Flask Tie – Thirsty workers can now sneak in extra drinks at the office Christmas party using a clever necktie – which doubles as a flask. Despite looking like a standard striped tie wearers of the FlaskTie can fill a hidden flask with half a pint of their favourite tipple. And if you find yourself parched in a lengthy meeting, you can simply take the back part of the tie and sip from the well disguised nozzle.

Cube Monkeys in the trenches realize that the corporate world would be more efficient if people were allowed to watch porn at work and get a little buzz going. But the powers that be won’t allow that. So whats a Monkey to do? Well for the porn part you probably just have to secretly masturbate in the bathroom. Not much wiggle room there. But as far as drinking on the job? The Flask Tie is your answer. I’ve often wondered what the fuck the point of neck ties were. Like who decided it made you look formal and important to tie a string of silk around your neck? Up until this point I thought ties were just one step closer to a noose for Cube Monkeys to off themselves. But now the neck tie has purpose. Now the neck tie has value. Imagine sucking down a bag of whiskey over the course of the day? Maybe a tie’s worth of a nice cabernet or pinot noir? Just a little something to take the edge off. Ease the misery so you can be a little more productive. Limit consumption to one tie a day and I promise you productivity will be up 250% in America.

At the very least its a shitty gift to give your Secret Santa at the Office.