Introducing Mollie from Rochester. The only Mollie you need to worry about at the Barstool Blackout are smokes named Mollie who are so hot you may pass out. Rochester FOAM less than a month away. The Blackout Tour is upon us. Brace yourselves.
Introducing Harper from Syracuse. Unfortunately for all you ‘Cuse Stoolies, the Syracuse Blackout is officially SOLD OUT. But fear not. We got you covered. Anybody from Upstate in that area, we still have tickets available for the Rochester Fckin FOAM show. Its a couple weeks earlier than Cuse, about 5 times as large, and its gonna get real, real Foamy.
KFC Editor’s Note: I took the plunge so my days of stringing chicks and exploiting things said in confidence for blog material are over. I passed the smokeshow torch to Beardo and now he’s out there navigating the dangers dating waters of NYC trying to get laid. These are the trials and tribulations of a man on the hunt. You got your own questions or tales about the fucked up world of sex and hooking up? Email firstname.lastname@example.org with your stories and questions, and we’ll post them for the Stoolies to weigh in on
Dear Stoolies, I recently got a text from a broad I went on a date with and I don’t know what the fuck she is talking about. Please help,
So I really got this text last night from some chick. First things first, I think she likes me right? I was kind of confused because shes in that “out of your league” hot category, but I think I still have the upper hand.
In college it was so much easier, you text a chick “wanna watch a movie” or just wait for your phone to buzz from your slam when the bars get out. Now that college is over and I’m in the city this dating game shit fucking blows. Here’s my 2 cents:
Sweetie it’s the first date with a person you barely know, if you’re just going to sit there all quiet and cute someone has to fucking talk. Oh it was rude I tried to keep the convo going during dinner so we didn’t sit in dead silence? Sorry. All these fucking broads in the city have legit jobs, and goals and shit. Way harder to wheel chicks that have their JD and work at a law firm and or ibanker at a bulge bracket than the chick in ugg boots and a northface fleece who will suck your dick literally for the fact that you have a handle of shitty vodka.
Back to the text, what is this 17th century England? Courtship? Chum? Based on the fact that she used the word “chum” should be a dealbreaker. But then again I am just a man, and hotness trumps EVERYTHING. I hate when dudes are like “would you date a girl named, like Mildred or something?” If shes hot shes hot bro, that’s it. She could have a voice like the Allstate guy but if shes a smoke then I’m in, end of story.
So, what’s the play? Tell me new chum to hit the bricks and get over herself? Keep stringing her because I want to fuck her incessantly? What Would Stoolies Do?
Ask and you shall receive. What better way to wrap up hump day than with the camel toe. There’s nothing better than some healthy toe, and who knew there was so much variety. We have bikini toe, jeans toe, yoga pants toe, toe from the back, puffy toe, small toe, deep toe, crooked toe, fat toe, lopsided toe….vagina’s are so weird and so great.
Introducing Alara from ‘Cuse. Orange just dominating the upstate smokeshow game lately. Just like Syracuse dominates the Blackout Scene. We’re returning to the Westcott Theater on October 19th. Alara and every other smoke from the Orange will be there. I suggest if you’re within 200 miles of the venue, you be there too.
Complete Fall Schedule – TICKETS ON SALE NOW:
Introducing Kemi from NY, NY. Beautiful end to the smokeshow week. A smokin hot brunette living in the big apple. It’s also her birthday this weekend, so here’s another great reason to celebrate.
Need a re-up boys who going to follow through? send a name and facebook link to email@example.com
Introducing Elisa from Somers Point. Somers Point is home of the Waffalo Sandwich at the Grilled Cheese and Crab Cakes Company. Its the buffalo chicken sandwich served on waffle fries instead of a normal bun. Inspired by yours truly, KFC. So let me plan your weekend next week – Saturday night hit up the Atlantic City Fckin Foam Blackout Tour. Rage your face off, get laid. Sunday morning – wake up, hit up the Grilled Cheese Company, down a KFC Waffalo to nurse your hangover, and return to society with tremendous stories about your weekend in AC. Boom. Done.
NINE DAYS AWAY. Do NOT miss this.
Introducing Meg from Manhasset. Been a while since we had a Long Islander make it up to the big leagues. Pretty sure blonde hair and blue eyes might be the best combination on a girl. Absolute stunner here folks. 2 free tickets to Meg and her friend for the Atlantic City Fckin Foam Blackout. Its going to be our biggest event of all time. Literally their capacity is basically endless for what we’re doing. The biggest, craziest party in the history of Barstool Sports – don’t be the loser who misses out on that.
Fckin Foam Blackout: Atlantic City - July 20 – Atlantic City Convention Center – Tickets on Sale
Know any smokes who wanna be featured as a smoke and get free tickets to our Atlantic City show in July? Email KFC@barstoolsports.com or firstname.lastname@example.org with first and last names and a facebook profile link.