Kind of a longer list of 10 but you gotta read the descriptions to understand how stupid this chick is

All Women Stalk - You just know he’ll be good in bed… or do you? Yes, you’ve probably always told yourself that you should not judge a relationship based on the sex, but come on, who are we fooling? Sex counts! Either way we stack it, it counts. So, you’re enjoying the dating scene and you’re curious to know if he’ll be any good at the deed before you actually do it. Fret not. I have come up with this reliable list of the 10 signs that he will be good in bed. Ready? Here we go…

10. HE DOES NOT BRAG. – I have found that if a guy is good in bed, he does not brag about his past sexcapades. I mean, personally, I do not have any experience with this, because I have only been with one guy (the guy I married when I was 18), but from what I have read and heard from friends, I have heard that guys who are good in bed do not brag. However, those guys who are bad in bed have a tendency to brag (or shall we say wish?).

9. HE TIES HIS NECKTIE IN FIVE SECONDS. - Let me tell you something, those fine motor skills are definitely a major plus! Imagine the wonderful things those fingers might be capable of..Mmm… I tell my husband that the next time he knots his tie, he needs to time himself.  So if he is able to tie that tie that fast, then you may be in for a night of surprises.

8. THAT EYE CONTACT - Eye contact is not just an indicator that he likes you but also how good he could be in the sack. When he makes eye contact with you, how do you feel? Is it dull, shallow or very intense? When you make eye contact with a guy who is good in bed, you will have an unexplainable feeling. That eye contact will be so intense, you’ll feel yourself melting.

7. HIS COOKING IS SLOPPY, BUT HE CLEANS UP NICELY. -If he cooks sloppily, don’t take it as a bad sign. Instead concentrate on how he cleans up. If he cleans up neatly, that will definitely be a sign that he is good in bed.

6. WHAT’S ON HIS BOOKSHELF? - Does he have a good amount of fiction? Substantial non-fiction? Hopefully, he does not havebooks such as “How to Get Laid Today!” If he has one of those “How to” books or anything similar to it, then he may not be good in bed. Remember girls, do not forget to look at his bookshelf! Somehow bookworms do seem better in bed.

5.WHEN HE TALKS, DOES HE USE HIS HANDS? When a guy is good in bed, he will have a tendency to talk with his hands. What is the connection between these two? When he is so expressive with his hands while talking, imagine how much more expressive he could get in bed.

4. HE HOLDS THE DOORS OPEN.- Guys who are good in bed have a tendency to open doors for the girl. He will also pull the chair out for you and wait before he digs into his dinner. Basically, guys that are great in bed do not forget the concept that ladies are first.

3. HE HAS A BEDROOM LIGHT SWITCH DIMMER. – This may not be important to everyone, but most men who are good in bed have a tendency to have a bedroom light switch dimmer. Sure, if he has one of those lights that turn off when he claps, then that counts as the same thing as a dimmer. When you go into his room, make sure you take a look at the type of light he has. Bright lights are a big no no in bed as is complete darkness.

2. HE PAYS ATTENTION TO YOUR FEELINGS.- When he speaks with you, he pays attention to every word. He shows that he cares whether you are sad, mad, upset and of course, feeling good. When you’re happy, he’s happy. When you’re sad, he looks sad. When a guy does not care about how you feel, then he is not going to care how you feel in bed. Does this make sense?

1. THE WAY HE SPEAKS. – Some men just have it in their voice. You hear him and you know there’s no way he’s going to be bad in bed. That’s what makes hot men like George Clooney and Gerard Butler hotter.

I saw this list a little while back and I wasn’t gonna blog it because I was convinced it was written by a certified retarded person. Either that or its like a 13 year old girl. But I’ve been getting emailed this link ever since then so I guess its actually getting circulated which is a horrifying thought. Ordinarily what I do is go step by step and give the KFC rationale behind each item in the list. But this shit is so beyond ridiculous I can’t even waste my time with that. “Can he tie a neck tie in 5 seconds?” “He cooks sloppy but cleans up afterwards?” “He has a light dimmer in his bedroom?” Give me a fucking break. You broads are such fucking psychopaths. This is why nobody get get chicks to orgasm. They’re too busy thinking about how fast I can tie a double windsor and how my light switch operates. Hey bitch! Start focusing on your pussy and come already! As far as I’m concerned there’s 2 major ways a guy can be good in bed these days:

1. Treat her like a hooker – All the books and movies chicks are into these days have guys treating them like sluts. Do some kinky shit to them and they can never claim you’re boring in bed.

2. Last long enough while she figures out a way to orgasm – Listen I’ll do all sorts of shit to you if you want. I’ll touch here, lick there. I’ll use the “come hither” motion all you want. But you and I both know you ain’t orgasming until you hop up on top and ride around in the exact way your pussy likes it. We know until we break out the sex toys, this ain’t goin anywhere. So my job is just to last long enough while you do all that other shit. Thats what “Being good in bed” means in real life.

Thats it. And one more thing, ladies – I’d saying roughly 1% of the male population cares about being good in bed. So stop trying to find some sex god based on lists and just figure out how to unlock the mystery of your clit.