Put the Heroin in your butts

Scranton - After crashing her car Sunday, police said a Scranton woman suspected of burglarizing the Dunmore Inn was found to have a sizeable stash of drugs and money hidden in an unlikely location. According to a criminal complaint: Dunmore police Officer Anthony Cali asked Scranton police Officer Nancy Baumann to detain Karin Mackaliunas, 27, 1609 Mulberry St., at the scene of a crash at the North Seventh Avenue off-ramp Sunday evening. After her car was towed, Ms. Mackaliunas was ready to leave the scene of the crash when Officer Cali contacted Officer Baumann and asked for Ms. Mackaliunas to be detained because she was suspected of stealing items from the inn. After searching her for weapons, Officer Baumann found three bags of heroin in Ms. Mackaliunas’ jacket. But as the officer drove her to Scranton police headquarters to charge her for drug possession, Officer Baumann noticed Ms. Mackaliunas fidgeting in the backseat of the cruiser. After a struggle with Officer Baumann during a more thorough search at headquarters, Ms. Mackaliunas asked to speak with Sergeant Michael Mayer and told him she had hidden more heroin in her vagina. A search of Ms. Mackaliunas by a doctor at Community Medical Center turned up 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, 8.5 prescription pills and $51.22 Ms. Mackaliunas was charged with possession with intent to deliver a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and two counts of possession of a controlled substance.

What else you got in there bitch? 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree? I half expect a report that this bitch pulled out a coat rack like her pussy was Mary Poppins’ handbag.

The most intriguing part of this is the 22 cents. Like how desperate for cash do you have to be when you have 54 bags of heroin, an entire box of Ziploc bags, half a jar of pills and 51 bucks in your pussy, and you look down at 2 nickels, a dime, and 2 pennies and you’re like “Make room, vagina!” I don’t even like to carry change in my pockets. If I get like 30 cents in change at the bodega or the pizza place I just throw it in the tip jar. And this drug mule is like “Is that a Susan B. Anthony? You’re coming with me, Sue!” Hilarious. The most frugal drug mule of all time.