TAMPA BAY ONLINE - A 21-year-old Lowry Park Zoo volunteer was arrested today after he touched a 9-year-old boy and then fondled himself inside a zoo restroom, the Tampa Police Department said. Cameron James Spurback of Tampa has been charged with lewd and lascivious exhibition and lewd and lascivious molestation, police said. The boy went into a zoo restroom at around 2:15 p.m. and was approached by Spurback, who pulled the child’s pants down and then fondled him, police said. Spurback then pulled his own pants down and fondled himself in front of the child, police said. The boy ran out of the restroom and told his parents. The parents contacted zoo security, who detained Spurback as he left the restroom. Tampa police were called to the scene. A police detective interviewed Spurback, who acknowledged fondling the child and fondling himself, police said. Spurback had just finished his shift Zoo officials said in a statement that Spurback will no longer be allowed on zoo property. “We have a duty to ensure the safety of our guests, our employees and other volunteers, and we take that responsibility very seriously,” said Craig Pugh, the zoo’s executive director and chief executive officer. “We will not tolerate such action. We are fully cooperating with law enforcement in its active investigation, and appreciate the close coordination between zoo security and the Tampa Police Department.” Spurback doesn’t have a criminal record, police said. The child, who was not physically injured, identified Spurback as the suspect, police said. Spurback is being held at Orient Road Jail.

Really Tampa Bay Online? This is how we’re gonna play this one? We’re gonna do a 250 word write up about the safety of zoo patrons and the intricacies of this case without mentioning the fact that Cameron James Spurback looks like fucking Beaker from the Muppets? Looks like someone rearranged El Pres’ face. Just shrunk Pres’ nose a little bit and jacked up one eye and its like a clone.

I did a little research on my man Cameron and it turns out he suffers from elephantiasis. I think I’d rather be molested by an actual elephant than this circus freak. I’m still trying to figure out if an elephant trunk is bigger or smaller than this guy’s schnoz. For real if I had the choice between being thrown into the middle of an elephant stampede or being thrown in a bathroom stall with this elephant man I’m taking stampede every day of the week and 86 times on Sunday.

PS – Is that Blue Steel?