MSNAt the intersection of “extremely sexy” and “extremely sick,” we crash into this. A Brazilian woman has been accused of coating her ladyparts in poison, then trying to murder her husband by seducing him into performing oral sex on her. Her bid failed because he noticed a “strange smell” down there and took her (as any caring husband would) to a local hospital to investigate further. Doctors detected the poison, and the ruse was uncovered — after, we imagine, many, many rounds of “How’d that get there?!” The husband is now suing his probably soon-to-be-former wife.

Is this not the most miscalculated attempted murder of all time? Like who the fuck goes down on chicks? Especially their wives. Who the fuck are you trying to impress at that point? Going down on chicks is strictly when you’re trying to make an “I’m an unselfish lover” impression. My wife could poison her pussy and I’d survive for the next 40 years before I ever ended up eating it. Just such a poorly concocted plot from a girls point of view. Your better bet would be for you to go down on me and then when I inevitably roll over to go to sleep right afterwards you murder me while I’m in a sex coma. Thats a much more realistic scenario that you slapping some poison on your pussy like peanut butter on toast and hoping I go down on you.