VICTORIA, British Columbia, Jan. 18 (UPI) -- A Canadian bachelor on Vancouver Island didn’t appreciate a naked woman he’d never met waking him up and sliding into his bed, police said. The unidentified man called police to report the mystery visit around 3:20 a.m. Saturday, the QMI Agency reported Tuesday. The Victoria Police blog said the man reported “a woman came into his bedroom, promptly disrobed, slid into the bed next to him and fell asleep,” the blog said. When officers arrived, they found the woman still asleep and “quite intoxicated,” the report said. Looking for identification in a purse lying amid the pile of her clothes beside the bed, they determined she lived in the same building, but on another floor. She was taken into custody to sober up, but not charged, the report said. There was no indication why her key fit someone else’s lock in the same building.

I think most guys have a term to describe this event. Its called having your fucking dreams come true. I mean how ugly does this chick have to be that a single dude would call the goddam authorities to report her? She must have been a freaking walrus.That’s the only possible explanation. Either that, or it was kmarko in that bedroom. Because any normal, red blooded man that has a naked chick secretly slip into his bed would drop to his knees and thank the Lord Jesus. Its like those old people who play the same lottery for 60 years. Every night since I was like 13, I prayed the exact same prayer to God:

“Dear God, I know I don’t really deserve it but if you could have a naked girl crawl into my bed tonite I promise I’ll stop (insert whatever terrible shit I do)”

These days its like “…I promise I’ll stop exploiting women and disabled people on the internet for the sake of web traffic.” Anyway, I’m getting off topic. My point is that this guy should be celebrating and not calling the fucking police.

PS – The third possible explanation is that you don’t want to get charged with rape when she wakes up in the morning and starts babbling about “consent” and shit. But fuck all that. I’m pretty sure “Finders Keepers” would hold up in a court of law on this one.