Because it sure as hell can’t be player stats, otherwise he would have noticed that Denard Span came into last night’s game hitting .301 against lefties. That fucking binder… Like an autistic kid with his special pencil. The thing never leaves Joe’s side. I’m pretty sure if Larry Rothschild tried touching it, Joe would go Warren from Something About Mary all over him. But you know that’s how the players get to Joe when they’re roughhousing in the clubhouse. A shirtless Swisher busts into the manager’s office, tongue hanging out, The Darkness playing from the external speakers on the iPhone in his back pocket. Swipes the binder and tosses it to A Rod who gets way too into it and Instagrams a hundred pictures to prove to everyone he has friends. Passes it to Cano who puts down his heart locket necklace with a picture of Melky in it and holds the binder above Joe’s head. Joe jumping up and down like your younger brother when you take his phone and threaten to text Sara. Just a bunch’a bullies picking on the mathlete.

P.S.- I could 100% see Texieria covering his ears, closing his eyes, stomping his feet and screaming “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” the whole time this game of Monkey in the Middle is going down.