Dude From Howard Stern Interrupts Goodell Presser

This was awesome up until I found out it was a dude from Howard Stern. Kinda ruins it. Would have been better if it was just some lunatic

By KFC posted September 19th, 2014 at 3:56 PM

Quick Update On The Homeless Dude Who Says He Bangs Chicks – He’s Very Much Homeless And A Complete Enigma

unnamed (1) unnamed

KFC,

I met homeless Joe last night in the LES and he couldn’t even talk he was so wasted. Drinking out of the 7-11 cup you saw on the video. He was with a group of bros that we’re filming him and laughing telling me “he’s actually homeless! Take a picture with him”. No shit he’s homeless, he smelled terrible and there weren’t any chicks in sight – not taking any pictures with you. I highly doubt this guy is sleeping at a different chicks apartment 3 days out of the week.

Anyway I took a couple pictures of him, while I was taking them he kept asking for my phone so he could take selfies with me.

Andrew

—————–

Screen Shot 2014-09-19 at 1.18.27 PM

I was hit on this morning by what could have been a stranger, but thanks to watching barstool sports I now know who he is. I saw him walking next to me on 5th Ave and I started laughing realizing he is the homeless guy that sleeps around, his response was “so you saw the clip gorgeous”. He may actually use his fame to sleep with more women, unbelievable\

Best,

Rebecca Anthony

Baffling. I can’t wrap my head around this. It appears Homeless Joe is very much homeless. Complete drug addict and alcoholic, smelling like shit on the streets at night. Yet there he is as the morning sun rises – in the same clothes – smiling for the camera taking selfies with smokes kicking game to the chicks. If it turns out this dude is truly, genuinely homeless – like he doesn’t have a residence at all – I’m prepared to call Homeless Joe the most fascinating person of all time. Like if that guy is having more sex than me I’m gonna lose my mind. He’s not even an attractive homeless dude. But I guess he just has game, and I cant hate on that. Tip my cap to you, you homeless motherfucker.

Open invite to come on the podcast too, Joe. Not sure if you’ll even see this. Seeing as how you’re homeless and what not. But if you do, officially invited to come on the show. Not in person, no way I’d ever let a homeless into my house. You’d probably try to rob me. But if you want to find a pay phone or some shit and call in, standing invitation.

PS – Rebecca Anthony…call me. I’ve got a job and a roof.

By KFC posted September 19th, 2014 at 3:30 PM

Bougie King of NYC Bids Farewell to Peasant Ex-Girlfriend In Douchiest Email Ever Sent

wolf-of-wall-street-leo-speaks

 

Reader Email -

Is this is douchiest email of the year? I’m sure she misses him. 

Ps. Most aggressive gmail signature of all time?

Pps. Not even accountants made it unscathed.

Here is the Email

Just was with your ‘friends’ and heard you have some new peasant boy friend. Hope you’re happy, Just got an offer to make 280K a year and took it. 

I laughed and so did everyone else when they found you went for a spiik who mowes my lawn to a baller like me back to a peasant.

You belong with a peasant just like the BLEOW AVERAGE LIF YOU LIVE. Peace peasant lover. FYI. You can’t afford yourself. Think on that living off daddy’s little money in Murray Jew Hill, he’s an accountant, nobody needs them. To clarify I’ll be make $280k annually. I make more than Thomas. Sr does in a year. I love how I’m laughing writhing this message. There’s a reason why winners don’t like losers. I never liked you’r dad. Do the math if you can… Haha. See you never. [her company name]? Fucking joke.

I guarantee you’ll live the average life just like you’re patent did, forever.

The things you told me you want marriage and how you wanted to have my baby will never happen. I’ll find someone who isn’t crazy nor dumb as a rock and we’ll drive whatever peasant you call hubby into the ground. You live in MY CITY don’t forget that. The city my dad has conquered for the past 40 years. Whatever peasant you’re seeing will lose his job when I say so and your bull shit company will be sent back europe when I say the word.

Oh and by the way, [friend]‘s dad’s company just went bankrupt. So much for the fun and games.

Well this is it folks. This is the one. The douchiest electronic mail that has ever been sent on the internet. So fucking obnoxious that you almost have to like it. He dropped peasant 7 times. Seven! Its an underutilized insult, by the way. I think this inspired me to bring it back. Its just so disrespectful. Like when Pres calls Hank a bum and genuinely means it. Peasant has the same effect. We’re all peasants in comparison to this first year I Banking analyst.  280k a year and we’re all living in the city that his father has conquered. I just hope he doesnt see this and get me fired like he’s gonna do to this chick’s new peasant boyfriend. All he has to do is give the word and it could be curtains for me.

PS – “You belong with a peasant just like the BLEOW AVERAGE LIF YOU LIVE. Peace peasant lover.” Fatality. There’s no topping that line. Peace peasant lover.

Thanks to Andrew for the email

By KFC posted September 19th, 2014 at 2:40 PM

KFC Radio: Do Guys Really Care How Many Dudes A Chick Has Slept With?

