ABC News – A birthday greeting card that tells 13-year-old girls they could get jewels from rich boyfriends “when they have bigger boobies” has sparked outrage on Twitter. The condemnation was unleashed following a Dec. 7 tweet from user @cheesyhels in the United Kingdom: “Look at this shockingly awful card I found today for a 13 year old!” The card read: “You’re 13 today! If you had a rich boyfriend he’d give you diamonds and rubies…Well, maybe next year you will – when you’ve bigger boobies!” The drawing on the Arnold Barton brand card depicts a girl holding a box containing a ring. User ‏@andrewtshaffer tweeted in response: “I hope when she’s 14 she doesn’t have a boyfriend buying her rubies because of her boobies.” @cheesyhels also tweeted the image to Twitter user @LynnCSchreiber, who wrote a post about it for Jump!, a British magazine for young girls. In her post, Schreiber wrote: “Words failed me when a Twitter friend showed me the card that she had seen in a local newsagent. You won’t have to rely on a boyfriend, or hope that your ‘boobies’ grow big enough,” Schreiber’s post continued. “You will be successful and happy because of your intelligence and creativity, not because of your looks.”

All I could think of when I read this card is the scene in Scarface when Tony Montana schools Manolo on the path to women. First you get the money, then you get the power – THEN, you get the women. This birthday card basically serves as the female equivalent. First, you get the boobies. Don’t even think about receiving any attention, gifts or random acts of kindness without the boobies. Once you have the boobies, then you get the boyfriends. Notice that’s plural because, if chicks ignore the bullshit that the obviously hideous @LynnCSchreiber is spouting, they’ll forget about their overrated “intelligence & creativity” and use their boobies to keep as many avenues open as possible for the ultimate goal. After you got the boyfriends, THEN you get the diamonds & rubies you’d never get on your own. Of course, by “diamonds & rubies” I mostly mean “drinks, dinners & cab fare”, but it’s still an important life lesson that no broad is too young to learn.