NY Daily NewsA Bronx man got the scare of his life last night when he went into his bathroom, turned on the light and found a 3-foot snake comfortably coiled on the toilet seat. “There’s a giant snake on my toilet,” he told cops who arrived at his apartment on White Plains Road in Soundview. The cops corralled the slithery visitor, which turned out to be a harmless corn snake, bagged it and turned it over to the ASPCA. The shaken man told cops the reptile wasn’t his pet and probably had made its way into his bathroom through the plumbing. Cops sympathized with the unidentified man’s panicked reaction to the corn snake – a nonvenomous, fairly docile reptile also known as a red rat snake. “Look, anytime you walk into your bathroom and find a big snake staring you in the eye, it’s going to spook you,” said one officer. Building resident Carolyn Monroe, 57, said it was just another day in the Bronx. “We’ve got enough problems here with bugs and mice. Now there’s snakes coming up through our toilets,” she said. “That’s just scary.”

This is my worst nightmare right here. Ordinarily toilet seats are only hazardous to broads. Because they either complain about leaving the seat up because they FALL IN THE TOILET, or they complain about it being down and pee being on the seat. Well how about you just count your lucky stars that you don’t have to deal with a three foot cobra just snoozing on the bowl? Maybe you should just be a normal human and look down at what you’re about to sit on in case (A) its not there, (B) its covered in urine (C) there’s motherfuckin snakes on the motherfuckin toilet.

PS – no chick has ever fallen into the goddam toilet. Thats on old wives tale, literally, that has just given women one more thing to complain about to men.