So my arch nemesis Buzz Feed is at it again. And this time it hits a little too close too home. This time they’re making their awful lists about my alma mater, Fordham. As usual their shit is a complete waste of time. This time its not even that they’re wrong – its just that making a list of 40 things about Fordham might be the most boring idea I could ever imagine. I mean read that list and tell me Fordham is not the most boring school in America. You could make a list about “Signs You Went To Alabama” and the first 4,000 things would be about winning National Championships and fucking chicks. Fordham’s list is about how its hard to swipe your ID card to get into the library. COLLEGE! WOOO!! NO PARENTS!!!
But one item on this list I cannot let slide is the notable alums. The level of disrespect right in my fucking face. Lana Del Rey? Get the fuck out of here. The dudes from Real Housewives? Greg Bennet should be famous for his blogging, not some reality TV show bullshit. Where the fuck is KFC? I should be right alongside Denzel. Right up there with the other greats of sports media like Vin Scully and Mike Breen and Stat Boy! For fuck’s sake, at least put me in there in the Smush Parker category. I’ve been written about in the school newspaper! “Barstool’s Ultimate Bro Comes Clean.” Hey Lana Del Rey where the fuck is your article? Unbelievable. I’m absolutely firing my publicist over this one.
PS – It was the Combine, wasnt it? Fuckin Combine.