Before we dive into this I want to acknowledge that this is a flawed poll. A list of the best looking Barstool Bloggers is a lot like the BCS rankings. Theres a lot of controversy and its admittedly not the best of lists but what can you do? Gotta rank em somehow.

First things first, this Ashley chick better be JMac’s girlfriend or some shit. Maybe its his mom or something. Because as far as I know the only picture of JMac that has ever been on the Stool is this:

Not saying thats a terrible picture but he’s got wolfman arms and his head is skinny as fuck. He looks like a salamander. No way the Daywalker Jew/BSNY Friday Blogger gets the top spot. Big Cat in the 2 spot is equally absurd. The only time Cat was revealed was on this week’s episode of KFC Radio. But the two reactions I saw in the comments section and twitter were “Wait is Big Cat Kris Humphries?” and “@BarstoolBigCat is a DEAD RINGER for Pablo Francisco.” For sure not #2 in the Beauty Power Rankings.

Feits in the 3 hole.

This is probably an accurate assessment. Feits is somewhere in the middle of the pack. Dresses like a dick and acts like an idiot but on sheer aesthetics hes decent. But its just utterly ridiculous that he’s ahead of me. I’m not trying to be arrogant or anything, but I am absolutely without a doubt the best looking guy at Barstool. That ain’t saying much – thats why I don’t really consider it a conceited comment, because it ain’t something to be too proud of. But just because I post absurd photos of myself and video myself when I’m unshowered and shit doesn’t mean I’m not sexy as fuck. Check me out from this summer:

Last winter:

Sexy can I! Straight stud. Sure that one eye is a little droopy as always but thats my signature look. Like that Victoria’s Secret model with the gap in her teeth. Even the most beautiful people need a little something as their memorable signature. The Lazy Eye is mine. Everything else is a fucking 10. Sure, when I’m posting forever lazy pictures or I’m all pale and hungover I look like shit. Who doesn’t look like shit then? Bottom line is when I max out my potential I’m the best looking guy at the Stool.

As far as the rest of the list, anyone who comes after Devlin should probably just blow their brains out. Thats essentially like someone telling you they think Heath Ledger as the Joker is better looking than you. The “Kmarko = Sales Guy” might be the most disrespectful thing anyone has ever said to Kmarko and might be what finally sparks his inevitable murder rampage.  And we all know Pres was gonna bring up the caboose. Personally I don’t give a fuck where the rest of the idiots rank. As long as everyone realizes I’m number 1.