owes the dramatic weight loss to a super strict diet that relies mostly on fruits and veggies. “I gave up meat, I started watching my diet, I work out,” Sharpton said on the “Today” show in October 2013. He eats fish twice a week and doesn’t eat anything after 6 p.m. “Since I lost weight, I talk about fat folk real bad,” Sharpton said at a meeting for a fashion show organized by his daughter, Ashley, in April. “I like keeping fat folk around me so I can just talk about them.”

You know I was about to tell Al Sharpton to get off his high horse. Ohhh you used to be 305 and now somehow you’re a walking corpse clocking in at 138. Look at me look at me I’m skinny Al Sharpton and I don’t like fat people anymore! I was about to explain how once you’re a fat guy, you’re a fat guy. Like Jonah Hill will always be a fat guy even when he goes through his skinny phases and weighs like a buck sixty. Jimmy Kimmel will always be the hefty Man Show slob in my mind no matter how skinny he is on the Late Show. I was about to say Al Sharpton should never forget his Fat Days and he should remember where he came from.

But then I read those quotes. And goddamit do I respect him. “I like keeping fat folk around me so I can just talk about them.” There’s some brutally honest selfishness right there that I feel like I am obliged to support. Its like an average girl hanging out with ugly friends just so she’s pretty. Thats a savvy move. Al Sharpton hanging out with Fats just so he can talk bad about them and hurt their feelings while making himself feel better for being skinny now is just such a shrewd power move I have no choice but to support him. Every hot chick is just two Whoppers away from being fat. Surrounding yourself with fat people does make you feel better about yourself. Say what you want about Al Sharpton’s fat shaming but don’t tell me he’s wrong.

By KFC posted August 27th, 2014 at 12:00 PM

Chelsea Handler Had A “We Are The World” Type Sing Along With The Weirdest Cast Of Characters Ever For Her Final Episode

Last night was Chelsea Handler’s last episode ever before she takes her drunk ass over to Netflix and she finished her final show with a sing along that was straight from outer space. It honestly felt like a dream when I was watching it. You know when you’re explaining a dream and its like “So I was in class except Gerard Depardieu was the professor and sitting next to me in class was Dante Bichette and Derrick Coleman.” Thats what this shit was like. Started off normal

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Gwen Stefani and Fergie. Ok. Makes sense. They’re singers. They’re singing a song. Sounds good. Then all the sudden I catch a little glimpse of Meredith from the Office:

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Starting to get a little weird, but hey, she was a drunk on the show and Chelsea Handler is a drunk in real life so maybe makes sense. But then we just go completely off the rails:

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Lloyd Banks, Gerard Butler and Alanis Morrisette in one shot.

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50 Cent, Kevin Garvey Jr., and Mrs. I Can’t Quit Bieber Selena Gomez

 

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Oh how about the hottest woman on earth Kate Beckinsale front and center?

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Sammy Hagar on the left and Leann Rimes on the right, I think. Could be interchangeable.

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And then we officially hit Pluto when I see Russell Westbrook’s goofy ass Ninja Turtle head next to Stoolie Josh Wolf, and the icing on the fucking cake:

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Tim Allen, Tony Yayo and the other stragglers from G Unit all in one camera shot. If you ever told me that Mr. Santa Clause Tim The Tool Man Taylor and Tony Yayo would be on the same stage singing together anywhere outside of a White KFC x Black KFC mashup dream sequence, I would have laughed in your fucking face. But I guess its true, anything is possibo.

Apparently Buzz fucking Aldrin was in there somewhere. The Hoff was floating around. Richard Marx from Right Here Waiting For You Fame. Bottom line is if you werent in this sing along you’re a fucking nobody.

By KFC posted August 27th, 2014 at 11:10 AM

9 Year Old Accidentally Shoot And Kills Her Instructor With An Uzi

Moments before the fatal shot

Listen I’m not one to get all political. I’m not some gun toting NRA member and I’m some bleeding heart liberal who thinks we should roundup all of the guns in the world and throw them into the sun like Superman did with nuclear warheads in A Quest For Peace.

