Hilarious. I was rolling when I watched this. Joel McHale knocks Rust Cohle out of the park. This is exactly how I feel when I’m watching True Detective. I constantly have the remote in my hand rewinding McConaughey soliloquies like 5 times over. There’s been 7 hours of True Detective and I’ve probably spent about 21 hours watching it. Without the aid of like millions of Reddit nerds I wouldn’t even know the names of half the characters. I’ve never loved a show where half the time I have no clue what the fuck is going on.
All I know is that I need it to be Sunday at 9 because A) The suspense is killing me and B) I’m fucking exhausted watching Rust and Marty babbling in 3 different timelines all over the goddam bayou.
No exaggeration I think James Dolan might be the most delusional dickhead in all of sports. Like take the Sandy Alderson saying the Mets are gonna win 90 games, multiply it by Rex Ryan saying the Jets are gonna win the Super Bowl every year, and you still don’t even begin to approach James Dolan’s irrational confidence in this franchise. I thought it was bad when they kept talking about acquiring Rondo in a trade. Like look at this fucking roster you idiots. Who the fuck are you trading for a top flight point guard? But this Phil Jackson shit is just next level idiocy.
Phil fucking Jackson – the man notorious for only coaching teams with Hall of Fame talent on the precipice of not just one, but multiple championships – is going to come coach the shit filled diaper that is the New York Knicks? Thats a serious thought that runs through the head of James Dolan and the New York Knicks front office. “Hi Phil its Jim Dolan. We’ve been filling up this diaper with shit for more or less 15 years now. Do you want to come coach it?” I wonder what “reached out” even means because I’m not even sure Phil Jackson would take Dolan’s phone call. I think the Knicks are just saying this out loud to people hoping that Phil gets word and considers it. Almost like Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy. Just yelling “We want Phil Jackson to be our coach!” and considering that a formal offer.
Absolutely fucking laughable. Here’s a team with no future, no plan, no money, and no picks. Who the fuck in their right mind would come out of retirement for that garbage?
PS – Hilarious tweet from a Stoolie. This is honestly on par with the Knicks asking Phil Jackson to be their coach
Gothamist – The 18-year-old daughter suing her parents for financial support lost a Tuesday court hearing, where a judge noted that Rachel Canning had left an extremely disrespectful voicemail for her mother. And what did that voicemail say? “I wanna shit all over your face,” for starters. Rachel Canning, of Lincoln Park, NJ, contends that her parents essentially kicked her out and refuses to pay for her high school and college tuition. She also alleged they are controlling and abusive (she had an eating disorder) and wants them to pay for tuition, plus medical and legal expenses. Meanwhile, parents Sean and Elizabeth Canning say that Rachel refuses to abide by their rules (citing her alleged drunkenness and partying, bullying of siblings) and ran away to a friend’s house, thereby emancipating herself from their guardianship. According to the Daily Mail, the voicemail had Rachel saying:
Hi mom just to let you know you’re a real f**king winner aren’t you you think you’re so cool and you think you caught me throwing up in the bathroom after eating an egg frittatta, yeah sorry that you have problems now and you need to harp on mine because i didn’t and i actually took a s*** which i really just wanna s*** all over your face right now because it looks like that anyway, anyway i f***ing hate you and um I’ve written you off so don’t talk to me, don’t do anything I’m blocking you from just about everything, have a nice life, bye mom
I gotta be honest, when I first heard about this story, I couldn’t stand the daughter. I thought she was an enormous Seaward. Just a real bratty bitch trying to have her cake and eat it too. But just like any other story, you gotta wait till you have all the facts before you cast judgment. Just when I thought her parents were in the right, I find out Rachel wasn’t throwing up she was just taking a shit. How can anybody live in a house where they can’t even eat an egg frittatta and take a shit? Thats not a strict household, thats a concentration camp. Can’t even take a dump without being a accused of throwing up. I’d wanna shit all over my mom’s face too if she treated me like that.
Hard to believe the judge ruled against her after this piece of evidence came to light. The judge said ”Do we want to establish a precedent where parents live in basic fear of establishing rules of the house?” Well, your honor, I ask you this – do we want to establish a precedent where children can’t eat an egg frittatta and shit without being accused of puking? If you ask me, this judge took a shit all over the face of justice.
