Redneck Does A Trick Shot With A Flaming Golf Ball And Of Course Lights Himself On Fire

 

“Trick shot” might be a stretch.  ”Getting drunk and wanting to blow something up” might be more accurate.  Be more redneck than the guys in that video, you can’t.  Dressed head to toe in camouflage, talking like rednecks talk and doing something stupid like lighting a golf ball on fire (and probably dousing the club in gasoline) and let’s see what happens!  BOOM!  Fireball and the one guy catches on fire.  This might sound weird but do you ever wish you were a redneck?  The obvious answer is no but some times I wish I was.  The greatest thing rednecks have going for them is they don’t they’re rednecks.  They’re completely oblivious to the fact that the way they do things is fucking insane.  Think about it.  All you do is drink and do stupid shit and it’s totally acceptable because people long ago agreed that rednecks can do whatever they want as long as we get to laugh from the outside looking in.  I guarantee these guys creating a giant fire ball was just a regular Friday night. What do you wanna do tonight?  ”I wanna hit a flaming golf ball and see what the fuck happens” is a great answer.  Don’t get me wrong, I like my civilized life here in Iowa but there’s a good chance I’d swap it out in a heart beat to become a give-no-fucks redneck.

 

 

By trent posted August 22nd, 2014 at 10:50 AM

Chick Spends 15 Years And Over $200,000 To Have Her Nipples Turned Into The Shape Of Hearts After Seeing A Caricature Of Herself

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Metro- A woman has spent 15 years and £130,000 on surgery to make her look like a holiday caricature – even having her nipples tattooed as hearts. Krystina Butel, 30, began her extreme transformation after having a caricature of herself drawn while on holiday in Ibiza when she was 15. ‘When I saw the picture for the first time, I was jealous of it,’ she said told the Sun. ‘The cartoon woman was glamorous – she was everything I wanted to be.’ Krystina, from Wakefield, Yorkshire, spent the fortune on a host of cosmetic surgeries, including Botox, semi-permanent make-up and five boob jobs increasing her from a 32D to a 36K. The drawing even inspired her to reshape her nipples into two hearts with the help of a local tattoo artist. The salon owner says her looks often bring her negative attention, with people pointing and laughing at her in the street. However, her fiancée David Scriven is completely supportive of her.

To see the very NSFW heart-shaped nipples, click here.

 

Honest opinion?  I don’t hate it.  I really don’t.  I don’t hate that chick’s heart-shaped nipples one bit.  Spreading the gospel of love around with those heart-shaped nipples sitting atop her 36K boobs.  Kinda cool.  ELE.  Everybody love everybody.  One of those things where if you were about to have sex with Krystina, she’d whip off her bra and you’d go “Hey, that’s interesting and a tad mesmerizing.”  They won’t blow your mind or anything.  Just a nice little touch that you’ll likely forget about two seconds later.  It could be worse.  They could be swastikas.  If nothing else, you got laid and now you have a go-to sex story to tell your buddies.  It’s gonna be hard for anyone to top the time you went heels to Jesus with a chick who had heart-shaped nipples.  The creepy part of the story though is this chick seeing a caricature of herself and saying, “Yep I want to look like that.  EXACTLY like that and I plan to spend the next 15 tears and hundreds of thousands of dollars to look just like it.”  That’s beyond odd.  A caricature, by definition, is something that takes a couple of your features and completely blows them out of proportion so you look like a goddamn idiot.  It even says in the article that people stare and point and laugh at her on the street.  Yeah, no shit lady.  You look completely ridiculous.  Whenever people point and laugh at her Botox-filled face she should immediately flash them.  The conversation will then switch from “That chick is gross” to “Did she have heart-shaped nipples?”  ELE.

But again, I’d like to state that I’m on board with heart-shaped nipples.

