Breaking Down The Best And The Worst Office Halloween Costumes – 2014

 

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Halloween in the Cubes. Rock bottom for Cube Monkeys everywhere. Its a coin flip between Halloween and April Fools Day for worst cubicle day of the year. Call me a Scrooge, say that I’m no fun, whatever. Life in the office is already so fucking stupid, I don’t need Bob from Accounting pretending to be Borat saying “Niiiiice” all day long. And when shit hits the fan at work and your boss starts riding you to meet that deadline and you’re dressed up as the Stay Puft Marshmallow man, you gotta realize youre the biggest asshole in the world. 2013 had some gems, but I think 2014 tops it. The good, the bad, and the ugly from Halloween in the Cubes today.

 

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Nothing screams Halloween fun like “breast cancer detection!”

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Nobody needs cream cheese white groin in their face at work, dude

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When you see that a dude in a Robin suit killed himself on the 6 o’clock news, just know that its this guy. That face just screams “Whats the point of living anymore?” Only dude more miserable than him is Manny:

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Thousand watt smile from Manny.

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This will go over very well and nobody will be offended

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I just hate this guy. I stared at his picture trying to come up with a little joke about being the Joker and I got nothing. I just hate him.

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At least that looks comfy.

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Sexy, can I

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Does it have the footies at the bottom and a trap door for when you poop?

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As Stoolie Mike pointed out, is that Zissou or the Travelocity Gnome?

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I think the Penguin and Robin might have a suicide pact together.

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You know the chick being Vergara thinks she’s hot shit. Dont flatter yourself, sweetheart.

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I’m not sure either but this dude is just putting his cock out there for the office to see and I, for one, respect it.

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What if this dude just doesnt even work in this office? You could throw on the gorilla mask and show up anywhere in America right now and nobody would know if you’re you or not.

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You know what? I like it. I dont know why. But I do.

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When the Out Of Touch Office One Liner Douchebag meets Office Halloween. Awful. F-

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The amount of work it takes to bring skis and put on boots and wear snow gear is absolutely INSANE.

Best Costumes:

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With Sharknado 2 out this year, the Sharknado costume was revived for another Halloween season. I cant hate on anything Sharknado.

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Only a true home run if you got a sixer of Lone Stars

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Hello, Children! When black people do Halloween right, its hilarious. See Exhibit B:

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Horrifying, but so so accurate.

Worst Costumes:

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Dude. A railroad signal? I mean yes, you really look like a railroad signal, but what motivates someone to be this for Halloween? Maybe next year you can really get nuts and be a telephone pole.

And a drumroll, for the worst Cube Halloween Costume 2014, and maybe the worst Halloween costume of all time, and MAYBE the lowest moment in the history of Cube Life:

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg

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The Notorious RBG! You gotta be a special type of wet blanket to dress up as a 150 year old Supreme Court Justice. Just shockingly boring. I guess in a weird way when you lose Halloween this badly, you kind of win it too though. So congrats/condolences to Ruth Bader and the rest of the pathetic cube monkeys who are living out this day like complete jerk offs.

PS – Not a costume but this:

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Is the worst thing Ive ever heard. If a grown man comes to your cube and says “Trick or Treat!” you have every right to punch him square in the dick.

If you have more atrocious office halloween pics, tweet them out to me @KFCBarstool

By KFC posted October 31st, 2014 at 12:10 PM

Timberwolves Basketball! Catch The Fever!

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Part of me saw this and kinda thought it was bullshit. I mean you got Ricky Rubio and Andrew Wiggins. Its not like you’re completely devoid of talent. You’re gonna see some entertaining basketball. Its not like you’re the Magic or the Sixers or something.

But then I really gave some thought to being a legit Minnesota Timberwolves fan. Thats gotta be the biggest waste of time in all of sports, right? Like I’d rather be me and root for the Mets/Jets/Knicks/Isles than be a Timberwolves fan. They will legitimately never, ever win a title. Not a single NBA player will ever stay in Minnesota. Kevin Garnett was an absolute saint for wasting the prime of his career in that wasteland. Every dude will leave that city the millisecond they are a free agent.

So I guess yea, it makes sense. Just leaving your T’Wolves tickets around town because you’re too lazy to rip them up sounds about right.

By KFC posted October 31st, 2014 at 11:10 AM

KFC Twitter Wars: T-Roke, The Yankees Ball Boy From 2010 Is Going To “Fade Me”

Previous blog from 2010:

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River Phoenix.

Len Bias.

Terrence J. Roker.

What do these young men have in common? They’re all fuckin dead.

