Daily Mail- Passengers on the nightmare Carnival cruise ship stranded in the Gulf of Mexico are using patchy cellphone coverage today to reveal that ‘conditions are getting worse by the hour’. Some of the 4,200 people on board reported that cabin carpets are soaked in urine, passengers are sleeping in tents on deck and scarce food supplies has reduced them to eating cold onion sandwiches. The ship has been stranded since Sunday after a fire in the engine room crippled the power system.  The first tug boat reached the Carnival Triumph on Monday night and it is being towed to Mobile, Alabama at the rate of a few miles per hour. It is expected to crawl into its destination on Thursday. ‘Toilets are overflowing in the cabins, we are having to sleep in the hallways. Onion and cucumber sandwiches last night.’ Another Donna Gutzman wrote: ‘There’s no lights, no water, we can’t flush. Some people were able to shower.’ Those on board were only able to make contact with land via their phones when sister ship, the Carnival Legend pulled up alongside to drop off limited supplies on life rafts.  Holidaymakers have been forced to sleep outside as there is no air conditioning in their sweltering cabins.  Some passengers have no options other than bags or buckets for toilets with reports of ‘raw sewage running down the walls’.

Cruises fucking suck. Even when they aren’t sinking or stranded at sea turning into a floating sewage plant. Whats the best that happens on a cruise? You drink some watered down all inclusive drinks, go to the “discoteca” and do a little sun bathing. Limited places to eat. Tiny rooms to sleep in. Old people galore. Stuck where you are in the middle of the ocean for days on end.

And thats the best case scenario. Whats the worst that can happen? Well lets see. A) You vanish from existence. Happens all the fucking time. You ever watch Unsolved Mysteries when you were a kid? Virtually every other story was about some asshole going on a cruise and disappearing. Last footage of them ever recorded is them stumbling around drunk on a boat and then POOF. Life sheets. 165 people in the past 2 years have gone on cruises and not come back. No fucking thanks. B) You have a drunk horny Italian captain who basically runs your boat right into the fucking ground causing your ship to sink or C) Your ship loses power and you drift aimlessly across the Gulf of Mexico while every shits all over the floors and you survive by eating fucking onion sandwiches. Any or all of the scenarios can occur on one single cruise. So, sorry Carnival. As cool as those commercials look where you can basically go surfing while stationary in one place from a wave pool contraption, I think I’ll pass on the cruise vacation. Rather just lay on the beach where I’m still firmly attached to the planet earth.