House of Cards Season 3 Preview

This is the White equivalent to Jordan releases. Also, Spoilers, so don't click if you aren't caught up.

SPOILERS, SO IF YOU AREN’T CAUGHT UP, STOP READING.

It’s also long, so sorry if that bothers you.

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House of Cards being released tomorrow has to be one of the most highly anticipated days in Upper-Middle Class White People History. This is the white equivalent to new Jordan’s releases.

 

In my opinion, House of Cards is one of the best shows out there right now. When I rank television shows, I always think of them terms of tiers. The first tier shows are ones that are legitimate cultural monuments and artistic accomplishments, which can’t really be compared to the rest of television (The Wire, The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, ect.). The second tier is made of just really great, well-made, entertaining shows (like Lost, Homeland, Dexter). To me, House of Cards is at the top of that second tier. It’s smart, entertaining, well-shot, and not afraid to take risks. I won’t be able to sleep tonight like a kid on Christmas, waiting to binge and be done with it by Sunday. So here’s a little preview for it in bullet-note format to get your HOC juices flowing, with some thoughts, fun facts, and predictions about the new season:

 

Smitty wrote this earlier, but I agree with him and it bears repeating: I think this will be the last season of House of Cards. So far, the big motif of the show has been “the Climb”; Frank Underwood’s relentless pursuit of power and rise to the top. Now that Frank is in the West Wing, with all of his enemies seemingly vanquished or converted to his side, and his revenge fully dealt, I don’t see this ending any other way than a Shakespearean third-act downfall.


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Fun Fact: House of Cards has been released in China, and is one of the few TV Series/Movies that has not been edited a single frame by their government. Makes sense given that it doesn’t paint the rosiest picture of democracy.

 

The best character in the show and the one I’m most fascinated by this season isn’t Frank Underwood: It’s Claire. She is every bit as ruthless and Machiavellian as Frank, but for the first time, we see her doubt her own motives and question what all her and Frank have built has been for. Will her self-doubt continue to grow this season? How will that affect Frank, and their goals for absolute power? The endgame for the Underwood’s has always been simple. It’s been more. Just simply the idea of having “more”. But with Claire showing the first sign of self-doubt we’ve seen from Washington’s most ruthless couple, maybe we’ll see the first of weakness from them as well?

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Fun Fact: The show was developed by Netflix when it’s consumer data showed that people who loved the original BBC Series, House of Cards, also loved movies directed by David Fincher and movies starring Kevin Spacey. So they rebooted the show with Kevin Spacey as Frank and David Fincher directing several episodes. Hollywood is often stupid, but sometimes, it’s smart.

 

Obviously the huge Chekov’s gun in the show is Rachel Posner, the call girl who left Doug Stamper lying motionless in a forest. The last loose end that posed that much of a threat to the Underwood Empire was Zoe Barnes, and we all know what happened to her. I doubt the writers will deal with another antagonist that quickly, so I think it’s safe to say that she will be one of the main conflicts this season. Which is perfect. Frank has spent the entirety of the show so far battling titans on his quest for power. For his downfall to be one of his pawns rising up against him, a proverbial David to his Goliath, would be perfect.

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Is it fucked-up that I root for Frank? I feel like you can tell a lot about someone by if they root for Frank or not. I feel like the viewer is a lot like the other characters in the show; you know he’s toxic, you know he’s corrupt, you know he is willing to do absolutely whatever it takes and is not someone you should cooperate with under any circumstances…..But then he turns to you and talks with his thick Southern charm and promises to offer you so much, and you can’t help but fall for it. He is Tywin Lannister, Tommy Shelby, and Heisenberg all rolled into one. And I love it.

 

Fun Fact: While many think that the Underwood’s are based on Bill and Hilary Clinton (Democrat power-couple who want to win at all costs and one may or may not be a beard), Kevin Spacey says he more bases his performance on Lyndon B. Johnson.

