Introducing Jarrah from Albany. OK. Absolute smoke to round off this Tuesday, and Hooters is awesome.
Jarrah and the Albany crew are invited to Barstool New York College Football Party This Saturday at Suite 36 in Herald Square. It’s looking like theres going to be a lot of great looking people going and reping their schools.
No Cover, This Saturday starting around 2 PM. Check out the Facebook invite and we’ll see you Saturday.
CARACAS, Venezuela — Venezuela’s chronic shortages have begun to encroach on a cultural cornerstone: the boob job. Beauty-obsessed Venezuelans face a scarcity of brand-name breast implants, and women are so desperate that they and their doctors are turning to devices that are the wrong size or made in China, with less rigorous quality standards. Venezuelans once had easy access to implants approved by the US Food and Drug Administration. But doctors say they are now all but impossible to find because restrictive currency controls have deprived local businesses of the cash to import foreign goods. It may not be the gravest shortfall facing the socialist South American country, but surgeons say the issue cuts to the psyche of the image-conscious Venezuelan woman. “The women are complaining,” said Ramon Zapata, president of the Society of Plastic Surgeons. “Venezuelan women are very concerned with their self-esteem.” Venezuela is thought to have one of the world’s highest plastic surgery rates, and the breast implant is the seminal procedure. Doctors performed 85,000 implants here last year, according to the International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery. Only the US, Brazil, Mexico and Germany — all with significantly larger populations — saw more procedures.
The Food Shortages of the French Revolution. The Potato Famine of 1845. The 1979 Oil Crisis.
The Great Venezuelan Silicon Shortage of 2014.
These are the crises the textbooks will remember. The poor inhabitants of Venezuela just want their fake tits. They just want silicon boobs. Is that so much to ask? Life, liberty and the pursuit of boob jobs. These are the basic rights that every country in 2014 should provide. All I know is that this never would have happened under Hugo Chavez’s rule. Say what you want about government corruption and nationalizing oil and socialism, but don’t tell me there were fake titties all over the place on his watch. Sure, no freedom of speech but there was 85,000 implants done last year. Thats 170,000 fake titties. Thats prosperity, folks. Thats progress.
Bottom line is until you get the boob job industry back up and running you’ll always be a third world country.
“I would like it…in an ideal world, they would stay and remain as positive and upbeat as they possibly can because of the way they effect the young men that are on the field…I hope they’ll respond to the fact that I’m counting on them to accept the challenge, to not feel sorry for ourselves and to realize the work that has to be done for us to win. I hope the fans will join in in that exact feeling.” – Tom Coughlin
After the way Big Blue choked up a W on Sunday, the coach and captain are gonna challenge their fans? Fuck you. I’m no master of the X’s & O’s, but I have a couple of better ideas. “Challenge” Victor Cruz to stop clapping at the football & start catching it. Maybe “challenge” Zack Bowman to finish a tackle on a man he’s got wrapped up. “Challenge” Rashad Jennings to at least wait for contact before fumbling the game away in the red zone. Baby steps.
The fans aren’t the problem or solution. MetLife is still packed. Fans are still filling bars & watching at home. This isn’t third grade field day though. We’re not gonna applaud the retarded kid who ran the wrong way, fell on his face & finished last. There’s no pity cheers or participation ribbons. Play like a bunch of idiots and you’re gonna get booed. That’s how shit works…and it’s way better than the alternative of a silent, empty stadium. Giants fans aren’t going anywhere – and after the last 18 games of football played in a market with zero patience, that says plenty. We’re doing our job by not accepting a shitty performance and, instead, expecting success. So shut the fuck up and worry about doing yours. We’d love nothing more than to have something to go nuts for. Until then, fuck the feelings of “the young men that are on the field” & stop telling us how to be fans.
SEPTEMBER 16—Angered that a customer called in a pizza order right before closing time, a Texas teenager allegedly rubbed his genitals on the patron’s pie as he prepared the takeout order, police allege. Brent Bradley told cops that when he arrived at Papa Murphy’s pizza in Georgetown, a city 25 miles north of Austin, he spotted worker Austin Michael Symonds “rubbing his testicles on the pizza he had ordered,”according to a criminal complaint detailing the September 2 incident. When confronted by the customer–who was there to pick up a large stuffed pie with Canadian bacon, pineapple, and extra cheese–the 18-year-old Symonds immediately apologized. “Man, I am really sorry, that was stupid,” Symonds said, according to the complaint. Bradley then asked Symonds how old he was. After the teenager answered that he was 18, Bradley said, “So you are old enough to know better than to put your balls on someone’s pizza.” “Yes,” said Symonds. In a recorded call with a store manager the following day, Symonds reportedly copped to adding the unwanted topping. Symonds again apologized, adding that he “did what he did because the customer had called in the order right before closing time.”