By trent posted August 22nd, 2014 at 10:10 AM

Artie Lange Went On The Tonight Show And Told A Story About Banging Two Strippers In Vegas

 

Legend.  An absolute legend.  Artie Lange.  Everybody else goes on Fallon or Letterman or Conan to promote a shitty movie or TV show they made and to make awkward small talk with the host.  What does Artie Lange do?  He tells a wildly inappropriate story about the time he banged two strippers in Vegas, took a bunch of pills that made him paranoid and how he stopped them from stealing any of his stuff by forcing them to clap non-stop while he went took a dump.  Artie continues to be one of the funniest and best story tellers on the planet.  Add this to the list of stories that proves if you’re rich and famous you can get anything you want.  A non-funny version of a guy who looks exactly like Artie Lange doesn’t get handed $5,000 in chips, a luxury suite and two hot strippers to fuck.  He just doesn’t.  He buys a few lottery tickets at the gas station on the corner and goes home to his trailer to jerk off.  I also love that Artie wears the same thing whether he’s going to a shit hole diner in New Jersey or if he’s going on the Tonight Show.  No difference at all in his wardrobe choice.  He’s the same guy all the time.  It’s awesome.  By the way, you could tell me Artie’s gonna be dead tomorrow and I’d believe you.

 

And then of course there’s this.  Which might be the single greatest moment in television history.

 

 

PS- Dirty Work is one of the most underrated movies of all time.

By trent posted August 22nd, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Barstool NYC Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Maria

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Introducing Maria from CW Post.  Everything this girl is doing is just right.  Absolute smokestack to close out the week.

 

Know any smokes? Email a name and Facebook link to beardobarstool@gmail.com to nominate

 

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By beardo posted August 21st, 2014 at 5:33 PM

Lawyer In Hot Water For Asking Office Manager If She Wanted A “Dirty Sanchez” And Telling Her To “Eat A Bowl Of Dicks”

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Law360 – The Law Offices of Finnegan & Diba was sued in California court on Monday by a former office manager who claims she was the subject of racist and sexist jokes and was on the receiving end of a bite from the firm’s managing partner. Plaintiff Passion Miller, a former legal secretary and office manager at Finnegan & Diba, alleged that the firm’s managing partner Kasey Diba physically intimidated and bit her and that his brother Roddy Diba, the firm’s marketing director, often made lewd jokes and remarks of a racial and sexual nature toward her. As examples of the verbal abuse she allegedly endured, Miller cited examples of Roddy Diba calling her a “bitch,” asking her if she wanted a “dirty Sanchez” and telling her to “eat a bowl of dicks,” according to the complaint. Also, Roddy Diba — who was also, at times, general manager of the office — often leered at Miller as well as other female employees and clients, and asked Miller to “model” for him, the suit alleged. Additionally, Kasey Diba regularly screamed at Miller and the firm’s other female employees. In Miller’s case, he would throw books at her and, on one occasion, bit her, the suit said.

I can’t think of anything more disrespectful than asking someone if they “want” a Dirty Sanchez. Thats almost worse than actually giving someone a Dirty Sanchez. Just such a slap in the face to be like “Hey do you want me to stick my finger in your ass and then smear your poop across your upper lip?” The bowl of dicks and the biting and the book throwing can all be dealt with. But tossing a rhetorical “do you want a Dirty Sanchez?” is where I’d draw the line too.

At the same time though if you’re a chick you gotta see the silver lining here and take it as a compliment. This is just like the adult version of picking on the girl you have a crush on during recess. A little bite here and there is a sign that you’re sexy. Guys don’t bite fat chicks like that. They don’t want to give Dirty Sanchez’s to ugly girls. They might throw books at fat girls, but thats a different story. Bottom line is a guy telling you to eat a bowl of dicks biting you and talking about putting his finger in your butt probably has a pretty major crush on you. Not saying that you have to like that or reciprocate but I’m just saying its a pretty big compliment actually.

