New NYC Condo On “Billionaire’s Row” Costs $130 Million

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GothamistIt turns out you don’t have to be a billionaire to snag an apartment on the so-called “Billionaire’s Row”—all you need is a couple hundred million dollars to throw around. The triplex penthouse at new luxury building at 520 Park Avenue will be offered for sale for $130 million. Which really makes that $118.5M Battery Park penthouse look like a nightmare emporium. Developer Arthur Zeckendorf, of Zeckendorfz Development Co., told Bloomberg News that the penthouse will total 12,394 square feet, with a 1,257-square-foot terrace and Central Park views (which may or may not cast a shadow over Central Park). “We wanted to create what we consider the greatest apartment on the Upper East Side,” said Zeckendorf. While “greatest” may be open to interpretation, it is being called the most expensive listing in NYC history. “In the best-case scenario, it is providing a bold stroke to the market, implying that there are buyers out there for this price point,” Jonathan Miller, president of appraiser Miller Samuel Inc., noted. But for the rest of us who are not in that price point, 520 Park Avenue, which is located between 60th and 61st streets, will also include some other options, including seven duplexes (all around 9,000 square feet each) starting at $67 million and 23 single-floor units (around 4,600 square feet each) starting at $16.2 million each.

Hey Trent do you have any of these in Iowa? You stupid hick motherfucker. This is what New York is all about man. There may be rats and homeless people on the street but when you’re 54 stories off the ground in a 12,000 sq ft penthouse, its all gravy baby! I’m sure Trent has a decent success rate telling chicks at the local gas station that he lives on the farm just up the road. I’m sure he does alright telling girls he’s the largest baby in the history of the state of Iowa. But its nothing like telling some smokes “Hey wanna come back to my $130 million penthouse on Billionaire’s Row?” Sure, you gotta be a billionaire first. Thats probably more than half the battle. But nonetheless if Trent wants to tell me “What does New York have that Iowa doesn’t?” my answer is gonna be “130 million dollar apartments.

PS – Billionaires Row is so fucking cocky it makes me want to puke. Like on the other side of the part there’s probably “Millionaire Mile” and they are like the chumps of Manhattan. I cant even wrap my head around that sort of opulence.

By KFC posted September 30th, 2014 at 3:20 PM

18 Year Old Dude Claims The “Three Breasted Woman” Kept Him In A Cage As His Slave For 2 Weeks

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NYDN – The so-called three-breasted woman held an 18-year-old man as a caged sex slave and tortured him, he has claimed. Micheal Squier told the British newspaper The Sun that Jasmine Tridevil forced him to sleep in a dog cage and even started to carve her name into his chest. She has a “torture” room in her Florida home, he said. “She is completely psychotic,” Squier told The Sun. “She turned me into a slave, beat me and humiliated me. I am physically scarred for life and live with the shame of what she did to me.” Squier told the newspaper that he went to Tridevil’s home after the pair hit it off on Facebook. He said he spent a few nightmare weeks there before he was able to escape.  “On the night we met, she tied me up and flogged me against a post,” Squier told the paper. “She then got me really drunk and said she wanted to cut me. I was completely wasted, and she started to cut her name into my chest. I was screaming, and she kept telling me to be quiet. ”I was close to passing out before she forced me back into the dog cage where she left me and refused to take me to hospital,” he said. Tridevil admitted to The Sun that she kept Squier as a slave, but denies cutting him or having sex with him. ”Yes, he stayed in my cage and I kept him as a slave,” she told the paper. “He stayed at my house for over two weeks. I let him stay because he was homeless. He had to do what I told him, and he liked it. He cut himself. It wasn’t me.” The 21-year-old Tridevil told a radio station, according to The Sun, that “I am into the dominatrix thing. I definitely never, ever had sex with him. He would clean my house. He would sleep in a cage.” Tridevil famously claimed that she added a third breast through surgery, but Squier says that’s nonsense.  “I was not sure if it was fake at first but after a while it was just so obvious,” he told the Sun. “She used some sort of glue to stick it between her two other breasts.” In addition, an incident report filed at a Tampa, Fla., airport earlier this month showed she traveled with “a 3 breast prosthesis” in luggage that was stolen from her. Still, Tridevil refuses to budge: She is hoping to land a reality show on MTV. ”My third t-t isn’t going anywhere guys,” she posted on Facebook early Tuesday. “Better get used to it!”

