Survey Suggests People Can No Longer Tell If They’re On A Date Or Just Hanging Out

What defines "hook up?" What defines "dating?" We don't live in a world anymore where you give a chick your jacket and pin her and you're going steady and that means you're an item.

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TimeA new survey commissioned by ChristianMingle.com and JDate.com says that when out with a potential love interest, 69% of singles have absolutely no idea if they’re on a date or just “hanging out,” thus proving that God provides absolutely no clarity when it comes to the horribleness of dating. The online poll questioned 2,647 singles between 18 and 59 about their dating confusion, made even more confusing by the fact that 80% think that a date is “a planned one-on-one hang out.” But not all one-on-one hangouts are dates, so there’s that. Fordham MBA student Tayo Rockson, 24, kindly clarified to USA Today that “if it’s someone that you just met recently and consistently have one-on-one hangout sessions, that’s sort of a date.” Ish. Have fun navigating that one.

Listen I know how semantics is such a big deal in the world these days. Every day there’s another online quiz or poll or study about who uses what words to describe all sorts of shit. People get really fired up and passionate about words. And this is even more true in the world of sex and relationships. What defines “hook up?” What defines “dating?” We don’t live in a world anymore where you give a chick your jacket and pin her and you’re going steady and that means you’re an item. We live in a world where slowly but surely everyone is realizing monogamy is insane so people are just fucking with no strings attached and shit is getting messy for everyone. And when I say “everyone,” I mean “chicks.”

Girls saying they don’t know what “dating” means anymore is such a chick thing it cracks me up. I guess I’ll try to help clear some shit up for you: any time you are hanging out with any dude one on one – he 100% wants to fuck you. No guy is trying to just kick it with a random girl and not fuck her. If there is any sort of one on one dinner/drinks/lunch/fucking snack, he’s tryin to fuck. Now, to me thats a “date.” An arrangement between 2 people where one or more parties hopes you end up smashing. So don’t do that shit expecting that he just wants to be your friend. He doesn’t. Thats really all that matters. Label those get togethers a “date.” Say you’re “meeting up for drinks.” “Grabbing a quick bite.” Whatever you want. The confusion comes in when chicks think they are just hanging out with someone who potentially might just want to be friends, when in reality absolutely no dude wants to do that. If you’re in any sort of social situation with another dude, you’re not just “hanging out.”

And to take it a step further – if you are frequently doing these “dates” that doesn’t mean you’re exclusive. Not until a dude cracks and says “you’re my girlfriend” can he be judged by the shackles and restraints of monogamy.

By KFC posted January 22nd, 2014 at 4:10 PM

BarBacon In Hell’s Kitchen Offering Flights Of Bacon Tastings

Forget about wine tastings. Who cares about craft beer tastings. Gimme ten strips of bacon and let me swirl that shit around in my mouth.

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GothamistIf you’re tempted to roll your eyes when you hear about Hell’s Kitchen’s new cured meat-focused eateryBarBacon you wouldn’t be the only one. It seems like every week we get a new single focus restaurantpromising the best of whatever foodstuff they’ve hitched their wagon to—and haven’t we had just about enough of bacon? The answer, I’ve discovered, is no. There can never be too much bacon, especially when it’s well-sourced, well-cooked and, well, served to you as part of a bacon flight. Yes, a flight of bacon. A trip to the restaurant wouldn’t be complete without the The Tasting ($12): two strips of five different bacon selections, depending on what Sherman has been into recently. At a press preview we sampled the Nueske’s, Ozark Trails Brand Hickory Smoked Peppered Bacon, Father’s Country Maple Bacon and an incredible, game-changing Jalapeno Bacon that was spicy, smokey and totally addictive. There’s something so wonderful about eating unadulterated slices of bacon, like you’re standing over the stovetop at your parent’s house. They’re also doing BLTs, burgers and pulled pork sandwiches, plus a splurge-worthy Bacon Loves Lobster Roll ($18) that’s been a big hit.

