Redman Absolutely Crushing Life In The Club With A Bunch Of White Girls

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Well this warms my heart. A real nice pick me up on yet another cold depressing Monday morning. Reggie Noble, The Funk Doctor Spock still living large drowning in pussy and champagne in the club with white chicks. Whats funny is I dont think Redman ever did this shit in his prime. Like even when Da Rockwilder came out I think he was still just a grimy poor dude from Newark. Remember when he did Cribs at his Staten Island house and it was just like a piece of shit crack den?

So the fact that in 2015 he’s crushing it in the club makes zero sense. But goddamit do I love it. I’m just going to assume that Method Man was the man behind the camera taking the picture because I just assume Redman and Method Man are literally never separated. I picture them double teaming all these girls and then sleeping together in bunk beds like a ghetto version of Step Brothers.  Doc-Meth back in the flesh, blood and bones!

Now send out the smoke patrol on all these chicks, especially the one holding her tits up in the black dress. Need instagram names ASAP. Cue the motherfuckin music!

Shout out to BSO for the pics

By KFC posted March 2nd, 2015 at 11:10 AM

Michael Cuddyer Is Deaf

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PORT ST. LUCIE Michael Cuddyer has barely played left field in his career, but is willing to give it a shot if it helps the Mets. Manager Terry Collins revealed Sunday he is considering the idea of keeping Curtis Granderson as the right fielder and asking Cuddyer to play left — a position at which he has started only three games in his 13-year major-league career. Cuddyer is deaf in his left ear as the result of a childhood virus, but said hearing the center fielder call for a ball won’t be an issue if he’s asked to play left. “Not even in the slightest,” Cuddyer said.  Cuddyer says left field shouldn’t be an issue for him. “I don’t have much experience, but there’s no saying I can’t go over there and learn,” he said. “I take a lot of pride in being an athlete, not just a right fielder or a first baseman, just being a baseball player.”

Hilarious. Put this one on the resume, folks. Another classic Mets moment. Your big free agent acquisition of the off season is deaf. Just cracks me up. Yesterday Mets twitter was like genuinely upset over this because people fear that he wont be able to hear the centerfielder call him off for a fly ball. People discussing whether he can hear the crack of the bat and shit. I think this will affect him approximately 0% on the baseball field. Whether or not he can just seamlessly make the switch to left field in general is a different matter, but being deaf in one ear isnt gonna be a problem.

But its just another hilarious Mets move. I mean look at that picture. Cuddyer looks like he was a special guest veteran invited to spring training to come talk to the team or something. Looks like he’s a manager of some sort. I know the guy can swing the bat, and he was definitely an upgrade over anyone else we were gonna trot out there in left. But when you take a step back and look at it, the Mets big free agent signing is a gray haired deaf dude with man boobs. I hope he makes me eat my words and plays like 130 games and rakes, but its hard to get excited about the team’s big addition when you find out he doesnt even have all 5 senses.

By KFC posted March 2nd, 2015 at 10:20 AM

Lebron Posts Emotional Mirror Selfie After Yesterdays Loss To Houston

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It was a real tough lost for Lebron last night. He finished with 37 but was 15-35 from the field, got kicked in the dick by James Harden, and shot 3-11 from the line including 2 straight bricks with 4 seconds left in OT to lose the game. Immediately was subjected to a flood of “Michael Jordan wouldnt have missed those free throws” from the social media world and so after the game, King James took to Instagram to vent. Some jibberish caption and a denim button up with a puppy dog look gazing into the mirror. On the one hand, probably the lamest thing I’ve seen an athlete of his caliber do. I mean this is straight up chick behavior. RGIII probably liked this photo and commented on it. On the other hand, Lebron’s hairline has magically reappeared again, so you can kinda understand where he’s coming from. Win or lose when your ever-changing hairline is on point, you have to post a selfie for the world to see.

A lot of people are saying the infamous Arod kissing himself shot is a more embarrassing mirror picture.

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Gotta disagree on that one. I mean dont get me wrong, the Arod picture is legendarily bad. Kissing yourself when you’re an ego maniac is kind of a cocky move but no matter what that picture was an F-. But the difference is it was a magazine. We’ve seen photographers do all sorts of weird shit with athletes. Kobe in the white pilgrim outfit, Tom Brady with the goats. These weird things happen when you’re posing for an artsy photoshoot. But Lebron did this pouty picture all on his own. Coupled with a 14 year old girl caption for motivation and I think Lebron takes the cake.

Who ya got…

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By KFC posted March 2nd, 2015 at 9:30 AM

Rangers Trade Duclair, John Moore & 2016 First-Rounder For Keith Yandle

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Holy moly.

Yotes also picking up 50% of Yandle’s salary makes room for this:

First impression – McDonagh/Yandle/Girardi/Staal/Klein/Boyle…for whatever gripes you have with some of them, that’s a pretty massive 6-man rotation. Yandle is undoubtedly one of the best blueliners with the puck & will be a legitimate PP QB as his league-leading 24 assists with the man advantage suggest. His defensive abilities, however, are questionable. His HERO chart shows he’s actually pretty bad – but that could be in part due to the weak team around him.

