These Bodybuilder Christian Swingers Are Living Life To The Fullest

Gotta love these roided up God freaks just coming up with every loophole they possibly can to convince themselves fucking every single person in sight is ok.

“Thou shall not covet thy neighbors wife…but what if your neighbor wants you to?”

Huff Po – Love thy neighbor as yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Do not covet thy neighbor’s ass. These are the ethical foundations of any good swinger’s lifestyle. If you like Jesus, pumping iron and pumping/getting pumped by acquaintances bound by holy matrimony, there’s a website just for you. It’s called Fitness Swingers, and it’s the brainchild of Cristy Parave and her husband, Dean, who dreamed up the site after reportedly having a threesome with this wife and her female friend. Apparently, the sex was just heavenly. The Florida couple, who met at a bodybuilding competition, are interested in sharing their beliefs and their spouses with others who feel similarly. They started their online network 7 years ago, and haven’t looked back. The pillars of their relationship: A commitment to their faith, to fitness, and to the ideals of the swinger lifestyle. Dean Parave told Barcroft Media that he doesn’t think that his swinger lifestyle conflicts with his Christian beliefs. In fact, he considers it a kind of ministry. ”So far today, God hasn’t told me, ‘Dean stop that, it’s a sin. I don’t want you to do that.’ Until he does that, I’m going to keep trying to help as many people as I can,” he told Barcroft. Christy said she needed a little convincing that it was moral at first, but now she’s totally convinced that god is on their side. “God put people on the Earth to breed and enjoy each other,” she told Barcroft. “I feel God is always with me and he has put us here for a reason.”

Gotta love these roided up God freaks just coming up with every loophole they possibly can to convince themselves fucking every single person in sight is ok. Like “well God hasn’t told me NOT to fuck that dude’s wife, so I’m gonna assume its fair game.” The old “Hey God, if you want me to fuck my neighbor’s wife, DON’T say anything right now…..*silence*…OK thanks, God! You’re the man!”

The Bible doesn’t say anything about swinging so thats a green light! If it brings people happiness then God would be happy! If a man and wife agree to it, then you’re just honoring your marriage and God!

I love em. Every last excuse possible to convince yourselves you can trade wives like goddam Pokemon cards. I do that shit all the time. Not the swinging, the convincing yourself. I can rationalize just about any behavior. Every decision I make, I convince myself its absolutely the right move. But I must admit, waking up every morning and being like “I NEED to do a cycle, I NEED to hit the gym, and I NEED to fuck Billy’s wife. Thats the way God would want it” is some impressive shit. Justifying that to yourself and your army of swingers is flat out inspirational. Makes me wanna go do absolutely whatever I want and tell myself I’m doing God’s work.

By KFC posted September 29th, 2014 at 2:50 PM

Francesa Comin In HOT Today

AWRH YOUAH...AWRH YOUAH....AWRH YOUAH MOOVIN....AWRH YOUAH MOOVIN DA BAWL!

If Instagram audio doesn’t work for you:

Annnnd Boom goes the dynamite. Mike just flying off the handle as only Mike could. And a quick little backhanded apology blaming the callers for making him yell is what makes him Numbah One.

By KFC posted September 29th, 2014 at 2:26 PM

Isles Settling In To The Barclays Center Nicely With Their Jumbotron About A Thousand Feet Off Center

  Jussst a bit outside. Its not that big of a deal, obviously. Nobody will really care when JT and the boys are tearing it up in Brooklyn. But isn’t it funny how these things seem to always seem to happen to the Second Franchises of New York? The Mets making asses of themselves on [...]

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Jussst a bit outside. Its not that big of a deal, obviously. Nobody will really care when JT and the boys are tearing it up in Brooklyn. But isn’t it funny how these things seem to always seem to happen to the Second Franchises of New York? The Mets making asses of themselves on Twitter. The Jets always being the butt of the joke. The Islanders can’t even fit into their new home correctly. Its just always these off the field/court/ice issues that seem to make everyone laugh and say “Poor Mets/Jets/Islanders fans.”

Its just the cross we bear.

