CROWN HEIGHTS — At 15 months, Zahara Shabazz isn’t much of a talker. Neither is 11-month-old Zippy, or her peer Soleil. But that hasn’t stopped their moms Rashida Bumbray, Zohar Hicks and Faith Ramsey from joining the growing group of parents who tote their tots to Baby French, a new class at The Candy Rush on Franklin Avenue. “I’m one of those moms that said she’s going to do this and that and everything else,” said Naila Daaj, who brought her 9-month-old daughter Monira Lucas to Tuesday morning’s class. “I want her to experience as much as possible and also for her to hear the way the language sounds so she can pick it up later.” Although few Baby French students have spoken their first words, scores of studies show that early exposure to a second language echoes later in life, when it can make acquiring new languages that much easier. “I think it’s great,” Bumbray said. “I think the earlier the better.” On Tuesday, the babies gurgled and cooed through a puppet show of “Les Trois Petit Cochons” (The Three Little Pigs), sang “Frère Jacques” and read “L’Ours à la Maison” (The Bear at Home) — all in French. Though only two of the families spoke French, all of them agreed it was something they hoped would enrich their children’s multicultural Brooklyn upbringing.

I honestly could throw up all over these little kids if I ever saw them. The only thing worse than snobby Brooklyn people are bi-lingual snobs. Now we’re gonna combine those? These kids are gonna grow up to be the biggest assholes of all fucking time. Worst part is, they have absolutely no discernible reason to be learning fucking French. Like if your family is French and you need to learn it, fine. You wanna teach your kids Spanish because of how many people speak it? Fine. But just teaching your kid to speak French when you don’t even speak it yourself is just about the bougiest, douchiest thing I’ve ever heard. Its strictly to be like “Oh yea, I speak French” at a cocktail party or to check off on a resume or something. Meanwhile, these kids are like fucking 1 year old. Don’t even know how to shit in a toilet yet. Comment dites-vous “I shit in my pants again, Mom” in French? Better learn that one fast.

“Brooklyn’s multicultural upbringing.” Give me a fucking break.