Hawaii — A 51-year-old woman from California was attacked over the weekend by a shark off Makena Landing Beach Park on Maui. Fire Services Chief Lee Mainaga said Mariko Haugen suffered puncture wounds to her right inner thigh and lacerations to the front and back of her right hand from pushing the shark away. She was taken to Maui Memorial Medical Center in stable condition. Beaches were closed one mile to the north and one mile to the south of where Haugen was attacked while ocean safety officials evaluated the situation. ”My Tae Kwan Do prepared me to learn how to punch,” Haugen told WFMY News 2. “I punched it twice. I punched it this way, and that one contacted. But this [punch] kind of hit the side and slid into the mouth.”

For the record, there’s nothing more badass you can do in life than beat up a shark. Nothing. Like once you beat up a shark than you’re a made man/woman. Nobody can touch you. It’s the ultimate trump card in any situation. This lady is 51-years-old and I wouldn’t dare start any type of shit with her. She could walk into my apartment right now and just start rooting through my fridge, changing the channel on the TV, putting her feet all up on my couch, whatever. The moment I recognized her as the shark-puncher than I’d be like “go ahead, take what you need, just don’t hurt me.” It’s basically my #1 rule of starting a fight. Before anything goes down I always ask if my opponent has ever beaten up any prehistoric predator fish. If no, then it’s go time. If yes, I forfeit.

PS – If it had been the infamous Edgartown shark with it’s own set of arms to defend itself then this would have been a completely different story.