Introducing The Anti-Ray Rice And The Justification Of Stephen A Smith’s “Provoked” Comments

I'm pretty sure everyone agrees that this chick deserves to be knocked the fuck out

Let’s make sure we don’t do anything to provoke wrong actions” - Stephen A Smith

Are you watching Ray? Here’s a little tutorial on how to not knock a woman’s head off. By now its been pretty well established that Stephen A Smith is an idiot but I’ll tell you what, folks – you take a look at a situation like this and I’m pretty sure everyone agrees this chick deserves to get knocked the fuck out. I mean this dude is a SAINT. Lets her scream and yell and rant and rave and spit all over him for 1:45 and then turns the other cheek when she straight up attacks him. That was more self restraint than I think I’ve ever seen. Not a single person in that room would have blamed him for knocking her block off but he still held back. Wheres the Cleveland Bus Driver when you need him:

“You wanna act like a man, I’m gonna treat you like one!”

By KFC posted August 1st, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Barstool NYC Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Rebecca

  Introducing Rebecca from CT now a KSU Owl.  Strong ending to the smokeshow week with one of the prettiest smiles I’ve seen in a long time.   Know any smokeshows? Email a name and a Facebook link to beardobarstool@gmail.com to nominate

 

Introducing Rebecca from CT now a KSU Owl.  Strong ending to the smokeshow week with one of the prettiest smiles I’ve seen in a long time.

 

Know any smokeshows? Email a name and a Facebook link to beardobarstool@gmail.com to nominate

By beardo posted July 31st, 2014 at 5:34 PM

Pretty Sexy Chick Won The $66 Million Mega Millions

  Click here for video Freep – Friday the 13th was a mega lucky day for Kelsey Zachow. But for 11 days, the 24-year-old Port Huron resident didn’t know she had the winning $66-million Mega Millions lottery ticket — purchased June 13 at Sonny’s Mart in Mt. Clemens — in her purse. On June 24, the Mt. [...]

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Click here for video

Freep – Friday the 13th was a mega lucky day for Kelsey Zachow. But for 11 days, the 24-year-old Port Huron resident didn’t know she had the winning $66-million Mega Millions lottery ticket — purchased June 13 at Sonny’s Mart in Mt. Clemens — in her purse. On June 24, the Mt. Clemens native and twice weekly lottery player checked her tickets at a gas station near her home. The clerk kept telling her, “You won big.” “I jumped in my car and locked the door. I couldn’t breathe,” Zachow said Thursday at a news conference at the Michigan Lottery regional office claim center in Sterling Heights. “I pulled in the driveway (at home) and got out screaming. My boyfriend thought I was in a car accident.”  Instead, she’s financially set for the rest of her life and doesn’t have to work part-time as a medical assistant at a Macomb County hospital or as a part-time bartender at Little Lorraine’s in Mt. Clemens. Zachow is taking the money in a lump sum, which is nearly $27 million after taxes. She plans to have the house of her dreams in the St. Clair County area, provide college money for the young children in her family, help relatives, take vacations (possibly Ireland, Europe and the Caribbean), go on a few shopping sprees and buy cars. Next Monday, she said, she’ll probably shop for an SUV. Then it’s off to get an electric-blue Mustang GT convertible with dual exhaust and leather seats. Zachow has a 7-month-old son, Benjamin Bartlett. Her boyfriend has a daughter, Evelyn Bartlett, 5. Zachow also has a brother, Gus Schmidlin, who is almost 2.

She’s kinda like a poor woman’s Kristin Kreuk except there’s absolutely NOTHING poor about her. Maybe mix is a little bit of Rashida Jones too. I mean we talk all the time about giving a chick an “Office Bump.” If shes a real life 6 she’s an Office 8. Well if she’s a real life 6 she’s a Mega Millions 24. She’s absolutely breaking the scale. Erase the kids. Erase the fact that she’s from Detroit. This chick is pretty damn sexy if you ask me and she’s worth $27 million now. She’s as hot as it gets.

