Big Sexy Bartolo

7 IP, 6 Hits, 5Ks, 0 runs. Even laid down a successful bunt which is a minor miracle. And looking sexy the whole time. Just a giant middle finger to all the asshole who spend every waking minute in the gym training getting in shape. Its Big Sexy Bartolo.

7 IP, 6 Hits, 5Ks, 0 runs. Even laid down a successful bunt which is a minor miracle.

And looking sexy the whole time. Just a giant middle finger to all the asshole who spend every waking minute in the gym training getting in shape. Its Big Sexy Bartolo.

By KFC posted April 8th, 2014 at 10:42 PM

Typical Rangers Fan At The Garden Tonight

Just a typical phony Rangers fan who doesn't know the first thing about the game

 

Really dude? If you don’t even know the basic rules of hockey you should just get the fuck out. Just a typical phony Rangers fan who doesn’t know the first thing about the game who probably parades around like he’s the biggest Rags fan out there.

By KFC posted April 8th, 2014 at 9:08 PM

Barstool NYC Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Julia

  Introducing Julia from UConn.  It’s only right to put Julia up after last nights W.  Smokes and natty ships, that’s what UConn does best.   Blackout New York City At Irving Plaza is coming to town.  All past/present smokeshows get free tickets.  Email beardobarstool@gmail.com to nominate a smoke. GET TICKETS HERE

 

Introducing Julia from UConn.  It’s only right to put Julia up after last nights W.  Smokes and natty ships, that’s what UConn does best.

 

Blackout New York City At Irving Plaza is coming to town.  All past/present smokeshows get free tickets.  Email beardobarstool@gmail.com to nominate a smoke.

GET TICKETS HERE

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By beardo posted April 8th, 2014 at 5:34 PM

Barstool Beats – KFC’s SkinnyFiat Playlist

Let Me Ride, Picture Me Rollin, Jeeps Lex Coups Bimaz and Benz, Fantastic Voyage and all the best rap songs about ridin dirty. Just envision me in my leather jacket, flow blowin in the wind while I ride on 15 inch hubcaps in my microcar.

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Picture me rollin in my 500 Fiat POP. I got no love for you haters, there’s no need to be friends! Let Me Ride, Picture Me Rollin, Jeeps Lex Coups Bimaz and Benz, Fantastic Voyage and all the best rap songs about ridin dirty. Just envision me in my leather jacket, flow blowin in the wind while I ride on 15 inch hubcaps in my microcar.

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And chirp all you want but when the summer hits and you’re crammed ass to dick on the LIRR heading out to the Hamptons or navigating through the 7th Circle of Hell Penn Station to head down to Manasquan, just know I’ll be cruising with the Roommate like Hov and B. Doing about 45 on the parkway with a hunnid horsepower revving away living the dream as I escape this godforsaken city.

By KFC posted April 8th, 2014 at 5:00 PM

Big News – Chick-Fil-A Planning Major Expansion In New York City

No longer confined to that one dumb ass location at NYU

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GrubStreet – Chick-fil-A has some big plans, including a larger rollout in New York City. According to USA Today, the chicken chain is all about growth in cities these days. It will open 108 locations this year, “most of them urban and a good chunk of them in New York City.” But how will the chain’s conservative, southern values play in ever-progressive New York? That’s the question the chain is facing as it tries to re-position itself in advance of the expansion. In fact, Chick-fil-A is tackling the issue head-on: The company says it’s starting a very biblical-sounding “cleaning” cycle to overhaul its image. CEO Dan Cathy — whose anti-gay rhetoric created a massive image problem for the company — says he’ll check politics at the door (“All of us become more wise as time goes by,” he says). Whether his views have actually changed isn’t addressed, but hey, the guy’s got chicken sandwiches to sell. Also: The chain is all about targeting millennials. To that end, it’s introducing a healthier grilled-chicken sandwich as well as giving itself a Chipotle-like makeover, focusing on local sourcing, product quality, and workers’ rights. According to Cathy, the millennial generation cares about more than convenience and flavor: “It’s not just a product story anymore — but the whole story.”

Big news for the people of New York City. I’ve never had one bite of Chick-Fil-A. Its just never been an option for me. Maybe at the occasional mall food court here and there it was available but for the most part only having one New York City location – inside of the fucking NYU campus –  has stopped me from ever sticking my dick up in some Chick-Fil-A. Whenever fast food debates pop up on Barstool this is the one place I can’t comment on. People tell me how much I’m missing out. Some people swear by it like its literally the greatest food joint in the world. So this is pretty momentous news for a fatso like myself. I feel like I’ve been missing out on life up until now. Reminds me of when we first got cable TV in my house. I had heard whispers about how great Nickelodeon was and music videos on MTV and shit. And there I was – poor ass KFC with a dial TV watching 2,4,7, and 11. Then we finally got cable and I could see what all the fuss was about. All the hype was real.

Lets hope Chick-Fil-A can live up to the expectations the same way.

PS – Hey Wendy’s can you figure your shit out too? 3 fucking Wendy’s in all of Manhattan? What the shit is that about?

