Barstool NYC Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Tiffani

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Introducing Tiffani from Hofstra.  Potato sack city, NY!  Perfect start to the week with the definition of what you should bring home to the parents.

 

Tiffani and the Hofstra crew are invited to Barstool New York College Football Party This Saturday at Suite 36 in Herald Square.  It’s looking like theres going to be a lot of great looking people going and reping their schools.

No Cover, This Saturday starting around 2 PM.  Check out the Facebook invite and we’ll see you Saturday.

 

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By beardo posted September 15th, 2014 at 5:42 PM

Orange Is The New Black Writer Divorces Her Husband After Realizing She’s A Lesbian Through Writing The Show

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Gothamist –  One of the main writers for Netflix’s Orange Of The New Black has filed for divorce from her husband after realizing, through writing the show, that she’s a lesbian. Lauren Morelli and her husband of two years, Steve Basilone, recently filed a joint petition for divorce according toTMZ. Morelli started writing for Orange less than half a year after getting married to Basilone, and realized that she was gay after writing for the main character Piper. In the series, Piper is a bisexual woman who is reunited with her former lover when she is sent to an all-women prison. “I found a mouthpiece for my own desires and a glimmer of what my future could look like,”she wrote of her realization, back in May. Her new squeeze, now that she knows where her heart truly lies? OITNB’s own Samira Wiley, who plays Poussey Washington on the show. 

Fucking chicks man. They are so goddam confused like 100% of the time. They cant decide what they want to eat. They cant decide what they want to wear. Cant decide where they want to go. And they cant decide if they like dick or vagina. Its honestly almost impressive how indecisive chicks can be. They’ll decide to be vegetarians at the drop of a hat. Chop of all their hair and look like a 12 year old boy just because they “needed a change.” So it doesnt surprise me one bit that this girl convinced herself to be gay after writing for this show. Ho hum I’m straight I love my husband I love men I love this job writing this show about a lot of lesbians oh its a smash hit we won a bunch of Emmys I’m gay! Thats exactly how it played out in this girl’s head. Because thats just how wacky these girls can be. Her next gig will be like some 50 Shades of Grey writing and she’ll probably flip flop back to being straight. They are fickle beasts that can’t be trusted.

PS – You really couldnt tell? Nobody could? If you’re a dude and you marry a chick who looks and dresses like that you do not get to play the Surprised Card when she dumps you for a chick. Thats something you should have seen coming a mile away, brotha.

By KFC posted September 15th, 2014 at 5:00 PM

Whats Up With The Jets/Pats Fan In The Verizon Commercial?

Most confusing commercial on TV. Why would a Jets fan be day dreaming about scoring a touchdown as a Patriot? Or if he was supposed to be a Pats fan all along, why would you put the Jets football there? Just none of it makes any sense and it PISSES me off every time I see it. Stupid Jetriots fan commercial.

Then on the flip side of things you’ve got McConaughey in this Lincoln commercial which is fucking awesome:

I dont know why its awesome and I dont know why McConaughey is so cool even though he’s doing nothing, but he is.

By KFC posted September 15th, 2014 at 4:30 PM

Fat Joe Dropped 100 Pounds And Crushed New York Fashion Week

Harlem's Fashion Row 7th Annual Fashion Show And Style Awards Harlem's Fashion Row 7th Annual Fashion Show And Style Awards Harlem's Fashion Row 7th Annual Fashion Show And Style Awards

 

Joe Crack The Don! Lookin trim as a motherfucker just absolutely murdering the Pilgrim-Meets-Matrix look. Like if Neo landed on Plymouth Rock, that would be the outfit he was wearing. I mean, is that a cape? Thats a fucking cape. Just dripping with style. From Diggin in The Crates to the Terror Squad to New York Fashion Week, Fat Joe is the Crack Of All Trades.  And you know he’s just running triz left and right now that he’s down a hundred pounds. Officially King of Skinny Fat. Fat Joe, Jonah Hill, Al Roker and Rex Ryan running train on the women of NYC

Now put the fuckin mic on!

By KFC posted September 15th, 2014 at 4:00 PM

Chick Gives A Whole Tutorial On How To Make Your Boobs Huge By Stuffing Your Bra With Socks


Breast Enlargement Socks by videofalcons

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After:

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Hey listen I’m not a fan of false advertising. When you take a girl home and take her bra off and socks are flying everywhere like when you open up the door to the dryer, thats not fair. If you were hoping for big old titties in your face and when the time comes you’re not getting them, that stinks. But here’s the thing – in the heat of the moment, as you’re about to have sex with that girl, you 500% do not care. Big, medium, small, you’re just pumped this chick is about to let you inside of her. And whats even more important, is even though this was all an illusion, everyone at the bar or the party who saw her still thinks you’re having sex with the blonde with the great rack. So even though you maybe didn’t get to motorboat exactly how you thought you would, or didn’t get as much bounce as you were hoping for, bottom line is you’re still getting credit for nailing the chick with the great tits. Thats more important than actually nailing a chick with great tits, you know? You’re still having sex with this chick anyway and everyone is like “Yea man! You fucked that big titted girl!” Just the same way she has the reputation of being a chick with huge boobs even though she isnt, you get the rep of being the guy who fucks chicks with big boobs even though you didnt.

What more can you ask for? Again it would be nice if it was actual boobs and not bras with socks but who cares. They looks great. She’s happy and confident, you’re happy and confident, nobody has to know the truth except for you and her and by that point you’re already having sex. Its a win win for everyone involved as far as I’m concerned.

