Gawker – Newspapers, magazines, TV networks and online conglomerates are laying off journalists left and right, but even the sad crumbling world of professional news delivery has a fortunate one percent. This elite group now includes Ben Parr, whose employer Mashable, the tech blog, paid him a $250,000 retention bonus only to turn around and fire him. Meet the happiest unemployed journalist in the world! Parr was a “critical… brand on the site,” according to Business Insider, which broke news of his bonus. “Ben’s 3+ year career with Mashable began when he joined as a writer in August 2008.” Parr helped birth the cottage industry of professionally hating Facebook – we’re grateful, yes – when as a Northwestern University junior he started the 284,000-member group “Students Against Facebook News Feed.” He soon graduated and joined Mashable to begin his epic “3+ year career,” which was to be extended until at least July of 2012 as a condition of his bonus. But now he doesn’t even have to do that, because he’s been fired by an unpopular new editor. “I’m exploring options in… the entertainment world,” he writes.

Fuck. This. Guy. Fuck him. This dude has the greatest set up since Pete Manzo. Get overpaid to do the easiest job in the world and then get fired and keep all the money. Fuck you Ben Parr! I’m a blogger myself and I still think you’re an asshole. I take pictures in an adult onesie covered in donuts and I still think this picture of you sitting on a bean bag chair with a gold watch and 50 different gadgets makes you look like a dick. This fuckin kid complained about how he didn’t like the new facebook, just like every other clownshoe in the world, and somehow parlayed it into a quarter of a million dollars. I ain’t mad atcha. Except I fucking am. I hate  you and I’m jealous.

I’ll tell you what, I’m in the wrong sector of this blogging industry. Blogging about nerd shit is where its at. I write a blog about tits and ass and say fuck and bro a bunch of times and I get a few laughs and some bars here and there that wanna advertise. You write a blog about top 10 social media dashboard programs or review some twerp world gadgets and get about 50 billion nerds reading your shit and some technology media conglomerate start up who offers to buy your site for like a bazillion dollars.

So fuck this by the common man for the common man shit. Fuck you El Pres! Unless I get a $250,000 bonus I’m gonna start blogging about mobile technologies and interactive internet dialogue. By the common nerd, for the common nerd, I’m trying to get rich son.