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De Blasio’s Sign Language Guy Knows This Is His time To Shine

“Hold up hold up…if you have snot running, no double blow jobs”

X Gon Give It To Ya!

As Stoolie Ryan put it, its not officially an NYC crisis until a Sing Language Star is born. Bloomberg is gone and so is his sign language chick Lydia Callis. So now its time for Silent Bob over here to take the spotlight. Ebola is the best thing thats ever happened to this guy. This is his moment. This is his time to shine.

By KFC posted October 24th, 2014 at 1:23 PM

GTA Best Of The Best, Season 3, Final Week Of Voting Now Open!

@JessieBabyFit.

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VS.

Sofia Kazakova

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Final regular season match up of the season before we launch into the Season 3 Tournament of Champions. Basically this vote will decide if JessieFitBaby makes the postseason cut. If she wins, she’ll be a 2 time champ to close out the season and she’s into the tourney. If she loses, shes just another ass. Time to vote:

Vote 1 for champ JessieBabyFit Vote 10 for Sofia Kazakova

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (302 votes, average: 1.53 out of 10)
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By KFC posted October 24th, 2014 at 12:50 PM

Lets Lighten The Mood, Shall We?

7337

 

Well today has been depressing as shit so far. Axe attacks and ebola and shit. I think we all need a little Katee Owen in our lives right now. When times get tough I turn to Katee Owen. And really its a barometer for how much hope we have left. Because if you didnt know this, Katee Owen is like a fucking MANAIC about making sure her videos and pictures get taken off the internet if they aren’t on her own website. Shes stuck in like 1999 expecting people to pay money on her site to see her. And so every now and then when I need a pick me up I head to the internet and search for Boobs Box or Katee Owen to raise my spirits. Even though so so many videos have been taken down, there’s always a few GIFs here and there that slip through the cracks. This was the one I found today that put a smile on my face. When you find a Katee Owen video or GIF that hasnt been snatched down yet, its a sign of hope. Its like the good guys are still winning. Despite axe murderers and deadly diseases, there is still good in this world. After every dark night, there’s a pair of HUGE boobs and a girl shaking her ass.

Incredible Black and White NSFW GIF

Pivot and Giggle NSFW GIF

Biggest active Katee Owen GIF dump here. Pretty sure there’s some questionable material mixed in there so be careful. Obviously NSFW.

By KFC posted October 24th, 2014 at 12:00 PM

Cops Seen Throwing Ebola Masks And Gloves From Craig Spencer’s Apartment In The Trash On The Corner

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Daily Mail - With the news that the first confirmed case of Ebola has hit New York City, all attention now turns to how equipped the densely populated metropolis is to deal with the deadly virus – and if the city really is as prepared as they claimed to be in a press conference Thursday evening. Perhaps throwing things into doubt are photos taken outside the Harlem apartment of Dr. Craig Spencer, who was admitted to the hospital with a 103 degree fever earlier today. They show police officers tossing their gloves, masks and the caution tape used to block off access to his apartment in a public trash can. Is that really the best place to be putting all of that?

Hey I dont blame those cops one bit, man. I wanna get all my ebola infected shit the fuck OFF of me. I can’t even imagine walking around in an ebola hot zone with a little paper mask over my mouth and some gloves. Only way I’m goin into an Ebola apartment is in an Outbreak suit or one of those giant plastic balls:

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Plus like I said, man – cops have enough on their plate right now. If I was an NYPD officer right now I’d be like “OK I draw the line at hatchet terrorists.” Thats the point where my duty extends. It goes no further. Deadly disease outbreak is above and beyond. You want someone to go in those apartments, call Dustin Hoffman and Cuba Gooding. Otherwise dont be surprised when I’m throwing ebola material in the garbage can on the corner. I dont think they covered that shit at the academy.

By KFC posted October 24th, 2014 at 11:10 AM

Dude On The News Says Not Eating Poop Is The Key To Containing Ebola

Hey laugh all you want but guess what? He’s not wrong. And more importantly – unfortunately – there are probably some dumb assholes in this city who need this advice. Like lets start with baby steps here, people. I dont need another analyst or scientist on TV saying that you have absolutely nothing to worry about and you’re not gonna get this disease. They keep saying stuff like “Well unless you come in direct contact with bodily fluids then you have nothing to worry about.” Oh thanks, scientist. Lemme run through the Barstool New York archives and find all the times there were NYC bums jerking off on people or skells shitting in public or drunk people pissing on the subway and people spitting on each other and on and on and on.

Plain and simple “dont eat poop” is where we need to start with our Ebola education.

