Screen Shot 2013-07-26 at 1.00.26 PM

NY Post - A geeky guy from The Bronx — who says he doesn’t have a girlfriend — cashed in on a $5.3 million winning Lotto ticket yesterday. Junior Julian Etwaroo, 22, opted for a $2.1 million lump sum payout after matching six jackpot numbers on June 29. The T-shirt-sporting recent college grad said he plans to spend some of the dough on a graduate degree — but hadn’t yet planned how he’ll use all those Benjamins to up his game with the girls. “I’ll see how it goes when it happens,” he said. Winning millions was a shock to the quiet kid, who has been unemployed and struggling to find a job for weeks.  “[I]was happy I got the money — I checked the numbers online. I had to check them five or six times before I believed it,” he said. “I just feel good. I’m just happy. That’s it,” he said. Etwaroo, who graduated from Iona College in May, said he had continued to play the same random numbers for about a year before he actually won. The newly rich man shared the news with his family — but said he kept it a secret from most of his friends.

Now the Lotto Gods are just fucking with me. Taking a break from their usual meth head, inbred, hick jackpot winners. This time they decide to give it to the 22 year old unemployed kid from the Bronx. Just fucking taunting me at this point. I don’t even play lotto but its just fucked up to throw this kinda shit in my face. Its either a toothless bus driver from Kentucky winning powerball or the asshole kid from fucking Iona winning 5 million. Fuck this kid and fuck the lottery.

Can you imagine being 22 years old with 5 million dollars? That would be absolutely preposterous. I got a $5,000 “signing bonus” when I started my job out of school and I thought I was a fucking baller. I made it rain at Flash Dancers, went out to a couple happy hours, and bought a pair of dress shoes and I was basically back to being broke. Imagine 5 fucking million? By 24 you’d be poor again but those 2 years would be 2 of the greatest years ever recorded in human history.

PS – The Post can just go ahead and dead this whole “dork wins the lotto” angle. Kid just became the most popular fucking guy on the block.