NBC New York – A baby boy was born on the J train in downtown Manhattan early Wednesday, MTA officials said. The newborn and his mom were taken from the Chambers Street station to New York Downtown Hospital around 2 a.m., where both were said by MTA officials to be in good condition. The mother, who is 24, was alone in the car heading to her home in the Bronx around 1:30 a.m. when she went into labor, said Charles Seaton, an MTA spokesman. She used the train’s intercom to call for help, and by the time conductor Veronica Stevens arrived, she had given birth, Seaton said. “Looking forward to meeting this little baby,” MTA Chairman Joseph Lhota said at this morning’s board meeting. “I want to have something to do with naming him Metro, or something like that.”

Lovely. So now on top of the urine and feces and vermin and all the other subway filth and germs, we’ve gotta deal with placenta on the subway. Just fucking gross. I don’t know who this is grossest for – us, the mom, or the baby. On the one hand our subway experience just got that much grosser knowing that there’s after birth in the air in the subway car. On the other hand, this mom probably had to lay down on the ground with her pants off and vagina out. Most people don’t even like touching the subway poles let alone exposing their vaginas down there. And on the third hand this poor fucking baby had to be brought into this world on the goddam J train. Little man’s first sight of this world was a disgruntled MTA employee yanking him out of his moms pussy. Surrounded by garbage and toe nail clippings from a homeless man. Probably a pile of puke from some drunks. Just an awful way to start your life.

What the fuck are you doing riding the subway at 2 am when you’re like 50 months pregnant anyway? Just save all three parties the trouble and make sure you give birth in a hospital

PS – You gotta name this kid Jerome or Jamaal or something just so his friends can call him J-Train for the rest of his life.