So last night, I’m at the Garden State Mall seeing The Dictator. Contrary to KFC’s thoughts on Sacha Baron Cohen’s newest release, it was fucking awesome. But that’s a debate for another day. Today’s issue deals with what went down before the movie even started. We’re in the food court about a half hour prior to show time, trying to decide what to eat. When Philly Cheesesteak was thrown in the ring, I promptly stated how overrated these sandwiches are. Never in the history of sandwich has the Philly cheesesteak done anything to warrant its critical acclaim as THE sandwich. In my opinion, it’s a good couple bites, but I find myself quickly getting tired of the taste. Same thing with caramel. My opinions were not well received.

To help solve the debate, while simultaneously attempting to impress the girl I was with by showing her how big my Twitter cock is, I posted this:

And holy shit, I haven’t seen this much hatred for pizza boy since I called Jeter an MVP candidate in mid April. When I left the theatre after the movie, I turned my phone on to see an angry mob of twitter followers calling for my head. I was stunned that I was one of the few who share this sentiment. Challenged by the expert on useless shit, I was instigated by KFC to put together a list (in no particular order) of sandwiches that I would choose over a cheesesteak:

1. Anything chicken cutlet. Breaded chicken cutlet could be thrown on thumbtacks and I would eat it over a Philly Cheesesteak. The BCC food group includes all the fan favorites- chicken parm, chicken BLT, chicken ranch, etc. Too much versatility in the chicken cutlet game.

2. The Gobbler from Ted’s Deli (2 locations) in Northern New Jersey. A seasonal delicacy, the Thanksgiving themed blend of turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce makes a Philly Cheesesteak look like an eggplant parm.

3. The Napoli from Lotito’s in Mahwah- Couldn’t even tell you what’s on it. Never even asked. I never had to because the second I saw it, I knew it was right. Something chicken/hot peppery though.

4. Fieldworker- Made popular by The Bagel Shop next to St. Joe’s in Montvale, NJ, the key to a well-executed Fieldworker is the delicate balance of egg and homefries when mixed together with the taylor ham. I promised myself to not bring egg sandwiches into the debate, as that could open pandora’s box, but fieldworkers are that fucking good.

And that’s just 4 of them. Sausage and peppers, brisket, pulled pork, hell, I’ll even take a well made italian combo from Cosmo’s in Hackensack over a Philly Cheesesteak. But there are 2 consistencies in the sandwich game that I feel pretty confident everyone agrees on. A. If you’re not putting chips on a majority of your sandwiches, you’re doing it wrong. B. The guy who invented the diagonal cut to replace the horizontal cut for heroes is a true innovator. Best food packaging advancement since the 2 overlapping plates to fit 2 slices of pizza in 1 bag move. I can’t even fathom what people did before that. 2 separate bags? Archaic.

Vote 1 for I’m just a sheep in the endless herd of mindless idiots who think Philly Cheesesteaks are the end-all, be-all of sandwiches or vote 10 for overrated.

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