So obviously anything coming out of the Jasmine Tridevil camp has gotta be taken with a grain of salt. Any chick who lies about having three tits has no honor. You lie about your third tit, you’ll lie about anything. You cant be trusted. But at the same time, doesn’t a chick who would fabricate a story about having 3 titties seem like the sorta chick that would keep an 18 year old kid in a cage? A woman who wears a fake 3-tit prosthesis is definitely deranged enough to keep some barely legal boy in a fucking cage. So I, for one, think this part of the story is all real. I don’t know if the kid was homeless. I dont know who cut who. But this kid definitely lived inside a dog cage with the fake three breasted woman.

I guess my question is how do you let this happen? How can you allow a chick to enslave you? I mean nancy boy taking Verlander selfies in the mirror doesnt exactly strike me as the tough guy type. But regardless I think you should be able to fight off Jasmine Tridevil and escape your dog cage. If she’s letting you out to clean the house you should absolutely, 100% be able to escape. I dunno maybe it was the allure of the fake third titty. Maybe she rewarded him with some dick wrecking sex every now and then and he actually liked it. Maybe there was some Stockholm Syndrome going on. But the minute you decide you wanna get out of there, as an 18 year old dude, you should be able to knock her our and get the fuck out of there.

By KFC posted September 30th, 2014 at 2:30 PM

8th Grader Gets Suspended For Sharing His Lunch

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WEAVERVILLE, Calif. (CNN) - An eighth-grade boy was given detention earlier this week because he shared his lunch with a fellow student and friend. Kyle Bradford, 13, shared his chicken burrito with a friend who didn’t like the cheese sandwich the cafeteria had served him. Bradford told KRCR-TV that he didn’t see any problem with sharing his food. “It seemed like he couldn’t get a normal lunch, so I just wanted to give mine to him because I wasn’t really that hungry,” Bradford said. “It was just going to go in the garbage if I didn’t eat it.” The Northern California school district has rules against sharing food to avoid issues with other student’s allergies. Tom Barnett, Superintendent of Trinity Alps Unified School District, told KRCR-TV that hygiene issues are also a concern when it comes to banning student from sharing their food. “We have a policy that prohibits students from exchanging meals,” Barnett said. “Of course if students are concerned about other students not having enough to eat, we would definitely want to consider that, but because of safety and liability we cannot allow students to actually exchange meals.” Sandy Bradford, Kyle’s mother, thinks her son did the right thing. “By all means the school can teach them math and the arithmetic and physical education,” Sandy told KRCR-TV. “But when it comes to morals and manners and compassion, I believe it needs to start at home with the parent.” Sandy says her son should not be punished for being compassionate, and Kyle says he’d share his lunch again if a friend asked him to.

Do you know how much growth occurs in the cafeteria at school? Thats where the real education comes into play. None of that stupid Book Smarts shit you learn in the classroom. The cafeteria is the real world. Sink or Swim. Thats where you trade and hustle. Thats where you either play or get played. And it all starts with lunch. I remember in 8th grade the hot items were 90 cent fries and 60 cent big cookies. If you didnt have enough on you, you had to work for it. Panhandle for a little bit of money from your friends. Search for some change on the floor. Maybe even charm the lady at the register. Whatever it took, man. But nothing was lower than being the kid who ate other kids scraps. Thats straight up poor people shit. And I’m sure this kid Kyle who offered up his chicken burrito knew that. This is the poor kid and I’ll offer him my burrito now and then he’ll owe me a favor. Again like I said when  you’re in 8th grade at the cafeteria you’re either working or getting worked. All for a chance to sit at the Cool Kids Table and be popular and what not.