No I’m just messing with you, Terrence The Yankee Ball Boy isn’t dead. But he is caught up in life in the fast lane and the fame has gone to his head. Less than 1 week ago today, Terrence made a diving stab on a line drive foul down the third baseline. And just a few hours later, on the late edition of SportsCenter, he was #7 on the Top 10. Welp, that’s all young Terrence needed. Dude rolls out a facebook fan page for the masses who need more T-Roke. He announces his appearances on ABC and the YES Network. He gives you his twitter name for those people who simply cannot be without Terrence The Yankee Ball Boy. And for his coup de gras yesterday he announces he’s rolling out T-shirts for everyone who just needs T-Roke gear.

I give it another week before my man is face down in a drained pool somewhere. Some people just can’t handle the fame.

PS – This is one of my favorite facebook interactions ever:

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Yes. My fans need me.”

Fast forward to today:

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I just randomly get this tweet out of the blue yesterday. No context. No explanation. Just some jacked blacked dude tells me its fade on sight and that I fucked up. Now I’m not gonna lie, this slightly concerned me. I’ve gone into battle plenty of times on the internet. Started with the Blindos before Twitter existed. On twitter I’ve battled internet nerds, Black Twitter, Honduras and Hondo Fox News chicks. Those were all just fun and games. But last year’s beef with @IncarceratedBob was the first time I started to get genuinely concerned for my well being, and I wont lie, T-Roke had a little bit of that same vibe here:

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Now at this point I gotta start taking shit seriously. You can threaten me all you want but once you bring Duncan into the mix it gets real real. Luckily Mikey Da Trillest had my back. (In the words of T-Roke, this exchange between Mikey and this guy is low key hilarious)Screen Shot 2014-10-31 at 9.58.44 AMScreen Shot 2014-10-31 at 9.55.18 AM

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And of course Mr. Benedict Arnold – Barstool JJ – is boys with T-Roke.

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So thats where we stand now. A ball boy from 2010 wants to fight me. Because thats a normal thing for a 30 year old grown man to have to deal with. Fade City, population KFC.

PS – I absolutely love T-Roke. He might be my favorite person on the internet.  This is all fun and games. Not trying to get anybody fired or in trouble because then it will really be fade on sight for your boy KFC.

By KFC posted October 31st, 2014 at 10:20 AM

As Expected, The Knicks Beat The Cavs In LeBron’s Return Home

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Well that was fun.  The Knicks came out and took the Cavs’ best shot during “probably one of the biggest sporting events that is up there ever” (LeBron’s words, not mine).  All the pomp and circumstance.  All the celebrations and pats on the back.  And for what?  To get beat by a team with a million new faces that was without it’s starting point guard.  The only thing missing from that circle jerk was the “Not 1, Not 2, Not 3″ nonsense.  I have been getting texts from fans of other teams saying how happy they were to see that party get broken up like a high school kegger.  And the icing on the cake was that Charles Barkley and Reggie Miller had front row seats for the whole thing.

The Knicks had a balanced offense, with Melo being the only player that scored more than 12 points.  J.R. Smith shook off an injury that he suffered during the game and was able to hit some big shots in the 4th quarter.  Shane Larkin and Travis Wear played very well for young players in a hostile environment.  And Quincy Acy took another step to becoming the newest cult hero for Knicks fans.  A guy who hustles and has that type of beard is going to be an MSG favorite in no time.

Also, we cannot forget the job that Iman Shumpert and others did in defending LeBron last night.  Shump’s game is not exactly complete, but if he can be a lockdown perimeter defender, the Knicks will be in great shape.  This stat in particular blew me away.

Finally, with the game hanging in the balance, Carmelo had the ball in his hands with LeBron guarding him.  And all Melo did was send “The King” to bed on his big night with no dessert.

So where do we go from here?  Obviously the Knicks aren’t as bad as they looked against the Bulls and aren’t good as they looked against the Cavs.  Jose Calderon is out 2-3 weeks, which is a real problem considering that his shooting was supposed to be tailor-made for this offense.  However, Shane Larkin has had his moments running the point, showing speed and playmaking ability.  A lot last night’s success on offense came in isolation and transition.  So there is still a lot of work that needs to be done in the half-court game.  But no one is going to complain about a win like that.  Last night the Knicks showed us that they can play with the big boys from time to time.  Hopefully they keep it rolling against Charlotte and their sweet ass Starter jackets on Sunday.

This Game Summarized In One Gif:

By theclemreport posted October 31st, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Another Classic Barstool/Saloon Open Bar Tomorrow Night For Halloween

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5 years running and Halloween is always our best party. Why? Because tons of chicks dress up sexy to try to win a grand and Saloon offers one of the best Halloween open bars in Manhattan. Its that simple. Great music, great costumes, and great deals on booze. Those are the three things you need for a good Halloween party.