By KFC posted September 29th, 2014 at 2:10 PM

KFC Radio Double Feature This Week With Big Baby Trent And Nate

Gonna record a regular episode with Big Cat and Feits, and then we're gonna double up with Big Baby/Big Daddy Trent and Nate Dogg-sitter. Gonna need double the voicemails so call in and bring the heat - 646-807-8665

KFCRadio

 

I gotta bang out a couple episodes of everyone’s favorite shitshow early this week, so we’re gonna need to fire up the voicemails a couple days ahead of time. Gonna record a regular episode with Big Cat and Feits, and then we’re gonna double up with Big Baby/Big Daddy Trent and Nate Dogg-sitter. We can talk about Big Daddy being the most famous person in Iowa. You can ask him a bunch of ignorant, misinformed questions about living in his awful state. You can ask Nate about Britt McHenry and his famous cameo in the Draftkings commercial. Whatevre you want. So call the hotline and leave voicemails for the new guys as well as anything you might want Big Cat or Feits to answer. I’m gonna need double the voicemails this week so everyone call in and bring the heat.

646-807-8665

By KFC posted September 29th, 2014 at 1:40 PM

Goodbye Derek Jeter And The 2014 Yankees

Today is the first day in the post Jeter era and it sucks. All season we have been covering the retirement tour and I have been battling with KFC but kind of hoped the day would never come or at least it wouldn’t be this early. But it did come and go, without the postseason [...]

jeets

Today is the first day in the post Jeter era and it sucks. All season we have been covering the retirement tour and I have been battling with KFC but kind of hoped the day would never come or at least it wouldn’t be this early. But it did come and go, without the postseason again, so it’s time to start coping.

As a 29 year old, Derek Jeter is the only way I really know the Yankees. Yeah I have always been a fan, but the time he came up is right about the same time I had any idea what was going on in baseball and really started to understand the game. To be totally honest, I don’t have that many Don Mattingly memories and all I really remember him as is an old guy getting a playoff chance in 1995, but then I had Jeter.

The last few weeks have been a debate over career hits versus WAR, and games played for one team versus defensive range but now that the season is over, I can say that none of that shit matters. At least to Yankee fans it doesn’t. No matter what numbers anyone wants to bring up, all we care about is that Derek Jeter was always there for us. He was a winner both on and off the field. He wore the uniform we all wanted to. He dated the girls whose bike seats we would pay to sniff. Most importantly, he did it all while keeping his nose clean. When we were younger he never gave our parents a reason to not let us cheer for him and as we got older and almost every athlete we looked up to turned out to be a scumbag he never broke his image. Whether all of that was a show or not doesn’t really matter, what matters is he did that so we could continue to look up to him.

So now as he goes off into retirement I hope nothing but happiness for him while he retreats to St. Jetersburg to blow Hannah Davis out like a flat tire but I hope he doesn’t stay away too long. It may be a few years before we see him at an Old Timers day but beyond that hopefully he can stay involved with the team. I know it’s a stretch but he wants to own a team and these Steinbrenner kids seem to want to sell it so hopefully Jeter can get into an ownership group and become the face once again. It may seem impossible to happen but how many times have we seen him do the impossible?

The Rest Of The Yankees

We could break down a million different stats from every angle but whats the point? At the end of the day we lost most of the starting rotation, and even with pieces that held the pitching together our lineup wasn’t good enough. For the money that is spent on this team, way more was expected and injuries aside, the effort wasn’t there. This weekend Girardi went off on the team about a lack of desire and even going far enough to call some of them overweight. It is a side of Girardi we haven’t heard about much and it’s something we should have heard in May.

For the guys who are coming back (Tex, McCann, Ellsbury, Beltran, CC, Pineda, Tanaka, ARod) they need to spend the offseason getting healthy because you can’t win when you have $150 million on the DL or too sore to play more than 4 games a week. Yankee fans won’t stand for it and unless they want to play in front of an empty stadium, it’s time to man up and earn some of the money you are making. If you win in NY you are a god but if you don’t even show up to play, we will turn on you fast.

In a few weeks I will break down what we need to do in the offseason and moving forward, aside from any stories that may pop up, most likely involving ARod, so stay tuned for that. Besides that, I want to thank the Stoolies for their support through my first full season here at Barstool. I have met a ton of you around the stadium and I look forward to growing the Yankee subset of Stoolies even more next season.  Until then feel free to email me at BarstoolJJ@gmail.com, I’m always looking for shirt, party, blog, etc. ideas.

By jj posted September 29th, 2014 at 12:00 PM

Dating Website CEO Says “Love Is For Poor People”

Oh whats that? You're in "love?" Thats cute. Whats it like to be poor?

