Daily BeastFrom the steamy bestseller Fifty Shades of Grey to HBO’s Girls, sexual domination is in vogue. Why does this particular, watered-down, skinny-vanilla-latte version of sadomasochism have such cachet right now? Why have masses of women brought the book to the top of the New York Times bestseller list before it even hit the stores? To a certain, I guess, rather large, population, it has a semipornographic glamour, a dangerous frisson of boundary crossing, but at the same time is delivering reassuringly safe, old-fashioned romantic roles. The current vogue for domination is not confined to surreptitious iPad reading: in Lena Dunham’s acclaimed new series, Girls, about 20-somethings adrift in New York City, a similar desire for sexual submission has already emerged as a theme. The heroine’s pale hipsterish ersatz boyfriend jokes, “You modern career women, I know what you like …” and his idea, however awkwardly enacted, is that they like to be dominated. He says things like “You should never be anyone’s … slave, except mine,” and calls down from a window: “If you come up I’m going to tie you up and keep you here for three days. I’m just in that kind of mood.” She comes back from seeing him with bruises and sheepishly tells her gay college boyfriend at a bar, “I am seeing this guy and sometimes I let him hit me on the side of my body.”

Semipornographic glamour and dangerous frission of boundary crossing and blah blah blah blah BLAH. Look chicks have always wanted to be dominated. Since the beginning of time, I’d imagine. I bet cave men were in their caves spanking their cave women after a long day of hunting and gathering. I don’t know why. Seems fucking crazy to me. If my butt cheeks were getting punished the way chicks’ cheeks do, my dick would retreat up inside me so fast you’d think I was a freakin turtle. But hey, I’m not complaining! I’m down. Just as long as I’m giving and not receiving.

So, 50 Shades of Grey didn’t invent the idea of chicks getting dominated in bed. But it sure as fuck has sent it mainstream. I bet you there are some Dominatrix hipsters out there who are like “Hey I liked getting spanked and caned before it was ever cool! I liked getting tied up and simulating rape before you even knew what that was! Followers!” But thats why we, as men, all owe a debt of gratitude to E.L. James and her kinky little mind. Because now that chicks of all types are reading this shit and sharing in their book clubs, they’re all out there experimenting. So all you Stoolies out there, do yourselves a favor and get your girl this book. Secretly sneak on her Kindle or her Nook and download it when she’s not looking and claim you have no idea where it came from. Buy a hardcover version and slip in her purse before she goes to work. Read it to her at night while she’s sleeping so the ideas subliminally sneak into her head. Do what you gotta do because according to chicks out there, shit gets kinky after reading this book.