 

My only complaint with House of Cards is that there isn’t more of it. I realize that the show had to move at a fast pace given the fact it was an experimental structure, so you had to keep people interested. But tell me you wouldn’t have loved to have seen two seasons of Frank as the House Majority Whip, two seasons of him as the Vice President, and maybe a season of him in political exile before staging his triumphant return to the Capital? Everything feels so rushed in House of Cards, which I guess it the point, but I would have loved more of Kevin Spacey staring at the camera and giving me some drawn-out metaphor about power that makes him sound like a twisted Confucius. I’m praying that this isn’t House of Cards’ final act, but I guess we have to wait until tomorrow to see. In the words of Bart Scott…

Follow me on twitter @CharlieWisco and give me your thoughts on what you’ll see in the show, and I’ll try to include your tweets in the recap, whenever that will be.

 

Update: So as @princeEdward1 pointed out on twitter, there are 13 episodes in each season, so there will most likely be 4 seasons a la 52 cards in a House of Cards. Clever. Never thought of that. I guess if that is true, then this season would be Frank’s downfall and then Season 4 would be his rise back to power? I’m still sticking with my original prediction but both make a lot of sense to me.

By charliewisco posted February 26th, 2015 at 3:20 PM

Jersey Sports Fan Reinstated As A Teacher

Well it looks like for once, logic, reason and intelligence has prevailed.

RedBankGreenFair Haven’s school board reinstated a sixth-grade Spanish teacher Wednesday night, 10 days after he was placed on administrative leave over crass satirical web videos in which he appeared. Following a recommendation by Superintendent Nelson Ribon, the board ended the administrative leave of Basil Henning, a tenured teacher whose paid removal, announced in an unusual Sunday night email to parents, was prompted by at least one parent’s complaints. Henning is free to return to work Thursday morning, though an investigation continues, Ribon told redbankgreen following the meeting, at the Knollwood School. Ribon declined to say why the investigation was continuing. Henning could not be reached for comment Wednesday night. The videos that prompted resident Melissa Neczesney to complain to Ribon appear to have been made before Henning was hired as a teacher at the Knollwood School at the start of the 2011-2012 school year. In several of the videos, Henning plays a garrulous, Jets-obsessed sports fan who spews lewd comments about women and sexual gratification in what appears to be an exaggerated New York accent. Neczesny, who told redbankgreen she was “shocked beyond words” and “skeeved out” by the videos, asked Ribon to remove her daughter from Henning’s class. Several days later, on February 15, Ribon announced Henning’s leave in an email to the community without saying what prompted it or identifying Henning by name. “Based on information obtained at that point, and in order to protect the rights of the employee, as well as the health and safety of our children, appropriate action was taken,” Ribon told a standing-room-only audience in the Knollwood School media center Wednesday. “While the investigation continues, we are satisfied enough to end the administrative leave.”

If you remember a couple weeks back some mom complained about Jersey Sports Fan being her daughter’s Spanish teacher and he was suspended indefinitely.  Well it looks like for once, logic, reason and intelligence has prevailed. The #FreeBasil movement has succeeded, Jersey Sports Fan will once again be teaching kids the difference between nostoros and vosotros. I cant believe it was ever an issue in the first place. The fact that people couldnt differentiate between a dude acting and his real self is honestly a joke. And the way her official complaint to the school said that Basil “skeeved her” just shows what kind of chick we’re dealing with. I havent heard someone use skeevy since like 7th grade. Bottom line is the dude is a good teacher and he makes hilarious youtube videos on the side that people love. I dont understand how he was getting punished in the first place but I’m glad he’s been reinstated and we can put this madness behind us.

By KFC posted February 26th, 2015 at 2:30 PM

Daily Mail – February 26th: Spain Bans Drunk Walking, Santa Claus Is Real And Violent

I feel like I'm on an entirely different planet after doing Daily Mail today. Everything is bananaland

All previous Daily Mail episodes and the full length weekly MailTime podcasts can be found on iTunes

I feel like I’m on an entirely different planet after doing Daily Mail today. Santa Claus is now real, De Blasio is literally allowing old men rabbis to put baby dicks in their mouth, you can get in trouble for drunk walking, people living to be 142 years old. All fucking bananaland stuff. The only thing that makes sense today is that Patrick Swayze is awesome. That will hold true for today, tomorrow, and all time.

