HENRICO COUNTY, Va. (WTVR) – Khandace Cossitt, a 56-year-old grandmother from Sandston, says she deserves a shot a fighting a man in a cage match. One of her neighborhood boys invited her to a recent cage match and she went. “That’s a fight?” she scoffed. “You call that a fight?” At 6 feet 5 inches tall, Khandace says she has decked a lot of men, often when they act up in places where she has worked. “I’ve been a bouncer, I’ve been a security guard, I’ve been a stripper, I’ve done burlesque, I’ve been a horse trainer . . . “ Men act up around her, and she’ll drop ‘em. “They pick at me and pick at me and I’m like okay, I let it slide, and then . . . they will be decked.” She’s always been a big girl, 200 pounds in grade school. Six feet tall by the fifth grade. “Nobody would play with me in school. They called me the jolly green giant. They avoided me like the plague.“ She wasn’t invited to her prom. And she has often been mistaken for a man. All of which has left her with a short fuse. “If I stay home, I’m safe,” she said. “By the time I get to the end of my driveway, I’m POed about something, and somebody is going to get it before the day’s out.” Khandace got married and had a son, and got bigger, all the way up to 354 pounds. Now that’s Khandace has leaned down and toughened up, she wants to put her natural man-decking skills to work. She’s contracted cage-match promoters, asking for an equal shot. She doesn’t want to fight women in general, and plus, she said, there aren’t many her size. Why cage fighting? “This just stops me from beating up the general public, god bless ‘em,” she said.
Who, who, WHO reproduced with this sasquatch??? I’d probably stick my dick in a meat grinder before I ever put it inside Goliath over here. Not because she’s not hot enough or anything like that. More like I’d fear for my life in the bedroom with her. She looks like something out of a horror movie. I just have visions of her scoop slamming me and shit. Belly to back suplexes and standing 69′s where she’s holding me up. The mere fact that theres some dude out there who was willing to marry a 6 foot 5, 354 pound woman and have a family with her hurts my brain. I don’t know whether thats a good sign for humanity or a bad sign. All I know is if you’re a nice looking chick who can’t find a boyfriend, this has gotta push you to the brink of suicide.
Anyway, lets get down to the matter at hand. Who should this bitch fight in a cage match? Who would make this a top notch Pay Per View event? Personally I’d like to throw Pizza Boy in the ring with this behemoth and watch her stomp him to kingdom come. But thats not gonna put asses in the seats. Maybe Brian Scalabrine? That would be hilarious. Imagine Scal and Khandace going at it? Robert Tractor Traylor was my first choice, God rest his soul. Maybe Brian Windhorst, the Sultan of South Beach? I think the fairest fight would be against Igor The Shoeless Giant. Remember that asshole? 8 Feet tall and needed to raise like 25 grand for custom shoes because his feet were too big. He spent like half his life running around with duct tape on his feet. I dunno, the possibilities for this matchup are endless. Who ya got? Sound off.