Dude Strolls Into McDonalds In Queens With A Knife Sticking Out Of His Back

Ba da, bop bop baaaa! I'm lovin it!

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QUEENS — A man walked into a Jamaica McDonald’sTuesday morning with a kitchen knife sticking out of his back, police sources and witnesses said. The unidentified man walked into the Sutphin Boulevard eatery, between Jamaica and Archer avenues, with the blade sticking out of his left shoulder around 10 a.m., witnesses said. ”Everybody was screaming, there was a lot of commotion,” said Tromaine Yamcey, 27, of Jamaica, who was being interviewed for a job when the victim walked inside. Yamcey said the man, who he described as being in his 40s, was on the phone talking to his family “trying to make sure they knew what happened. ”He was worried that it might be the last time he talked to them,” he said. At some point the man fell on the floor and patrons were trying to make sure that he didn’t fall on his back. ”It was shocking to me because he was still standing there with the knife in his back,” Yamcey said. “He was bleeding a lot.” Police sources said that according to witnesses the man was involved in a fight that occurred on Sutphin Boulevard minutes earlier. He was taken to Jamaica Hospital with the knife still stuck in his body.

Ba da, bop bop baaaa! I’m lovin it! Gotta respect this guy’s perseverance in the face of death. If I’ve got a knife through the back and my life is flashing before my eyes I’m doing the same two things: calling my family and grabbing a bite to eat. I’m not saying McDonald’s would necessarily be my first choice if I was dying from stab wounds, but in that moment beggars cant be choosers. Its just a matter of convenience at that point. Hey mom just wanted to call and tell you I love you and I’m probably not gonna make it home…yea hi can I get a number one with a Coke? Super size that. And chop chop, please. I’m bleeding out as we speak. Dying with a Big Mac in your hands is one of the most honorable deaths a man can die.

By KFC posted June 24th, 2014 at 3:40 PM

Last Draftstreet Challenge Before We Move On To The Knockout Round

Teams playing for ties, other teams that need to make up huge goal differentials. Its gonna be an absolutely wild day for footie. Get involved.

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Last World Cup Group Play challenge before we move on to the Elimination Round. Lotta weird stuff at play. Teams playing for ties, other teams that need to make up huge goal differentials. Its gonna be an absolutely wild day for footie. Here are the teams in play:

Portugal vs Ghana, USA vs Germany, Korea vs Belgium, and Algeria vs Russia

22 bucks to play, 5,000 entries. $100,000 total pot and payouts go to the top 750. Seven hundred fifty! First place takes home 20 grand. If you don’t have World Cup fever by now you’re either dead or Mike Francesa and I don’t think you wanna be either. Get involved. Ithe Beautiful Game.

CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP

By KFC posted June 24th, 2014 at 2:30 PM

New York State Bans Tiger Selfies

Last time I checked we have a little something called the Constitution that protects our rights to take pictures with whatever fucking jungle cats we want to

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Washington TimesNew York state lawmakers have passed a bill banning residents from taking “tiger selfies” — a rising trend on dating websites in which single men post photos of themselves posing with the ferocious felines in hopes of impressing potential mates. Assemblywoman Linda Rosenthal, a Democrat, explained that she introduced the legislation in order to increase safety at circuses and fairs, but acknowledged proudly that it would also put the kibosh on tiger selfies, which have become increasingly popular on dating websites Tinder and OKCupid, the New York Post reported. The bill prohibits “hugging, patting, or otherwise touching” tigers at fairs or circuses. “They can still pose with bears and monkeys,” the assemblywoman said. “They just have to take big cats off their list.” “I feel bad now,” cracked Miss Rosenthal’s staffer Lauren Schuster, the Post reported. “We’re killing bros’ dreams and chances of being laid!” New Yorkers who cuddle a jungle cat would face fines of up to $500. A spokesman for New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo told the Post that the bill was under review.

Hold up did New York secede from the Union or something? Did I miss the part where the Empire State left America? Because last time I checked New York was a part of The United States and in this country we have a little something that I like to call freedom. We have a little something called the Constitution that protects our rights to take pictures with whatever fucking jungle cats we want to. If I want to post a picture of me and fucking Rajah from Aladdin on to Tinder to try to help me get laid, well thats my God given right. If I want to risk being eaten to death by Siegfried and Roy’s pals just to try to score some internet pussy, thats my prerogative. You think bears and monkeys make chicks wet? For sure not. You wanna flood their basement you need to hit them with the Tiger Selfie. I’ll risk the 500 dollar fine or I’ll move to New Jersey. All I know is I refuse to live under such tyranny where a grown adult cannot freely take pictures with tigers in an effort to fuck women.

