This was weird as fuck. But you know whats even weirder? Michael Jackson did this in real life. He turned his face white and became a white guy.
Anyway, the problem is when you’re a rapper that doesn’t get murdered, eventually you just become an old dude. When you’re 20 and drinking 40′s and have bitches braiding your hair its all gravy. When you’re 42 with kids and you’re just becoming a weird old guy it starts to get creepy. You start putting on wigs and white face and pretend to be Todd and you just get goofy as fuck. Should have got shot when you were like 30 and gone out on top.
Last weekend of the summer, folks! Make it count. Because Tuesday is gonna absolutely suck.
Hot dogs are on the grill, who wants spicy mustard!
Could you imagine what this would be like? Just a 40 year old stud with millions falling out of his pockets, cruising up to Soc 151 with hunny-dips following him. If Jeter went to U-M when he was 18, obviously he would have 100% gotten more ass in college than any of us, but with Michigan being a basketball and football school he would have been playing 2nd fiddle to a place kicker. If he went back right now though, it would be chaos in the streets. It would be like Old School times a billion. The most massive party house with sand, wall to wall. A private wing that he wouldn’t allow anyone into aside from the 3 Tri Delts he was going to fuck that night. I love the idea and would consider going for an MBA if he needed a roommate.
Obviously there is not a chance of this shit happening. He built a “crazy old rich guy” compound in Florida to pump Hannah Davis full of baby Jeters and he legitimately may never see snow again. If you were him would you ever fuck with winter? I sure as shit wouldn’t. The best chance of him going to college would be stopping by Dunk City to for a midterm orgy.
Other Yankee News
- Tanaka- He threw 49 pitches yesterday to Brendan Ryan and apparently looked good going full tilt on all pitches. The talk I am hearing is that the Yankees could get him back for 3-4 starts in September, which is great if we can stay in contention. If it comes down to 1 game and he is healthy, I like out chances.
-Overall- The team sits 3 games back with 30 to play and 2 teams to pass. It doesn’t look good because we don’t get to see Seattle or Detroit again this year, so not only do we need wins, but we need help. The season is not done yet but, we basically need a sweep this weekend and to pick up a game or 2 for there to be any chance of making a run. If we don’t make a run, just shut Tanaka down and rest him for next year.
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One servant for the rest of your life, who you taking? Big Cat and Feitelberg both took the chef because they said they want to eat healthy. Which could legitimately be the most boring answer in the history of this show. I have no problem with taking the chef, completely valid answer. Have them whipping up steak every meal and bomb ass desserts. But don’t tell me its because you want to eat healthy.
I’m taking the masseuse without any hesitation. No doubt about it. Thats some high society shit. Luxury like you read about. Massages morning, noon and night. Never have a stiff neck ever again. Get your feet rubbed every day like some sort Sultan. Happy endings all day every day because there’s just no way you have a slave masseuse that doesn’t jerk you off. Bottom line is I can drive myself or take taxis wherever I need to go. I can provide myself with food. But I can’t massage myself. I’m perfectly content continuing to eat cheesesteaks and pizza and donuts while getting rubbed down like a king.
PS – Just because I know this is going to be a point of contention with this episode – if you worry about how you carry your dogs poop bags, you have gotta be one of the most insecure people on the planet earth. Like not having all your poop bags on a roller on your leash because you’re worried about how cool you look is probably the most self-conscious, timid thing I’ve ever heard. Team Poop Bag Holder for life.
(Just reiterating what I said the other day regarding the KFC Radio app since people are still asking me about it:
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D) Become a premium member. Eventually this will be sorted out and the app will most likely be used to host all the deluxe episodes.)
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Its that time again, folks. Either you’re a college kid heading back to school and you’re as happy as humanly possible. Or you’re out of college and in an effort to try to make you life suck less, you’re gonna watch college football and try to make money while doing it. Its our $40,000 College Tailgate to hold us over until Week 1 of the NFL Season. Here are the details:
-Fantasy College Football Contest – $40,000 Tailgate
-Contest starts Saturday at 12:00 PM ET
-$40,000 in total prizes, $10,000 to first place
-Top 330 spots paid out
CLICK HERE TO JOIN
PS – If I could only have one internet picture for the rest of my life, George Helmet G String Girl would be a STRONG contender.
ESPN - Seattle Mariners catcher Jesus Montero, currently rehabbing an oblique injury with the team’s Class A Everett AquaSox affiliate, reportedly got into a heated altercation Thursday with a scout from his team. According to MiLB.com, Montero was coaching first base when the scout yelled at him to hustle off the field at the conclusion of the inning. A game official said the scout then ordered an ice cream sandwich and had it sent to Montero in the dugout. Montero — who made news for reporting to spring training 40 pounds overweight this season — did not appreciate the gesture. He approached the stands with a baseball bat, screaming profanities, and threw the ice cream sandwich at the scout. Montero had to be restrained by the team’s pitching coach, according to the game’s official scorer. Montero, who joined the AquaSox this week and was scheduled to be added to the roster Friday, remained in the team’s dugout until the game was over. ”I am aware of the incident in Boise. We are currently in the process of gathering information, but until I have all the details, I cannot comment,” Mariners general manager Jack Zduriencik told The Seattle Times. The Mariners sent Montero to the minors in late May. He has had only 17 at-bats with Seattle this season.
WHAT a move by this scout. No better way to tweak a fat guy who’s 40 pounds overweight and watching his career swirl down the toilet than to send him an ice cream delivery. Such a slap in the face you gotta just tip your cap. I just feel bad for the poor bastard who had to deliver it. Probably some 18 year old bat boy or groundskeeper that has to basically be the messenger spitting in fat Jesus Montero’s face. He’s lucky Montero didn’t murder him.
Anyway, safe to say the Yankees ending up winning on the Montero trade. And thats saying A LOT since Michael Pineda basically hasn’t played. But when you’re fat and coaching first base and threatening to beat up scouts with bats, suffice it to say your value has officially hit rock bottom.
Whats more absurd:
Eric Decker going from sex icon to “You look like Big Cat.”
Rex’s dog tag/cross combination?
Just get it over with and get a Jesus Piece bruh! This is a classic case of Rex being too skinny again. Like if you’re a fat guy that rocks dog tags, you’re funny. Thats just part of your whole vibe. Your whole aura. I’m fat as fuck and I wear dog tags because thats just how I roll. But when you’re skinny and you wear dog tags its like you think you’re cool. Some sort of badass. Basically what I’m trying to say, and what I’ve been saying on basically every Jets blog I’ve written for the past 3 years, is we need Fat Rex back. The problems with our secondary and the questions at quarterback will all work itself out if you have a fat coach that wears dog tags.