But now you got schools taking this kinda shit away. No sharing food, probably because of peanut allergies and all sorts of other pussy shit that the world has fabricated. No trading snacks. No sweets or candy. All that shit. And I’m telling you, folks, thats bad for the future of America. The cafeteria is like the real world. Its a jungle out there. Its where kids cut their teeth and where you separate the weak from the strong. You start making up all these rules and regulations about lunch and that all goes to shit. One minute we’re not letting kids trade lunches and the next they’re jobless bums banging on a drum in a park.

By KFC posted September 30th, 2014 at 1:40 PM

Guess That Ass

 

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By KFC posted September 30th, 2014 at 12:50 PM

Dude Visits Disneyland For 1,000 Days In A Row

ANAHEIM, Calif. (KABC) — “It’s amazing that I hit such a milestone, I had no idea when I first started that I’d ever rack up this kind of number,” said Jeff. That number: 1000. For 1,000 consecutive days Jeff has walked through the turnstile into Disneyland.  It all began on New Year’s Eve 2011. He’s got the parking receipt to prove it, and one for every day since.  The Huntington Beach resident says it started when he was unemployed and a friend gifted him a season pass. “Come here walk around, listen to the music, and you know, and everybody having a good time, and it kind of recharges you,” he said.  Jeff is now a full-time employee at the VA Hospital in Long Beach. But that doesn’t stop him from coming to the park every day. Some days, he gets on rides. Others, he just talks to cast members or takes photos. He’s certainly the envy of some of Disneyland’s younger visitors.  “It’s really cool,” said Jackson Quist of Salt Lake City, Utah.  Jeff says he’s not tired. In fact, he says he always finds something different at the park to appreciate.  “Everybody chooses to do what they enjoy and have fun in, and this is something that I really enjoy doing,” he said. 

Its 2014, right? Its basically The Future. So my question is do we have Pre-crime yet? Has that Precog, Minority Report shit been invented yet? If we havent done that yet, this dude right here needs to be the first candidate. Any grown man who can go to Disneyland 1,000 days in a row needs to be locked away. Because there’s absolutely no telling what he’s capable of. Aside from the fact that you know every single day from like 2pm to 4pm he’ll be at fucking Disneyland, you can’t predict a single thing that man will do. He’s a complete and utter wild card. Scariest part of all is you can’t reason with a man who goes to Disneyland 1000 days in a row. No rational logic applies when you’re dealing with a person that warped.

So yea, right now its all fun and games. He likes walking around and listening to the music and seeing people happy. But its better to lock this guy away now before he inevitably goes off the deep end and all that happy, Disneyland-1000-days-in-a-row behavior turns into evil. Preventative measure for the safety of everyone out there.

By KFC posted September 30th, 2014 at 12:00 PM

True Detective Fan Promises To Give $5 To Everyone If Vince Vaughn Doesnt Kill It In Season 2

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Reddit- There are so many mixed reactions, but I know he’s going to do a phenomenal job. When season 2 ends, I’ll post again reminding you all of how I called this. If he sucks, I’ll give everyone who comments on this gold. That’s how sure I am.

Edit: To clarify some things up, Vaughn’s performance will be based on the general opinion of the public. For example, almost everyone says that Woody and McConnaughey were amazing. If the general public decides that Vaughn was outstanding, then he’s outstanding. If they say he was just decent or pretty good, then everyone will be gilded.

Only people who comment within the first 24 hours will have the chance for gold.

Edit 2: This really blew up way more than I expected. After 12 hours, it’ll be closed for possible gold treatment.

Edit 3: 12 hours is up. 294 comments equaling $1,470.

Well thats a big time Vince Vaughn fan right there. A 1500 dollar gamble on whether or not people like a TV show is flat out ridiculous. Especially considering how high McConaughey set the bar. Like no matter what happens, cant you envision the reaction just being “He was good but he’s no McConaughey?” And then you gotta give a rent check to a bunch of internet nerds? That would fucking suck. I almost wanna say Vince Vaughn was absolutely awesome no matter how he performs just so this poor bastard doesnt need to give 300 Reddit dorks their precious “gold.”