SAN ANTONIO —LeBron James refused to use it as an excuse. James scored just 19 points on 6 of 18 shooting in the Miami Heat’s loss to the San Antonio Spurs Thursday, but said the poor performance may have been a result of his uniform. Both teams wore the NBA’s new sleeve jerseys. “I’m not making excuses,” James said. “I’m not a big fan of the jerseys, not a big fan of them. I’ve got to figure something out the next time I wear the short-sleeved jerseys.” James will not have to worry about the jerseys, with this being the last game this season the Heat wear them. He said the sleeve jerseys affected his jumpshot because of the tight fit. “I already don’t have much room for error on my jumpers,” James said. James wasn’t alone in complaining. Spurs guard Manu Ginobili and forward Kawhi Leonard both expressed their displeasure in wearing the jerseys. Giniboli wore a uniform one size bigger to improve comfort. “I got a bigger size,” Ginobili said. “In the morning, I went to shoot and I felt it was a little tight … In my case, the size I usually play with it, I had to bump one more because I need the freedom. I’m not used to playing with braces, pads, stuff like that.” Added Leonard, “I don’t like the sleeve jerseys, either. Just something I’m not used to. Just felt a little tight.” Heat guard Dwyane Guard and center Chris Bosh were also among those to complain. Bosh was the only member of Miami’s Big Three to shoot 50 percent from the field. “I’m not as big as LeBron,” Bosh said. “His shoulders are a little bit bigger than mine. He likes to wear smaller sizes. He kept saying it was tugging on his underarm a little bit. I’ve always said I’m more of an old-school type of basketball player. They’ve been having tank top jerseys for 100 years. They should keep it that way.” Wade would prefer to wear traditional jerseys, but said the sleeves weren’t the cause of the Heat’s worst loss of the season. “It ain’t the reason we lost,” Wade said. “You’re just not used to it. They [the Spurs] didn’t have a problem with it. It is what it is. Let’s not make this about a jersey, please. We got our butts kicked. That’s it.”
I’m not making any excuses but here come my excuses! Sounds like Portnoy backtracking during a Bro Show. I’m pretty sure just about everybody on the planet agrees that the sleeved jerseys suck, but when you’re the best player on earth you shouldn’t be blaming your wardrobe for shooting 30% from the floor and getting your doors blown off by the Spurs. I mean the guy just wrapped up dropping 61 while we’re a plastic mask strapped to his face. I’m pretty sure Lebron has the capability to overcome a little discomfort on the floor. I’m sure there were more Lebron post game quotes about the real reason they lost and I’m sure this is just being zeroed in on because its a headline, but the bottom line is a player of his caliber can’t be saying shit like that. Can you imagine Derek Jeter ever saying anything that would possibly hint he played poorly because of his uniform or some shit? He would never give the media any quotes where he could be painted like a crybaby. The greats can’t be saying weak shit like that.
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Introducing Sam from Great Neck. Good lord this girl is hot and a perfect end to a monster smokeshow week.
Know any pretty ladies? Email a name and facebook link to email@example.com to nominate
29 years on this earth, and all I have to show for it is this montage of embarrassing photos and video. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go drink Espresso Martinis until I puke. Might even wear a tiara and a sash too. Stretch it out into a Birthday Week like chicks do.
Thanks to Gaz and Handsome Hank. Nicest gift I’ve ever gotten.
Last year we did a hockey tournament, and that marked the beginning of my tenure as an Isles fan. Decided to hop on the bandwagon to even out my life as a sports fan. You can’t be a Mets, Jets and Knicks fan without tossing in the Isles. So I drafted Tavares, he had like 2 or 3 goals, the Isles beat the Capitals on the road and bingo bango the wagon was rolling. Right through to the postseason and into a great series with the Pens.
Now we’re about a calendar year later and all four tires have blown out and I’m sitting on the side of the road with that piece of shit Garth Snow wondering where we went wrong.
So today, on the unofficial anniversary of me throwing myself into the Isles bonfire, and on my 29th birthday, I think I deserve to win $10,000. The rest of you suckers are playing for second place
$22 to enter
$40,000 in prizes
First place gets $10,000
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