Subscribe to KFC Radio on iTunes || Subscribe to MailTime on iTunes

Download the free KFC Radio app – iPhone | Android

Chicks calling KFC Radio is always the best. Because 100% of the time they are looking for some sort of approval from us. Which, first of all, is hilarious. Seeking approval from the three idiots on this show is pretty weird. But they always come up with these ridiculous scenarios or questions where the answer is blatantly obvious.

But none was better than this chick asking if men care about how many dudes a girl has fucked. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind this chick has fucked like 260 dudes and just wants a couple guys to tell her its ok so she called us. It resulted in Big Cat genuinely laughing right in her face mid voicemail and probably our funniest segment ever.

Full episode here:

By KFC posted September 19th, 2014 at 1:40 PM

GTA Best Of The Best, Season 3 Week 25 Voting Now Open!

Bruna Lima

Screen Shot 2014-09-03 at 11.49.56 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-03 at 11.52.14 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-03 at 11.52.08 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-03 at 11.51.54 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-03 at 11.51.46 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-03 at 11.51.39 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-03 at 11.50.27 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-03 at 11.50.15 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-03 at 11.50.09 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-03 at 11.50.02 AM

VS.

Challenger @Sky3mfc.

Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.48.15 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.53.37 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.53.24 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.53.13 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.53.02 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.52.52 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.52.43 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.52.36 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.52.28 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.52.22 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.52.14 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.52.04 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.51.52 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.51.46 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.51.30 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.51.23 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.51.16 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.51.08 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.50.59 AM Screen Shot 2014-09-17 at 10.50.49 AM

 

I dont have a name yet on this chick @Sky3mfc, but shes ALL WOMAN. Like the other GTA chicks are girls. This is a woman. Bruna Lima’s ass is top notch but I’d be flat out afraid to enter the terrordome with this broad.

Lets vote

Vote 1 for Champ Bruna Lima, Vote 10 for challenger @Sky3mfc

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (1,124 votes, average: 6.85 out of 10)
Loading ... Loading ...
By KFC posted September 19th, 2014 at 12:50 PM

Dude Almost Kills His Son After Forcing Him To Drink A Whole Bottle Of Vodka To Teach Him A Lesson About Drinking

Screen Shot 2014-09-19 at 10.53.10 AM

Daily MailA 35-year-old father forced his 15-year-old son to drink vodka until he passed out as a punishment after he caught the teenager drinking, police have said. The boy, who has not been identified, had no pulse when authorities found him slumped over in the back of a car outside a home in Sweetwater, Tennessee on Saturday night. His father, Mark Allen Hughes, allegedly forced the teen to take part in a drinking game with him as they watched a Tennessee football game after he caught the boy drinking, WBIR-TV reported. A witness said Hughes gave his son vodka shots and said: ‘Take it. Take it. Drink up. You’re going to learn’, WATE reported. Relatives later returned to the home to find the boy passed out on the floor and, when they tried to take him to hospital, Hughes started fighting with them, they told police. When authorities arrived, they could not find his pulse and performed CPR on him until an ambulance arrived.

Just wait until the first time you get caught having sex, bro. Dad will teach you a lesson. Gonna order hookers and make you fuck until your dick falls off. That’ll teach you! I’d get caught doing all sorts of shit if this was my dad’s preferred punishment. Get caught smoking weed and drinking and partying all the time just to get dad to flood me with booze, drugs and pussy.

I think we can all agree this is the sort of discipline we need to be showing to children these days. Forget about hitting your kid with a switch just make him drink until his heart stops. Get caught with your hand in the cookie jar? Stuff their face with cookies until they cant breathe. Parenting through sheer gluttony. I mean it might be unconventional but I promise you that kid won’t be drinking vodka again any time soon.

By KFC posted September 19th, 2014 at 11:18 AM

Chris Carlin Calls Derek Jeter A Fraud

Look truth be told, I liked the Gatorade commercial. I dont think its as good as everyone is making it out to be. People are cumming in their underwear like its the best commercial of all time. Jeter hate aside, its just not that good.

But whether youre a Yankee fan or not, Chris Carlin has a point. This whole thing is so anti-Jeter. That commercial is SO anti-Jeter. This is a dude who did everything he possibly could to avoid the public and avoid rubbing elbows with the average Joe. He lives like a recluse in a secluded compound. Yea he signs autographs and hes a nice guy in press conferences, but if he actually liked interacting with fans and randoms he wouldn’t spend his whole life avoiding it.