By KFC posted July 31st, 2014 at 5:18 PM

Chick Slits Her Husband’s Throat, Says She Was Sleep Walking And Dreaming Of Filleting Fish At The Time

The old "I was just dreaming about filleting fish" excuse. Classic.

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Ohio – An Ohio woman is behind bars after slitting her husband’s throat while he lay in bed asleep. According to the Jefferson County Sheriff, Judy Jones knew exactly what she was doing when she tried to kill her husband in their Dillonvale home over the weekend. “She made threats that she was going to kill him,”  Sheriff Fred Abdalla said. “And she almost did early Saturday morning. So she’s been charged now with the prosecutor handling the case got her charged with felony 1s and 2 for attempted murder and aggravated assault.” Jones’ 16-year-old daughter – who may have saved her dad’s life by calling 911 – also told investigators that her mother had talked about killing her dad before and planned this attack for nearly a year. Jones, however, has a novel take on the whole thing. She initially claimed there was no malice involved at all. Instead, she told investigators she was simply dreaming about filleting a fish when she ‘accidentally’ grabbed a knife and used it to slash open her husband’s neck. The judge apparently didn’t buy the fish tale in court on Monday,though, and promptly ordered the would-be murderer to be held on $500,000 bail. Jones has since abandoned her fantastic tale and has decided to simply fess up to her crime. Jane Hanlin, a Jefferson County prosecutor said she thinks Jones may have tossed the dream scenario when she realized how ridiculous it truly sounded. “This is certainly one of the stranger that we have heard and I think that is why she may have backed away from it a little bit after that,” Hanlin said, adding that despite Jones’ dream story, it is looking like a case of domestic assault. Meanwhile, the victim, Thomas Jones, lucky to be alive at all,  is now recovering from his serious injuries. “He’s got stitches from almost (ear to ear) so we just have to wait for it to go through the court system,” Abdalla said, pointing out Jones has been known to be violent to her husband before.

The old “I was just dreaming about filleting fish” excuse. Classic. Luckily for the husband she wasn’t thinking about chopping up a cucumber or some shit like that. I mean I guess not really so lucky seeing as how he almost died but getting John Wayne Bobbit’d isn’t an ideal situation either.

I’m a BIG TIME sleep walker and sleep talker. So I, for one, am a big advocate of the old “I was sleep walking” excuse. Not that I want to see this ginger troll walk free after almost chopping her husbands head off but I would like to see a nice precedent set for this being a solid excuse. You never know whats gonna come out of your mouth or what you’re gonna do when you’re half asleep. What if you’re having some weird dream about banging your cousin or your parents having sex or something like that? Don’t act like you havent had those dreams before. You have. Except you just wake up in the morning and say  ”Man that was fuckin weird” and you keep it to yourself. People like me and Judy Jones over here don’t have that luxury. We don’t have control of ourselves at night. I might talk about the dream I’m having where I’m having sex with my aunt and Judy Jones might slice you ear to ear because she was dreaming about filleting a fish. Its a real life problem and I just hope she gets a fair trial.

PS – Would not.

By KFC posted July 31st, 2014 at 5:00 PM

Mom Dresses Up Her Beauty Pageant Daughter In A Hooters Outfit

To quote the immortal Herm Edwards...HELLO! You play to win the game!

