Jasmine From Dating Naked Is A Smoke

Jasmine is a kinky little minx with a top notch body and she knows it.

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Daily MailThe contestants on the first episode of VH1′s reality show Dating Naked, in which couples court in the nude, were primarily concerned with one thing: where to keep their eyes.  The first daters, Joe, 24, and Wee Wee, 36, who would each go out with two other people during the course of the episode, exchanged brief hellos before taking off all their clothes and reconvening on an empty, remote beach for their initial rendezvous.  ’I'm most worried about getting a little excited, you know?’ Joe said as he stripped down. ‘I will just try not to think about it. I’ll probably think about elephants or like monkeys or something like that – and just look her straight in the eye.’ The next day, Joe meets Jasmine, a gorgeous 20-something from Israel. He says that Jasmine’s beauty definitely takes his mind off Wee Wee, especially as they go boogie boarding – an activity he calls ‘very sexual.’ All four of the daters later meet up for an intimate, clothed drinks and dinner, and Wee Wee is nervous Jasmine will ‘be skinny’ or ‘have big boobs.’ Unfortunately, both her fears are realized.  Before any food is even eaten, Joe and Jasmine are naked in the pool together, as a sad Wee Wee looks on.

Brutal turn of events for the first chick on the show, Wee Wee:

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That dude probably took one look and was like “Ok…alright. I can work with this. She’s naked already. She’s into me. We’re good to go.” And then day 2 they trot out this naked Israeli smoke with a “fuck me” face that almost insinuates she likes butt sex and its a Fatality for poor Wee Wee.

Jasmine is a kinky little minx with a top notch body and she knows it. My dick would just be hard 100% of the time if I was that guy Joe. My face would turn ghost white because all the blood would be constantly flowing to my penis. I think I’d eventually pass out from having a boner too long. I wouldn’t have even been able to lay on that boogie board without my dick stabbing that Morey. I’d have to cut a hole in it to make it work.

So you can go ahead and cuncel Wee Wee and chalk this up as a HUGE win for Joe. I’d probably marry Jasmine on the spot if I was on that show.

By KFC posted July 22nd, 2014 at 11:10 AM

Fargo Renewed For Season 2

Most underrated show on TV gets the green light for season 2.

VarietyHas FX given a second season order to Noah Hawley’s “Fargo” miniseries? You betcha. The network announced Monday at Television Critics Assn. that it has renewed the adaption of Joel and Ethan Coen’s popular film, which recently racked up an astounding 18 Emmy nominations. Similar to HBO’s “True Detective,” this new story will feature different characters (and actors), a fresh time period and a different “true crime” story that will unfold over the course of 10 episodes. It will air in fall 2015 at the earliest. “We could not be more proud of ‘Fargo,’” said John Landgraf, CEO of FX Networks & FX Productions. “Noah’s audacious, bordering on hubristic riff on my favorite Coen brothers film earned 18 Emmy nominations – the most for a single program in our history. ‘Fargo’ was nothing short of breathtaking and we look forward to the next installment.” “Fargo” is produced by MGM Television and FX Productions. It is written by Hawley, who serves as exec producer with Warren Littlefield, the Coens and Geyer Kosinski.

Most underrated show on TV gets the green light for season 2. I guess thats no surprise when you rack up 18 Emmy Nominations and people who tuned in were putting you in the same category as True Detective, but I wasn’t sure how this series would progress. It was clear from the jump that this would be the “anthology series” which is ever-so hot in the streets, but I wasn’t sure if it would get the automatic nod for season 2 the same way True Detective or American Horror Story did. It flew under the radar and was technically a spin-off – who knew where it was going after this?

Season 1 was awesome. Like, tremendous television. Loosely based on the movie but not so much that you needed to see the Coen Brothers classic first. It only enhanced it but wasn’t required. Billy Bob Thornton was the big movie star haul that legitimized it the way McConaughey and Harrelson did for True Detective. The rest of the cast did the whole quirky Minnesota thing perfectly. Gruesome murder, multiple story lines, cover ups and investigations. And obviously everything is neatly tied up with a bow after 10 episodes.