But thats why I don’t blame him for these commercials. Because he has spent his whole life hiding. He has spent his whole life putting his team first. Except for the time he made the best shortstop in baseball play 3rd and never once endorsed him publicly when the media was crucifying him and presenting a huge distraction to the team that he could have ended with one quick statement. Other than that, he’s always put the team first. So let him enjoy his moment in the sun. He’s saying “fuck it, now its my time to shine.” And thats ok. He’s earned that. But lets just tell it like it is. I think thats my main issue with the Derek Jeter suckfest – its like the entire world has just decided to stop using their brains and are letting this guy completely dupe you. Everyone says I’m a hater and that I’m bitter and shit but I feel like me and Continent are the only guys being rational about this. Derek Jeter is a fucking SUPERSTAR bazillionaire athlete and somehow he’s got the whole world convinced he’s just an average guy. Hes doing these commercials for the money. He loves the spotlight. Hes arrogant, he’s cocky, he’s self centered. Because he should be! Hes one of the most revered sports icons of this generation and he loves that. Just because he’s played his cards right and trumps up this “Its not about me” routine to the public, thereby making himself an even more revered star, doesn’t mean hes not enjoying every single minute of the world sucking his dick. He’s been “on” for 20 years and he’s played the world like a fiddle and now this is his victory lap where he gets to soak it all in. Thats ok. But lets all open our eyes and be real for one goddam second. He’s a millionaire playboy with a ton of game and he’s snaked the whole world.

PS - Dropping in at Stan’s when the camera’s were rolling is a page right out of a politician’s playbook. He’s shaking hands and kissing babies for the spectacle of it all. If you can’t see that and you genuinely think that Derek Jeter is just that “different” from every other superstar athlete you’re just lawst.

Now tell me I’m wrong without mentioning that the Mets and my teams stink and just calling me a “hater.” I dare you.

Also, this was awesome:

By KFC posted September 19th, 2014 at 10:20 AM

ESPN Ranks All 122 Sports Franchises – Mets, Jets, Knicks, Islanders All In The Bottom 10

Screen Shot 2014-09-18 at 6.47.29 PM

ESPN – The method to our ultimate madness
First: Consulting firm Maddock Douglas surveyed 1,002 North American fans to form 25 criteria for what you want most in return for the emotion, money and time you invest in the 122 MLB, NBA, NFL and NHL teams.

Second: Teaming with NetReflector, an opinion research firm, ESPN.com asked fans to rate their home teams in each area; more than 101,000 of you did! We grouped grades into the categories below. Royals fans, for example, ranked Kauffman Stadium much higher (29) than owner David Glass (112).

Third: Our final measure, bang for the buck, uses calculations developed with Oregon’s Warsaw Sports Marketing Center to figure how well teams turn fans’ money into wins. FINALLY We combined each team’s score across all categories into a weighted average. For example, since fans ranked players as more important than ownership, the former counted for 13.9 percent of a team’s final score versus 11.3 percent for the latter. The result? Fan opinion combined with an objective gauge of the cost of winning. Ultimately, everything counts.

Affordability
Price of tickets, parking and concessions
1. Grizzlies
122. Maple Leafs

Coaching:
Strength of on-field leadership
1. Spurs
122. Panthers (NHL)

Fan relations
Courtesy by players, coaches and front offices toward fans, and how well a team uses technology to reach them
1. Spurs
122. Knicks

Ownership
Honesty; loyalty to core players and the community
1. Spurs
122. Marlins

Players
Effort on the field, likability off it
1. Spurs
122. Knicks

Stadium experience
Quality of venue; fan-friendliness of environment; frequency of game-day promotions
1. Giants (MLB)
122. Islanders

Bang for the buck
Wins in the past year, per fan dollars
1. Pacers
122. Maple Leafs

Title track
Championships won or expected within the lifetime of current fans
1. Cardinals (MLB)
122. T-Wolves

Number 113, 116, 118 and 121 out of 122. Is that good? What? No? Its actually the worst scenario you can possibly imagine? Oh ok then.

You know who’s surprised by this right now? Everyone who’s not a Mets, Jets, Knicks and Islanders fan. Those are the people going “Wow I knew it was bad, but I didnt know it was that bad.” The people who are fans of these teams arent fazed by this one bit. I’ve been telling you how bad it is for years. Ive been telling you the city of Cleveland cant hold a candle to us when it comes to misery. Ive been telling you that when you take everything into consideration being a fan of the Little Brother teams in NYC is as bad as it gets as a sports fan. Now you have it all quantified for you.

But its also why I think the Mets Jets Knicks Isles fan base are the greatest fan base in all of sports. You know how easy it would be to jump ship and join the Yankees/Giants/Rangers bandwagon? You know how easy it would be to just walk the fuck away? Just give up on sports all together and go be some hipster or something? So goddam easy. Yet here we are. Die hard fans of 4 (three, really) of the worst 10 franchises in all of sports. The most expensive, unlikeable, poorly run teams in all of sports and we’re still here – day in and day out – waiting with bated breath for championships that are never coming. Not only that, but we’re still calling sports radio and columnists are still writing about us and idiots like me are still blogging about us. The Mets can lose a game in May and be on the back page. The Jets are still one of the most talked about teams in the city. The Knicks havent been a contender in ETERNITY and they still are the most beloved franchise in the city. The day that one of these teams win a title will be the single most rewarding moment in sports history.

PS – That day is never coming.

PPS – And you guys wonder why I’m not a ball of sunshine.

By KFC posted September 19th, 2014 at 9:30 AM
© 2014 Barstool Sports | Disclaimer | Copyright | Privacy Policy | Media Kit