Yandle

The Rangers biggest issue of late has been defensive breakdowns. Yandle doesn’t seem to be the guy who’s gonna help there. Coughing up a prospect like Duclair and a #1 is a high price to pay regardless of the depth at wing that’s still in the system. You’d think those pieces could’ve been used to shore up weaknesses instead of adding offense to one of the highest scoring teams in the league – but Yandle is one of the best back-end point producers there are.

Losing Duclair doesn’t hurt immediately if they lock up Zuccarello. Nash/Zucc/Hayes/Kreider will be the top 4 wingers for the near future & they still have another prospect in Pavel Buchnevich. Yandle is under contract through next season so the defensive corps will be the same next year & no doubt they’ll re-sign Stepan to stick around with Brass & Dom Moore up the middle. There’s still some question marks (Hags, Marty, finding another C) but the Blueshirts are better now and next year for sure. With their all-world netminder turning 33 tomorrow, their Cup hope is now and they’re doing everything they can to make it a reality. There’s no telling where this team may be in 5 years or so with all they’ve sacrificed, but as a fan you have to love your team taking calculated risks to bring us a parade. VIVA LA BLUESHIRTS!!!

UPDATE: Stempniak moved to Winnipeg for Carl Klingberg (who will probably be sent down). 4th rounder moved to San Jose for former first-round pick C James Sheppard (UFA next year & Sharks eating some of his remaining $1.3 mil), which satisfies a need for a natural center in the bottom-six. Big day for the Blueshirts.

By 610 posted March 1st, 2015 at 4:22 PM

New York Giants Send Gift Package To Fan With Special Needs

 

Really heartwarming video and a class move by the Giants organization. Seeing an organization give back to it’s fans and  make a difference in one kid’s day, hell probably brightening up his entire week, really makes you feel good about rooting for a team. And as much as sports are a business and at the end of the day, we are essentially rooting for corporations, it’s a nice reminder that teams can have a human heart and give back to their communities. Enjoy your gifts, Michael.

 

PS-  Awesome move by Michael to immediately think to type a Thank You note. I always think “I should write a Thank You note” and then never do and put off doing it until it’s way too late and end up looking like an ungrateful jerk.

 

PPS- The best gift in that package is the Super Bowl DVD. I love that kind of stuff. I actually still watch Super Bowl 42 and Super Bowl 46 in their entireties once or twice a year. I also should probably pick up a hobby or something.

By charliewisco posted February 28th, 2015 at 2:09 PM

The Girl Scouts Cookie Oven Is The Best Idea I Have Heard In Years

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Huffington Post- A new functional toy called the Girl Scouts Cookie Oven lets you make your own Girl Scouts cookies in the comfort of your own home. According to the Wicked Cool Toys press release, the oven will hit mass market retailers starting in Fall 2015. Cookie coveters will have the opportunity to bake classics like Thin Mints, Trefoils, Chocolate Peanut Butter, Coconut Caramel, Chocolate Chip, Sugar, Oatmeal and PB Sandwich.

The toy works similarly to an Easy Bake Oven, with a kid-safe heat source and a viewing window so bakers can watch their cookies rise. The oven retails for $59.99 and assorted retail packs range from $6.99 to $14.99. A standard box of Girl Scouts Cookies typically costs about $5, so consumers will have to decide if year-round cookie access is a worthy investment.

 

First we had Girl Scout Cookie flavored ice cream, then the ability to order Girl Scout Cookies online, and now this?  It seems like the Girl Scouts are just killing it in the 21st century.  I love this idea with all my heart.  The biggest problem with Girl Scout Cookies is that they only be bought at a certain time of the year and you need to know a girl scout in order to buy them.  But now you can just buy this oven and start pumping out Samoas by the baker’s dozen.

And while some people may find it childish or girly to own what amounts to an Easy Bake Oven, there is nothing childish or girly about blacking out from eating so many Girl Scout Cookies.  In fact, that could be considered the modern day American dream.  Plus, I have never had raw cookie dough for any of the Girl Scout Cookie flavors, but I bet it is somehow even better than chocolate chip cookie dough.  And don’t talk to me about salmonella or any diseases you can get from eating raw cookie dough.  That is false propaganda being served by women around the world that don’t want their boyfriends/husbands to get into the batter and truly enjoy life.

However, I noticed the Girl Scouts didn’t give any type of price break, charging $60 for an oven that is powered by a tiny light bulb and $7-15 per box of mix.  But I guess you can just bake the cookies for yourself and sell some extras on the side.  Undercut the living shit out of the scouts.  These girls need to learn just how ruthless life can be in the cutthroat business world. I still don’t understand why Tom Green’s Undercutters business failed, other than the crazy neighbor that wanted to kill him.

 

And just a brief reminder of the only correct Top 3 rankings for Girl Scout Cookies:

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3. Thin Mints: The Kobe Bryant of Girl Scout cookies.  Both have been around forever and have a ton of fan fare.  But their reputations these days are better than their actual performance.  Putting Thin Mints in the freezer is like Kobe getting his blood doctored in Germany.  It helps for a short time, but they will never be the best again.

