My stupid friends and I have been debating the following question, and I think only you can come up with the right answer…Would you rather be able to time travel or teleport? I went with teleportation, because then you can literally go anywhere on earth instantaneously, plus no more worries about how you’re getting home after a night at the bar. But my stupid friends all think time travel, which is of course retarded.

Help me out on this one and keep making blogs your bitch.


A timeless debate amongst idiots – Teleporting vs Time Travel. Right up there with “Who’s better: Batman or Superman” and “What would you rather give up: Beer or Sex.”

I’ve given this a lot of thought. A lot. And I started out on one side of the argument and finished on the other. In the beginning I was with Sean on this one and I was all about teleporting. If you’re trying to just crush present day life, teleporting fucking kills it. Go where ever you want on the earth at any moment. That means you can live in New York and every single night of your life you could go out in Ibiza if you wanted. Teleport there at night, party your ass off, and teleport back in the morning just in time for work. Adjusting for the different time zones of course. You could basically do a bar crawl across the entire fucking planet in one night. Teleport from Vegas to Amsterdam, make a stop off at Yacht Week in the Mediterranean, double back over to Brazil for some South American hookers, finish off your night in Australia. Plus its just far more practical. Never have to travel on the subway ever again, which, as we all know, is a HUGE plus for your boy KFC. Never have to worry about any sort of commute or traveling ever again.

And while I’m explaining to my friends how I’d be bouncing from one place to another they are making ridiculous arguments like ” i hope you have fun cutting down on your commute, when I am hanging out with JESUS” and “imagine being able to fuck Cleopatra or Anne Boleyn.” First of all, Anne Boleyn? Who the hell would want to fuck Anne Boleyn? But more importantly, what makes you think just because you can travel back to a certain time period that you’d get to do all that shit? You’ve been granted the gift of time travel. That doesn’t mean you instantly become someone who’s awesome that gets to do phenomenal shit all the time. Jesus wouldn’t even grant you an audience. Cleopatra was busy getting fucked by the Emperor of fucking ROME. You think she’s gonna fuck you? Like think about your current life – you’re alive at the same time as Ashley Ann Vickers. Are you fucking her? You’re alive at the same time as KFC. Does that mean you get to sit down and have philosophical debates with him? For sure not.

But then one argument struck a chord with me when my friend Vinny said he’d go back 4 years and short the housing market. If you can time travel you can make LOOT. You basically become Biff from Back to the Future 2 with the Almanac. And there’s really no arguing that teleporting can make you that rich. Once you’re a bajillionaire, the world is pretty much at your fingertips whether or not you can travel instantly or not.

But there’s one final nail in the coffin that seals the deal for me with time travel – Just travel to like the year 3000 and I’m sure every place in the world already has a teleporter. Boom. Best of both worlds. Classic time travel/teleportation loophole.