Forget about wine tastings. Who cares about craft beer tastings. Gimme ten strips of bacon and let me swirl that shit around in my mouth. Thats a true “tasting.” For the most part I think bacon kinda jumped the shark. Bacon flavored liquor and bacon flavored lube and bacon flavored donuts and all that other shit is fucking stupid. But that shouldn’t reflect poorly upon bacon itself. An entire bar dedicated to bacon and grilled cheeses and burgers is a fucking beautiful thing. I mean those strips of bacon on that stone slab look fucking perfect. Thats like every man’s innate craving. Meat on stone. Smoked peppered bacon, country maple bacon. Fucking Jalapeno bacon!? Bacon lobster roll!? Sounds absolutely outrageous. For all the damage some of these other foods and products have done to the bacon reputation, this place restores its credibility.

 

By KFC posted January 22nd, 2014 at 3:25 PM

Upstate 8 Year Old Hero Dies After Saving 6 People In A Fire

Quick little break from all the stupidity at Barstool to bring you the story of Tyler Doohan - an 8 year old hero who had more guts and selflessness than anybody you know.

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PENFIELD, N.Y.Tyler J. Doohan knew he didn’t have school Monday because of the holiday and asked his mother if it would be OK if he stayed at his grandfather’s trailer here. Tyler knew the place well. He stayed there frequently, playing with other kids in the Rochester, N.Y. suburb and having barbecues and bonfires with his family in the summer. Firefighters found Tyler’s body Monday morning in the back bedroom of that small, single-wide trailer, just a few feet away from the bed of his disabled Uncle Steve. Investigators believe Tyler was trying to save him. Firefighters say Tyler, an 8-year-old who seemingly spent much of his young life in different homes and school districts, was killed along with his grandfather, Louis J. Beach, 57, and Steven D. Smith, 54, in a fire that appears to have been caused from an electrical problem at the front of the trailer. And as Penfield firefighters — working their third trailer fire in a little more than a year — sorted through the rubble of melted toys and furniture charred beyond recognition, neighbors discussed the number of people who had taken up residence in a metal home that they say had been deemed unlivable more than once. ”The roof had collapsed on the front half of the trailer and one of the individuals was found there, probably on a couch, but there was nothing left to even see if it was furniture,” Penfield Fire Chief Chris Ebmeyer said. “In the rear, there was a bedroom and the other deceased male was found in a bed. The child was a few feet way.” ’Too many people’ Ebmeyer said the fire started about 4:45 a.m. and spread quickly as the trailer’s nine occupants slept. Firefighters don’t know if the trailer had a working fire alarm or smoke detector. Tyler was able to wake six people. including two other children ages 4 and 6, all of whom escaped. Tyler died when he tried to help Smith, who uses a wheelchair and crutches because he was without part of a leg.

Quick little break from all the stupidity at Barstool to bring one of the most gut wrenching tales of heroism you’ll ever hear. 8 Year old Tyler Doohan showing more heroic selflessness than most adults would ever even consider. Able to save 6 people, including 2 other children, from a fire in his grandfather’s trailer, but went back in to try to save his handicapped uncle when the roof collapsed in on him. Sounds like the kid was kinda dealt a pretty shitty hand – in and out of various homes and school districts, shacking up with his grandfather in what sounds like an “unlivable” home. But when the chips were down, a young kid who had every right to be absolutely terrified and thinking only of saving himself made the ultimate sacrifice to try to save others. Kid had more guts and goodness in his heart than most of us will ever find in a lifetime.

By KFC posted January 22nd, 2014 at 2:40 PM

Rangers Deal Del Zotto For Preds Defenseman Kevin Klein

Well, this was inevitable - it was just a matter of what the Blueshirts could get in return.

Well, this was inevitable – it was just a matter of what the Blueshirts could get in return. Seems MDZ was in AV’s dog house from Day 1 and, despite Vigneault’s willingness to play a more offensive style which should’ve benefit Del Zotto, he could never get himself out. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised to see him bounce back as a 30-40 point blueliner & a power play asset depending on where Nashville slots him with Weber & Josi there already. As for Klein, he’s the right-handed stick the Rangers wanted & can eat up 18-20 defensively responsible minutes if needed. He’s not gonna bring any scoring, but he’s gonna bang & block shots in front of Hank without any risk. A safe move that brought a blue collar guy who should give the Blueshirts a boost in their own zone.

