NY Post – Facebook billionaire Mark Zuckerberg will not get a friend request from this 11-year-old any time soon. Fifth-grader Sam Lesser is one of a long line of average-Joe investors who still don’t know if their orders for Facebook shares have been filled — three days after he plunked down $10,000 on the company. “They are holding my money hostage,” said Lesser, a student at The Town private school who lives on the Upper East Side.  The stock trader’s dreams of owning a small slice of Facebook turned into a nightmare on Friday, when he and his mother found out his order for 300 shares may not have been filled due to Nasdaq computer glitches. Lesser — who likes to play football and tennis when he’s not playing the stock market — anted up $10,000 by using the profits from the small business he started, called SML Networks. His company sells bracelets and skateboards, mostly to classmates and neighbors. “It’s really disappointing, because we could have made money on this,” he said. He would know. Lesser owns a stake in Apple — which he bought when he was 5. He won’t say how much it’s worth. As for his Facebook trades, Lesser and his mom are still haggling with officials at their local Fidelity Investments. “We’ve spoken with three senior traders and nobody seems to have any answers at Fidelity,” said Lesser’s mom. “We feel misguided and misled,” she said, adding that some of her son’s potential profits were going to go to Lance Armstrong’s LiveStrong charity.

I’ve seen a lot of little assholes over the years at Barstool New York. 12 year old geniuses going to college and 10 year old club DJs and all sorts of shit. But this little fucker here takes the cake. Sam Lesser is the biggest square I’ve ever encountered. 11 years old sitting at home selling stocks like a dickhead. Goes to a private school that costs 35 grand a year. Peddling bracelets around town like a fuckin Girl Scout. And don’t think you’re fooling anyone for a second with that “I play football when I’m not trading stocks” bullshit. Sure you do, Nancy Drew.

There’s nobody worse than these little over achieving son of a bitches. Thinking they’re gonna be the next Warren Buffet because while other kids his age are playing pickup hoops or riding their bikes or trying to finger girls, they set up lemonade stands and bake sales or start trading stocks because they want to make money or some shit. Hey Sam I got news for you, bro – you ain’t Warren Buffet. You’re just a nerd. You could probably just collect like 20 grand at your Bar Mitzvah like everyone else at your school and you wouldn’t have to sit around wasting your childhood arguing with Fidelity account managers about whether your shares have settled.

PS – Yes, I’m just jealous this kid has more money than me.