Huffington PostWhen it comes to “child beautification,” how far is too far? For some, the idea of child glamour in and of itself is disturbing. But this was definitely not the case for Leann, 33, of London, who dressed her 4-year-old daughter, Scarlett, in a Hooters waitress outfit for a beauty pageant. This shocking clip of the child dancing suggestively in the controversial costume comes from the UK Channel 5 documentary “Blinging Up Baby.” The documentary features not just child pageants, but also a purported trend involving parents who accessorize their kids with diamonds, makeup, spray tans and costumes even if they aren’t competing in pageants. The Telegraph criticizes the film’s claim that this so-called phenomenon is going mainstream, however, and asserts there are actually no more than 20 parents countrywide participating in the “fad.” Trend or not, 20 parents subjecting their children to this practice seems like 20 parents too many. And one kid in a Hooters outfit is definitely one Hooters-clad 4-year-old too many. “Some people may say it’s controversial, especially the theme I’ve chosen, but at the end of the day, little girls wear swimming costumes to the beach all summer, and that’s not a controlled environment,” says Leann in the documentary. “The environment my kids go in is a controlled environment and it is ticket-entry only.” Hmm. It seems the blatant sexual associations that come with a Hooters outfit makes this point a little moot. But maybe that’s just us.

To quote the immortal Herm Edwards…HELLO! You play to win the game! You think Leann wants to spend like 60 hours a week training a fucking 4 year old idiot how to win a beauty pageant only to lose by a hair because her costume wasn’t good enough? For sure not. The world of toddler beauty pageants is as cut throat as it gets, and dressing up like a princess or a fairy or some shit isn’t gonna get the job done in 2014. Maybe back in the 90s or some shit but not today. You wanna win, you go all out. Balls to the wall. Impress the judges with something they’ve never seen before. Dress your kid up in a costume that reminds everyone of the most sexually charged restaurant on earth and you win that fucking crown.

By KFC posted July 31st, 2014 at 4:10 PM

50 Year Old Dude Posting “Looking For A Girlfriend” Posters All Over NYC

NEW YORK (CBSNewYork) — You can try the bar or maybe online but anyway you do it, finding the right person can be difficult. So one New Yorker is trying something different, using an unconventional method of looking for love, CBS 2’s Tracee Carrasco reported Friday. Dan Perino is on a mission. He’s looking for a girlfriend in [...]

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NEW YORK (CBSNewYork) — You can try the bar or maybe online but anyway you do it, finding the right person can be difficult. So one New Yorker is trying something different, using an unconventional method of looking for love, CBS 2’s Tracee Carrasco reported Friday. Dan Perino is on a mission. He’s looking for a girlfriend in a non-traditional way, plastering posters all over Manhattan. “I’m not desperate. This is a better way to meet women. I want to find a more meaningful relationship,” Perino said. Sick of the singles scene, the 50-year-old is taking his search seriously. He started putting the fliers up and in just hours he said he received more than 100 calls — some genuinely interested, others thinking it’s a joke. He said he already has one date set up. “I’m looking for an average woman that likes to do the same things that I do,” Perino said. Perino plans to put up 500 fliers every day for the next 30 days, but some said they are a little skeptical about his approach. “I’m not looking for nobody. It’ll come. True love will find you,” said Yusef Elliot of the Lower East Side. “I think it’s kind of weird, and a little scary. I wouldn’t date him,” one woman added. But Perino said he remains confident. He said he’ll soon be off the market. “Within a week, I’ll have a girlfriend,” he said.

Cant knock the hustle! Tell me my friends – how is this any different than having a Tinder profile or an online dating account? How is this any different than showing up to a bar solo clearly on the prowl looking for women? Its not. Its just a more old school, direct approach. The name of the game for dudes is just casting out as many lines as you can. Its a numbers game and the more chicks you reach, the better chance you find of one willing to fuck you consistently. So Dan Perino here is just casting a huge net. Not only is he out there trying to land chicks, but every single pole on every street corner is doing work for him too. When Dan is home asleep, those poles are out there trying to land chicks. When Dan Perino is at work, those poles are enticing women to call him. When Dan Perino is in his dungeon busy making a skin suit, there are some women out there pulling his number off that flyer. Its just like billboard advertising for your dick.

And you gotta love the confidence. Guaranteeing success within a week. That type of swagger alone is enough to make the chicks wet. Fishing with dynamite right now, Danny Boy.

