Life With DogsAn Australian man from Toowoomba married his best friend yesterday – a five-year-old labrador. Laurel Bank Park was chosen as the venue for the wedding of Joseph Guiso and Honey, a Labrador he adopted five years ago. Held at dusk, thirty of the couple’s closest friends and family attended the ceremony. “You’re my best friend and you make every part of my day better,” Mr Guiso’s vows read. Guiso said the pair decided to marry after observing a wedding in Laurel Bank Park during an afternoon walk. “I said that could be us,” Guiso said. “She didn’t say anything so I took that as a yes.”  Mr Guiso said as a religious person he could no longer take the guilt of living with Honey out of wedlock. “It’s not sexual,” he assured the onlookers. “It’s just pure love.” The couple are planning a honeymoon in one of the area’s nature parks.

You guys can knock Joey Guiso all you want but I for one support this marriage. I’d marry my dog, but he’s a dude and I’m Catholic so thats against the Bible and shit.  Also, this is what my dog looks like:

He was recently described by a commenter as a “dirty diaper with eyes.” Which is fucked up. And I hate to be shallow, but marrying a stray like this is just not a good look.

Bottom line though is I’m starting to realize no woman could ever tolerate me. Who’s gonna marry me? Probably nobody. No human, at least. So I might as well just get hitched to some pooch who I like spending time with, no? I mean they don’t talk, they don’t bother you, and I’m pretty sure I could cheat on my dog until the cows come home and I’d never get caught. Actually I don’t even wanna consider it cheating. I’d think of it as more of an open relationship. You know when a guy and a girl make a deal like “If neither of us are married in 20 years, you and I will get together?” Well it will be just like that with me except its a canine union and if we’re working in dog years this wedding is probably coming up faster than I realize. I can just hear it now “I know pronounce you Smut Peddler and Pooch…”