UK – A stand-in male stripper was arrested by police for allegedly attacking disappointed women who booed him off stage. More than 150 excited women paid £10-a-head to see a muscular male entertainer called Fabio strutting his stuff at ‘Ladies Night’. But the dark-haired heartthrob had to cancel at the last minute, and was replaced by ‘diabolical’ novice stripper Leon Zbudowskyj. Zbudowskyj strolled out on stage dressed as a fireman, but failed to put on a smouldering performance for the chanting women. The crowd expecting a Full Monty-style show were unimpressed when scruffy Zbudowskyj spat frothy cream at them before sitting on a chair in the middle of the stage. Witnesses said the women lost patience with the semi-naked entertainer and started heckling him. Zbudowskyj lost his temper and dived into the crowd, sparking a brawl. Five police cars were sent to break up the fight. Debra Jones said: ‘He was diabolical, he was disgusting, he just didn’t have anything, no music, no dance routine. He looked like he had come off the street, he looked dirty, he was unshaven and he didn’t have a six-pack. He looked like he had been hit in the face with a wok. He just wasn’t the sort of person you wanted to see take their kit off.’

I don’t blame these bitches one bit. All gay tendencies aside, this dude is ugly. Period. Debra Jones said it best – where’s the six-pack on this dirty, hit-in-the-face-with-a-wok B-team entertainer? If I’m shelling out top dollar to see Fabio and, instead, I see this scrawny terrorist motherfucker, you’re god damn right me & my girls are gonna boo him. I have every right to judge, too:

Yeah, try not to look at my bulge. Chicks dig my baby nipples. I’m a pair of fireman suspenders & oil lathering away from making Fabio MY backup. I’d keep it classy, too. Dress up my dong in a little humongous tuxedo or something. Squeeze my tits together to open their Coronas. I’d need to hire Brinks to haul my tips. Luckily for Chippendales, I’m smart as fuck and have a cush job. Otherwise, I’d be dominating the helicopter-your-dick-in-front-of-old-ladies game for sure.