By KFC posted August 21st, 2014 at 4:40 PM

People Complaining About Fat Shaming In New Scooby Doo Movie Where Daphne Gets Cursed And Balloons Up To Size 8

NYDN - Jinkies! The long-running “Scooby Doo” cartoon is getting some negative attention for its newest movie storyline. ”Scooby Doo! Frankencreepy,” which was released direct to DVD on Tuesday, has some parents concerned for their kids over more than just a scary monster. The latest plot sees the famous crime-solving gang subject to each of their worst nightmares in the form of a curse by the Frankencreep monster. For Daphne, a “curse” means ballooning from her slender size 2 to a “size 8.” The bloated cartoon depiction of the beloved character’s appearance as a size 8 is what has some social media users up in arms. Many have noted that Daphne appears much bigger than what a size 8 woman would look like, but the larger issue is apparently that the Warner Bros. cartoon film chose to inflict a curse of fatness on a female character. ”It’s sad to think that my daughter can’t even watch a cartoon about a dog solving mysteries without negative body stereotypes being thrown in her face,” Tom Burns writes in a blog post for The Good Men Project.  But the studio behind “Scooby Doo” issued a statement defending its storyline for “Frankencreep,” saying the point of Daphne’s transformation was to show that appearance doesn’t matter. ”The message is actually a much more positive one,” Warner Bros. said in astatement to The Huffington Post. ”While Daphne is at first upset by the sudden change, there is a touching moment where Fred points out that he didn’t even notice a change and that she always looks great to him … The loss of Daphne’s regular appearance is proven to be a superficial thing, and not what actually matters the most to her.” At the end of the movie, Velma points out that the curse didn’t take away “what means the most to each of them: their friendship,” Warner Bros. said, explaining that Daphne’s narcissism was the real issue. ”I actually have to defend the writers here because Daphne realized she was being superficial throughout that story arc,” one reviewer said on Amazon.

Few things here – 1) If you’re losing sleep over fat shaming on a straight-t0-DVD Scooby Doo release, you need to kill yourself. Find the nearest toaster, draw yourself a nice hot bath, and do a cannonball right up in that bitch. Because that means in all likelihood you’re a fat piece of shit, and you’re an uptight asshole.

2) People complaining that the way Fat Daphne is depicted is way larger than a Size 8:

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You people out there really think anybody is sitting there measuring whether Fat Daphne is a size 8 or a size 10 or a size 12? Point is she’s fucking fat, and if you’re a size 8 you’re fat. We all know what happens if you’re a size 6. Size 8 is just that much worse. Nobody cares about her exact measurements and the inconsistency of the Scooby Doo animators. Bottom line is Daphne used to be a smoke and now she’s been cursed to become a fatso.

3) Lets cut the shit with this “Fred doesn’t care” nonsense – “Fred points out that he didn’t even notice a change and that she always looks great to him.” Yea, ok. Sure thing. Fred doesn’t care that he used to have the sexiest, dumbest, sluttiest member of the gang. Now he’s got a heifer with a fat curse. You think he’s ok with that? The only reason Fred tolerated Daphne’s dumb ass in the first place is because she looked like this:

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Complete fucking sex bomb. Now you’re a Size 8. I bet Fred would rather jerk off into that handkerchief of his than fuck Fat Daphne.

4) That fucking dyke Velma can pipe down about Daphne’s narcissism. Hey Velma if I need to find out the square root of this apartment I’ll ask for you and your calculator. Otherwise shut the fuck up.

5) The thought that Daphne learned a lesson about being superficial is LAUGHABLE – No doubt in my mind Daphne turned bulimic to try to overcome this curse.

PS – Google “Sexy Daphne Scooby Doo” if you want a good laugh and a strange, questionable erection.