I have openly said how I don’t like the choice but I ultimately think it’ll be fine. I’m sure Vince Vaughn will surprise me enough by the job he does but I wouldn’t bank on public perception being that he did a “phenomenal job.” The bar has just been set too high. Its like David Robertson taking over for Mariano. Dude had a perfectly fine season but in comparison to Mo public perception was that he was just “blah.” I hope the dude is right but if I had to guess I’d say he’s gonna owe 1500 bucks worth of internet dollars.

By KFC posted September 30th, 2014 at 11:10 AM

Brooke Burke Goes Tits Out For The Boys In Artsy Photoshoot

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Still got it! Still throwing absolute GAS. The infamous Gold Flakes Brooke Burke Poster:

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Was over 10 years ago. Ten! A entire decade, and a fight with cancer later, and Brooke Burke is still just an absolute sex bomb. I was masturbating to her when she was on Wild On! on E! even before that. Never has a woman traveling the world testing out the food and culture of foreign countries been so sexy. And now in 2014, a year where I can access absolutely anything and everything perverted, I think I’m gonna masturbate to these black and white still photos too. Almost like as an homage to her. Its a sign of Re2pect to Brooke Burke – you’re one of the only women I can jerk off to using non-pornographic material. Congrats.

By KFC posted September 30th, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Time To Give Vick A Shot?

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Up until now, I havent thought there was any reason to put Michael Vick in. As horrible as Geno’s been – and he’s been horrible – I didn’t think there was a reason to turn the reigns over to a 34 year old injury prone vet. I figured this year would be sink or swim for Geno, let the whole thing play out, and we’d have some official answer on whether Geno was a viable starter or not. New England would go on to win the division for the 400th time in a row and the Jets could spend this year giving Geno enough slack to make a final decision on him as they build towards the future.

But now the situation has changed. With the Pats looking awful and Brady finally showing his age, the AFC East is wide open. If the Patriots now come back to the pack, literally anybody can win that division. Now, to be clear, I don’t think that the Jets are gonna win the division. I’m not saying that. On top of the QB play, their secondary is awful, their play calling has been baffling, and there are just still too many mistakes. And in all likelihood, the Pats will still win the AFC East. It probably will just be like 9-7 instead of their ordinary 13-3. But, if the Jets are taking this season seriously at all, and they’re taking every Sunday 1 game at a time and trying to win, Michael Vick has probably gotta get the nod here. Now, I think Geno has been so bad that a lot of people are inflating Vick’s capabilities. Guys like Bart Scott saying he’s a “Ferrari” in the garage and people calling for him to start like we’ve got fucking Aaron Rodgers sitting on the bench in favor of Geno. He was awful in Philly, gets hurt easily, and turns the ball over almost as much as Geno does. But I think most people would agree that even if there’s an outside shot the Jets can contend with the rest of this mediocre division, we at least gotta see what Mike Vick has to offer. If he shows even a faint glimmer of his old days – just a shred – it will be better than what Geno has had to offer. If Vick sucks and gets injured right away you go right back to the kid and you’re no worse for the wear. And its not like we really have to worry about stunting Geno Smith’s growth, because I think its clear the guy just isn’t a franchise quarterback.

Again I’m not saying the Jets can start Vick and run away with this division or anything crazy like that. But I’m saying that if the rest of the AFC East is floating around .500 and they Jets keep trotting out Geno Smith and losing games because of their quarterback play, thats going to look awful for this franchise. Its going to look stubborn and stupid. Losing week in and week out because you’re afraid to make an adjustment and try to strike while there’s some opportunity. Down years from a franchise as good as the Patriots are probably gonna be few and far between, and wasting one of them to let Geno Smith dick around and fully prove he’s not an NFL QB, without even testing a second option, would be a crime.

By KFC posted September 30th, 2014 at 9:30 AM
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