I fell off the wagon hard, folks. I peaked too early. I was killing it over the past couple months shedding pounds. I was doing chicken caesar salads for lunch and eating small portions for dinner. Problem is, I inspired so many people with my weight loss miracle that the June 2 Spartan Race filled up in a matter of weeks and was sold the fuck out. So I had to turn my attention to the September 8th Super Spartan in New Jersey. Thats when my love affair with Cheesy Bread started and completely fucked me. I get this shit like 4 times a week. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Whatever. I’ll eat it at all hours of the day. I’m always writing blogs about food and tweeting what I eat so I had all these goddam pictures of cheesy bread and wings on my phone. Dominos and Rathbones on repeat for like 3 weeks. Photographing all my meals like some fat fucking boy scout putting badges on his vest.

Now I know how Josh Hamilton feels. I had all the promise in the world going into the Spartan Race at Tuxedo Ridge. But I flushed it all down the drain with Cheesy Bread dependance. The evils of addiction got me. Luckily God and the state of New Jersey has offered me a second chance with the Super Spartan. Let me get back on the wagon for the summer and come Labor Day I’ll be free of stuffed cheese side dishes and ready to race my dick off. The September 8th Super Spartan will be my 4 Home Run game.

Say no to drugs and cheesy bread. Say yes to the Spartan Race. Sign up today.