My question is – are these anthology series a good thing? I was completely engrossed in True Detective. I loved Fargo. I will watch any show of that caliber and enjoy it. But I wonder if its a good thing for the general state of television. As good as these 2 shows are, I’d much rather dive into a 5 or 6 season long series which shows the characters and plots develop over the course of a few years. But the TV audience these days is obsessed with answers and finales. They want conclusions. They want instant gratification. The binge-able series on Netflix lets people consume 13 hours of TV in a day. The anthology series shows the entire history of a character and a plot from start to finish in a matter of a couple months. The casual TV viewer is eating up this short format. I love a great Saturday order-seamless-three-times 15 hour marathon on Netflix and I love that Fargo and True Detective went from A to Z in one season, but I just don’t want writers and producers to fall in love with that and steer away from traditional TV series like the classics that came before it. The new theme seems to be huge stars and quick conclusions, and I, for one, just don’t want to see that completely take over.

UPDATE: Season 2 follows Molly’s Dad Lou, back in 1979.

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“That time period is interesting — post-Vietnam, post-Watergate,” said showrunner Noah Hawley, who wrote all 10 episodes of Season 1 but will work with four writers this time. “It was the best of America versus the worst of America. There was a sense this war had come home with people. Lou fought in Vietnam, came home and thought he’d left the war behind and here it is. It’s domestic now.” Hawley will pull inspiration from more Coen brothers movies, including 1990’s Miller’s Crossing and 2001’s The Man Who Wasn’t There. Hawley even went so far as to predict a subtitle for Season 2, tentatively calling it Fargo: Backlash. (Personally I like Fargo: It’s Domestic Now.)

If theres one guy that deserved the focal point after that season, it was Lou. Waiting up all night on the porch with his shotgun in the finale was awesome.

By KFC posted July 22nd, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Here’s A Headline I Bet You Didn’t Expect To See Today: “Ben Stein Begged Me For Nude Pictures While I Was Pregnant”

Complete with text screenshots of Ben Stein paying this chick $1500 to rub her baby bump. We've officially left planet earth.

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Page Six – Ben Stein wrote in a bizarre magazine column last month that he’s still like a hormone-crazed teen who gets “mad crushes” on every beautiful woman he meets. But one woman targeted by the supposedly harmless Stein told Page Six on Monday that the 69-year-old married grandfather is nothing but a manipulative leech who gave her money — and then begged to “touch” her even though she’s pregnant. Tanya Ma, a 24-year-old pregnant performance artist, said she contacted Page Six to tell her story because she doesn’t “want him to continue to do this to women.” “It’s much more than sexting, cyber-escorting or being a sugar daddy — it’s unhealthy and toxic behavior that needs to be exposed,” insisted Ma, who lives in Grand Rapids, Mich. The Yale-educated former Nixon speech writer wrote that he was immediately smitten after first setting eyes on her at the San Francisco airport in the spring. She was “a stunningly beautiful, absolute knockout young Eurasian woman,” Stein wrote, and “we have been in touch almost every day since.” Tanya, who admits she briefly worked as an escort in Chicago, said that when she first met Stein, she thought he was interested in her as a fledgling author. “He said he’d read my blog, and I gave him my contact information,” she said. “We texted for about four months, then he asked me to send him pictures. He said he was very captivated and he just wanted to remember me. After a while, he started asking for more racy photos.” “He said his wife knew about everything,” Ma added. But Stein denied to The Post on Monday that he ever did anything untoward. “She is a person I have only met for less than five minutes at an airport. I have never touched her, I have never had any sexual contact with her. I should get a medal for helping this woman,” Stein said of Ma. “This is a person who appealed to me for money. She said she would send me some examples of her performance art. Some of those examples were racy, and some were not.  Adding that the whole thing was like “a ‘Monty Python’ episode,” Stein said he simply urged Ma to write a book about her troubled childhood and told her he would help get it published. “Here’s the real story: Ben Stein has never had any criminal charge or any ethical blemish in his life, she tells him a sob story, he helps her out to the amount of thousands, she said she’s going to have a baby and the father of the baby wasn’t going to help her out,” he said. “I didn’t expect anything from her. Hugging and kissing doesn’t mean I wanted to f–k her. I said that explicitly in my text,” Stein said. “When is it wrong to hug people?”

