Its a debate that most men have at some point in their life. A question they need to ask themselves sooner or later. “Does body wash make me gay?” “Should I switch from the bar of soap?” “What the fuck is a loofa?”

Now ordinarily I go 100% one direction on these type or discussions. But not when it comes to body wash vs bar of soap. I’m torn pretty much 50/50. Growing up my whole life I used a bar of soap. Never even thought about switching. Then I started staying over at my girlfriends place more often and using all of her shit and I was kinda converted. I felt like the belle of the ball in that shower. I was lathering up with all sorts of shit. Body wash that has the little scrubbers exfoliating you and shit. Face wash that tingles. I’d spend like 35 minutes in there with all the girly shit. Walked out of their glowing. Sexy as fuck. But at the same time like I said I was always bar of soap for life, so I understand the appeal there too. Lets break it down:

Bar of Soap

Bar of soap is clearly the more efficient, “manly” choice. Gives you a better scrub down. Usually cheaper and lasts longer than body wash. Lathers up quickly and washes off quickly. The in-and-out value of bar of soap is much higher. Plus a little Irish Spring Sport makes you feel bursting with freshness like the dudes in the commercial. The huge detractor for most people is the gross-out factor. If you’re in a shower that multiple people use, theres almost a 100% chance that bar of soap his been in people’s pits, in the crotch, and all up in the grundle/ass crack. Now, obviously that is gross when you think about it. But I’m kind of from the school of thought that soap can’t get dirty. Its like magic you know. It makes things un-dirty, how can it get dirty itself? I know thats stupid thinking but thats the way my brain works. Yea, I realize its kinda gross, but I just don’t care because I’m a man and not a pussy germophobe. One thing that I have to concede is disgusting is stray hairs getting stuck on the bar. Pubes or otherwise. Takes like 20 minutes to get the soap off because every time the water hits it, it just shoots to the other side of the bar. Gross. Other practical detractors from the bar of soap: The Drop Factor: Soap can be clumsy. The old “Don’t Drop The Soap” joke is so well known because people drop the soap a fucking lot. Can slow you down in a rush. The Last 10% - Bar of soap is usually cheaper and lasts longer than body wash but once you’re below like 1/4 of a bar, shit gets annoying. You’re in there trying to scrub up with some piece of soap thats no bigger and no thicker than a quarter. You really should just throw the bar out once you’re past half way done and start a new one, but you inevitably end up holding a tiny bar with two fingers trying to get clean.

Body Wash

Listen I’m a guy’s guy. I’m like your perfect everyday guy – not tough and not a pussy. Somewhere in between. So I can go ahead and admit that Oil of Olay Body Butter is a wonderful shower experience. Shit is soft as fuck. Walk out of the shower all moisturized smelly fresh as a daisy. The big detractor here is that people are gonna call you girly. Gonna call you a faggot for rubbing down with Body Butter. But I’m comfortable with myself. I can admit I like it. And lets get one thing straight here – if you’re the dork buying the Men’s version like Old Spice or something you’re a puppet. If you wanna be manly, go with the bar of soap. If you’re gonna go body wash, might as well go all in and get the good shit. Something girly thats fresh and moisturizing and all that jazz. Anyway, the appeal of body wash is obviously that its clean. No stray hairs. The body wash in your hands has never been in someones crotch or ass crack. The main detractors is A) You don’t know how much to use. I always end up squeezing a huge ass handful into my palms to try and get the same lather as a bar of soap. Which leads me to B) Body wash goes so much faster. Because I’m squeezing out half the bottle for every use I need a new one like every month. Buy a box of bars of soap and you’re good for like 6 months. Another thing I hate is that I feel like you never wash all the body wash off. Its like this filmy layer of goo on your skin you cant get off. Its probably the whole moisturizing aspect but I feel like my balls are covered in lotion or something when I get out. Also can’t wash my face with it for that reason. I’ll go body wash on the body sometimes and bar of soap for the face. Body wash is pleasant but its weird and inefficient.

So there are the pros and cons of each choice. It all depends on if you’re a girly germophobe or a hardo tough guy. Whether you’ve got money or you’re cheap. Whether you take short showers or long showers. The debate can rage on and on. Lets vote

Vote 1 for bar of soap vote 10 for body wash. For the first time ever I think I am 5 stars.

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