Watch Out! The Zen Master Just Put His Nuts On Chris Sheridan’s Head For All Of Twitter To See

 

This is why I Twitter is the best.  You can’t call out players, coaches, executives, or supermodels without the chance that they will take a bazooka out and fire back at you.  And you know Phil Jackson doesn’t feel like taking shit from an NBA writer right now.  The guy’s whole body is beat to shit from years in the league, he has a girlfriend that holds more power in NBA circles than he does, and oh yeah, his team is off to a 5-22 start.  The last thing he needs is Old Man Sheridan calling his moves into question after one and a half months.  And throwing “negative” out there is one step above calling Sheridan “chief” or “boss”.

Now does the trade look bad right now?  Of course.  It’s early in the season and every Knicks fan knows that Tyson Chandler is a beast when he is healthy.  But will he still be healthy come playoff time?  I hope so for his sake, but recent trends state the odds are not in his favor.  Tyson is one of my favorite Knicks of the 2000s (granted, it’s not a long list), but the Knicks had to get something for him before his contract expired.  Did Phil get a bunch of bums back?  Maybe.  But Marc Gasol went from the punch line of the Pau Gasol trade to one of the (if not THE) best centers in the league.  So give the trade time to play out.

Also, I like the subtle jab Phil took at Gregg Popovich regarding the Pau trade.  He’s reminding Marc Gasol that Pop basically called him a pile of shit after the Pau trade went down.  The Spurs are reportedly interested in signing Marc Gasol after the season and he just happens to be the most important piece of the Knicks free agency puzzle.

The Spurs even scheduled International Night last night during the Grizzlies game as a way to show Marc just how international of a city San Antonio is.  And it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if Pop designed last night’s game to go exactly the way it went.  A classic 3-overtime thriller with a ridiculous buzzer-beaters that the Grizzlies winning a tight one.  Now Marc has a happy feeling when he thinks of the Spurs.  Pop is like the modern version of Terry Silver from Karate Kid 3.  Just a ruthless bastard that is always one step ahead of everyone else.

So we need Phil to combat that shit with some chess as his own.  Maybe Phil should tweet pictures of him cooking paella every day until Gasol becomes a free agent.  Or play the “Spaniard, Spaniard, Spaniard” line from Gladiator when Gasol plays at MSG in a few months.  Or just bring Big Marc into town during the Puerto Rican Day Parade.  Sure it is a completely different country than Spain, but the language is the same.  New York is just one big melting pot that needs that big dumb Spanish bastard here BADLY.  Ether’ing people that talk shit about the Knicks on Twitter can’t hurt the cause.

By theclemreport posted December 18th, 2014 at 4:29 PM

Tonight Is The Final Episode Of The Colbert Report

Colbert

 

After a decade-long and wildly successful run, the Colbert Report is finally closing its curtains tonight. For a show that has enjoyed near critical acclaim and rave reviews from every critic, writer, blogger, and influential thinker of the past decade, the Colbert Report is going out with very little fanfare. No media tributes like Leno got. No front page headlines like Conan. Just a few words about what a great show it was, and how we are going to miss the Report so much, and he’s going to be so great on CBS and blah blah blah. And you know what? Fuck that. The Report deserves more. It was one of the most influential and iconic television shows of the next decade, and it deserves more than a Buzzfeed-style “10 Best Moments” list from everyone.

 

The cliché about satire and comedy you hear from every writing professor you’ve ever had is the point is to hold a mirror to society and make people laugh at what they see. No one was better at this than Stephen Colbert. No one could point out the inherent hypocrisies, contradictions, and absurdities of American politics than he could. No one could take serious subjects and be as consistently funny talking about them as him. No one else could reduce subjects of monstrous proportions down to a few well-timed quips, and stab the heart of the matter more effectively either. When it’s all said and done and the history of the “Satirical News”-era of television comedy is written, Jon Stewart will stand as it’s most important and influential figure. As he should. But no one mastered it like Stephen Colbert. I doubt anyone ever will be again.

 

 

His most brilliant moment, ironically, might have happened on C-Span instead of Comedy Central, at the 2006 White House Correspondents Dinner, when Stephen delivered a devastating critique of the Bush Administration and the National Media, all of whom the night was supposed to honor. Everyone always loves to tickle Ricky Gervais’s balls about how brave and badass it was of him to host the Golden Globes and roast the celebrities in attendance, but Colbert did that with the NATIONAL PRESS AND MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD surrounding him at all angles, at a time when people were afraid of being branded unpatriotic for questioning the Government. That’s balls. Of course, Colbert’s monologue was met with icy glares and no laughter. But he wasn’t playing to the audience in the room. He was playing to the larger audience who were going to watch the routine the next day on their home computers. In a lot of ways, that routine was the Godfather of viral content that’s now employed by all the late-night guys he’ll be competing against in a few months.