Not even in my wildest dreams could I come up with a blog topic like this. I mean that genuinely – not just using it as a figure of speech. You know when you have the weirdest possible dreams where your second grade teacher shows up and is banging your dad or something absurd like that? Never, ever, ever would my subconscious concoct a scenario where Ben fucking Stein is sexting a pregnant chick sending her money so that he can hug and rub her. That is something I would assume I would never encounter in 500 million years. Yet here we are – front page featured story of the New York Post – Ben Stein and some Asian broad. Thank you, New York Post, just thank you.

Now on to this story - fuck Tanya Ma. Newsflash babe, you don’t get to cash in to the tune of $1,500 and still publicize his texts for being manipulative. It takes two to tango. Ben Stein sends you creepy texts asking to hug you and rub your pregnant gut and you get $1500. Thats a fair transaction. Thats money in exchange for services. You should know how this works – you used to be an escort. Like an actual hooker. You have sex and then you get money. Now admittedly I think its probably better to have actual intercourse with any other dude than to spoon with Ben Stein and let him rub your baby bump, but facts are facts. You engage in the texting and you Win Ben Stein’s Money and you lose any right to exposing him as manipulative.

By KFC posted July 22nd, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Bill Clinton Has A Secret Mistress With The Secret Service Code Name “Energizer”

Bill Clinton's jump off has the highest clearance in all the land. Energizer rolls in with big tits and fresh cookies and thats all there is to it.

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NY Post - Bill Clinton reportedly has a buxom blond mistress who visits so often when Hillary Clinton isn’t home in Chappaqua that the former president’s Secret Service detail have given her an unofficial code name: Energizer. This is according to Ronald Kessler in “The First Family Detail: Secret Service Agents Reveal the Hidden Lives of Presidents,” due Aug. 5 from Crown Forum. Kessler is no stranger to the controversies surrounding the Secret Service. He broke the story that Secret Service agents protecting President Obama in Cartagena, Colombia, hired prostitutes, and put the president in jeopardy. The book, portions of which I’ve obtained, says none of the normal protocols are followed when Energizer arrives in her SUV, sometimes just minutes after Hillary has left the Westchester house. Kessler quotes a supervisor informing a new agent: “You don’t stop her, you don’t approach her, you just let her go in.”  Energizer, who is described as charming and friendly, sometimes brought cookies to the agents, according to the book excerpts. One told Kessler: “It was a warm day, and she was wearing a low-cut tank top, and as she leaned over, her breasts were very exposed. They appeared to be very perky and very new and full…There was no doubt in my mind they were enhanced.” Kessler also reports that Hillary’s Secret Service detail informs Bill’s Secret Service detail when the former First Lady is coming home, so Bill has time to get Energizer off the property and clean up any evidence. But once, the warning came late. “The agents had to scramble to get Energizer out of there so there wasn’t some kind of big confrontation.” Kessler also reveals that Hillary is routinely rude to the agents who are sworn to take a bullet for her. “Because she is so nasty to agents and hostile to law enforcement officers and military officers in general, agents consider being assigned to her detail a form of punishment,” Kessler wrote. And they don’t get any cookies.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, gets in between Bill Clinton and his pussy. Not the Secret Service. Not Presidential Protocol. Not National Security measures. Nothing. Bill Clinton’s jump off has the highest clearance in all the land. Energizer rolls in with big tits and fresh cookies and thats all there is to it. You really think Slick Willie is gonna wanna waste all that time getting her cleared to visit the ex-President in an official capacity? Fuck no. Thats just less time his dick his in her mouth and his cigar is in her pussy.