PS – The rabbis sucking the blood after circumcision is truly one of the most fucked up, disgusting, baffling things I have ever come across. Give herpes to newborns first, ask questions later. What the FUCK is this city doing?

By KFC posted February 26th, 2015 at 1:40 PM

Kardashian Family Signs $100 Million Deal With E!

The New American Dream

Keeping Up with the Kardashians

NY Post – The Kardashians have signed a record-breaking, $100 million-plus deal to remain withE! for another four years, sources have exclusively confirmed to Page Six.  Momager Kris Jenner recently secured the astonishing deal for herself and daughters KimKhloéKourtneyKendalland Kylie JennerBruce Jenner is not part of the deal, having previously agreed that he will be leaving after the upcoming 10th season of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” Bruce has his own show at E! based on his sex transition. The Kardashian deal, the highest in TV history for a reality brand, is being kept strictly under wraps. E!’s parent company Comcast says it plans to save by spending less on content if its proposed merger with Time Warner Cable goes ahead. The deal covers at least four more seasons of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” as well as spinoffs, which have included “Kourtney and Khloé Take the Hamptons.” E! executives also believe the family’s huge social media following will fuel future digital projects. Jenner had previously been rumored to be in talks about a Kardashian YouTube channel.

Doing KFC Radio every week, we deal with a lot of hypothetical situations. And usually, when $100 million is on one side of the hypothetical, the answer is just automatically “Yes.” So in this case it basically boils down to Kris Jenner running this family and the question is “Would you pimp out your own daughters for $100 million?” Clearly, the answer is a resounding yes. Capitalize on your daughter’s sex tape, publicize all of them dating rappers and athletes, and turn your husband into a woman and you can make a FUCK ton of money in this country.

I cant even knock it. I hate people who are like “they dont even have any talent! they dont have jobs! Why are they famous?!” Um, are you new to America? Reality TV has been around for about 20 years now, people get rich for doing nothing ALL THE TIME. Attractive women, talentless women have been in the spotlight literally for eternity. Why are you surprised that a hot (at the time, at least) party girl who got fucked on camera is popular?? Kendall Jenner is well on her way to being one of the hottest models alive. Kylie Jenner is a ticking time bomb, trainwreck waiting to happen. Scott Disick is a funny asshole dude with alcohol problems. Kim is married to the most popular rapper alive. Khloe married a pro athlete who started doing CRACK. The dad is a former Olympian who turned into a fucking woman! This is the shit people eat up for entertainment. Everyone makes it sound like they are just sitting around on the couch watching Netflix like you and me. Ugly fat people living boring lives. Couldnt be further from the truth. They live lives people want to watch. Theres an enormous market for that and they are cashing in on it. Dont hate.

By KFC posted February 26th, 2015 at 12:00 PM

This Matt Harvey “The Dark Knight Rises” E60 Trailer Got Me Hard

Goosebumps. Chills down the spine. Dick hard. The whole 9.

If ESPNs player doesnt work, use this vimeo. Password is e60

E:60 MATT HARVEY "THE DARK KNIGHT RISES" TRAILER (WEB VERSION) from Bluefoot Entertainment on Vimeo.

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Goosebumps. Chills down the spine. Dick hard. The whole 9. When Matt Harvey takes the mound at the home opener at Citi and starts throwing fuckin dynamite people are going to remember just how awesome he is. For a year plus now its been all Matt Harvey gossip. People worrying about who he’s dating and where he parties. Does he get along with the Mets and his teammates? People mad that he used to root for the Yankees. When he’s gassing motherfuckers in 2015 all of that goes away. Nobody cares about that stuff anymore. Because all we’re talking about is a 97 MPH fastball with a 90 MPH slider and an 85 MPH curve that leaves hitters helpless. We’ll be talking about him taking the mound with a huge lipper in there pitching angry and mowing people down. He’s been villainized the past year because he hasnt been able to remind people why none of that other garbage matters. People wont be talking about his clothes or his girlfriends come April. They’ll be talking about how hes one of the best pitchers in baseball.