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2. Tagalongs: These things are the clear #2 and are peanut buttery smooth like Kevin Durant.  But they miss that extra gear to put them over the top.

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1. Samoas: Caramel, chocolate, and coconut on a cookie is the complete package.  Samoas are like LeBron James.  They are the best around and any debate trying to prove otherwise is just hating on the king.

By theclemreport posted February 28th, 2015 at 1:52 PM

Alexey Shved Proved Last Night That He Is All About That #Knickstank Life With The Most Ridiculous Shot I Have Ever Seen

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It is nice to see that the newest Knick was able to come in and get acquainted to New York’s tanking ways quickly.  That was like some sort of NBA2K15 glitch and it has left me mesmerized.  I have watched it about 500 times and I still don’t know what the hell Shved was thinking.  So I will tell myself that the shot was the Knicks’ declaration that they are going to tank harder than any team in the league, regardless of how embarrassing it may be.  The Knicks basically just pissed on the floor of Adam Silver and all the other tanking teams like A-Rod allegedly did to Cousin Yuri   The Knicks may have won the battle (last night’s game) but they will lose the war (probably go 2-23 the rest of the way in an effort to lock up the lottery).

And since today is just a shitty day for Knicks fans, lets go down memory lane to remember how we got to this point as a franchise.  From missing out on MVP candidates and legit stars to that Shved shot:

2006: 1st round pick traded to Chicago in Eddy Curry deal (which was used on LaMarcus Aldridge)

2007

 

2007: 1st round pick swapped with Chicago in Eddy Curry deal (which was used on Joakim Noah)

2008

 

2008: Just missed out on Russell Westbrook and Kevin Love for the Italian Cock

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2009: Missed out on Stephen Curry by 1 pick for noted bum Jordan Hil

2009

 

2010: Traded their 1st round pick in the Stephon Marbury abortion (which was later shipped to Utah and became Gordon Hayward, which was the pick before Paul George was selected)

2010

 

That was the blogger version of the Eminem lyric:

Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It’s like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me

By theclemreport posted February 28th, 2015 at 11:18 AM

Rest In Peace Anthony Mason

 

 

 

Damn, just terrible news this morning that Anthony Mason has passed away.  All the recent updates that had come out about big Mase was that he was slowly improving, so it’s hard not to be taken aback that he is gone just like that.  Like I said when he first went into the hospital, it was ironic that he had an issue with his heart, since Mason was a huge part of the heart of those 90s Knicks (which was a team basically built on heart and hustle).  I have some friends that would see Mase at St John’s games and said he was an awesome guy who loved hanging out and talking hoops with fans.  Obviously thoughts and prayers to all of Mason’s friends and family.  This news makes a really shitty Knicks season just that much worse.

Here are some memories of Mason playing during the glory days of the Knicks.  Man those teams were great.  Even though they never brought a title to New York, the city loved them.  And I mean LOVED them.  Knicks fans don’t have many happy memories to talk about, but once names like Mason, Oakley, Starks, Ewing, and Harper start getting thrown around, a twinkle appears in their eyes.  Having to deal with bandwagon Bulls fans in school was the worst, but representing a team that had guts and fought made it easier to do.  You knew you were getting every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears from every player on the roster. And Mase was at the top of that list.  Sure he was a bruiser, but Mason had great moves under the basket and even worked his way into becoming an All-Star point forward.  R.I.P. Big Man.

This scene from the 30 For 30 Winning Time stil gives me goosebumps.  Just a different breed of player than today’s NBA.

 

And of course, whenever you mention Anthony Mason, you have to talk about his hair.  He made shaving words and pictures in your head cool back in the 90s.  I remember the Garden would be buzzing about what new hairstyle Mason had.  Here are the Top 5 hair designs from Anthony Mason’s career:

 

5. In God’s Hands:  Mason said this was his favorite haircut in an interview with SI, so I had to put it on the list just because of that.  

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4. Dogg Pound: Dogg was the word of the early-90s, with Death Row Records having a monopoly on hip hop. Try playing basketball against a guy with the words Dogg Pound shaved into his head and try not to be intimidated. You can’t.

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3. New York Yankees Symbol: I may be a Yankees hater, but obviously their logo is iconic.  Being a Knick with that logo shaved into your head, as both teams were on the rise made Mason the coolest guy in New York.

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2. Knicks And Number 14:  For my money, this was the most difficult haircut to pull off.  The Knicks letters kind of curved like the logo, and adding the number 14 inside was a nice little touch.  

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1. M*A*S*E:  Getting your own nickname shaved into your head as you played enforcer for the 90s Knicks made Mason the baddest man on the planet in many peoples’ eyes (mine included).  

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I think it would be pretty cool if some NBA players shaved something into their head in honor of Mason this weekend.  I wrote M*A*S*E in my head, but I am just some random blogger with limited visibility.  Hopefully someone (preferably in the Knicks franchise) decides to represent the fallen Mase one way or another.

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By theclemreport posted February 28th, 2015 at 10:01 AM
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