And is there really any surprise that Bill’s main side piece is named Energizer? Bill certainly doesn’t strike me as a one and done sorta guy. You know he’s working in at least 2 or 3 rounds every time there’s a POTUS/Energizer rendezvous. The nickname says more about Bill than it does about her. It takes 2 to tango so if she’s the Energizer Bunny that means he’s right there giving her that 9 volt jolt.

PS – What wound Hillary’s code name be? Cobwebs? “Cobwebs is approaching the house, initiate exit protocol with Energizer!”

By KFC posted July 21st, 2014 at 7:40 PM

David Wright: 10 Years A Slave

I mean 10 years a Met.

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Metsblog – Ten years ago today, David Wright made his major league debut. He went 0 for 4, but his team eked out a 5-4 victory after blowing an early 3-0 lead. His first big-league hit, a double, came the next day >> Watch here. He has since become the organization’s all-time leader in a number of offensive categories, including hits, doubles and RBI. “Coming into the clubhouse and seeing your jersey hanging for the first time, it was pretty surreal,” Wright said of his debut (New York Post, July 15). “I probably tried my jersey on and stood in front of the mirror for quite some time that day soaking it all in.” In 2004, when Wright first stepped on the field at Shea Stadium, the baseball world was pretty different. The Red Sox were still “cursed,” as were the Chicago White Sox. Barry Bonds was the offensive ruler of the National League, if not all of baseball. Roger Clemens won the National League Cy Young Award. And the Florida – not Miami – Marlins were the reigning World Series champs. The Montreal Expos still existed. They drew only 749,550 fans to their home ballpark that year and in the subsequent offseason moved to Washington, D.C. But those Expos were the Mets’ opposition that Wednesday at Shea Stadium. There were a few players on the visiting club that day who would eventually end up teammates with Wright at one point or another: the catcher, Brian Schneider, and the final Montreal reliever of the afternoon, Luis Ayala. The visiting centerfielder, too, worked his way into Mets lore, two years after Wright’s debut. It was Endy Chavez, who hit a home run on that July afternoon. He hit it to right-center, not yet interacting with that left field wall he’d make so famous in 2006. The leadoff man for the Mets that afternoon was a young Jose Reyes, playing second base because Kaz Matsui was the shortstop in Flushing then. Reyes entered the day with a .241 batting average and seven stolen bases. His 2004 season, which he’d finish with a .255 average and 19 steals, was a far cry from the player he’d mature into later on, side-by-side with Wright on the left side of the infield. The team took a 5-4 lead into the ninth. The closer was Braden Looper. Remember him? The first time he took the field in Flushing, Wright was 21 years old. The oldest player in baseball that year was 45-year-old Julio Franco, who would retain his post as the sport’s eldest for the next 3 years, the final two in a Met uniform. The youngest, though he’d debut a few weeks after Wright, was Wright’s former AAU teammate B.J Upton, at age 19.

David Allen Wright. Dude has been around for a decade now. A decade of some decent highs, and some incredibly low lows. Through it all DW has been the consummate professional and a stud at the hot corner, and he’ll go down as one of the greatest Mets of all time.

You can’t help but think that on a day like this though, David Wright looks back and thinks to himself “What the fuck happened?” I mean I’m not gonna sit here and tell you its been a bad 10 year stretch for the dude. He’s amassed over $85,000,000 and he has over $100,000,000 more coming to him until the year 2021. In every major category, he’s been the best 3rd baseman in the National League over the past 10 years. This is the woman he married:

His life is fucking incredible by all normal standards. But guys like him – stars of his caliber – you know their life financially and socially are gonna be amazing. Guys like him want that professional glory. They want the rings, the awards, the respect. And when DW looks back at his ten years on the Mets he’s gotta be thinking “What the hell am I doing here?”

Don’t get me wrong, as a fan I’m forever indebted to David Wright staying loyal to this team and choosing to (most likely) play his entire career here. They don’t make guys as loyal as he is anymore. But he’s been loyal to a fault. He’s gotta look back and think about the time he was hitting in a lineup with Reyes Beltran and Delgado and look at where he’s at now and what the team around him is and want to pule. He’s gotta look back to those 30 home run seasons right before the franchise decided to building a cavernous ballpark that undoubtedly affected his play and want to murder somebody. Now its just him and Murph, floundering around on this Quadruple A team in that dumb ass stadium. He stuck by a team with an owner that said he wasn’t a superstar. He stuck around in a city with the fans and the media are constantly on your case. All under this promise from the Wilpons and the front office that they would build a winner around him which has never happened since their brief blip of contending in the mid 2000s. Constantly waiting for “next year.”