By KFC posted June 24th, 2014 at 1:40 PM

How Much Of A Thin Skinned Pussy Is Amare Stoudemire?

I honestly cannot understand celebrities/athletes who do shit like this


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I honestly cannot understand celebrities/athletes who do shit like this. It absolutely blows my mind that you can be a fucking bajillionaire star and still be this insecure and thin skinned. This is like Amare’s move. Does it all the time. Stooping down to the level of some people talking shit. How can you be a top 10 pick directly out of high school, amass over $140 million in your career, and still sit around DMing nobodies about how many followers they have? I have a zillion haters, I’m broke, and I can still stay above the fray. If I had $140 million I wouldn’t give a fuck about anything anyone ever had to say about me. You’ve won at life. More so than like 99.99999% of the planet. And you’re still so insecure you gotta stoop to those levels?

Even for a guy like Amare who is, in fact, a total bum now, thats still pretty shocking. Like yea he’s aged 30 years in the past 3 seasons and he can barely walk and he’s a complete waste of space and money. But in the grand scheme of things he was a fucking superstar in the NBA. I just can’t understand how you could still be so thin skinned.

PS – Part of me wishes that the whole internet would follow Teddy just to fuck with old man Amare.

By KFC posted June 24th, 2014 at 1:25 PM

Game of Thrones – Pugs of Westeros

Make sure you watch to the part when they start chopping off all the dogs heads

NEED a more elaborate version where Pug Jamie is humping Pug Cersei. Need a full grown bull dog Mountain wrestling a pug puppy Oberyn. And to be honest if we’re really going for authenticity we need to chop the heads off of a few of these pugs. Now I don’t really want to but if we’re trying to be consistent with the show I just don’t see any way around it. Behead a couple of those dogs and then you have yourself a proper parody.

By KFC posted June 24th, 2014 at 12:00 PM

John Turturro Wants To Make A Jesus Quintana Big Lebowski Spin Off

Nobody fucks with the Jesus!

Film Divider - The Coen Bros. have never made a sequel to any of their films, though they did just let Noah Hawley do just that with the Fargo TV series. Back in 2011, Tara Reid told some tall tale about a Big Lebowski 2 being in the works but she seems to have been either pulling our legs or as boiled as an owl. Or both. But seemingly straight and honest is John Turturro, who has told an audience at the Taormina Film Festival that he’d like to make a new film with his Lebowski character, the infamous pederast, Jesus Quintana. The Hollywood Reporter relayed just this one part of Turtorro’s comment on their piece from the fest: If I can get the permission I need, I’d like to return to that role. It’s believed that Turturro would like to make the film in 2015, and presumably direct himself. At this late stage, and with even a loose shoot date in mind, it’s likely that Turturro has spoken to at least Joel and Ethan Coen about this project. Perhaps it’s not their permission he needs, but the rights holders to the film, maybe production company Working Title.

We’ve been teased before about a Big Lebowski sequel. Nothing ever legitimate though, and to be honest the vibe you get from Big Lebowski fans is that they wouldn’t even want one. They don’t want to see one of the funniest movies ever ruined by a shitty sequel. Although personally, I don’t really subscribe to that. If Big Lebowski 2 sucked it would just fade away and wouldn’t impact Big Lebowski 1 at all. Like Dumb and Dumberer. Like Jordan on the Wizards. A shitty reboot doesnt actually impact the original the way people always fear it will.

But I can see where some purists just want to see a classic left alone. Don’t mess with a good thing, if ain’t broke don’t fix it sorta stuff. A spin off is a good way to kinda compromise though. Get a little taste of the original without ruining its reputation or whatever. Its why Better Call Saul is gonna work with Breaking Bad fans. We’re not fucking with Walter White’s saga. Not changing anything that was done by Cranston and Gilligan. But you get your fix in the form of a light hearted spin off that can sort of scratch that itch you’ve had since the series ended.

And there’s no better ancillary character to get a spin off than Jesus Quintana. Can you imagine getting the back story on him as a perderass? Going door to door explaining he used to show his dick to 8 year olds? Watching him learn to roll? I’d watch a 2 hour movie about Jesus Quintana so fast it would make your head spin. Actually it would still take about 2 hours but I’d love to watch it.

