“This ain’t the internet. This real life” may have been the biggest understatement of all time. The internet is my warm bedroom with ESPN on the TV and a hot pot of coffee and some pretzels and Kit Kats and separate Firefox tabs of Barstool, BetUs, and celebrity butts. Real life is this 300 pound heavyweight black dude standing over you punching your face and slapping your dome piece off the concrete over and over and over again. All I know is I’m going to get yellow shirt on my payroll ASAP if it’s the last thing I do. Personal blog bodyguard. I could blog literally anything I wanted for the rest of my life and no angry internet commenter would ever call me a bitch ass nigga again.