But I will say that there is absolutely NO reason a nine year old girl should be at the gun range learning how to handle an automatic uzi. Under no circumstances is that reasonable. 2nd amendment doesn’t clear you to be a goddam retard and give a 3rd grader a handheld machine gun. Most people don’t let their 9 year old drink juice out of an adult cup because they’re always spilling and clumsy. We’re gonna give her a fucking UZI??? Obviously its a real tragedy but its easily one of the most avoidable tragedies I’ve ever seen.

By KFC posted August 27th, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Full House Reboot Starring Uncle Jesse In The Works

TV Guide - Could a Full House return be in the works? The family sitcom, which aired on ABC from 1987 to 1995, is still a ratings juggernaut via repeats on Nick at Nite. Now Warner Bros. TV is mulling a new take on Full House, with some of the original cast intact. Leading the charge is John Stamos (Uncle Jesse) — who has an ownership stake in the show, which gives him good reason to champion the new series. Original executive producer Bob Boyett and creator Jeff Franklin (who’s writing the new version) are actively involved. Candace Cameron Bure(D.J.), Jodie Sweetin (Stephanie) and Andrea Barber (Kimmy) are on board, while Bob Saget (Danny) and Dave Coulier (Joey) are also involved in some way.

What ever happened to predictability? The milk man, the paper boy, and Un-cle, Jess-ee. You miss your old familar friends, but waiting just around the bennnnndddd!

Is a Full House reboot. Listen I love Stamos. He’s one of those guys that just absolutely crushes life. Top 10 pimp in this world. I’ll follow him to the grave and give this a shot. Also good to see Jodie Sweetin is off the meth. Kirk Cameron is probably gonna kill himself if this reboot works for DJ. Kimmy, Danny, Joey – they’ll all be good additions.

But I’m not giving this my stamp of approval until I see one person:

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Gia. Gia Mahan. The Baddest Bitch. The Original Bitch Face. She invented Bitch Face. She may have been the first actual Bitch ever. I say this with zero exaggeration – if I could have sex with one girl ever, it would be Gia. I’d want to cut class, smoke some cigs, and have filthy filthy sex with her. No doubt she knew how to absolutely destroy dick. Aged well too:

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Id have sex with Marla Sokoloff, for sure. But I’d much rather prefer her in character as Gia. Give her a training bra, a belly shirt, and a flannel button down over it

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And lets have some 90s sex.

So in conclusions, Stamos, get Gia on this show and I will watch it.

By KFC posted August 27th, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Barstool NYC Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Hanna

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Introducing Hanna from Rutgers.  Big time smoke for the Scarlet Knights and a cheerleader to boot.  Good to see Rutgers back in the smokeshow game.

 

Know any smokes? Email a name and Facebook link to beardobarstool@gmail.com to nominate

 

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By beardo posted August 26th, 2014 at 5:35 PM

Dude Steals $32,000 From 12 Different Banks In NYC, Blows It All On Roulette In AC

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NY PostA serial bandit knocked over more than a dozen banks in New York City — only to blow his whole wad at the roulette table in Atlantic City, law-enforcement sources told The Post. Dorren Singh, 26, allegedly stole about $32,000 from 12 banks in Manhattan and one in Queens and The Bronx, the sources said. He caught a bus at Port Authority Bus Terminal and rode it down to Atlantic City “to meet girls and have fun,” one law-enforcement source said. “He met some girls and hung out. And he slept over in one of the hotels.” But Singh had far less luck at the roulette table at Bally’s casino. It nearly wiped him out. Singh used the rest of the money to buy cheap clothes and food, according to the sources. Meanwhile, detectives in New York developed information on the case and named Singh a suspect. When Singh returned to his home in East Harlem Thursday, investigators were waiting for him and placed him in handcuffs. Singh was charged with robbery for the 12 Manhattan bank heists, and is awaiting charges on the two other thefts.

I gotta tip my cap to Dorren Singh. This dude is doing what everyone who’s ever watched a bank heist movie has wanted to do. Knock over 12 banks. Swipe 32 grand. Head down to AC to “meet girls and have fun.” And blow all that cash gambling. Tell me where the hole in his plan was? He coulda used a little more luck at the Roulette table but that ain’t his fault. Anybody who can pull of 12 bank heists and make it down to AC to find bitches and party is a real life Danny Ocean in my book. I just wish he had a little more luck with red and black and went down in a blaze of glory with like 500,000 grand riding at the craps table as the police took him away. Something straight out of a movie except Hollywood would pick a better city than that cesspool known as Atlantic City.