So email management@saloonnyc.com now to reserve a spot on the list for your open bar. Here are all the details:

- $50 3 Hour Premium Open Bar (Premium liquor, All Bud Products, All Wines)

- First 3 hour slot is 9-12. Next is 10-1 and last one is 11-2.  Get there early to avoid lines and guarantee entry

- $1000 Prize for SEXIEST COSTUME. Follow @SaloonNYC as we will be determining the winner via Twitter this year. We’ll tweet out pictures of costumes during the party and the girl who gets the most retweets takes home $1,000.

By KFC posted October 30th, 2014 at 6:30 PM

Barstool NYC Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Alexa

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Introducing Alexa from LIU.  Body for days.  Great end to the smokeshow week.

 

Free open bar for Alexa at this Friday’s 5th Annual Saloon Halloween Bash. Any current and former smokes who want to join us on Friday night, email beardobarstool@gmail.com. Here are the rest of the details for the party:

Details:

- $50 3 Hour Premium Open Bar (All top shelf liquor, All Bud Products, All Wines)

- First 3 hour slot is 9-12. Next is 10-1 and last one is 11-2.  Get there early to avoid lines and guarantee entry

- $1000 Prize for SEXIEST COSTUME. The winner will be determined by most retweets as we live tweet the party on Friday night

- Email management@saloonnyc.com if you would like to be added to the list for the open bar

- Saloon is on 84th and York. 212-570-5454

 

 

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By beardo posted October 30th, 2014 at 5:47 PM

The Real Winner Last Night Was Alex Rodriguez

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(Just a little easy listening for this blog)

Today should be a happy day for Yankee fans because we just got back one of the best players in the history of the game.  Is Ar orth what we are going to pay him next year? Of course not, almost no superstar late in their career is worth what they are getting paid, but this is the Yankees so let’s stop worrying about money.

Last year we were not a very good team. The worst part was our in ability to drive in runs and that is what Arod does. Yes, he hasn’t done a ton over the last 3 years, but he also wasn’t healthy during that time, so now if he took the year to get healthy and is actually doing 2 a days like we have been hearing, why not be pumped? Right now ARod is a better player than both Carlos Beltran and Mark Teixiera (I have to look up this spelling every time) and can possibly play multiple positions, which is key for an aging team. On top of that, we have a superstar again. With Jeter gone, this team is a bunch of big names but even with his black eye of steroids, Alex Rodriguez is a bonafide baseball superstar. No press is bad press, Arod knows it and the Yankees know it too.

Say whatever you want about the long term affects of them, but baseball was more exciting with steroids. ARod didn’t do anything that other people weren’t doing but if he can play without having to take them (or with them and not get caught) I am glad to have him back on the Yankees because unlike some of the other guys on the team, he at least gives a fuck about playing baseball.

PS: We talk all the time about self awareness here, and nothing would show more self awareness than ARod coming up to bat to the Razor Ramon entrance on opening day.

KFC Editor’s Note: The $500 Million platoon at first base is gonna certainly be a spectacle. Also cant wait for the Yankees to overpay for Sandoval which is like 100% going to happen. Time is a flat circle in the Bronx as much as it is in Queens.

By jj posted October 30th, 2014 at 4:10 PM

Eric Decker Asks People To Tweet Him Why They Are A Jets Fan, Gets Some Gem Responses

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Another Ask Twitter PR idea, another batch of tweets highlighting how miserable it is to be a fan of these shitty NYC franchises. The people cracking jokes were pretty much your standard Twitter chirps about the Jets. We’re masochists, we like to drink, we’re losers, blah blah. But the herpes tweet really hit home. Thats really the best way you can describe why you’re a Jets fan. A lot of the other PC sports blogs have posted these tweets but they didnt post the herpes one and thats the most accurate. Its honestly like an incurable disease. “You just have that shit” is so spot on. Its not eloquent and doesnt really make sense but somehow it makes perfect sense. Its a lifelong virus that you can never get rid of, and you pass it down to your kin and they cant do anything about it either. I always say you don’t pick the Jets life, Jets life picks you and thats really the same thing as herpes. You don’t intentionally pick the girl with herpes but sometimes life comes at you fast and next thing you know, you just have that shit. Thats why I’m a #JetsDieHardFan, Eric. Do I win?

PS – Whats really sick is the number of positive tweets Decker received. Take a look through the hashtag and you’ll see countless losers like “Because its not about winning its about playing your hardest no matter what!” and awful shit like that. Have some pride people.

By KFC posted October 30th, 2014 at 3:20 PM
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