By KFC posted September 15th, 2014 at 3:30 PM

Game of Leagues: Sports Leagues And The Game Of Thrones Families They Represent

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After a week of great news and uplifting stories, I figured the only place scarier than the sports world is the world in George R.R. Martin’s twisted mind.  So here is my list of sports leagues and the Houses of Westeros that they represent.

***Spoilers ahead if you are not caught up on Game of Thrones***

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House Lannister = The NFL.  Both are the richest and most powerful entities on this list.  But damn, they are some grimy sons of bitches when they want to be.  They can turn a blind eye towards ethics whenever it is fitting and will do almost anything to expand their empire.

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House Baratheon = Major League Baseball.  Not that long ago, both were the kings of the world.  But now they are the king/past time in title only and are just background noise for the NFL/Lannisters.

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House Targayen = The NBA.  Ruled the entire landscape once upon a time when they had the power.  They have slipped considerably since those days, but appear on the comeback trail.  Both have a leader that is seen as progressive and both have no tolerance for bigotry.  This is the part of the blog where I compare to once having Michael, Magic, and Larry in your league to owning dragons.  And of course the NBA on NBC song, which was probably the biggest game changer in the history of game changers.  In fact, it begs me to raise the question: Which is a better theme song, Game of Thrones or NBA on NBC?

Vote 1 for Thrones Vote 10 for Roundball Rock

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House Stark = The NHL.  An honorable sport/family that loves winter and constantly has bad stuff happen to them.  If everything was fair and equal, they would rule the world.  But life isn’t fair.

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House Martell = FIFA.  Both seem really cool and interesting, but after a while you realize it’s just a bunch of European hogwash.  After comparing the Martells to soccer, I am kind of happy Oberyn had his head crushed like a grape.

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The slave owners of Essos = The NCAA.  Instead of going in depth on this, I will just let South Park tell it like it is.

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The Night’s Watch = Boxing Commissions.  A once proud organization that is now run by a bunch of anonymous crooks, except for the moody pretty boy that is currently the face of thefranchise.

For more sports/pop culture nonsense, follow me on Twitter @TheClemReport

By theclemreport posted September 15th, 2014 at 3:00 PM

Which Barstool City Has The Best Hockey Fans?

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EA SPORTS And NHL ’15 Is Looking For The Biggest Hockey Fan In New York

Is there any doubt that hockey is better in New York? Boston is all bandwagon fans, Chicago’s is more interested in watching the Cubs lose, and Philly is just Philly. I’m not even sure the Capitals are still in the league. We got the Rangers, the Isles and if you wanna include them, the Devils too. 3 franchises to root for, 11 Stanley Cups between them. Rangers playing at the most famous arena in the world, Isles moving to the brand new Barclays center. All diehard fans who will ride or die with their team. What we’re trying to do is find the best of the best here in New York City. The biggest, best, most diehard hockey fans. If you’re chosen we’ll send you to represent us in a NHL 15 video game tournament by Electronic Arts. You’ll win a brand new Xbox one, a copy of NHL 15, an all expenses paid trip to Boston to compete, and thousand dollars cash if you’re the grand prize winner. All of that on top of the fact that you’ll be crowned the biggest hockey Stoolie in the entire country.

So send in videos, pictures, stories, whatever that proves you’re the biggest hockey fan in this city and why #HockeyIsBetterInNewYork. Prove to the rest of the Barstool cities that you’re the biggest diehard of an NHL fan. Don’t worry, I wont be in the contest. Obviously nobody out there is a more diehard hockey fan than me.

Click For Contest Rules

By KFC posted September 15th, 2014 at 2:30 PM

Homeless Dude Says He Survives By Hooking Up With Different Girls Every Night

“Its not like I forgot how to get pussy just because I became fucking homeless”

“I do homelessness differently…I literally wake up every single day and do whatever the fuck I want.”

“My responsibility is to try and not look homeless”

“If I could just not do drugs and drink for a week I’d go get a fucking house but how can you be homeless and not do drugs and drink?”

“If I lay the good pipe, I’m usually in there for a few days”

Theres a strong chance this is just like those other phony internet “reports” from other websites. Like the man who ate pizza every day for 25 years and shit like that. This could easily be a crock of shit.

But I’ll tell you what – I believe him, yo. I dont know why, but I just do. I think because part of me wants to believe this is possible. Like every dude out there has at some point considered going on a trip with his buddies like “Yo fuck it! Lets not even get hotel rooms and that way we’ll be forced to hook up with chicks!” Nobody ever pulls the trigger on that, but the thought of using your your dick to barter for shelter is awesome. And in addition to that this guy is just so fucking cocky and outrageous with his quotes that I want to believe in him. He’s such a goddam asshole that you almost say to yourself “If there was one dude that can pull this off, it would be him.” Plus chicks are really this fucking gullible so it really is entirely possible that he finds a few chicks a week that stoop to the level of bum-fucking.

So I, for one, respect it. I love the sense of freedom this dude has. I love the self awareness he has with drugs and drinking. And I’m not gonna hate the player. I mean, yea, part of me and my dick dies a little bit when I think about how many chicks did NOT fuck me despite having a job and income and a roof over my head. Thinking that there are women out there that agreed to let his dick inside them and not mine is pretty upsetting. But I’m not gonna knock his homeless hobo hustle just because he has game. When survival is on the line you’ll close just about anything and part of me thinks we all should have lived our lives that way.

By KFC posted September 15th, 2014 at 1:40 PM
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