And that’s who Colbert was. Everything about him was summed up in that dinner. You didn’t always have to agree with him politically. I certainly didn’t a large portion of the time. But what he did transcended that. It was more important than him being left, right, or in outer space. He was direct. He was honest. He was smart. He genuinely cared about the things he was talking about. He tried to throw rocks at giants while pretending to be one himself. He took issues that no one was talking about and made them understandable to us. How many of us knew what a Super-Pac or 501(C)(3) was until he decided to create one himself? So for one of the most iconic and influential shows of the past decade, I say goodbye and I’m really, really, really going to miss you. Stephen is off to take the most prestigious job in all of television. Personally I think it’s a damn shame that he’s leaving a show that challenged the entire American public consciousness to interview celebrities about their next movie, but I understand why he’s doing it. And I bet his next show is great, but he’ll leave a hole that will most likely never be filled after tonight. And that’s tonight’s word.

By charliewisco posted December 18th, 2014 at 4:10 PM

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By KFC posted December 18th, 2014 at 3:20 PM

Serial Finale Recap – “What We Know,” The Answer is “Not A Whole Lot”

serial-social-logo

 

About as good of a finale as we could have gotten without some sort of Hollywood script ending that we all knew wasnt possible in the first place. We finally heard from Don, we got a couple new interviews, a few more pieces of “evidence” to help formulate your opinion, an unbiased case against Adnan for a change, and Sarah’s final stance on the whole story. At this stage in the game, I feel like people already made up their mind about this case, and about this podcast. I feel like the past couple weeks, a lot of Serial fans kinda fell off. If you’re one of those people, I’d suspect you didnt think this episode was all that great. If you’re like me, and you’ve been intrigued the whole way despite knowing there was not gonna be a major revelation, you probably thought the finale was solid.

I really appreciated Sarah and her crew being impartial about Adnan for once. While I’m firmly Team Adnan, there’s no denying the whole podcast has been skewed that way by Sarah. Almost everything has been presented trying to prove Adnan was innocent, or at least wrongly imprisoned. When her producer laid out the series of coincidences and bad luck that would have had to occur if he truly wasn’t involved, it was pretty eye opening. I think because this show has been laid out over the course of 12+ weeks, its sometimes hard to remember all the details and facts. So when she rattled off everything all in a row, it makes you go “Shit. Thats a lot of stuff.” You happen to loan your car to the guy who points you out as the murderer. Jay says Adnan planned to get to Hae by asking for a ride, and then there are witnesses saying he did just that. When you said Jay had your phone, the phone dialed a girl that only he knew. (By the way, the butt dial theory is so fucking absurd. The fact that they took all that time and effort to investigate that is ridiculous. I think Adnan did make that phone call, I just believe the timeline of when the murder happened is wrong) And you have no memory of the night where Jay’s story seems to make sense. Unless Jay is truly a mastermind and framed the perfect murder, this all looks real bad for Adnan when its laid out int he final episode. I guess the flip side is the confirmation bias that constantly pops up. It all looks suspicious and coincidental because you’re already assuming this guy has had something to do with it. Happenstance and bad luck shouldnt hold up in a court of law, but logic would dictate with all those coincidences its more likely he was involved.

The Ronald Lee Moore portion of the episode is exactly the sort of story that the Adnan haters seem to ignore. Everyone is like “If Adnan didn’t do it, WHO DID?? Who else would have motive?” I dunno man, we’re talking about Baltimore County in 1999. Random acts of violence were happening all the fucking time. This is a rapist/murderer who got out of jail right before she was murdered and eventually strangled another Asian girl to death. Would you be blown away if that was the dude who killed Hae? I wouldn’t be. That still leaves the question of how Jay knew where the car was, but dont act like theres no other scenario in the world where someone other than the ex boyfriend killed this girl.

As for the Jay stuff, a lot of it is most certainly hard to explain if you’re trying to prove Adnan’s innocence. I dont think he was scared of Adnan. I think it was weird that he was telling that dude Josh all that shit. I think him saying that Adnan would hire the Westside Hitman is completely made up. If anything him being afraid and paranoid and saying all that ridiculous shit would come off more to me like a guy who murdered someone and knew the police was coming for him. Him knowing where the car was is the more damning piece of evidence though. Some people have conspiracy theories that the police or the prosecutor told Jay where the car was to bolster their case. While entirely possible (especially after hearing stories of how angry the prosecution got at Don for not making Adnan seem “creepy” enough. Seems like that lawyer was hell bent on convicting Adnan. Wouldnt put it past them to solidify Jays case by telling him the location of the car) its probably very unlikely. And if you subscribe to the idea that it was a person like Ronald Lee Moore or another random person, how does Jay even get involved? Again there can be a lot of coincidences and conspiracies, but logic would dictate for Jay to be involved at all, Adnan has to be connected somehow.