CNN – I’m not against marriage, but I do recognize that the rules society forces us to play by no longer work for everyone. We grow up believing that a faithful and monogamous marriage is the end game, and if you marry the wrong person, it is the end. The end of happiness. The end of freedom. The end of hope. Why is that the only acceptable option? You grow up, you get married, you have babies — you are not allowed to want anything else. We are trying to invoke the possibility of getting exactly what you want from your relationship, even if that isn’t what society dictates. We are asking people to look at their relationships and make their own rules — create their version of a more perfect union. There are two reasons people get married: for love and for money. Ironically, these are also two of the biggest reasons why people get divorced. Marriage is messy, but divorce is even messier. Yet marriage is not the only path to happiness or financial security. An arrangement can provide the same benefits as a marriage without the risk. Love is a concept invented by poor people. Love at first sight that sends shivers down your spine is a fairy tale, and it doesn’t last forever. Such infatuation must be transformed into a selfless form of love, empty of possessive expectations, for any relationship to endure. By encouraging people to find and negotiate an arrangement, we hope to create modern relationships based on open-mindedness, open communication, brutal honesty and transparent expectations. This is the future of dating.

Cocky. So so cocky. Saying you’re too rich for love is some big money shit. Just shitting all over what most people consider to be the greatest human emotion. Oh whats that? You’re in “love?” Thats cute. Whats it like to be poor?

I mean he aint wrong. People fall in love and get married because they dont have the money to do what they really wanna do. Guys go apple picking with their girlfriends and propose and shit only because they dont have enough money to go jet off to their yacht in the Caribbean and fuck randoms. You get tired of the same single scene at the bars because youre too poor to do awesome shit so you settle down. Girls, well I dont know what girls do. I dont know why they fall in love and shit. But this logic certainly applies for dudes. Its the Clooney Effect. The Jeter Effect. Those guys have enough money to do whatever they wanted so they ain’t gonna settle down until they’ve enjoyed every penny. Thats why both of them were single for an eternity. Just too rich for love.

Single life is like steak dinners and monogamy is like a cheeseburger. If you can afford the steak dinners, you’d eat it every night. If you can’t you settle for a cheeseburger. Either way you can end up pretty happy. Like I love cheeseburgers. It just aint filet mignon.

By KFC posted September 29th, 2014 at 11:10 AM

Monster Truck Runs Over The Crowd

GRAVEDIGGGE....AH I"M DEAD!

Hey look! ITS GRAVEDIGGGE….AH I”M DEAD! Thats gotta be the worst monster truck performance ever. He missed like 75% of the cars and hit like 75% of the humans in the crowd. Unless thats actually considered a great monster truck performance? I know that probably like 25 people died but for the rest of that crowd he put on a fucking show. You wanna hit the monster truck rally for destruction and carnage, and a crowd of people getting smushed like its Grand Theft Auto is just that. Probably a little bit morbid but something tells me the Monster Truck Rally Crowd appreciates some chaos like this. Even the people who got mowed down. I bet they’re like “Thats just Gravedigger life.”

By KFC posted September 29th, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Footage Of Geno Smith Cursing Out The Fans, And Sheldon Richardson’s Preposterous Response To The Media

Everyone needs to KEEP THEIR COMPOSURE!

Is it a good sign for your future as a quarterback that you couldn’t keep your cool after a September game against the Lions? No, probably not. Probably the single most important mental quality as a quarterback is being cool, calm, and collected and not allowing the pressure to get to you. Snapping like this just shows Geno is lacking a little bit in the mental department, and thats whats most upsetting to me. Not that he’s not polite or doesnt act like a professional. That one of your fears about him is confirmed through this little out burst.

But spare me all the “Be a professional” talk. Spare me all the “they are paying customers, they pay his salary” talk. Thats all such garbage rhetoric spewed from the peanut gallery. Take a second to actually truly put yourself in Geno’s shoes and tell me you’d just smile and turn the other cheek. 99% of the country can’t hold their tongue right now as it is with Jets fans and we’re just talking about on Twitter and the blogs and the internet. If any of you idiots had a slew of asshole Jets fans talking shit directly in your face you’d all snap right back. At the very least. Again, I know as someone making a few million its not a smart play and definitely shows some weakness, but lets relax with the holier than thou routine from everyone who would probably have reacted 10 times worse if you were actually in the same position. Please lets stop with the hypocrisy and PLEASE lets not make this a big deal that I have to talk about all week

And hey Boss Hogg how about you just cool it, bud? “Shut up and produce a kid who makes it to the NFL and we’ll see if he’s any good!” BURN! Everyone needs to just shut the fuck up and focus on not going 1-6 because thats what we’re probably looking at right now.

By KFC posted September 29th, 2014 at 9:30 AM
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