Huff Po – A Maryland second-grader has been suspended after officials claim he chewed his breakfast pastry into the shape of a gun and said “bang, bang.” According to Fox Baltimore station WBFF, Josh Welch was suspended for two days following the “gun” pastry incident that went down last week at Baltimore’s Park Elementary School. The 7-year-old, who struggles with academics because of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) but excels in art, claims a different version of the story: He told WBFF he shaped his strawberry Pop Tart into a mountain. Welch’s father doesn’t think the punishment was warranted. “I would almost call it insanity,” he told the WBFF. “I mean with all the potential issues that could be dealt with at school, real threats, bullies, whatever the real issue is, it’s a pastry.” The boy and his father appeared on CNN’s “Starting Point with Soledad O’Brien” on Monday morning to discuss the gun pastry suspension. Josh, who has one more day left of the punishment, insists he meant no harm. “Well I do draw tanks in school, and I do draw a lot of stuff, and I do like guns, but I don’t make guns out of food and stuff,” the 7-year-old said on CNN. “When I’m trying to create stuff, like drawing, I do not try to draw inappropriate stuff.”

I love how this article specifies that he suffers from ADHD and excels in art. Like he’s some sort of Rain Man retard munching on his Pop Tart and thats why he made the gun. How about he’s just a 7 year old who likes guns and action and all sorts of shit little boy like? How about every kid his age plays with his food? I used to rip a hole in the middle of my Fruit Roll Up and put it on my face and stick my tongue through it – did I get in trouble for giving my food a rim job? No. Did I grow up to be a sexual deviant? Relatively speaking, no. Whether or not this kid chewed a Pop Tart into a gun or a mountain is irrelevant. Because either way its harmless.

I’ll tell you what I am concerned about – 2 things: 1) A mountain looks absolutely nothing like a gun. So either this kid was trying to make a mountain and ended up with a gun or the best excuse he could come up with is “Its a mountain” and in either scenario this little fucker is retarded. 2) Strawberry Pop Tart? Jiminy fuckin cricket kid what are you doing?? What is your mom doing? In the Hierarchy of Pop Tarts, its basically

#1 – Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon

#2 – All the other ones

Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts probably dominates their respective field more so than anything else in the entire world. If you’re forced to go with a second option, Blueberry is the correct choice. Forget about Strawberries and those weird S’mores ones are gross. Its Brown Sugar Cinnamon with Blueberry as a distant second. Thats it.

PS – If you actually toast your Pop Tart, you are a certifiable psychopath.