I honestly think 2007 changed the entire trajectory of the Mets this past decade and David Wright’s career. If the Mets were able to win just one extra game in September and hold on to that lead, the collapse never happens, the Mets make the playoffs and David Wright wins the MVP. You could make the argument he should have won it anyway – .325 34 Hrs 30 SBs 42 2Bs. Rollins should have never won that year. And while David Wright still did all he could down the stretch of that season, I think that collapse cost him the award. The Mets would have been back in the playoffs, back to back NL East champs, with an MVP leading the way. Who knows what would have happened in the playoffs. It was the Rockies, Cubs, D’Backs and Phillies. Not exactly a power house lineup in the postseason. That year changed everything. Instead of “phew, that was a close one” and the team being a consistent contender with a budding star grabbing the league’s most prestigious award, it all went to shit. The Madoff Scandal would have eventually fucked the franchise in some way or another, but while that window was still open and into the Johan years I think everything would have been much, much brighter for DW and the Mets.

The future is bright once again. Hopefully some of these arms pan out and the front office brings in some real, legitimate bats to work around him. I’m not saying DW’s window is closed and its all doom and gloom. I’m just saying I think that window could have been wide open a lot longer if not for 2 incredibly bad weeks in September where his team let him down.

By KFC posted July 21st, 2014 at 6:00 PM

Barstool NYC Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Kayla

Thats a 10

 

Introducing Kayla from Molloy.  Best friends with last weeks smokeshow Stephanie for maybe the hottest smoke friends on the site this year.  Just a powerhouse of hotness.

 

Know any smokeshows? Email a name and Facebook link to beardobarstool@gmail.com to nominate

By beardo posted July 21st, 2014 at 5:32 PM

Colby Lewis Pissed Off That Colby Rasmus Broke The Unwritten Rules Of Baseball And Bunted In The 5th Inning Of A 2 Run Game

Hopefully Brian McCann and Cardinals fans every where teach Colby Rasmus a lesson because this is UNACCEPTABLE

ESPN - In the eyes of Colby LewisBlue Jays outfielder Colby Rasmus sure could use a lesson in baseball etiquette.  The Rangers starting pitcher exchanged words with Rasmus during the fifth inning of Texas’ 4-1 loss Saturday. Lewis was irked when Rasmus laid down a two-out bunt single with the Blue Jays up 2-0 and the Rangers playing the shift. ”I told [Rasmus] I didn’t appreciate it,” Lewis said, according to MLB.com. “You’re up by two runs with two outs and you lay down a bunt. I don’t think that’s the way the game should be played.” Lewis, who fell to 6-7 with the loss, felt Rasmus’ bunt was a selfish act. ”I felt like you have a situation where there is two outs, you’re up two runs, you have gotten a hit earlier in the game off me, we are playing the shift, and he laid down a bunt basically simply for average,” Lewis said. On top of the bunt, Lewis said the fact that Rasmus didn’t try to steal second base further proved he was just concerned about upping his average. ”[Rasmus] didn’t steal within the first two pitches to put himself in scoring position,” Lewis said. “That tells me he is solely looking out for himself, and looking out for batting average. And I didn’t appreciate it.“ After the game, Rasmus said he was trying to help his team and did not understand why Lewis took offense. ”I’m just trying to help my team and he didn’t like it — so sorry about it,” Rasmus said, according to MLB.com. “I’m not here to try to please the other side, I’m here to help my team, and I had an opportunity where I could, and I took advantage of it.” Rasmus went 2-for-4 on the day. He is hitting .223 this season.