At the end of the day, Sarah summed up exactly how I felt about it. I cant genuinely say I think Adnan had nothing to do with this murder. Rationally thinking, too many things point in his direction of somehow being in the mix. Unless Jay is a criminal mastermind, I think there has to be a reason why his story is so focused on Adnan. But thats all it is. A story. With holes, lies, discrepancies and question marks. The fact that Jay was never investigated, the fact that the cell phone calls dont really match up to the timeline, the fact that certain alibis were deemed rock solid while others were thrown out or simply never explored, the fact that there’s zero actual evidence and the “motive” is just a “the ex boyfriend did it” theory. All that adds up to a shitty case in my mind, one that I would never say was enough to convict. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills when people act like this was an open and shut case. The fact that the jury deliberated in like 20 seconds blows my mind even more. If you believe in your gut or something that Adnan did it, fine, I guess. But dont act like I’m the weird one for thinking this case was a goddam disaster.

Great season. Enthralling case. Season 2 will be absolutely nothing like this and nobody will listen to it. It was a unique one and done that spawned a lot of arguing, discussing, hypothesizing and theorizing. We’ll do one more Serialously podcast early next week and close the book on Adnan Syed and Sara Koenig.

PS – Adnan asking Sarah if she had an ending was too perfect. Hilarious that even he was like “how you gonna rap this shit up?”

PPS – They were gay. It makes too much sense and still holds up. They were gay, she found out, they killed her, Jay flipped, Adnan wont admit it because he would shame his family being a gayball. Case closed

Also heres a fire Serial x Biggie mashup

By KFC posted December 18th, 2014 at 2:30 PM

KFC Radio: Feliz Navidad

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I want to apologize to Dan. This episode was recorded before the Jimmy Clausen announcement from the Bears. I said Big Cat didnt earn the right to be a miserable football fan the way I had but he has every right to now. Had I known the Clausen news at the time I would have never said that. As a matter of fact that was probably the KFC Mush again. Oh KFC made a proclamation about the Bears not being as bad as the Jets? Bam Jimmy Clausen’s starting. Sorry Dan, and sorry Bears fans. Jets fans welcome you to the club of misery with open arms.

The rest of the episode we talk about Lisa Ann’s retirement, watching porn stars with the same name as your mother, double teaming a girl from Tinder, blackmailing girls into sex, Christmas with your girlfriend’s family, and more.

By KFC posted December 18th, 2014 at 1:40 PM

Guess That Ass

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By KFC posted December 18th, 2014 at 12:50 PM

Here’s The Kim Jong Un Death Scene From The James Franco/Seth Rogen Movie

Well here it is. The scene that is probably gonna lead to World War 3. Kim Jong Un getting his face melted while Katy Perry plays in the background. Hope it was worth it, Sony.

I was thinking about what would happen if the situation was reversed. If a foreign country made some movie assassinating Obama. I mean I’m sure there are all sorts of propaganda videos where they actually do that, but lets say Russia released a movie (Since I dont even think North Korea is capable of making movies) made a full movie where they killed the President. What would the reaction be? I’m sure there’d be some Conservatives freaking out. Some majorly patriotic people up in arms. But I dunno I feel like for the most part we’d all just be like “Fuck you, Russia!” and that would be it. Its like North Korea is that guy who cant take a joke. Lighten up, guys. Its a James Franco Seth Rogen stoner movie. Not like a Daniel Day Lewis drama actually calling for the assassination of the guy or something.

By KFC posted December 18th, 2014 at 11:53 AM

Amber Rose Twerking In Slow Motion

Honestly looks like a water bed. Looks like someone jumped on a water bed and we’re watching the wave. I dont even get how black chicks make their cheeks jump that much when they’re twerking. It looks like there’s an invisible string attached to their ass and someone is pulling them. Like an ass puppeteer. Its actually impressive that they make that shit bounce just by flexing.

PS – How weird is it that these two just drop down to the floor and do this? Like two girls just hanging out, probably drinking wine, maybe having a slumber party. And this is what it turns into. White girls have a pillow fight in their underwear and black chicks practice twerking.

By KFC posted December 18th, 2014 at 11:10 AM
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