As a person who solely relies on others preparing food for him to survive, I cannot stand for this behavior. This is a personal affront to me and the rest of my Seamless Army who rely on delivery and take out to eat and I can’t let it stand. I understand its obnoxious to roll into a pizza place two minutes before closing time. Thats like your boss calling a 5pm conference call on a Friday or the kid who reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homework right before class is over. In those cases you most definitely wanna smear your balls all over those people and/or their belongings.
But cmon, man. You’re 18 years old. Thats old enough to know better than to put your balls on someone’s pizza. Thats old enough to understand that in the year 2014 there are lazy people who dont even turn on the stove. Dont even use the fucking microwave. And we need you guys to be on point when it comes to take out. Our lives depend on it. If you’re not up to the task – if you cant make me a pizza without putting your scrotum all over it – then get the fuck out of the industry. I need these guys to take an oath or something like doctors and lawyers do.
I just can’t have guys like Big Cat defending this behavior. Society will go to ruins if we encourage this kinda bullshit. We need to fight the good fight. Demand that all pizza – regardless of the time they were ordered – be testicle free. Keep your balls to yourself, or – at the very least – just don’t let me see you do it. I mean I REALLY prefer scenario A but if you gotta teabag my pizza pie just do it in private, get your own weird perverted satisfaction, and let me enjoy my pizza with pure ignorance that your balls were ever there.
This Saturday we’re all going back to school. We’re heading over to Suite 36 (36th between 5th and 6th) for a little bit of day drinking and college football to really kick off the fall season. We’ve got all sorts of drink specials to make you feel like you’re back at college when a 20 used to get you booze for the night.
$4 16 oz Bud Lights
$3 Natty Light and Busch Light. College, No Parents! Woo!
Hourly Drink specials rotating through out the afternoon include:
$8 Bud Light Pitchers
$3 Bud Light Drafts
$20 Buckets of Bud Light (6 to a bucket)
$4 well drinks
The bar has over 40 TVs so they should be able to air most games you’re looking to watch. We’ll have a DJ playing music for all the girls out there, and smokes behind the bar as well as dancers for all the fellas. The whole idea is to come out, spend very little money, get drunk while the sun is still up, and take someone home to get laid once the sun goes down. If you can’t get down with that, you’re a wet blanket, plain and simple.
So come out this Saturday afternoon, party starts at 2 and goes until infinity. No cover charge, no tickets, nothing like that. Just show up wearing your school’s colors, drink cheap beer, watch football with all the Stoolies, and enjoy yourself like its a Saturday back at college.
Well if this doesn’t get you jacked up for postseason baseball, I don’t know what will. This performance might even be enough for me to look past the fact that TBS has the worst playoff baseball broadcast ever. Not even Ron Darling can save that shit show.
But Bryan Cranston…Bryan Cranston can. His Carlton Fisk impersonation – flawless. His Jeter Flip and Gibson Limp – impeccable. His dramatic reading of Take Me Out To The Ballgame was right up there with his narration of Ozymandias. He administered his own post game pie face perfectly. And when you can get Bryan Cranston and Pedro Martinez – maybe the two best every at their respective crafts – on the screen at the same time, in ballet uniforms nonetheless, well thats just gold.
MURI, Switzerland (AP) — A lower-league Swiss football club says it will investigate reports that some of its fans urinated in a water bottle that a rival goalkeeper then drank from. Reto Felder, a goalkeeper who plays for Muri in the Swiss fourth division, told Switzerland’s Blick newspaper he first thought his drink was warmed by the sun. He called the prank “crude and disgraceful.” Fans in the crowd of about 500 reportedly persuaded a ball boy to pass them the bottle. Muri lost at Baden 3-2 on Saturday. Baden president Thomi Braem, who promised to investigate, says fans “should realize they have again done great damage (to the club).” Muri coach Beat Hubeli says the incident was “the lowest of the low.”
All’s fair in love and futbol. Sometimes you’re gonna get fireworks thrown at you. Sometimes a streaker may attack you. And sometimes fans are gonna piss in your water bottle. Its all just part of the Beautiful Game. You signed up for this life. Plus you should just be happy you’re still alive. In a sport where people have literally been murdered over the game, drinking a little piss aint a big deal. Just chalk it up to an occupational hazard and make sure your water bottle is always in sight going forward.