TelegraphAn Italian couple are to become the world’s oldest divorcees, after the 99-year-old husband found that his 96-year-old wife had an affair in the 1940s.  The Italian man, identified by lawyers in the case only as Antonio C, was rifling through an old chest of drawers when he made the discovery a few days before Christmas. Notwithstanding the time that had elapsed since the betrayal, he was so upset that he immediately confronted his wife of 77 years, named as Rosa C, and demanded a divorce. Guilt-stricken, she reportedly confessed everything but was unable to persuade her husband to reconsider his decision. She wrote the letters to her lover during a secret affair in the 1940s, according to court papers released in Rome this week. The couple are now preparing to split, despite the ties they forged over nearly eight decades – they have five children, a dozen grandchildren and one great-grand child.

Whats that? You fucked some dude 60 years ago? Peace out bitch! 8 decades down the drain. EIGHT! Thats fucking insane! Vast majority of people don’t even live 8 decades, let alone dedicate them to loving some chick who was secretly getting stuffed during World War II.

This is why I don’t cheat. Its borderline impossible to get away with. There’s always some mix up at some point and the person you’re with finds out. I mean this chick got away with it for sixty years. 6-0. Maybe even upwards of 70. After like 25 years you gotta think you got away with it Scot free, right? You’re thinking there’s there’s gotta be some statute of limitations on being held culpable for cheating. Like everyone knows the classic ones like “Its not cheating if you’re in a different area code.” “Its not cheating if its a celebrity” Well theres gotta be some sort of thing like “Its not cheating if it happened 70 fucking years ago.” If fucking thirteen Presidents have come and gone since you fucked someone, you have gotta be thinking you’re off the hook.

Nope! Dust off that 96 year old pussy babe! Because you’re as single as they come. Make a profile or something. “96 year old divorcee looking to rekindle the lust I was had during FDR’s 3rd term.”