By KFC posted February 26th, 2015 at 11:10 AM

Recreational Drugs Being Banned In Sports Is Stupid

NY Post – Josh Hamilton won’t be playing baseball for a while, and this time it’s more serious than an injury or hitting slump. Hamilton, who battled alcohol and drug addiction before turning his life around and re-entering the sport years ago, confessed to MLB officials to going on a binge a couple months ago that [...]

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NY Post – Josh Hamilton won’t be playing baseball for a while, and this time it’s more serious than an injury or hitting slump. Hamilton, who battled alcohol and drug addiction before turning his life around and re-entering the sport years ago, confessed to MLB officials to going on a binge a couple months ago that involved cocaine,according to CBSSports.com. Hamilton’s father-in-law Michael Chadwick, who has previously counseled Hamilton over his substance issues, said the 33-year-old “hit a bump in the road, keep him in your prayers,” according to Newsday. The Angels outfielder met with the MLB officials in New York on Wednesday to discuss a “disciplinary issue,” according to the Los Angeles Times. Angels spokesman Tim Mead confirmed the meeting to the Associated Press. “I can say that Josh is going to meet with league officials in New York,” Angels general manager Jerry Dipoto said. “At this point I have no other information to offer.” There is no indication Hamilton failed an MLB drug test. If found in violation of the league’s drug rules, Hamilton would be classified as a first-time offender at the major-league level because his previous brushes with substance use occurred while the former No. 1 overall pick was in the minors. However, it is “unlikely” Hamilton will be treated strictly as a first-time offender, according to the The Los Angeles Times.

“Hit a bump in the road” might not be the best phrase in this situation.

Obviously a sad story with Josh Hamilton relapsing. If you ever read the details of just how deep his addiction went, you know it sucks that he slipped up again. There were times in his rehab where he was never allowed to be alone or carry any money on him because he’d always ended up scoring drugs if left to his own devices. Not like he’s some asshole party boy who just cant keep his nose clean. He’s a family man who’s just trying to suppress those demons. You’d hope after seeing how far he’s come and admitting his slip up to the league, they take it easy on him with their punishment.

Because the reality of the matter is recreational drugs shouldnt be banned at all. It doesnt compromise the integrity of the game. It doesnt give anyone an advantage like steroids or HGH. If you wanna blast some rails of coke, you should be able to. You wanna smoke weed, shouldnt matter. Molly, ecstasy, whatever else the kids are doing these days, let em do it. Thats up to them. As long as they can still do their jobs. Owners should have out clauses in contracts or the ability to void an individual deal if drugs become such a problem that it affects performance. But having a blanket, no tolerance rule for drugs that really have no bearing on the sport is dumb. Everyone is an adult. If you can do drugs and keep yourself in control and still perform, you should be able to. If you cant, then you should be allowed to fail.

I understand from a business point of view its better to just ban drugs all together. It would probably be complete anarchy if all these millionaires had zero restrictions. There would probably be a lot more Josh Hamiltons. And since technically its breaking the law, I understand why leagues need to have rules against illegal acts. But I, for one, think we should take the shackles off and let these guys run wild. America is all about free choice and getting to do whatever you want while making money, right? So let these guys live.

By KFC posted February 26th, 2015 at 10:20 AM

The Boomer And Carton Results Are In: KFC Loses To Sheep Testicles

How can I compete with a National Treasure saying Testicles over and over again?

Welp, thats that. Sheep testicles snuck in the back door on me. I could have demanded a recount. Seems like there was some question as to the final download count. I could make some excuses about how Stoolies just want to see me fail. But I’m not gonna do that. I’m not a sore loser. Bottom line is sheep noises and Boomer Esiason saying testicles is more interesting than me. But hey, congrats to Al Dukes for getting Al’s Boring Podcast up to number 2 in iTunes. Boomer and sheep everywhere win. Al Dukes is still technically a winner with his show shooting up in the ranks. Its really just me who ended up a loser. Nice start to Thursday.

By KFC posted February 26th, 2015 at 9:30 AM

Barstool NYC Smokeshow Of The Day – Tarah

introducing tarah, i must say… tarahs are soooo much better than taras. tara=basic

introducing tarah, i must say… tarahs are soooo much better than taras. tara=basic

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By t bone posted February 25th, 2015 at 5:30 PM
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