By KFC posted July 31st, 2014 at 3:20 PM

Asian Couple Lets Their Son Shit On His Seat On Airplane, China Is Pissed Of For Giving Them A Bad Name

Well, its not quite getting shot down by separatists with ballistic missiles. And I guess you can be happy it didn't get lost altogether. But a toddler taking a shit right in the middle of his seat on your flight has gotta be a very close third place in terms of stuff you do not want happening on your airplane.

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Daily MailPassengers kicked up a stink on a flight from Beijing to Detroit this week after a family allowed their toddler to defecate on his seat, according to reports. Travellers on board the Delta Airlines flight allegedly watched in horror as the young Chinese boy’s parents laid down newspaper on his chair and encouraged him to relieve himself there and then. Despite pleas from passengers and crew to take him to the cabin toilet, the boy’s grandfather and grandmother – who were also on the plane – insisted on letting the boy settle there, it was claimed. Passenger Luolan Gang Wang told Sina News that once the boy had finished his business, its smell began slowly to waft through the cabin sparking a wave of disgust among fellow travellers. Following the incident, Chinese social network Weibo came alive with commenters expressing their disgust, many of whom condemned the family for embarrassing their homeland. Delta Airlines did not immediately respond to MailOnline’s request for comment. It is not clear exactly when the alleged incident happened but it is believed to have occurred some time around the middle of last week. It comes months after a disturbingly similar incident in which a child was photographed passing motion on a domestic flight in China in February.

Well, its not quite getting shot down by separatists with ballistic missiles. And I guess you can be happy it didn’t get lost altogether. But a toddler taking a shit right in the middle of his seat on your flight has gotta be a very close third place in terms of stuff you do not want happening on your airplane. I mean its bad enough when there are children on your plane when they’re NOT shitting all over the place. Crying or yelling or kicking the back of your seat. Imagine if that same annoying kid just stood up on his chair and pinched a loaf right into a newspaper like a goddam puppy? Thats grounds to just throw that family right off the plane. Mid flight, open the door and just toss them out into the clouds. I swear, man. These Asians. Just have no clue what planet they are living on.

And I love China freaking out about this family giving them a bad name. Like oh yea China now your good reputation of social awareness is being sullied. Now people are gonna think you’re weirdos and don’t know how to behave in public. Granted letting your child shit on the seat of an airplane is taking it to the next level but it doesn’t surprise me one bit.

By KFC posted July 31st, 2014 at 2:30 PM

MailTime Deluxe: The Greatest Song Characters In The History Of Music

I was at the bar a couple weeks ago and the crowd was young. Real young. Like fake ID young. And Jack and Diane came on

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I was at the bar a couple weeks ago and the crowd was young. Real young. Like fake ID young. And Jack and Diane came on and like 90% of the crowd had no idea what song it was. Nobody knew the words, nobody cared that it was on. And I realized, if you walk up to a college kid now and said the names “Jack and Diane” they’d probably have no idea that you were referring to two of the most well known names ever in music. So I decided to go through and break down some of the best song characters of all time. Jack and Diane, Brenda and Eddie, Stacy’s Mom, Jessie’s Girl. The list goes on and on. Had to keep the podcast at about 1 hour so not everyone made the cut. But if I missed some major ones, tweet them at me @KFCbarstool and we’ll do a Part II.

The premium subscription for KFC Radio is $12 for the year and you get 1 extra episode per month in addition to the weekly free ones. Previous deluxe episodes include:

Sluttiest Characters in TV History

MailTime Road Trip

1) MailBox Part II January, 2) MailBox Part II February, 3) MailBox Part II April

The KFC Dialect Quiz and an interview with @DonnieDoesChina

The Bachelor List: The 4 Pillars Of Relationship Life

Full Marv and Harry Home Alone Breakdown

Greatest Christmas Countdown Of All Time

If you’re new to the team, thats almost 9 hours of material for 12 bucks.

By KFC posted July 31st, 2014 at 1:40 PM
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