By KFC posted June 24th, 2014 at 11:10 AM

Chris Christie Crushed The Hot Corner At Boomer And Carton’s Charity Softball Game

Was that Brooks Robinson out there at third??? Was that Bartolo Colon out there in the box???

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NJ.com – It wasn’t quite a “Tonight” Show dance, but Gov. Chris Christie was pretty nimble on the Yankee Stadium turf at a charity softball game today. Clad in blue team jersey and orange shorts — resembling the colors of his New York Mets — Christie said he felt good after playing nine innings for Team Boomer, named for sports radio personality Boomer Esiason, his teammate for a day. Team Boomer defeated the Wounded Warrior Amputee Softball Team and New York Yankee alumni, 7-6. in the fourth annual Bombers Boomer Broadway Softball Classic. “We won, so it went just fine,” said Christie, after playing third base and donning a number 55 jersey — selected because he’s New Jersey’s 55th governor. Christie and other celebrities took to the field to help raise money for wounded warriors and the Boomer Esiason Foundation that supports fighting cystic fibrosis. “The great thing about this governor is that he is not a phony. He’s everything that I think you’d want a politician to be — just be yourself,” Esiason said. “And he is himself, not many politicians would go out there on third base and put himself in the line of fire like that and that just tells me everything that I need to know about the man.”

Was that Brooks Robinson out there at third??? Was that Bartolo Colon out there in the box??? Governor Christie just tearing up the diamond to help out the Wounded Warriors and Boomer and his son Gunnar’s continued fight against CF. Did he go 4-4 with a couple dingers? No, not quite. Is he winning the Gold Glove at third? Probably not. But he did register a force out once and he didn’t drop a lazy pop up that almost cost them the game (I see you, Craigy.)

Governor Christie said he had 3 goals coming into this game – 1) Dont lose the game 2) Dont embarrass himself and 3) Dont get hurt. I usually have the same goals heading into Barstool challenges except all three of these things always happen. Chris accomplished all three of those things so you gotta tip your cap to the Governor. I mean he ain’t winning any awards for lookin sexy out there yesterday, but then again when you’re sharing a field with Al Dukes in his Yeah Jeets T, who is?

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Only so much sexy to go around one baseball diamond and Al Hughes is using up all of it. Ladies, you can find Al on twitter here @Alsboringtweets

Full interview with Governor Christie on Boomer and Carton recapping his performance:

By KFC posted June 24th, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Drunk Dude Having A Threesome On His Boat Crashes Into Runway At LaGuardia Airport

How about Tommy Boy over here! Casual night at the bar turns into an Odd Man Rush on his boat and a potential terrorism scare.

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Daily MailAn amorous boat captain who had left the helm to have a drunken three-way sex escapade caused a minor security scare at New York’s La Guardia Airport on Sunday. Craig Gallo, 51, crashed his boat into the runway lights of the busy hub after descending below deck with James Benenato, 60, and Mary Ann Belson, 60. The distracted threesome met in a bar in College Point, Queens and neither of the two men had ever met Belson before. Staggeringly, the boat was left impaled on the stanchion for 30 minutes before the Port Authority arrived to investigate. A spokesman for the PA Police Department admitted that security had been breached. He said if those aboard the boat had been ‘terrorists with bad intentions, they could have easily succeeded. A spokesman for the PAPD said that before the smash, ‘a consensual three-way sex endeavor was going on. ’There’s a moral here: If you’re feeling amorous aboard a boat, I suggest you drop your anchor before you drop your pants.’

How about Tommy Boy over here! Meeting a couple 60 year old strangers in the bar and hosting a Devil’s Three Way on his boat. Thats gotta be one of the most aggressive moves I’ve ever heard. I mean thats some genuinely friendly shit. I’m a pretty personable guy when I’m at the bar. I’ll strike up a conversation with anybody, any age. But to chat it up with Jimmy and Mary Ann and get them to your boat for an Odd Man Rush is just taking it all a step further. A massive step further.

And then I guess the icing on the cake is that you technically broke all sorts anti-terrorism laws crashing your boat into a fucking airport runway. Thats a pretty big fuckin cherry on top. Hey Craig how was last night? Pretty good. Met a 60 year old dude and a 60 year old woman at the bar, fucked them both on my boat, ended up crashing into the runway at LaGuardia and now I’m probably going to jail.

The moral of the story is either drop your anchor before you drop your pants or don’t double team a senior citizen with a random 60 year old dude you just met that night. Probably not gonna lead to anything good.

By KFC posted June 24th, 2014 at 9:30 AM
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