By KFC posted April 8th, 2014 at 4:20 PM

Dude Announces His Groomsmen By Making A Mock Draft Video

I thought I was gonna hate this. I was prepared to bash this guy like my usual bitter, judgmental self. But you know what? I kinda liked it. Thought the guy did a good job.

I thought I was gonna hate this. I was prepared to bash this guy like my usual bitter, judgmental self. But you know what? I kinda liked it. Thought the guy did a good job. Picking Jeter and the Rock and Bruce Wayne and shit as the other potential picks was pretty funny. I can’t say I’d be too pumped if I was the 8th overall draft pick being compared to Jared From Subway, though. Like usually you just pick a best man and then nobody after that really has to know if they were the 2nd overall pick or the 6th, 7th, 8th overall pick depending on how big the party is. But this dude pretty much just listed his friends in order of how much he really likes them. So, congratulations to Mitch. You are John’s 8th best friend and barely made the cut!

But for real I’m just busting balls. I think this is a pretty funny idea. I flat out didn’t tell half my groomsmen. Like every time I’d get together with one of my friends I wanted in there, I just brought it up like “Oh yea by the way you can be in my wedding if you want.” Just slowly trickled in one by one depending on which guys I ran into at the bar first. Pretty much the polar opposite of this. Maybe thats why I like it. I did such a bad job with telling my friends this guy went all out and made a fucking Sportscenter video.

By KFC posted April 8th, 2014 at 3:30 PM

Long Island Nursing Home Caught Hiring Strippers For Their Residents

Would you rather backgammon and pinochle today? Or have some stripper flip-flopping his dick in your face? Not to sound gay but I'd probably rather have stripper dick in my face if I was an old lady about to die.

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NY Post – The elderly residents of a Long Island nursing home saw their shuffleboards replaced by washboard abs when they were subjected to a low-rent Chippendale’s striptease in the facility’s rec room, a new lawsuit claims. The son of one resident, 85-year-old Bernice, was shocked when he showed up for a visit and found a picture of his mom stuffing dollar bills — which are supposed to be locked away in her commissary account — into a dancer’s briefs. The image also showed several of Bernice’s fellow residents at the East Neck Nursing Center in West Babylon looking on with a mix of shock and delight as the dancers bumped and ground for their amusement.Bernice’s family immediately expressed their outrage to the staff — but were ignored, according to the suit. “Plaintiff Bernice was placed in apprehension of imminent, offensive, physical harm, as she was confused and bewildered as to why a muscular, almost nude man, was approaching her and placing his body and limbs, over [her],” the suit states. Her family attorneys, John Ray and Vesselin Mitev, state in the complaint that her son, Franklin, found the offensive photograph among her belongings during a January visit. The irate son confronted a nurse, but the staffer lunged at him and tried to snatch the picture away, the suit states. A nurse later told another of the victim’s sons that the strip show was an “entertainment event” for the patients and was done in “good faith,” according to the suit. “Hiring male stippers to perform for the defendant’s nursing-home patients was a serial occurrence,” the suit claims. “Bernice has lived 85 years as a traditional Baptist, hard-working, lady . . . And now she has been defiled,” Ray said.

“Bernice has lived 85 years as a traditional Baptist, hard-working, lady, and now she has been defiled?” Get the fuck out of town. Bernie loved every single second of that striptease. I bet if she had her druthers she’d take a facial from a dude in a giant mascot bear head. All the other girls in the background cheering her. I mean if you were a traditional Baptist woman for 85 years you’d probably wanna cut loose before you kicked the bucket too. Would you rather backgammon and pinochle today? Or have some stripper flip-flopping his cock in your face? Not to sound gay but I’d probably rather have stripper dick in my face if I was an old black lady about to die.

I know its gotta be tough when you’re a son and you see your mom shoving George Washingtons down some dude’s nutsack but let Mama Dukes have some fun before she checks out. Yea she was “confused and bewildered” because she probably hadn’t seen any dick since the Truman Administration but thats not necessarily a bad thing. Granny is disoriented because she’s craving one last dose of D.

By KFC posted April 8th, 2014 at 2:45 PM

A Tradition Unlike Any Other…Draftstreet Masters Is Here

mmmmmmHello friends!

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mmmmHello friends! College hoops has ended. Baseball has begun. Its 60 degrees. But Spring isn’t officially here until you hear Jim Nantz’s voice and the soothing sounds of the Masters Music. It signifies the end of winter and the beginning of life and sports in the warm weather. This year it also signifies your chance to win $20,000 from Draftstreet. Napping on the coach dozing in and out of consciousness on Sunday is gonna be that much sweeter when you potentially win a fortune from this tournament. Here are the details:

-$100,000 prize pool
-$20,000 first place prize
-Starts Thursday 4/10 at 7 AM, ends Sunday 4/13
-$109 entry fee
-1,000 entries (top 150 paid out)

CLICK HERE TO JOIN

By KFC posted April 8th, 2014 at 2:30 PM
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