By 610 posted January 22nd, 2014 at 2:20 PM

Brooklyn McDonalds Cashier Punches Mother In The Face After She Complained There Was No Cheese On Her Son’s Hamburger

I see fault in both parties here.

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NY Post – A woman was punched in the face by an enraged McDonald’s cashier when she demanded cheese on her young son’s Happy Meal cheeseburger, her lawyer said Tuesday in opening arguments of her civil case against the Brooklyn franchise. Gui Ying Shi, 35, sued the Sunset Park McDonald’s after cashier Marisol Acosta hit her for complaining that her young son’s Happy Meal contained a hamburger instead of a cheeseburger, lawyer Lawrence Glynn said in the Brooklyn Supreme Court trial. “She starts cursing at her, calls her stupid, said, ‘You need to learn to speak English,’ ” Glynn said. “Ms. Acosta throws a left cross to Ms. Shi’s right jaw. Knockout! Knocks out a tooth.” The McDonald’s franchise is liable for Acosta’s actions, Glynn said, because none of the three managers present tried to stop the violence. But defense attorney Michael Stonberg argued that the “punch” was more of a lunge or a slap — and that the franchise responded by immediately firing Acosta. “It goes without saying that Marisol Acosta was not authorized to get into an altercation with a customer,” he said. Police responded to the McDonald’s and Acosta was charged with assault, cops said.

Its a pretty egregious error to leave cheese off a cheeseburger. Thats half the fucking name for Gods sake. Thats almost as bad as leaving out the “burger” part. Its not like we’re talking about onions or pickles which aren’t gonna really make or break your Happy Meal. So I get that Gui Ying Shi has every right to be angry and ask them to get her another one. But at the same time you know she was probably fucking outrageously rude about it. Barging up to the cashier counter mixing up her Ls and Rs like she was trying to push her way onto the 6 train. Just acting like a complete asshole with disregard for everyone else in the joint. Because there ain’t know racism like Asian racism. I feel like they hate fucking everybody. So its no surprised she ended up getting knocked the fuck out. I see fault in both parties here.

But the general rule of thumb is to not fuck with people who work jobs like these. They are on the verge of snapping at any fucking second. People flipping burgers or working toll booths or working at the DMV and shit – they are always ready to absolutely lose it. Ditch Diggers are pretty miserable to begin with without someone yelling in their face about cheese.

PS – How about Larry Glynn giving the play by play of some bitch at McDonalds knocking out a Chinese chick?  Really painted the picture there.

By KFC posted January 22nd, 2014 at 1:50 PM

Chick Getting Stuffed On School Bus Elbows Kid In The Nuts For Laughing At Her Queefs

Nothing more embarrassing for a chick than pussy farts.

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TSG – A female high school student who was having sex in the back of a Pennsylvania school bus allegedly struck another pupil in the testicles after the younger onlooker “began to laugh and chuckle” when she “expelled wind” during the lewd performance, according to police. The bizarre incident occurred last Friday around 3 PM. The female student, who recently turned 18, was cited for harassment by Trooper Brad Jordan, whose initial report used less than 60 words to provide a memorable description of the encounter between the young woman and the 13-year-old victim. “Both the victim and the accused were riding school bus,” wrote Jordan, who quickly turbocharged the narrative by adding, “The accused expelled wind from the vulva during coitus while at the back of the bus.” It appears that Trooper Jordan relied on the Urban Dictionary for a more artful definition of “queef.” After the audible wind expulsion, the boy “began to laugh and chuckled at the accused for her actions,” reported Jordan. That is when she allegedly “approached the victim and elbowed him in the testicles. Accused was cited for harassment.”

Nothing more embarrassing for a chick than pussy farts – even for the biggest of sluts who get pounded in front of 13 year-olds on a school bus. Queefs McGee was cool with burying her face in a bookbag while having a dick buried in her for all to see. Probably wouldn’t have minded if the kid watching started beating off or plugged her open end. Laughing at her “expelling wind from the vulva during coitus” though is offensive as fuck. Still, a good way for the young dude to learn a lesson. It cost him a Bones Jones elbow to the bag, but at least it didn’t ruin his own pipe-laying session. I don’t care if you’re 13, 23, 33, 43…if you’re hammering away & your girl’s queefing like a metronome, you’re lying if you don’t think it’s a little funny. You just gotta know to let her shift or do whatever she’s gotta do without even cracking a stifled smirk. Acknowledging the pussy farts in any way is a one-way ticket to Blue Ballsville. The poor dude she undoubtedly stopped fucking can confirm that.