By KFC posted August 26th, 2014 at 5:10 PM

Doctors Confirm The G Spot Doesnt Exist But The “CUV Area” Does

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Daily Mail - It is the legendary erogenous region that divides people the world over regarding its existence. But new research suggests that while the fabled G-spot may not exist, all is not lost. Italian doctors have now described in medical literature an ‘intimate area’ that creates increased sexual pleasure. It is more complex than one spot, however, and includes the clitoris, vagina and uterus – described as ‘highly dynamic and sensitive structures’ by the authors of the new report.  In their article published in this month’s Nature Reviews Urology, they say what brings a woman heightened sexual pleasure is much more complex than just one area and includes the complete reproductive system, including the uterus and clitoris. The scientists, led by Emmanuele A. Jannini, professor of endocrinology and sexology at Tor Vergata university in Rome, say the idea of the one-spot approach first mooted in the 1950s is too simplistic.  The G-spot was named after Ernst Grafenberg, a German gynaecologist who proposed its existence in 1950.  Then in 1976, the landmark Hite Report on Female Sexuality suggested that the clitoris is largely responsible for orgasms in most women. Now, says Profesor Jannini, modern imaging techniques such as ultrasound have enabled gynaecologists and scientists to see what happens to different areas of the reproductive system during sexual activity. The report authors write: ‘The clitoris, urethra, and anterior (front) vaginal wall have led to the concept of a clitourethrovaginal (CUV) complex.’  This, they say, defines a broader or  ‘variable, multifaceted… area that, when properly stimulated during penetration, could induce orgasmic response’. ’We know [thanks to this review] there is a much more complex than a simple, phantasmagoric “point”,’ adds Profesor Jannini, adding the findings end ‘hopefully forever’ discussions on where the elusive G-spot is.

Clitourethrovaginal, eh? The clit, the vagina, and the uterus. So, basically the whole fucking thing? I mean short of the Fallopian Tubes what else is there in a pussy? More or less these Italian doctors are saying there isnt a magic G Spot, BUT, if you fuck her entire pussy region in the right way, she’ll cum. Thanks doc! Really pointing me in the right direction. Whats the best way to make a girl cum? Fuck her vagina and her uterus and her labia and rub all up on her clit and that should do the trick!

That would be like if doctors said men don’t have a certain spot, but the Tipshaftenballs Region is a pretty good start. Pay attention to the tip, shaft and balls and a dude is more likely to climax. Thanks for nothing, scientists. Get back to me when you have a study that doesn’t tell me “fuck every part of her pussy.”

By KFC posted August 26th, 2014 at 4:20 PM

Dude Eats Pasta Off The Subway Floor To Prove How Powerful New Vacuum Is

Huff Po - A brand manager for Bissell Canada vacuum cleaners is sucking up a lot of attention for his stunt in the Toronto subway. In the video above, Ravi Dalchand vacuums a patch of floor with a Bissell and proceeds to eat pasta off the same spot. Then he sops up the sauce with bread. We couldn’t suppress a chuckle when we heard a “dude” from one of the disgusted onlookers. ”I 100 percent stand by this product,” Dalchand declares. According to the ad for Bissell’s Symphony All-in-One Vacuum and Steam Mop, “You get a clean, sanitized hard floor.”

Well, lets just hope that the Bissell Symphony All In One Vacuum And Steam Mop can clean up projectile vomit and explosive diarrhea and blood hemorrhaging because the Ebola you just scooped up with your spaghetti sauce and bread is most definitely gonna get messy. I don’t care if that vacuum sucks harder than Heather Brooke. I don’t care if its 10,000 degrees and pouring rubbing alcohol everywhere,  I ain’t doing penne vodka off the subway floor. I mean this took place in Canada, so I can’t be sure what their subway is like, but if its anything like the NYC subway than that floor tile has been used as a bed, a toilet, and a jizz rag. There are some stains you just cant erase and bum piss, bum shit, bum jizz, bum drool and bum soot all fall under that category. Hell of a marketing campaign though. Sucks that you had to sacrifice the life of one of your brand managers for it, but hey, whatever works.

By KFC posted August 26th, 2014 at 3:30 PM
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