FRESNO, California (KFSN) – A strip club in Canada is using education to entice new employees. ”Leopard’s Lounge” in Windsor, Canada is offering to pay college tuition for women willing to become dancers. Management at the lounge say recent changes to the immigration laws in Canada have left a huge void. Students who work at the club are eligible for up to $1,700.00 in tuition for full-time or part-time classes in the area colleges, providing they maintain a “B” average. While some are upset about the targeting of college students, others say it’s a personal decision and a good incentive for exotic dancers to go to school.

Do you know what the most unbelievable part of this is gonna be? Strippers going to meet with professors at office hours asking for extra credit and what not complaining that they have to maintain a B average. Making sure they raise their hands in class because Class Participation is 15% of your grade. They’ll be in the back room giving dudes over the pants hand jobs while flipping through index cards with the other hand trying to memorize the periodic table of elements or some shit. They’ll be the smartest fucking strippers of all time. She’ll be trying to charge me like 30 bucks for a lap dance explaining to me that her tits and ass are inelastic goods. Explaining to me that the reason I like her ass grinding against my dick can be explained in Jeremy Bentham’s studies of Hedonism.

You know what? As I write this blog I realize I don’t like this idea. I want my strippers dumb and vulnerable, goddamnit. Enough of this stripper scholarship jazz. I hope all these sluts gets B minuses and just go back to blowing dudes in the club.