By KFC posted October 24th, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Footage Of The Aftermath From Yesterday’s Hatchet Attack

Gothamist – A hatchet-wielding man was shot dead and four NYPD officers, plus a bystander, are injured after police responded to an assault in Jamaica Queens. An NYPD spokesperson said the incident occurred at around 2:10 p.m. near the intersection of 162nd Street and Jamaica Avenue. One of the officers suffered a hatchet wound to the head, and was transported to North Shore Hospital in critical condition, while the three other officers were treated for minor injuries at Jamaica Hospital. A woman who was standing nearby was also shot in the lower back and transported to a local hospital. The man brandishing the hatchet was pronounced dead at the scene. The police spokesperson would not say whether the bystander was shot by the NYPD. Authorities are still trying to determine how the incident unfolded. 

“The cops yelled ‘Drop it!’” said rattled eyewitness Larry Bethune, 44, of Hollis, Queens, recalling the moment the psycho pulled a small hatchet from his jacket.“And he lunged at one of them,” the witness remembered. “He raised his arm up high and brought it straight down on the cop’s head.

“The cop went down to the ground, face first. It was horrible. I’ve never seen anything like that on Jamaica Avenue,” he added. “The cop’s just lying there with blood pouring down his face. He didn’t move.”

The man slashed another officer’s arm before two officers shot the man dead. The Post adds that the woman who was shot by a stray police bullet is in “life-threatening condition.” At a press conference at Jamaica Hospital, Commissioner Bratton said that the department is still working on identifying the slain suspect, and that he said nothing before he “charged” at the officers. All four of the responding officers were rookies, and the officer hit in the head was conscious and speaking when he was admitted to the hospital, something Bratton called “a good sign.”

Some absolutely terrifying stuff yesterday in Queens and you can see from the aftermath that it was pretty much total chaos after the attack/shooting. They havent confirmed or denied that there were ties to terrorism as they’re still investigating but either way this dude was obviously just a full blown lunatic. It honestly surprises me that stuff like this doesnt happen more often. There’s just so many people and so many crazies and no matter how good your law enforcement is – both local and national – its almost impossible to stop a dude from just putting an axe in his backpack and attacking some people when they least expect it.

Just goes to show the kind of respect NYPD cops deserve from people on a daily basis. I mean I know I bust their balls a lot on this website. Shit, I was just doing it yesterday. Lord knows there’s plenty of times when they’re writing tickets or directing traffic or giving you a hard time like a bunch of hardos. But the reality is, in this city especially, theres honestly the constant threat of violence and they are out there every day stopping that from happening, unfortunately bearing the brunt of it themselves. Obviously in plenty of other cities and places there are cops that put it all on the line as well. But I just want to make sure the NYPD knows that I, for one, appreciate the fact that when they get up and go to work in the morning, they could have lunatics with axes targeting them in some sort of terrorist plot. Its bullshit of me and the rest of New York to wait until something like this happens to pay our respects but I guess better late than never. Get well soon to Officer Kenneth Healey and Officer Joseph Meeker.

By KFC posted October 24th, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Wake Up With Hannah Martin

 

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (27 votes, average: 8.41 out of 10)
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By feitelberg posted October 24th, 2014 at 9:00 AM

Can You Get Ebola From A Bowling Ball?

 

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AskWell – New York Times:

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Is it me or does it sound like all the experts seem like they dont know what the fuck they’re talking about with Ebola? Like all I keep hearing about is how you cant catch ebola from this and you can’t catch ebola from that. Its extremely hard to transmit the disease and blah blah blah. Oh yea? Well then why the fuck is everybody getting ebola every day? Like OF COURSE you can catch ebola from a bowling ball. You can catch fucking ANYTHING from a bowling ball. Bowling balls are probably the most disease infested things on the planet earth. Everyone sticking their dirty ass fingers all up in there. Everyone sharing shoes. Hanging out in a place that has stale air from like 1970s. I mean if you wanna contract a disease go right to the bowling alley. You might skip over ebola altogether and catch yourself a nice little case of Bubonic.

Seriously enough with the experts. There was another Times article saying ebola is unlikely to spread on mass transit. I mean get the fuck out of my face with these lies. Yes, you can get ebola from a bowling ball. Yes, a crowded, dirty subway is going to spread ebola. These are just facts of life that I already know, no matter what the newspapers are telling me.

PS – This doctor is a real prick. Dude went all over fucking town. He rode 3 different subway lines, hung out at the High Line. Went to the bowling alley. Its like he did his best to pick all the places where you could potentially spread a disease as fast as humanly possible. Like “Oh hey I just ripped off my ebola scrubs, maybe I should go ride the most crowded interconnected mass transit system in the world, visit a high foot traffic tourist attraction, and go to a social hang out where everything is communal and everyone touches and uses the same stuff. Sounds safe to me!

By KFC posted October 23rd, 2014 at 10:27 PM
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