Metro – Fifty wild elephants went on a drunken rampage after downing 18 containers of mahua, a powerful alcoholic brew, in India.  The trunk and disorderly mammals ransacked a shop, three houses and ruined crops in the eastern village of Dumurkota, India. Police say the gang of over-the-limit tuskers downed more than 500litres of  moonshine alcohol, managing to drink the place dry in a matter of minutes. The unruly mob demolished dozens of houses in their desperate hunt for more booze after hoovering up the hard stuff in record time. Local police officer Asish Samanat said the drunken elephants were more ‘aggressive’ than usual after their mammoth drinking session. ’Unfortunately these animals live in close proximity to man and they recognised the smell of the drink,’ he explained. ’They were like any other drunk – aggressive and unreasonable but much, much bigger.’ Police and villagers eventually restored order by herding the elephants over a local river back to their normal migration route. Officer Samanat added: ‘They’ll have one heck of a hangover.’

Everyone knows how much that jungle juice shit can creep up on you. That grain alcohol and some Hawaiian Punch will fuck you up. Or some of that Skippys shit. Who invented that? Beer vodka and lemonade? Why not! Everyone learns their lesson real quick when it comes to drinking jungle juice or mahua. I mean this story reminds me of one of my first parties I ever went to at Fordham. About 40 or 50 fat chicks just slurping up gallons of booze and then going on an aggressive rampage looking for more booze. Only difference was chicks at Fordham didn’t have trunks. And they weigh more than this herd of elephants probably.

On another note – cue my motherfucking map again.

Drunk herds of elephants destroying your village? For sure not living in India. FSNLII.