AmericanInterest.com- First, enroll in a college that you cannot afford, and rely on large student loans to make up the difference.
Second, spend the next four years having as good a time as possible: hang out, hook up, and above all, take plenty of “awesome” courses.
Third, find teachers and role models who will encourage you to develop an attitude of enlightened contempt for ordinary American middle class life, the world of business, and such bourgeois virtues as self-reliance, thrift, accountability and self-discipline. Specialize in sarcasm and snark.
Fourth, avoid all courses with tough requirements, taking only the minimum required number of classes in science, math and foreign languages.
Fifth, never think about acquiring marketable skills.
Sixth, when you graduate and discover that you have to repay the loans and cannot get a job that pays enough to live comfortably while servicing your debts, be surprised. Blame society. Demand that the government or your parents or evil corporations bail you out.
Seventh, expect anyone (except for other clueless losers who’ve been as stupid and wasteful as you) to sympathize with your plight, or to treat you with anything but an infuriating mixture of sorrow, pity and contempt.
What a perfect list. A little more logical and reasonable than the Adam Carolla rant but still on fucking point. And you know what? In the long run, Occupy Wall Street will probably change the society for the better. Not because of their protests and their ideals and all that mumbo jumbo. Because high school kids and college kids right now are looking at the Occupy Protesters and they are like “How the fuck do I make sure I don’t end up like these unemployed assholes?” Wall Street ain’t changin, the economy ain’t changin, but the youth of America might take one look at these losers and say “I don’t wanna end up pooping in a park in the winter time because I have nothing better to do with my time.” And whether or not that’s their intent, hats off to OWS. Because they’re still changing the youth of America. Your borderline homelessness is quite possibly the greatest deterrent for idealistic, pretentious feel good bullshit.
So right now when little kids run to their parents at night or high school kids go to their guidance counselors or college kids sit down with their dean and they ask “How do I make sure I don’t end up like these Occupy Wall Street dickheads?” you can show them these 7 steps. Avoid these 7 Steps To Ruining Your Life and you should be a productive member of society.