By KFC posted August 21st, 2014 at 3:50 PM

Lindsay Lohan Did The Ice Bucket Challenge In the Middle Of The Club Except Nobody Was Filming It

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Page SixLindsay Lohan’s triumphant return to New York night life continues to be a disaster. After a lengthy trip to Europe, La Lohan is back in Manhattan and ready for drama. Not deterred after her credit card was refused as she tried to pay a $2,500 bill for a table of vodka at 1Oak Southampton on Saturday, the starlet headed back into the city for more action. She appeared at Up & Down on Monday, where sources tell us she insisted on doing the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge in the middle of the venue, using two Champagne buckets. While the former OWN star did drench herself with ice water, unfortunately nobody appears to have been focused enough to catch it on video for the ensuing social media blitz. Tuesday night, Lindsay was back in action at 1Oak in Chelsea, where a huge commotion kicked off after she sat herself at the “high-roller table,” and then “was furious when the person who had a reservation for the table arrived and she was asked to move. She stormed out of the club.”

Lets just clear this up, LiLo – if you just dump the ice bucket from your bottle service on your head without nominating anybody or filming it, you’re not doing the ALS Challenge. You’re just being the shitfaced train wreck you always are. All Lindsay needs now is some sort of Cancer Challenge where you blow a bunch of coke and an Ebola Challenge where you fuck all sorts of random dudes and and AIDS challenge where you drive drunk and she can pretty much excuse all of her behavior on charity “challenges.” Imagine Lohan just being like “I accept the Ebola Strange Dick challenge and I nominate Amanda Bynes, Courtney Stodden and Courtney Love!” and then she does some coke and starts blowing some dude? If we can start a viral challenge like that Ebola will be cured by Sunday.

Never Forget:

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By KFC posted August 21st, 2014 at 3:00 PM

Chick Named Dong Arrested For Offering $30 Happy Endings At Massage Parlor

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NY Post – That’s one way of helping customers relax. A worker at a spa in Gramercy Park became a walking stereotype for sleazy massage parlors — when she offered to top off the rub-down with a $30 hand job, police sources said. The masseuse, named Dong Wei — pronounced “Dong Way” — allegedly haggled for a price before offering the happy ending at the spa on East 23rd Street and Lexington Avenue at around 5:45 p.m. on Aug.14 , the police sources said. Wei, 29, of Flushing was charged with prostitution. A manager at the spa called it a misunderstanding. “I talked to her — she did nothing,” Ricky Wang,35, told The Post. “She doesn’t speak English… She didn’t say yes or no. At our spa, we don’t do anything prostitution,” said Wang. The undercover officer solicited her for the sex act, she said. Several other police officers were waiting outside during the massage, which took place in a private room, she said. Three other employees at the spa were also busted for performing massages without a license, according to police sources. They include Xiu Ling Fu, 37; Jian Yi Gao, 26; and Qingling Chai, 36. Wei couldn’t be reached immediately on Wednesday.

You know sometimes I try to explain to people that blogging isn’t as easy as it seems. Try to explain that churning out blogs every 40 minutes trying to be funny all day long chained to the internet 24/7 isn’t all its cracked up to be. Sometime finding material and finding a funny angle is actually pretty hard.

This is not one of those times. Sometimes, these blogs just write themselves. When a chick named Dong working for a guy named Wang is accused of trying to give out 30 dollar hand jobs, thats what I like to call a layup. I think my favorite part of this story is the defense Ricky Wang offered up. “She didn’t say yes or no.” Like technically there was never an officially agreement. Sure, its a pretty safe assumption that if she’s haggling over the price of the Dong Special, she’s probably talking about jerking your dick off. But who knows, man. Shes Asian. She doesn’t speak english. Some undercover cop comes asking to get his dick jerked off trying to entrap Dong and she just sits there with a blank Asian stare and a giggle, no doubt. Maybe she was saying $30 for 30 more minutes or something. Chances are Dong and Wang are absolutely in the business of stroking dicks but if there’s no English agreement and no hand job then there’s no prostitution.

By KFC posted August 21st, 2014 at 2:10 PM
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