By 610 posted January 22nd, 2014 at 1:10 PM

Amateur Hockey Goalie Shitfaced

LBS - A goalie from an amateur hockey league in the Czech Republic appeared to take the term “beer league” way too literally before a recent game. According to the person who posted these videos on Reddit, the goaltender was drunk while playing. We can’t confirm that, but we can confirm that he had something seriously wrong [...]

LBSA goalie from an amateur hockey league in the Czech Republic appeared to take the term “beer league” way too literally before a recent game. According to the person who posted these videos on Reddit, the goaltender was drunk while playing. We can’t confirm that, but we can confirm that he had something seriously wrong with him and did not belong in net. Amazingly enough, the goalie was able to make a save at one point. In fact, the Reddit user even claimed his team ended up winning the game. We find that almost impossible to believe.

Kids these days. Cant even play a little sports after getting shitfaced. The generations before us used to perform better when they were fucked up. LT out there all coked up and Doc Ellis throwing no-nos on LSD. Nowadays kids can’t even stand up on their own two feet. Pathetic. I remember there was this Hispanic kid on my basketball team in high school. He was one of those guys who was like a 22 year old sophomore. Not even kidding he was at least over 20. He showed up to our games so fucking high sometimes and he would just shoot the lights out. Looked like he was having so much fun out there. He was a grown man, high as fuck, just torching a bunch of 16 and 17 year old kids for like 38 points on 12-13 shooting.

Anyway these guys look like District 5 before Bombay took over. Get these kids some new unis and a sober goalie and start fuckin quackin it up.

By KFC posted January 22nd, 2014 at 11:42 AM

Health Nuts Concerned That Toy Doll That Turns Its Head Away When You Try To Feed It Promotes Eating Disorders

Well why don't we just cut right to the chase. It ain't the dolls. Its the fucking babies.

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Daily MailA new doll which turns its head away when offered food has provoked outrage, with critics saying it could encourage young children to develop eating disorders.  Mental health campaigners are calling for the ‘Nenuco Won’t Eat’ doll to be banned on the basis it is ‘unhealthy’. They are concerned that the toy could encourage or normalise eating disorders in young children and say it is ‘deeply worrying’. The doll, produced by Spanish firm Famosa, was unveiled at the London Toy Fair yesterday. It is already for sale across Europe and will be on the shelves of major retailers in the UK from early February. The baby girl, which will be sold for £34.99, has a magnet in her spoon which causes her head to turn away when a child tries to feed her.  She turns her head away repeatedly until the spoon is correctly aligned with her mouth at which point she eats the food. The child and adolescent mental health charity YoungMinds has condemned the doll, saying it ‘promotes unhealthy attitudes towards food’. Chris Leaman, Policy Manager at YoungMinds, told MailOnline: ’This doll sends the wrong message to children and encourages them to think that refusing food is normal behaviour.’ We would not want children to be influenced by this, and are concerned that it promotes unhealthy attitudes towards food and body image. Anita Worcester, from the Somerset and Wessex Eating Disorders Association, told The Sun: ‘I wouldn’t want such a toy on the shelves. Promoting what is basically an anorexic doll seems unhealthy.’

Well why don’t we just cut right to the chase. It ain’t the dolls. Its the fucking babies. Babies are a bunch of anorexic motherfuckers. They turn their head away when you try to feed them. They cry. They throw tantrums. You gotta pretend the spoon is a goddam airplane to trick those demented idiots into eating. And then when they do eat they puke it all up. If thats not an eating disorder I don’t know what is.

So lets just forget the dolls and go right to the source. You wanna put an end to anything promoting anorexia then put an end to babies. Everyone thinks they’re so cute and they ooh and ahh over them. Everyone posts pictures and videos and glorifies them. Turns out they’re just a bunch of ano bitches worried about being skinny. Stop promoting babies, stop promoting eating disorders.

By KFC posted January 22nd, 2014 at 10:55 AM
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