Daily Mail - My strategies for avoiding sex had run out and so, as the inevitable happened, I simply hoped my boyfriend could not tell that I was enduring, rather than enjoying, our encounter. John was a virgin when we met, so I assume he did not realise how strange and dysfunctional our perfunctory couplings were. We’d abstain for months until, finally, he’d start bribing me with gifts to go to bed with him. But I loathed it. I dreaded the foreplay, and the act itself repulsed me. I could only bear it by focusing my mind on something else. It’s not that John was a particularly inept lover – he wanted very much to please me – nor was this a terminal case of bedroom boredom. The problem is that I have always detested sex: the idea of it, the fact of it, and the repellent notion that society seems to revolve around it. I am 29 and I have had three lovers, two of whom I lived with. I have tried to quell the disgust I feel at the prospect of sex, but have failed repeatedly to do so. There is nothing physically wrong with me. I have not been abused nor mistreated. I am not gay, and I feel no physical attraction towards women.  I just hate sex, and have decided I will never put myself through the torture of it again. I am in my physical prime, but my sex life is over. I wish it were not so. My tragedy is that I want to be ‘normal’. My mind is made up: I will not have sex again. This may consign me to a lonely life, but it is better than deceiving a man a love. A relationship based on such a sham is the ultimate lie.

I wonder if this ban on sex has to do with the fact that she’s 29 going on about 50? A schnoz the size of Portnoy, the face of an old woman, and the body of a young boy. Something tells me you wont have to worry about being pressured into sex too much, toots!

At any rate though, this is a classic case of a chick who’s never been fucked right. Yea, I know she’ll deny that. She’ll say that she’s had lovers who have tried hard and they’re not incompetent and it has nothing to do with the satisfaction. And she’s an idiot and wrong. Any chick who doesn’t like sex has never had an orgasm, plain and simple. Its like the people who say they don’t like seafood when they’ve never really eaten it. Yea, I know it sounds weird to eat crabs and lobster and calamari. But you just gotta do it right. Cover that shit in lemon and butter and fry it up its delicious. Same thing as sex. Yea I know it might seem a little weird when you look at a dick and ballsack. It might be a turnoff if its small or hairy or whatever. But just put that shit inside you, obliterate your clit with a vibrator, and when you finally get the Big O you’ll understand what all the fuss is about. Just incorporate modern machines into the bedroom and I promise you you’ll have no complaints. Vibrators these days have like 300 horsepower with all sorts of appendages and extensions that can overcome even the ugliest, prudest bitches. You may be asexual but your clit certainly isn’t sweetheart!