Hey Colby Lewis why don’t you cry about it a little more you fatso? This might be the biggest crybaby whine-fest I’ve ever seen when it comes to all the “Unwritten Rules” of baseball. We’re not talking about pimping a home run. We’re not talking about showing up the pitcher. Not even bunting to break up a no hitter. We’re just talking about taking what the defense was giving you in a fucking TWO-NOTHING game in the FIFTH! 2 run lead with 4 goddam innings to go and Colby Rasmus, batting a cool .224, just taking a base hit because this league has gotten so absurd with the shift we’re now putting it on for nobodies like him. In any other sport that would be considered selfless. Doing the little things to help your team. Letting the game come to you. No hero ball swinging for the fences sorta shit. Getting on base is the name of the game and Colby Rasmus can swallow his pride and do what it takes to get the job done.

But not in baseball and not with guys like Colby Rasmus. Thats against “etiquette.” Hey bro why are you trying to get on base against me! What are you doing out there! Trying to raise your batting average! I’m trying to stop you from getting on base and you’re just gonna come up to the plate and do whatever you can to GET ON BASE!? Learn to play the game the right way! Hopefully Brian McCann and Cardinals fans every where teach Colby Rasmus a lesson.

Maybe don’t be fat and field your position better, dude. Thats an unwritten rule too.

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By KFC posted July 21st, 2014 at 4:50 PM

NYC Approves Poor People Entrance For Luxury Apartment Building

You know when there's a trade that works out for both teams? Thats what we got here.

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GawkerIt would be difficult to come with a more on-the-nose metaphor for New York City’s income inequality problem than the new high-rise apartment building coming to 40 Riverside Boulevard, which will feature separate doors for regular, wealthy humans and whatever you call the scum that rents affordable housing. Extell Development Company, the firm behind the new building, announced its intentions to segregate the rich and poor to much outrage last year. Fifty-five of the luxury complex’s 219 units would be marked for low-income renters—netting some valuable tax breaks for Extell—with the caveat that the less fortunate tenants would stick to their own entrance.  The city’s Department of Housing Preservation and Development approved Extell’s Inclusionary Housing Program application for the 33-story tower this week, the New York Post reports. The status grants Extell the aforementioned tax breaks and the right to construct a larger building than would ordinarily be allowed. According to the Daily Mail, affordable housing tenants will enter through a door situated on a “back alley.” Any of the unwashed folk who complain about such a convenient arrangement, of course, are just being ungrateful. As the Mail points out, fellow poor-door developer David Von Spreckelsenexplained as much last year:

“No one ever said that the goal was full integration of these populations,” said David Von Spreckelsen, senior vice president at Toll Brothers. “So now you have politicians talking about that, saying how horrible those back doors are. I think it’s unfair to expect very high-income homeowners who paid a fortune to live in their building to have to be in the same boat as low-income renters, who are very fortunate to live in a new building in a great neighborhood.”

You know when there’s a trade that works out for both teams? That rare occurrence where there really isn’t a clear winner or loser in a deal and both teams got better in equal, but opposite fashions? Like the Dodgers and Red Sox blockbuster a couple years back. One man’s trash was another man’s treasure – the Sox got to press the reset button and have since won a World Series. The Dodgers instantly shot to the top of the NL West and have been a force in the National League ever since.

Well thats whats going on here with the Poors and this luxury building. When this was first talked about last year I said the Poors don’t give a shit what door they have to go in, as long as they get to live in that building. They get a luxury apartment for like 1/5th the cost probably. In return the landlords get all sorts of tax breaks for letting disgusting bums live amongst their real tenants. Nobody said the rich people and the poor people have to play together. Nobody said they had to invite each other over for dinner. Cheap apartments, and tax breaks. Thats all this deal is about. And as long as both sides are getting that, I don’t think anybody cares about anything in between. Poor people go in the back door and live like kings in their apartment they could never afford. Building owners save a ton of money. And the rich tenants never have to see or smell the Untouchables. Thats a Win Win Win situation. I’m thinking about getting poor enough just so I can live in this building and use the back door.

 

By KFC posted July 21st, 2014 at 4:00 PM
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