Huff PoPizza Hut is releasing a perfume. Marketing magazine explains that though the Pizza Hut perfume¬†started as a joke¬†on the Pizza Hut Canada Facebook page, it’s now¬†a real — albeit very limited-edition — product.¬†Here’s the full story: Grip Limited, an advertising firm that works with Pizza Hut Canada, originally¬†originally floated the tongue-in-cheek notion on the Pizza Hut Canada Facebook page¬†back in August as part of a broader push to promote more engaging social media activity. The post asked fans to dream up names for an imaginary scent inspired by “the smell of a box of Pizza Hut pizza being opened.” But the fan response to the idea was so enthusiastic that Grip and Pizza Hut decided to make the perfume a reality.¬†A month and a half later, to commemorate the fact that Pizza Hut Canada had gotten 100,000 fans, the chain’s community managers announced that¬†the first 100 people to message them¬†would actually get a bottle of Pizza Hut perfume. And sure enough, the bottles were shipped to those 100 lucky fans¬†at the beginning of December.

I’ve already blogged in the past about the top 5 smells in the world that I would include in the Barstool cologne line “Eau De Stool.”¬†¬†But now that Pizza Hut has its own cologne its time to revisit the scents. Because if Pizza Hut gets a perfume, Subway definitely needs its own line too. I have absolutely no fucking clue what makes Subway smell the way it does, but its definitely the most distinct and powerful smell in this world. Dare I say, intoxicating. I don’t know if its the fake deli meat. The synthesized bread. The unlimited amounts of lettuce and tomatos. All I know is if you’re within 6 city blocks of a Subway, you can smell it. Like if I ever go blind the only place I’ll ever be able to eat will be Subway because I’ll just follow the scent like a bloodhound.

But when it comes to shitty food that smells delicious, theres only one true champ. Smells far better than Pizza Hut and tastes way worse than Subway. The most confusing food of all time. Sparks a war between the nose and the tongue that makes no sense. The food with the greatest smell that tastes like absolute shit:

Nuts 4 Nuts

In a city of foul stenches, the roasted nuts smell is a delicious feast for your nose. It cuts through the bum urine and homeless soot. The aroma of warm candied nuts convinces your brain that it must be the most¬†delectable¬†snack of all time. Then you pay for an order of them and it tastes like you’re chewing on chunks of dirt. Dry, tasteless nuggets of shit. Tastes like you’re eating an owl pellet. Absolutely disgusting.

But if there was the smell of Nuts 4 Nuts in a spray bottle? I wouldn’t leave the house without bathing it. Just like in real life – my smell would rope the ladies in and by the time my nuts are in their mouth and they realize they’ve made a mistake, its already too late.